I have a dilemma my husband and I have been married for over 2 years now almost 3,we've had our ups and downs we both made mistakes We've been through domestic violence, infidelity you name it, we forgave each other and started over again and again. my husband has never paid any bills he has always made poor decisions in this household he cleans up but he try not to involve any money. Since he's been here he has not had a job, when my husband finally got saved our church members found him a job, he help out a couple times but never really helped pay bills always spent his money on something he didn't need, mind you I have 2 kids that he chose to take responsibility for, my daughter is in love with him and he is all my son knows because we married while I was pregnant, our families have been in and out of our relationship, both families did not want us together, they tried everything they could we never wanted to leave each other, as I got fed up with him not helping I started telling him that I didn't not want him there because it was stressful and he was not helping, so every argument I would tell him to leave my house, sometimes he left for days until our church members started to counsel us, he stopped leaving and said that he would look for a job and start helping out. We'll one day he lost a family member and decided to walk out, we had no confrontation he just left, he called a few days later and told me he wanted to work on our marriage but he wanted to separate and leave temporarily for Texas, his sister lives in Texas so I assume he's following her, I told him I did not want to separate I just wanted him to help, he says that he is just going to become a truck driver and make money then send for us, but I don't think he is really considering us, he told me that he didn't really want to leave but he doesn't trust my word that I will not tell him to get out of my house anymore it's so confusing so I told him he had a decision to make and that if he leaves for Texas I would divorce and not wait on him because I refuse to be his second choice and not a priority in his life, he choose Texas anyways and I am really hurt, he says that he believes God will bring us closer together by this separation, but I think that he is using that as an excuse. I always question if God is trying to remove him from my life, because I thought that he wanted to fix our marriage, but I don't really know what to do or think, I do believe that God would fix it but my husband has to want it to be fixed and leaving for Texas will only make it worse, because I feel that he is leaving his wife for money and his sister and I feel like if he leaves he doesn't really care about me and my kids. Help me please I'm sorry I'm writing a lot but I'm so confused about this. What do I do? I really do love him and I don't want him to leave but he says he's leaving in 2 days.
My Husband is leaving me...
- Thread starter christianwife87
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I think it sounds like you both need some space to clear your minds and think bout what you's really need and want. The space may help him to realise what he has and where exactly he wants to be. It may also help you decide and realise what you want. Letting you both clear your minds. God works in mysterious ways, put all your faith in him, ask him and let him sort things for you, your husband and your children and believe that his decisions will be the best for you. Only God can foresee our lives so even though you my think he's not listening or is not helping at all he will do what is best for you if you ask him to and have faith in him. Try not to interfere and just let him guide you to where he wants you to be and try not to worry when things aren't exactly how you would imagine or have them. God is good, but he will do what will be best for you in the long run and it may not be what you think you want now until it all unfolds and you realise why things happened the way they did. Much love to you and your family, I hope you can find some inner peace amidst the situation.
Your husband lost a member of his family. He didn't leave because of you, per se, but only went to get some space for his head.
I could compare it to this; if I live with my wife and we are having issues, there is a frustration and a tendency for arguments, and my father dies, I will only want all that frustration and argumentativeness to disappear. I won't want to be around it because I need support and not demands. In such a case, I would expect my wife to dissolve all her issues with me, at least for a while, and to simply support me through my grief.
So, perhaps you might ask whether you gave the same support to your husband that you ask from him always.
I can understand your view too. You feel like your family is on unsteady foundations since your husband doesn't seem to want to work or to do things to support your family. Yet at the same time, it's the 21st century. What's stopping you getting a job?
It may be the case that your husband is depressed, and perhaps you are too. The last thing the both of you need right now is more pressures and arguments. Marriages are supposed to involve emotional and mental support, more than any other thing. It is completely possible for a married couple to have no money, live off land and to be very happy, but only with emotional and mental support from one another.
On the other hand, t's impossible for a married couple with all the money in the world, to be happy with one another if there is no emotional and mental support, no real compassion, empathy and understanding for one another.
The basis for marriage is not money, although in our society money can be quite important if it is made to be. The basis for a happy marriage is compassion, is to think of the other person as you would yourself, to love the other person more than you love yourself, to give to the other person more than you demand from them.
That's where you need to begin.
I understand there are certain expectations in today's society, particularly within christian families; that a man should win bread, that he should be strong, that a wife should encourage him to be so. But encouragement is not the same as a demand.
Your marriage needs to revolve around compassion though, not popular structure.
You say you would often tell you husband to leave during arguments. Why is that? do you think that this practice then, of leaving, has just become a normal thing for him to do? Do you think you may have played a part in that?
As for the arguments themselves, what are they based on, when it boils down. Are they truly based on the fact that your husband doesn't work, or the fact that you are demanding of him rather than trying to understand the reasons for all your disagreements? That is to say, if perhaps you could begin to understand that argument in itself makes for unhappiness and enmity between a couple, that you might understand that real emotional and mental support between the two of you may see your marriage flourish into something of much more worth than it is currently.
I remember having arguments with my partner in the past, and what I realized was that the more we argued, the less we wanted to listen to one another. The more demands and pressures were placed, the less we desired to meet them and overcome them.
