6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...

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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#221
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#221
Oh my goodness. I don't even know how to respond to your update. I KNEW something happened to you, because you've been out of contact on here for a few days. We all warned you that he IS physically dangerous, even related to you our own personal stories with abusive exes, and you didn't listen. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but I hope you learned a valuable lesson through this. He broke your hand, thank God that's all he broke. He COULD have broke your neck. Do you understand now how insane he is? You need to have him arrested for assault, AND sue him. Get an excellent lawyer to help you. No offense, but you're crazy for having gone back while he was there. For one, you should have taken a friend, or even better, a COP, with you, AND you should only have gone back while he was GONE. This guy is dangerous--what if he had hurt your son?? Get away from this ascot now, HE IS going to kill you if you go back!!! Get that through your head. Now do what we've all been telling you to do. Get a lawyer. Give your ring back if you haven't already. Give it to someone to deliver it to him. Take him off all your bank accounts. Get some mace and a stun gun. Restraining orders rarely work, but get one of those too. Get a cop to go with you to get ALL your stuff, at a time when this ascot isn't home.. Sue him for the hospital costs incurred by what he did to your hand.

There's so much more I wanna say regarding this, but if I say what I want to say, I'll get banned. :/ I agree with Utah, this guy would've met Jesus (or satan, more likely) real quick, if it had been ME he did this to. :mad: I wouldn't have been stupid enough to fight with an insane man over a stupid bag of makeup. I would've grabbed the first heavy thing I found and knocked his butt out, then ran for it and called the cops. Which is what YOU should have done.. I really hate to say you brought what happened upon yourself by going back, but it's true, you did.. :( EVERYONE here told you not to, we told you our own horror stories, we told you he was dangerous, we told you he would hurt you. I am NOT blaming you for any of this, but you should have listened to us who have been through this abuse, and used your common sense. I truly hope this incident makes up your mind about him once and for all. Now go press charges on him, the sooner the better. Once he's in jail where he belongs, you'll be alot safer..
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#224
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#224
Cindy12 said:
Where was/is your son????
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This is an excellent question. To the OP, you could lose your son over this, if his father decides he's not safe with you and decides to go for custody..or if child services gets called and this incident is reported to them.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#225
#225
There is never an excuse for violence....except in matters of self defense. I am guessing.. but he probably assaults you more than just physically. Not only is there physical violence but there is also sexual violence and emotional/spiritual. I really hope and pray you come to your senses and get away from this wee little emotional lightweight.
 
S

soconfused2

Banned
#226
Nov 16, 2015
57
0
0
#226
Yes he says that he was trying to stop me from leaving and that's why he was yanking my make up bag out of my hands. He says he feels horrible (and he has cried) but when I told him what he did was equi
 
S

soconfused2

Banned
#227
Nov 16, 2015
57
0
0
#227
Yes I struggle because he has been emotional and very destroyed. He said he was hanging onto my make up bag because he just wanted me to stay and he would never just intentionally grab my finger and break it. And I see that... But when I told him the situation doesn't sound good and would be considered a crime, he started to get defensive and said it wouldn't have happened if I didn't say I was leaving etc.

And what kills me is this isn't just a sprain or a scratch. My finger needs a plate. It's twisted and deformed until surgery. Then it may never close again.

He tried telling the doctor I must have weak bones but the doctor looked at the X-ray and said my bones are fine. It was a severe injury.

He swears that he will never touch me again during a fight. And he is taking me to the best surgeon.

I actually feel bad seeing the pain that he is in over this.... I know that sounds crazy.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#228
#228
soconfused2 said:
Yes I struggle because he has been emotional and very destroyed. He said he was hanging onto my make up bag because he just wanted me to stay and he would never just intentionally grab my finger and break it. And I see that... But when I told him the situation doesn't sound good and would be considered a crime, he started to get defensive and said it wouldn't have happened if I didn't say I was leaving etc.

And what kills me is this isn't just a sprain or a scratch. My finger needs a plate. It's twisted and deformed until surgery. Then it may never close again.

He tried telling the doctor I must have weak bones but the doctor looked at the X-ray and said my bones are fine. It was a severe injury.

He swears that he will never touch me again during a fight. And he is taking me to the best surgeon.

