6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...
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There is another way of talking about the relationship. What works for you, and how do you express yourself?
Do you feel free and enlivened or did you in the past?
You are still emotionally involved with your partner, and in bonding terms married to him. The language is one of polarised extremes rather than two people exploring life and their present and futures together.
Now an adult way of dealing with where you are, based on your age and experience, it talking about your day, your ups and downs, what social things you would like to do together, how much you have appreciated things over the last 6 months.
Depression, and struggles, stress, can easily turn a relationship upside down, and when people get insecure they get possessive. You can explore the idea of taking things back to where you would like them to be, rather than, I am leaving and its over type language.
Now this does not mean it is not going there, but this is how reality breaks in, by looking at how things are working.
Do you feel free and enlivened or did you in the past?
You are still emotionally involved with your partner, and in bonding terms married to him. The language is one of polarised extremes rather than two people exploring life and their present and futures together.
Now an adult way of dealing with where you are, based on your age and experience, it talking about your day, your ups and downs, what social things you would like to do together, how much you have appreciated things over the last 6 months.
Depression, and struggles, stress, can easily turn a relationship upside down, and when people get insecure they get possessive. You can explore the idea of taking things back to where you would like them to be, rather than, I am leaving and its over type language.
Now this does not mean it is not going there, but this is how reality breaks in, by looking at how things are working.
Im sorry but it seems you havent read the whole thread from the beginning. Is that the case? If it isnt I apologize. According to soconfused,the guy is controlling,manipulative, and verbally abusive. So, your words do not fit the circumstances.
If you have read the whole thread,Id advice you to get educated on abusive behavior before you attempt at being part of the solution.
If you have read the whole thread,Id advice you to get educated on abusive behavior before you attempt at being part of the solution.
Being responsible we are talking here of insecurity, jealously, need and hurt. We need to give all the different aspects of a situation, especially if the person has not really yet made a decision. Until the real facts in there mind is clear, it will always create this see saw situation. Also, if you were thinking of marrying someone, moved in with them, there is a relationship obligation to be a bit mature and face where you are as a couple. A lot of insecurity is being expressed, that leads to agression, and not reconciliation.
My advice to any couple is not to get married until they have spent 2 years getting to know the person. It is hard to fake your real personality over such an extended period. Rushing into sleeping with someone, and then marrying them in 6 months is asking for trouble.
SOconfused needs contact with someone outside the relationship for advice and support.
To me the whole basis of the relationship is wrong, but the Lord can and does transform many situations that appear like this into something much better.
My advice to any couple is not to get married until they have spent 2 years getting to know the person. It is hard to fake your real personality over such an extended period. Rushing into sleeping with someone, and then marrying them in 6 months is asking for trouble.
SOconfused needs contact with someone outside the relationship for advice and support.
To me the whole basis of the relationship is wrong, but the Lord can and does transform many situations that appear like this into something much better.
Thanks for the support here. I am prepared to bolt out in the morning when he leaves. He thinks we are going out of town to be with my son for the weekend (that was a fight in of itself). But I'm just going to go.
It's hard...we were literally on the phone today (his pushing) w the wedding venue today. But I know that can't happen. My gut says it's wrong. It js just so painful to completely cut him out. But I think it's the only way at this point. I have left several times and he always gets me back.
It's hard...we were literally on the phone today (his pushing) w the wedding venue today. But I know that can't happen. My gut says it's wrong. It js just so painful to completely cut him out. But I think it's the only way at this point. I have left several times and he always gets me back.
Being responsible we are talking here of insecurity, jealously, need and hurt.
No.Responsible ,sober minded ,discerning adults advice the abused to get away from the abuser!! We are talking about his controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior. She needs to get as far away from him as she possibly can.
Also, if you were thinking of marrying someone, moved in with them, there is a relationship obligation to be a bit mature and face where you are as a couple. A lot of insecurity is being expressed, that leads to agression, and not reconciliation.
Im sorry but you arent making any sense here to me.
My advice to any couple is not to get married until they have spent 2 years getting to know the person. It is hard to fake your real personality over such an extended period. Rushing into sleeping with someone, and then marrying them in 6 months is asking for trouble.
I agree with you on this. They are living together as well. She has had a taste of how controlling and manipulative he really is. Besides the fact that he will put her in the poor house with his spending habits.
SOconfused needs contact with someone outside the relationship for advice and support.
Shes getting great advice here. This is a christian community. Good place to get prayer and support as well. I think her family is against her marrying this guy. They are her main support system.
To me the whole basis of the relationship is wrong, but the Lord can and does transform many situations that appear like this into something much better.
Well yes! The whole thing is messed up! The woman is being controlled and manipulated and verbally abused and God does not always transform but he provides a way out. They havent married so she needs to leave and get counciling as to why she chose this kind of man and keeps going back to him in the first place. She needs Christ. She needs to focus on Christ and start all over. If they were truly seeking Christ they wouldnt have moved in together in the first place. She needs to help herself now and be a present mom for her son!!
