T
Hello,
All of what you have read from others on this thread is very accurate. My wife and I adopted a 15 year old young lady back in May. I will not lie, it was very very tough the first 9 months. Our daughter was having major mental issue, etc during that time regarding being rejected (signed away their parental rights due to choosing their life styles over their kids) etc. Upon finally accepting our offer and assurance that we wanted to adopt her and to have her be our daughter/part of our entire family, did she accept. Things got better both in school, in her head etc. Our relationship isn't perfect because she hasn't really bonded with us, with one day being close to us and the next day pulling away. Since she is a teen and had never had any responsibility or family rules, she is constantly trying to sneak around to do things she shouldn't. Were usually the last to know when she may cut herself, is sick or say/do something that makes us look like we don't know what were doing as parents. We have unfortunately had to learn to always believe much of what she says with a grain of salt and investigate to find out if it is true. We are being firm but loving when we have to discipline her. Many of the children in foster care may have attachment disorder, as she does and have trouble, if ever really bonding with anyone, foster/adoptive parents. We work with a pair of therapist/female who specialize in attachment disorder. They have really helped and have always been there when we needed guidance. We email them weekly just before therapy so their up to date as to whats going on with our daughter. One is her personal and the other is the families therapist. The discuss her case and guide us through ups and downs. They are very encouraging. If you do proceed through with fostering any child, please research how much support (guidance/assistance (assistance (such as coming to your home at any hour to help talk down your anxious child if need be....of stay at a hospitals mental ward while the child is there if they are admitted due to their saying their going to hurt themselves....helps so you can get some sleep and half way return to work the next day before returning back to being responsible for your child). Also, if the state is involved in any way, be on your toes and read what ever you sign, agree upon, etc. We've gone through a small problem of them trying to back out of a signed agreement (their representative also signed and verbally advised us) regarding how her medical and mental bills would be paid (differs from state to state). I know I've given you a lot to think about and I pray that you don't change your mind. Remember, every child needs love....love they've never really had from a parent. Its going to be tough...seem like hell at times, but remember, God trusted you in being able to handle this assignment and you can do it.....but only with His help. If you ever need to talk, let me know. God Bless you. Mike
All of what you have read from others on this thread is very accurate. My wife and I adopted a 15 year old young lady back in May. I will not lie, it was very very tough the first 9 months. Our daughter was having major mental issue, etc during that time regarding being rejected (signed away their parental rights due to choosing their life styles over their kids) etc. Upon finally accepting our offer and assurance that we wanted to adopt her and to have her be our daughter/part of our entire family, did she accept. Things got better both in school, in her head etc. Our relationship isn't perfect because she hasn't really bonded with us, with one day being close to us and the next day pulling away. Since she is a teen and had never had any responsibility or family rules, she is constantly trying to sneak around to do things she shouldn't. Were usually the last to know when she may cut herself, is sick or say/do something that makes us look like we don't know what were doing as parents. We have unfortunately had to learn to always believe much of what she says with a grain of salt and investigate to find out if it is true. We are being firm but loving when we have to discipline her. Many of the children in foster care may have attachment disorder, as she does and have trouble, if ever really bonding with anyone, foster/adoptive parents. We work with a pair of therapist/female who specialize in attachment disorder. They have really helped and have always been there when we needed guidance. We email them weekly just before therapy so their up to date as to whats going on with our daughter. One is her personal and the other is the families therapist. The discuss her case and guide us through ups and downs. They are very encouraging. If you do proceed through with fostering any child, please research how much support (guidance/assistance (assistance (such as coming to your home at any hour to help talk down your anxious child if need be....of stay at a hospitals mental ward while the child is there if they are admitted due to their saying their going to hurt themselves....helps so you can get some sleep and half way return to work the next day before returning back to being responsible for your child). Also, if the state is involved in any way, be on your toes and read what ever you sign, agree upon, etc. We've gone through a small problem of them trying to back out of a signed agreement (their representative also signed and verbally advised us) regarding how her medical and mental bills would be paid (differs from state to state). I know I've given you a lot to think about and I pray that you don't change your mind. Remember, every child needs love....love they've never really had from a parent. Its going to be tough...seem like hell at times, but remember, God trusted you in being able to handle this assignment and you can do it.....but only with His help. If you ever need to talk, let me know. God Bless you. Mike