I actually feel bad seeing the pain that he is in over this.... I know that sounds crazy.
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He only feels pain because his power and control over you is in jeopardy. If you think he is feeling empathy for you and your finger you are fooling yourself. If you really want to help him you need to press charges against him for a partner family member assault. He will then hopefully be remanded to an anger management program where he may or may not get broken enough to get better. Otherwise..this cycle will repeat with ever increasing violence against you. He is in the respite stage...soon, he will enter the tension building stage and then he will assault you again.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#229
#229
The real sad thing is that he sees himself as the victim right now and is full of self pity. You gotta ask yourself....do you really want a guy like that?..... That isn't man enough to own his emotions without finding fault in others for them? He views you as his to possess...he obviously has no respect for your rights or property...he makes decisions on only his feelings. I could go on and on cuz I've been in the room with guys just like your guy. Please sweetheart.....get away from him....file a police report that he assaulted you.
 
F

Findingmyway

Member
#230
Jul 18, 2013
44
0
6
#230
Please think, is he a man you want around your son?

Get your son and yourself out now, go back to you family or even move out of his house so you can keep your job, jist please get your son away from him before he hurts him
 
A

AnneNoel

Guest
#231
#231
soconfused2 said:
Yes I struggle because he has been emotional and very destroyed. He said he was hanging onto my make up bag because he just wanted me to stay and he would never just intentionally grab my finger and break it. And I see that... But when I told him the situation doesn't sound good and would be considered a crime, he started to get defensive and said it wouldn't have happened if I didn't say I was leaving etc.

And what kills me is this isn't just a sprain or a scratch. My finger needs a plate. It's twisted and deformed until surgery. Then it may never close again.

He tried telling the doctor I must have weak bones but the doctor looked at the X-ray and said my bones are fine. It was a severe injury.

He swears that he will never touch me again during a fight. And he is taking me to the best surgeon.

I actually feel bad seeing the pain that he is in over this.... I know that sounds crazy.
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You feel bad for HIM??? Oh my goodness, sighhhhhhh, you still haven't learned, it's going to take something drastic for you to learn, I see.... Don't you know that REAL men DON'T HURT their women, they PROTECT them?!?!!!
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#232
#232
AnneNoel said:
You feel bad for HIM??? Oh my goodness, sighhhhhhh, you still haven't learned, it's going to take something drastic for you to learn, I see.... Don't you know that REAL men DON'T HURT their women, they PROTECT them?!?!!!
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Amen to that!
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#233
#233
AnneNoel said:
You feel bad for HIM??? Oh my goodness, sighhhhhhh, you still haven't learned, it's going to take something drastic for you to learn, I see.... Don't you know that REAL men DON'T HURT their women, they PROTECT them?!?!!!
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They wouldn't let me rep this comment,so I'll rep you in this post AnneNoel. Yes,real men dont hurt,abuse,curse,demean,force,control,manipulate,isolate,intimidate their women. And they dont call it love. To the OP,You are not in love,he is not in love,this is an obsession. You both need intensive counseling. You're going to be each others downfall and its going to end up with someone dead. An abuser always makes excuses for their abuse and the abused makes it easier for them by blaming themselves, You are not well,something inside you is broken.Its not normal to take abuse,thats not a normal relationship. We have all asked you to seek help. All of us can see where this is heading surely you realize we are all of one opinion and that says something about your choices.We're asking again,please,please seek help.
 
S

soconfused2

Banned
#234
Nov 16, 2015
57
0
0
#234
That's what is so difficult. He keeps saying that I am his queen and that all he wants to do is protect me. But he feels I am running away from him. But the reason I pull back or "run away" is because I sense his anger and antogism when I don't follow his orders.

To answer your question... My son was with his dad when this happened, thank God. But when I told my ex husband that I slammed my finger in the door, he wouldn't believe me.
 
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K

kaylagrl

Guest
#235
#235
soconfused2 said:
That's what is so difficult. He keeps saying that I am his queen and that all he wants to do is protect me. But he feels I am running away from him. But the reason I pull back or "run away" is because I sense his anger and antogism when I don't follow his orders.

To answer your question... My son was with his dad when this happened, thank God. But when I told my ex husband that I slammed my finger in the door, he wouldn't believe me.
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You are Gods. You are not his,you aren't married he does not own you.And you certainly arent HIS to abuse,demean,and control.YOU are free to walk away. So WALK
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#236
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#236
This jerk is playing you like a fiddle and you're allowing it. By feeling bad for him, and falling for his pitiful crocodile tears, you're enabling him to hurt you again if you go back. It doesn't matter if HE is getting you the best surgeons, YOU certainly have enough money to get the best doctors YOURSELF. What he did was assault, pure and simple. IF you truly think it was an accident, then you're a total fool. You have at least 10-15 people on this thread who warned you this would happen. Smarten the heck up, woman! Those of us who HAVE been through abusive situations, are the best predictors that this would happen to you. Sometimes it pays to listen to others who know better than you. :/ Don't you dare go back to him, or let him get away with this crime!! He belongs in jail, so put him there. You will NEVER be safe until you do. If I sound harsh, that's too bad. Everything I'm saying to you, is what MY friends and family said to ME when I was with my abusive ex. I hope this incident is enough to show you what this jerk's true intentions and colors are. He wants control of you at any cost, and if he can't have you, then like so many others have done, he WILL KILL YOU in order for NO ONE else to have you..