No.Responsible ,sober minded ,discerning adults advice the abused to get away from the abuser!! We are talking about his controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior. She needs to get as far away from him as she possibly can.
Also, if you were thinking of marrying someone, moved in with them, there is a relationship obligation to be a bit mature and face where you are as a couple. A lot of insecurity is being expressed, that leads to agression, and not reconciliation.
Im sorry but you arent making any sense here to me.
My advice to any couple is not to get married until they have spent 2 years getting to know the person. It is hard to fake your real personality over such an extended period. Rushing into sleeping with someone, and then marrying them in 6 months is asking for trouble.
I agree with you on this. They are living together as well. She has had a taste of how controlling and manipulative he really is. Besides the fact that he will put her in the poor house with his spending habits.
SOconfused needs contact with someone outside the relationship for advice and support.
Shes getting great advice here. This is a christian community. Good place to get prayer and support as well. I think her family is against her marrying this guy. They are her main support system.
To me the whole basis of the relationship is wrong, but the Lord can and does transform many situations that appear like this into something much better.
Well yes! The whole thing is messed up! The woman is being controlled and manipulated and verbally abused and God does not always transform but he provides a way out. They havent married so she needs to leave and get counciling as to why she chose this kind of man and keeps going back to him in the first place. She needs Christ. She needs to focus on Christ and start all over. If they were truly seeking Christ they wouldnt have moved in together in the first place. She needs to help herself now and be a present mom for her son!!
You are doing the right thing. I pray you are leaning on Christ to give you strength. Doubt will come in but do not give in to it. You have a road to travel of recovery soconfused. Christ will renew your mind and heal your heart and a counselor will help you to get to the root of why you put yourself in these kind of situations. Just keep walking with one foot in front of the other. We are here for you. Keep in touch.
Just remember the definition to insanity is expecting change when you keep doing the same things.
Make tomorrow the mark of your first day changing your life for the better and forever!
Start this very minute seeking Christ . You cannot serve Christ and the world at the same time.
Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Blessings
Just remember the definition to insanity is expecting change when you keep doing the same things.
Make tomorrow the mark of your first day changing your life for the better and forever!
Start this very minute seeking Christ . You cannot serve Christ and the world at the same time.
Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
Blessings
Thanks for the advice. You certainly do not hold back. There is a large difference between manipulation which we all do and abuse which is intimidation and violence. My experience of abused people is their low self worth and need for attention, drives them back to the one person who appears to provide it. It is important to create space and belief in oneself, whether that is with the partner or elsewhere. It is through this self belief and faith, freedom can be found.
Domination is based around need and removing in someones mind the ability to function somewhere else. Maybe you are unaware of the internal battle is 90% of the issue, no matter where you are.
I wish you well, and hope you are less dominating with your partner that you have been with me, lol.
Domination is based around need and removing in someones mind the ability to function somewhere else. Maybe you are unaware of the internal battle is 90% of the issue, no matter where you are.
I wish you well, and hope you are less dominating with your partner that you have been with me, lol.
Dominating? What the? smh...
This is a discussion forum.
I vehemently disagree with your TERRIBLE ADVICE!!
It has NOTHING to do with dominating but it sounds like you have some serious issues of your own.
Yes, I am aware of the internal battle and thats why I advised her to get some professional help!
This is a discussion forum.
I vehemently disagree with your TERRIBLE ADVICE!!
It has NOTHING to do with dominating but it sounds like you have some serious issues of your own.
Yes, I am aware of the internal battle and thats why I advised her to get some professional help!
This one is easy,u r living in sin.God by know means put this relationship together.U need to run the other all the way back to the Lord and become strong with your child in him.God loves u,his word=bible to be strong in the Kord and the power of his might.If u get married to this person,it will only get worse.Run,Run,Run.to God.
V
You do not need to demean blondieindahouse to make a point. She is your sister in Christ and you should be more respectful of her. God says men are the stronger vessel and that means you should be a shield for women, not a stinging dart.
And another thing, you should NEVER encourage someone to work out a relationship when there is abuse involved. In most cases it escalates and the victim is harmed and sometimes murdered.
Everyone else on this thread realizes that this woman is in danger and needs to leave.
And another thing, you should NEVER encourage someone to work out a relationship when there is abuse involved. In most cases it escalates and the victim is harmed and sometimes murdered.
Everyone else on this thread realizes that this woman is in danger and needs to leave.
V
Sister soconfused2, did you contact >>> AARDVARC.org - Home <<< yet?
H
Reading my local news and thought this was relevant:
http://www.yahoo.com/news/family-dad-shoots-twin-babies-005100899.html
This guy's red flags sound all too similar...
Just something to consider.
http://www.yahoo.com/news/family-dad-shoots-twin-babies-005100899.html
This guy's red flags sound all too similar...
Just something to consider.