6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...

blue_ladybug · Nov 22, 2015

That statement, "the only thing that matters is winning" speaks volumes. This guy is interested in winning at ANY cost. Think about this: what if you go back and he hurts your son? That thought alone should scare the daylights out of you. Please please please, do not fall for this guy's empty words and crocodile tears. You and your son are more important than the insincerity of this guy.

Miri · Nov 22, 2015

soconfused2 said:

You are not "his" though, you are a person in your own right with a life to live of
your own.

If he loved you he would allow you to have your own interests, he
would allow you room to grow as a person, he would not begrudge you spending
your own hard earned money. He would respect your privacy and not try to show you
off as some sort of trophy wife.

It sounds to me as if he has many problems greed, love of money, pride, selfishness,
anger, controlling.

Below is what the bible says about love. As Christians we all hope to be like this.
But your husband sounds so far off the mark that it makes me wonder if he even
knows how to love. He sounds to be the complete opposite of biblically defined love.

Don't go back just to become a trophy wife owned, controlled and manipulated.
If he wants to be a master over something and wants something to show off his
prowess. He would be better getting a bull mastiff! He treats you like a dog already!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 AMP
[4] Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils
over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
[5] It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly)
and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own
rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful;
it takes no account of the evil done to it it pays no attention to a suffered wrong.
[6] It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and
truth prevail. [7] Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever
ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances,
and it endures everything without weakening.

soconfused2 · Nov 22, 2015

Thank you so much for your continued support.

I have to say that I have been reflecting on the things that have transpired involving my son.

We had been fighting more lately and my son had realized what was happening.

He heard my fiancé call me a liar. He also heard him insult me. My son jumped in and said my mom isn't a liar! That started this whole line of questioning where my pfiancé told my son to ask him anythjhg... And he would tell the truth. So my son's first question? Do you hate my Mom???

I started to cry. Clearly that came from somewhere. Of course my fiancé said no. I love your mother. Then my fiancé started saying ...now I want to ask you a couple of questions. My son is 9. He said "Do you even like me??" My son started to pout. He didn't like being put in the middle. I told my fiancé to stop. Then he said "Do you want me to marry your Mom?"

Again my son almost started crying because he could tell he was being put in the middle.

I stopped my fiancé and asked to change the subject.

When we got alone ... I started to cry and said what was that? My son's first question is do you hate my Mom??? That says something!

My fiancé' response? Well maybe you should think of the reason for that question and why he thinks that. It's because of you!

This can't be normal, right?

blue_ladybug · Nov 23, 2015

YOU KNOW it's not normal! This guy is an ascot, pure and simple. He's using your son to get to you, and he's using YOU to get to your son. Break off ALL ties with this dude. Stop calling him, don't take calls from him, stop emailing him, etc. CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HIM. The longer you have contact with him, the more badly this is all gonna end.

Your son obviously sees what you don't want to: that this guy treats you hatefully. Listen to your son, he's a smart kid..

kaylagrl · Nov 23, 2015

soconfused2 said:

As a person who was put in the middle of arguing parents all my life,I'm still at it,please don't do this to your son. If there is no other reason to leave this man,that alone is reason enough. What you just wrote hit my heart. My parents put me in the middle of their marriage.From a young age I took on problems I was way too young to handle.I was in a constant state of worry.I was ill all the time.They would do the same thing as your fiance did to your son. My father would ask me questions that I knew if I answered would hurt my mom. But I was afraid to not answer. To this day I am still blamed for their marriage issues. Its not fair to put your son though that. In my early teens I was so ill,they took me to a doctor. He asked me to fill out a form. He came back in the room and put his hand on my back and told my mother that my stress levels were so high that the computer couldn't even compute it. He said "she's a very sick girl". Did it stop them from fighting and dragging me into it? No. Im married and still stuck in the middle. So Im asking you,please pay attention,leave this man. Do not burden your son with this. He has no voice. Im giving him one. Dont put your son through this. Your son is your first,your first,responsibility. Leave this man for good.

blue_ladybug · Nov 23, 2015

No offense, but you setting a bad example for your son regarding relationships. All he's seeing and hearing is hateful comments and disrespectful behavior on the part of this dude. He's gonna grow up thinking this is okay..Be done with this guy now before he completely destroys you and your son. I agree with Kayla. Think of your son.

soconfused2 · Nov 23, 2015

I took my money out of our joint account and my fiancé showed up at a local coffee shop that he knows I work at. He was very angry that I took the money. He says that I took more than what I had. Not true. He also knew I got a paycheck today. So he demanded that I give it back. I said no. I started walking to my car and he raj to my car and said he was going to that my paycheck! I got there and told him that I'd wire him money tonight. Of course I won't but I could not believe he did this! He says he would go through "other measures" if I don't listen.

I did nothing wrong! We had a joint account. It was mine!

blue_ladybug said:

PeterJens · Nov 24, 2015

soconfused2 said:

I hope you do go to a therapist. Your x's language is full of extremes, "worship", love, hate. In an emotionally repressed life feelings have to be enormous to be significant. The problem is so much is hidden and unknown by both parties, it is difficult to know what is real and what is made up. The difficulty is once you get close to people like this it is a rocky ride.

Because you got close to this individual I am sure you are also like this as well, because similar personalities and styles attract each other.

The other problem you have is you do not know what is hanging on the money your x needs. From the way he is behaving it is not good. I think you need to go and get advice because it is likely it could escalate more. Your x does not care about the social impact of his behaviour and he is getting more aggressive.

I would suggest a lawyer, who can suggest alternatives, as many here have talked about restraining orders etc. And you are right that money in a joint account has shared ownership, so normally this means the law does not get involved simply because legal fees would far outway any possible benefit and you both allowed open access by either party to do with the money as they deem fit.

Unfortunately all avenues of resolution cost money, but you have to weigh this against peace of mind.

You said it is tempting to go back into the relationship. Ofcourse it is easy to give into flattery, but what you need to discover in yourself and your partner, what is real and what is just projection and manipulation. Sadly some people learn how to manipulate while never becoming commited themselves. Without knowing in yourself where you are in how you go into relationships and sharing, it will be impossible not to just end up being a victim rather than be in a loving relationship. This is why caution is always needed, and tests to see what is happening inside, and what matches up against the words.

You have to believe in yourself, which you appear to do, by running your own business and being successful.

JesusLives · Nov 24, 2015

The truth of the matter is you are going to do what you want to do. I hope and pray for your sake that you don't jump into this fire with both feet because you will get burned badly maybe to the point of no return. But it is your life to live....I hope and pray you are truly thinking about what is the best for your son, because honestly you already know that marrying this guy is not the best for him...or you for that matter. Third degree burns are hard to recover from if at all.....and the scars are usually permanent.

It would be a sad thing to look back over your life and say to yourself.....So many people tried to warn me and I didn't listen and get the counselling help I needed.

soconfused2 · Nov 24, 2015

In all honesty, I am ashamed of myself. I have dragged my son into this now, too. I had promised him a trip away from my fiance for thanksgiving and I can afford it ....but what did I do? I told him yesterday, we needed to go back to my fiance's family for Thanksgiving.

My son has been begging me all day to just leave this man and his family and fly out on our trip ...tomorrow. He knows...he sees. I asked him...do you think you would miss fiance' at all? He said NO! That's the only part I don't like about you Mom..you don't get it! Leave him NOW!

This 9 year old is telling me this...and I am sitting here wondering if I can do it ...long term. How pathetic am I?

In addition.....this happened recently!
eme?

Fiance' feels son is ignoring him and says don't you sit there and act stupid. Son says, That's not nice, don't call me stupid.. Fiance': Well, don't act like it.
Fiance' is annoyed that I have to work on an email (for work) and wants my attention as he looks at airfares. I tell him I can't concentrate on that at the moment, I am on deadline.

Fiance' says so your deadline is more important than me now?
I say, I'm sorry, I will be right with you..He says....boy you just like to drop bombs and back away from them and make me figure out what to do about the explosions you cause in our life...one after another.... This is said in front of my son.

My son says that's not nice! My mom is working!He says she says she's working...but I think she's just ignoring me...then he banters back and forth and says ...Son, tell your mother she needs to listen to me

My son screams NO! You are not nice!

So now my son is being disrespectful and I am left with 2 angry people

This is not healthy. I am realizing I'm not healthy for many reasons. 1) I'm allowing this...2) I'm involving my son...3) I am lacking the courage to get on a plane with my son Thursday and take him with friends to get away from this disaster.

I have a rental home all set. I even rented furniture. My son even told me he would chose to live with ME instead of my ex...if I would just move.

God....please give me the courage to do what's right. Please.

VioletReigns · Nov 24, 2015

Ok, we've got 9 pages here of continuous horrible dysfunction with her poor son trapped in the middle of it. Nothing is changing, no police or authorities are contacted when the man is stalking & harassing her, or emotionally abusing her son, no crisis counselor has been contacted, this is just endless drama with no resolution.

If this person came here to get help and support, why isn't she taking steps to rectify this situation? Why is she allowing her son to be treated so badly? Are we being played or is this just going to continue for another 9 or more pages? I for one cannot stand continually reading how her son is suffering emotionally and begging to get away from this and yet he's totally disregarded.

soconfused2 · Nov 24, 2015

I'm going with my son ...tomorrow. Please be here to support me when I freak out tomorrow. I am going to do this. I owe it to my son. Please pray for me and support me

VioletReigns said:

blue_ladybug · Nov 25, 2015

soconfused2 said:

Forget about going tomorrow. Go today. You owe it to your son to get away from this dude once and for all. Stop flip-flopping and do it!!