Stop feeling bad for him, he doesn't deserve your sympathy. He is only sorry that he might get into trouble for this. Have him arrested, press charges for assault. He will NOT change his behavior, abusers rarely ever stop abusing. Stop being stupid and get away from this jack@ss now!! I think you're being rather selfish, actually. Think about your son, about how upset HE is about this. Think about how much he dislikes this dude. Think about yourself lying in a casket, with your son looking down at you, how is he gonna feel WHEN that becomes a reality? How are YOU gonna feel if this guy kills your son, and it's YOU looking at your son in a casket? You are gonna feel tons of guilt, and I mean tons, honey. If you won't listen to us, then for goodness sake, listen to your son. Listen to your own common sense. You are endangering both your lives by continuing to have contact with this guy. You may very well lose your son to CPS, or his father, especially if this gets reported to CPS. Do you wanna lose your kid over an abusive jerk?? I hope your answer to that is a big resounding NO.

This guy WILL hurt you again. He WILL kill you and/ or your son someday. Get out NOW while you can. He hurt you physically, that ain't love. You don't love him, you feel sorry for him. HE doesn't love you, he only wants to control you, and if that means hurting, beating or killing you, then he WILL DO IT.

I know one thing: the words that kaylagrl, Sirk, Utah and others here have told you, would scare the hell out of me if they were told to me. We have warned you, told you personal horror stories, and still you persist in contacting this guy. HE WILL KILL YOU. Does that knowlege scare the hell out of you? I truly hope it does, because it should.. Smarten up.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#237
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#237
soconfused2 said:
That's what is so difficult. He keeps saying that I am his queen and that all he wants to do is protect me. But he feels I am running away from him. But the reason I pull back or "run away" is because I sense his anger and antogism when I don't follow his orders.

To answer your question... My son was with his dad when this happened, thank God. But when I told my ex husband that I slammed my finger in the door, he wouldn't believe me.
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He's not treating you like a queen. He's literally treating you like a dog. What he needs is jail time and psychiatric therapy. What YOU need is to be safe. Your ex-hubby isn't stupid, NOBODY would believe such a lame excuse as slamming a finger in a door. :/ What are you gonna do if (ex)hubby decides to take your kid away 'cause he's not safe with you? Think about that, because you're putting his life in jeopardy too. This guy is a control freak. Don't you get that? Control AT ANY COST. If I could reach through my computer screen and slap some sense into you, I surely would. :/ You are gonna end up as a statistic..a DEAD statistic.. Please come back to reality and smarten up before it's too late..
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#238
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#238
kaylagrl said:
You are Gods. You are not his,you aren't married he does not own you.And you certainly arent HIS to abuse,demean,and control.YOU are free to walk away. So WALK
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Forget walking.. RUN far away..far far away from this dude.. :/
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#239
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#239
By now you must certainly have a degree of clarity about this situation. The guy is a real nut job, manipulative and dangerous. Please tell me that the wedding has been called off.
 
C

Cindy12

Senior Member
#240
Jan 5, 2015
243
11
18
#240
soconfused2 said:
That's what is so difficult. He keeps saying that I am his queen and that all he wants to do is protect me. But he feels I am running away from him. But the reason I pull back or "run away" is because I sense his anger and antogism when I don't follow his orders.

To answer your question... My son was with his dad when this happened, thank God. But when I told my ex husband that I slammed my finger in the door, he wouldn't believe me.
Click to expand...

Your ex husband is not stupid - and you better tread very lightly, because if he "senses" abuse - he can go to the authorities and have your son taken away from you. If it were me, I would. Not trying to be mean, but your child needs protection and I don't think your quite ready to give him that protection. Being around this animal at all is a risk for your son. If this man decides he gets mad enough and eventually takes your life, who does your son have to turn to? It's time to think of someone else other than yourself. I'm sorry, but this man does NOT feel remorse or regret --- he feels "worried" that you are going to turn him into the cops and he ends up in jail, locked behind bars where he belongs. If he is convincing you he is feeling so bad, he is a good liar, and we all know he is just that. I think your ex is on to things and I hope that he does what he must to protect your son. Someone has to. Your an adult and can make your own decisions for yourself, but your son is not an adult - so a responsible adult (like your ex) needs to step in and get him in a safe place 100% of the time until you end this madness.
 
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