Pressure always comes from the outside world. Always. Everyday there is pressure in society for a man to be a certain way and do certain things, and likewise for a woman. But you mustn't let your home become a hotbed for pressure. The home has to be somewhere that a person can come to relieve pressure, to feel loved and to feel cherished and understood. And you need to begin thinking like that.
There is an old saying; 'If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading'.
I could compare it to this; if I live with my wife and we are having issues, there is a frustration and a tendency for arguments, and my father dies, I will only want all that frustration and argumentativeness to disappear. I won't want to be around it because I need support and not demands. In such a case, I would expect my wife to dissolve all her issues with me, at least for a while, and to simply support me through my grief.
So, perhaps you might ask whether you gave the same support to your husband that you ask from him always.
I can understand your view too. You feel like your family is on unsteady foundations since your husband doesn't seem to want to work or to do things to support your family. Yet at the same time, it's the 21st century. What's stopping you getting a job?
It may be the case that your husband is depressed, and perhaps you are too. The last thing the both of you need right now is more pressures and arguments. Marriages are supposed to involve emotional and mental support, more than any other thing. It is completely possible for a married couple to have no money, live off land and to be very happy, but only with emotional and mental support from one another.
On the other hand, t's impossible for a married couple with all the money in the world, to be happy with one another if there is no emotional and mental support, no real compassion, empathy and understanding for one another.
The basis for marriage is not money, although in our society money can be quite important if it is made to be. The basis for a happy marriage is compassion, is to think of the other person as you would yourself, to love the other person more than you love yourself, to give to the other person more than you demand from them.
That's where you need to begin.
I understand there are certain expectations in today's society, particularly within christian families; that a man should win bread, that he should be strong, that a wife should encourage him to be so. But encouragement is not the same as a demand.
Your marriage needs to revolve around compassion though, not popular structure.
You say you would often tell you husband to leave during arguments. Why is that? do you think that this practice then, of leaving, has just become a normal thing for him to do? Do you think you may have played a part in that?
As for the arguments themselves, what are they based on, when it boils down. Are they truly based on the fact that your husband doesn't work, or the fact that you are demanding of him rather than trying to understand the reasons for all your disagreements? That is to say, if perhaps you could begin to understand that argument in itself makes for unhappiness and enmity between a couple, that you might understand that real emotional and mental support between the two of you may see your marriage flourish into something of much more worth than it is currently.
I remember having arguments with my partner in the past, and what I realized was that the more we argued, the less we wanted to listen to one another. The more demands and pressures were placed, the less we desired to meet them and overcome them.
Pressure always comes from the outside world. Always. Everyday there is pressure in society for a man to be a certain way and do certain things, and likewise for a woman. But you mustn't let your home become a hotbed for pressure. The home has to be somewhere that a person can come to relieve pressure, to feel loved and to feel cherished and understood. And you need to begin thinking like that.
There is an old saying; 'If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading'.
Last edited:
Hi Jhana I definitely appreciate your response you gave me a lot to think about, I was working but I had lost my job a week before Christmas, and the money that I have saved up goes towards bills, household products and my kids, he cleans the house not very well but he does clean, I feel like I'm playing the husband and him the wife and he is totally fine with it and as a man i feel like he should have a problem with his wife taking care of things he should be helping with at least, i admit i have been diagnosed with depression also anxiety so i was having panic attacks and being harassed but i wanted to be secure with my husband having a job and taking some of this stress off of me, but he chooses to buy drugs instead and he blames me for him smoking marijuana because he says I stress him out. But even through it all I'm always accountable for my actions and admit when I'm wrong, and he always makes me feel guilty about him walking out of the door when all I really want is him to be my husband and help me take care of home. 
F
Is he leaving for economic issues? Perhaps, there is some business he can make over there in Texas? And he's going over there, not because you are not a priority, but because you and the family are, and that is why he has to go over there in order to find a job because there are no job opportunities where you live right now? He wants to support you and your family? He doesn't want to be a bum and stay at home, have no job. He's tired of you telling him to get out of the house, and wants to be a man who can support his family? He may need some time to build himself as a man, and his financial status, in order to be a better man as a husband and father, and also to take care of the family.
He also says that he will send you guys over to Texas as soon as he is financially stable, which means that he plans to start a new life there with you. However, he is in preparation to do the arrangements, by him first having a job, which he perhaps found in Texas with the help of his sister, and then perhaps having a house or place, then for you to come live with him.
Just my thoughts. I think you should talk to him more about it, and the plans he is possible thinking, but have not said yet. Sometimes, guys are bad at explaining, keep to themselves, and not vocal about their thoughts.
He also says that he will send you guys over to Texas as soon as he is financially stable, which means that he plans to start a new life there with you. However, he is in preparation to do the arrangements, by him first having a job, which he perhaps found in Texas with the help of his sister, and then perhaps having a house or place, then for you to come live with him.
Just my thoughts. I think you should talk to him more about it, and the plans he is possible thinking, but have not said yet. Sometimes, guys are bad at explaining, keep to themselves, and not vocal about their thoughts.
Last edited: