A complicated situation

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S

Starduster

Guest
#1
#1
Hey everyone,

My parents have been at conflict with each other since before I was born. My younger brother and I were shielded from this arguing until we were around 6/7 years old. After that it we became almost weapons, drawn into the arguments also.

So many factors have come into play during the conflict and now I live with my Dad, while my younger brother lives with my Mum (and also his girlfriend). However they are not divorced.

The household has been a Christian one and I've been brought up to love God. Since separating houses (which has happened in the past already) my Dad wanted the family to be together again and tried to work things out. Though things are difficult for him.

My Mum seems to give hardly any attention to my Dad, always more concerned with my brother and his girlfriend. In addition to this my brother's girlfriend does not display Christian qualities, meaning my Dad is shut down when he tries to bring God into the situation.

So me and my Dad have been in some sort of limbo since the separation. My Mum clearly doesn't love my Dad how she should and he's tried so hard to make things work.

I'm not sure how long things will carry on, but one thing that's bugging me is will my Dad be able to move on and find someone else after it's over? When the subject of divorce comes up my Mum always says that it would be committing adultery. Though surely my Dad can't go on the way he is?

I'd just like some advice on the situation if possible. The whole thing puts extra stress on me when I need to be focusing on doing well in education. Even then the idea of leaving my Dad behind troubles me.

Thanks for any replies and support.
 
levi85

levi85

Senior Member
#2
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,181
113
#2
Don't worry lets pray for them.

Lord let not this family be divided and always be in pain. Solve the differences and bring them together. Lord bless the mom and dad to come together and take care of their childrens. Let you be head of this family ans be glorified. Lord bless this family and everyone to share their love and care. Yes Lord. In Jesus precious name, Amen!
 
longtrekker

longtrekker

Senior Member
#3
Sep 23, 2014
396
194
43
#3
Hello Starduster

Sorry to hear you’re stuck in this jam - it’s a hard thing to go thru. But it’s outside of u and I doubt there’s much u can do. It’s between them and they have to work it out. Love and pray for them both.

And as to your Dad, you won’t ‘be leaving him behind’ – you’re as close as the phone. I’m sure he’s proud to see u progress with your education even if it means leaving home – it’s expected. I’m sure if he thought u were sacrificing your education to keep him company he would not be pleased at all.

Also, your Dad sounds like a decent chap and I expect he probably has friends and family (besides u) to lean on as well (including of course God!).

In the meantime, keep your eyes on God and carry on with your studies, bear down, and in defiance of this issue get the best marks ever!

Also, definitely take some time to hang out with your pals and do some fun stuff too. This is important to help u take your mind off things and keep perspective.

Life is messy, no getting around it - even for Christians. When this blows over some other challenge will come up and then after that something else and on and on. In life u will be tested but stick with Christ and u will get thru – and always love both your parents.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#4
#4
You can't caretake your dad. If he is being emotionally needy with you he is crossing the line. It's time for you to take responsibility for you and let your dad worry about himself. I know that you love your dad and want him to be well but you cannot fix it for him. Only he can do that and if you try to fix it for him it will only hinder his progress and cause you unnecessary heartache.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#5
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#5

You might consider telling your Dad to forget about your Mum and encourage him to move on? There's a woman in the "Wishful thinking finding a man of God" thread that might be on the market? :)

The situation isn't complicated, your Mum moved out because they don't get along and your Dad is just holding onto hope. But it doesn't sound like she's going to budge, so I hope your Dad accepts that fact and moves on. "God said, It is not good that the man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). Since your Mum left, it kind of defeats the whole idea of marriage. Also, since your Mum doesn't love your Dad, I'd consider telling him that you'd prefer seeing him happy and alone, simply because its better than seeing him unhappy and miserable in a bad marriage.. jmo
[h=2][/h]
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#6
#6
Starduster said:
Hey everyone,

My parents have been at conflict with each other since before I was born. My younger brother and I were shielded from this arguing until we were around 6/7 years old. After that it we became almost weapons, drawn into the arguments also.

So many factors have come into play during the conflict and now I live with my Dad, while my younger brother lives with my Mum (and also his girlfriend). However they are not divorced.

The household has been a Christian one and I've been brought up to love God. Since separating houses (which has happened in the past already) my Dad wanted the family to be together again and tried to work things out. Though things are difficult for him.

My Mum seems to give hardly any attention to my Dad, always more concerned with my brother and his girlfriend. In addition to this my brother's girlfriend does not display Christian qualities, meaning my Dad is shut down when he tries to bring God into the situation.

So me and my Dad have been in some sort of limbo since the separation. My Mum clearly doesn't love my Dad how she should and he's tried so hard to make things work.

I'm not sure how long things will carry on, but one thing that's bugging me is will my Dad be able to move on and find someone else after it's over? When the subject of divorce comes up my Mum always says that it would be committing adultery. Though surely my Dad can't go on the way he is?

I'd just like some advice on the situation if possible. The whole thing puts extra stress on me when I need to be focusing on doing well in education. Even then the idea of leaving my Dad behind troubles me.

Thanks for any replies and support.
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Longtrekker and Sirk have good advice,listen to them.I grew up in the same situation you did.Im in my 40s now and married and Im still trying to solve their marriage issues and money issues for them.Ive made myself physically ill over the years trying to bring peace between them. Luckily I have a very understanding husband. So do yourself a favor and let your parents deal with their issues.They are adults.You move on and focus on your own future. I love both my parents but I have resented them over the years for taking away my peace and happiness and security when I was too young to do anything about it. Im still trying to break that cycle and break free of them.Dont let your parents do the same to you.That is unfair and very selfish.Let them work it out on their own,this is not your burden!
 
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