JesusLives · Nov 25, 2015

Money and things do not buy happiness. I have a girlfriend who married a guy very well off. She said to me one time that she was jealous of me.... I was a single mother with no child support making it paycheck to paycheck barely... I said why are you jealous of me? Because you have such a wonderful relationship with your daughter. She had given her two boys up to Live Life and have Fun....

No man, no amount of money, no stuff...(jewelry/glam) Is worth giving up the relationship a mother can have with her children they are the MOST PRECIOUS GIFT GOD GIVES US HUMANS.... to think that you would put this thieving, manipulative, bullying, stalking, money hungry man above the needs and wants of your child is a HORRIBLE THING... and one you will live to regret many times over.

My girlfriend came to visit me and I heard her crying at night many times because she gave up her children to go and LIVE LIFE... She found out too late that it is not worth it.... Her two sons grew up thinking who knows what about their mom giving them up and both are in prison for selling drugs one might be getting out soon but the other had a six year sentence.... Heart break because a mother didn't take on her responsibility but chose money and the good life instead... Believe me she has lived to regret it.

One of the last times I ate lunch with her she was very bitter and had a hardness about her that made me sad. I have known her since I was 6 years old and she is about three years older than I am it was hard to watch. Her husband wasn't a bad man and never treated her badly but she chose money an things over her children....and everyone has paid for her choice. Very hard to watch.

You have many people giving you Great Advice... What are You going to do with it? and How will your Son remember you in the future?

blue_ladybug · Nov 25, 2015

I agree with JesusLives. You are putting this jerk before your son. Your son is more important than this arrogant creep and this dysfunctional relationship you had with him!! Now grow some nerve and be done with him!!

JesusLives · Nov 25, 2015

Dear Father

I pray for our confused Sister. Help her to put her trust in You and build a relationship with You and listen to Your voice instead of the insecurities and wanting to live in sin with a man who is just using her to get to her money... She may be really pretty and look good on his arm, but Father from what she is describing this man does not love her the way You teach us to love each other.

Please help her to be a Mother and a good one at that. To put You first in her life and then take care of her son that You have blessed her with. Help her eyes to be opened to see the truth and to learn that You are the only one worthy of the number one spot in her life. Help her to understand that You will never leave or forsake her that You stand firm beside her to give her the strength that she needs to break free of this unhealthy relationship.

If she refuses to do what is best in her life then I pray protection for her son that he will become a great man in Your service and that his life would be spared the misery his mother might choose. Help her son to choose to follow and accept You as his Savior. In Jesus Name Amen

PeterJens · Nov 25, 2015

You are playing games with yourself. No relationship should be without respect, and your partner is not showing you respect as a equal party or even as an adult. If you want to be dealt with as a child, though he relies on your finance to keep afloat that is up to you, but you came here because you are conflicted over the emotional flattery and gifts you receive over the domination you have to be part of.

The question you have to ask is, do you long term want to be in this kind of situation which will fall apart if this is the high point, or get real and walk away with your son who loves you.

Ofcourse being the centre of someones life is addictive until you realise it is some form of fixation. What happens when they grow bored and someone else becomes their fixation. Do not think you are special or even this is normal, this is a kind of idolatry, where the woman becomes the beginning and end of someones emotional life. The world is full of people who jump on this bandwagon, only later to be chucked off for a better model. It is why it never leads to a place you want to be, it is just a fun ride into the world of fantasy. The problem is the giver of this knows it is like a dream, so fears terribly they will be found out, and so gets more and more possessive to keep the show on the road.

This is why Jesus came to give us focus on love for everyone, love for peoples experiences and life and not this roller coaster ride of extreme turmoil.

Cindy12 · Nov 25, 2015

I pray for you as well, because once your son has enough of this mess (and he is close), he could eventually do something you might live to regret. He's going to get out on his own one way or another -- you need to think clearly about what is right and wrong. Why would you allow a man to mentally abuse your son? If you take it yourself, its one thing, but to allow another man to abuse your son? Your son is only 9, but he is smart and I'm telling you, he is going to end up leaving you soon if you don't get him out of this drama mess. Don't live to regret something happening to your son. You will probably find so much peace in your life leaving this monster that you won't give it a second thought once you experience a day full of nothing but peace in your life with your son.

soconfused2 · Nov 26, 2015

I left with my son tonight. Again

Tintin · Nov 26, 2015

soconfused2 said:

Good! Now, please. No contact with him at all. None. No email, no phone calls - nothing. And stay away. For your son's sake, if not your own. Be safe. We'll be praying for you.

6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...

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