affair with a married man.

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ti14

Guest
#1
#1
This is something I'm very ashamed of and can't believe I let myself get into this.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 6 months. I have recently let God back into my life and I feel like a new person and extremely blessed, but this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I have so much good going on in my life that I don't want it to be taken back because of my sins. I'm having a hard time ending it and he knows what to say to make me want to stay. I'm very confused and need help.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#2
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
113
#2
ti14 said:
This is something I'm very ashamed of and can't believe I let myself get into this.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 6 months. I have recently let God back into my life and I feel like a new person and extremely blessed, but this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I have so much good going on in my life that I don't want it to be taken back because of my sins. I'm having a hard time ending it and he knows what to say to make me want to stay. I'm very confused and need help.
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You should pray about telling his wife. You could tell him to stop contacting you,and if he does again, you will hit send on an email addressed to his wife, or call his wife. Tell a friend about it and tell him if you tell the friend, she will contact his wife and tell her about it.

Btw, it is wrong.
 
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sun55

Guest
#3
#3
I think you need somebody to be acountable to- a friend or relative that you can tell what is going on and who can help you through this. You may not be able to do it through your own strength, but you certainly can with Jesus'!
 
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danschance

Guest
#4
#4
You already know what to do.

P.S. Those thoughts which tell you it is OK are bogus. It is not OK. There is no grey area.
 
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needingrace

Guest
#5
#5
Look into this book His Needs Her Needs... a bond such as this is created strongly and is not easy to break. Often it is because certain needs you have are met by him instead of a guy that is available to grant you the commitment you need and certain needs he has are met by you instead of his wife.
This book, along with a counselor could help. It also focuses on affair prevention and surviving an affair. It talks about the needs of both parties and reasons behind the difficulties in separating the affair parties. Look into it and I would like to commend you for your bravery to write this post.

Focus on the right, on the truth and you will not regret it.

Hugs and blessings. By the way, you deserve a man who is available to be fully committed to you.
 
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DamionMeints

Guest
#6
#6
@Ti14:

One thing i can tell you from my personal experience,
No matter how good or OK you feel about it today, even if you have a slightest doubts in your head about this being wrong or sinful, your conscious will not let you rest throughout your life. The soon you decide which way to go, the better and less painful it will be for you. Just avoid hanging between. The person is married. He has one person more to look after or to love. So, it will hardly matter to him if you stop now. And if it has been 6 months already, may God bless you and give you strength to take a strong decision. It is not easy, but is necessary....
 
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Share55

Guest
#7
#7
ti14 said:
This is something I'm very ashamed of and can't believe I let myself get into this.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 6 months. I have recently let God back into my life and I feel like a new person and extremely blessed, but this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I have so much good going on in my life that I don't want it to be taken back because of my sins. I'm having a hard time ending it and he knows what to say to make me want to stay. I'm very confused and need help.
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Hello ti14:
The very fact that you are contradicting yourself in the same sentence says it is all wrong. Now you don't say you are in love with this man or he with you which would still make it wrong. quote//this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right... is what you are saying BUT - quote//but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. is what he has convinced you of? quote//he knows what to say to make me want to stay. or do I have it all wrong?

When I was a child this community we lived in was rife with debauchery. I would go babysitting and I would see one woman's husband fooling around with another man's wife all the time. They all laughed and thought it was quite funny. There were so many children born to a woman with a father from another woman's husband that the genealogy in that community today is horrendous and when these children came of age there were many who were so bitter that they went after their mom with rifles and knives and some after their birth fathers and there were many suicides.

Is this man going to leave his family to marry you? and is there a chance that if he did would he one day walk out on you for another?
Since love isn't mentioned this may be a mute point but when I married I married for love. The relationship wasn't 100% without problems but that is to be expected when you have different views on your home, your children, your interests etc.

I have great respect for other women and to have an affair with their husband is like saying that through my foolish pride I can take what I want no matter who I step on.

This person you are having an affair with hopefully doesn't have children who will someday know the transgressions of their father because he is telling them that women are just in this world to be used and as a family they are not good enough for him.

Since you are newly back to God and asking this type of question then you obviously need a closer relationship with God himself. When you seek Him He will seek you. Get yourself a good study Bible and ask God for His guidance. Before you open your Bible ask Him to guide you and He will answer any question you have. It was the way I started and He took me through His word and I found answers to questions I thought I would never know.

I pray that you earnestly seek God and let go of what is not yours. If you love someone/thing, let it go, if it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't come back then it never was. I like that saying but say 6 months or so and in the meantime get into a relationship with God and see if you still feel the same.
 
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ti14

Guest
#8
#8
needingrace said:
Look into this book His Needs Her Needs... a bond such as this is created strongly and is not easy to break. Often it is because certain needs you have are met by him instead of a guy that is available to grant you the commitment you need and certain needs he has are met by you instead of his wife.
This book, along with a counselor could help. It also focuses on affair prevention and surviving an affair. It talks about the needs of both parties and reasons behind the difficulties in separating the affair parties. Look into it and I would like to commend you for your bravery to write this post.

Focus on the right, on the truth and you will not regret it.

Hugs and blessings. By the way, you deserve a man who is available to be fully committed to you.
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Thank you! I will look into that.
 
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ti14

Guest
#9
#9
DamionMeints said:
@Ti14:

One thing i can tell you from my personal experience,
No matter how good or OK you feel about it today, even if you have a slightest doubts in your head about this being wrong or sinful, your conscious will not let you rest throughout your life. The soon you decide which way to go, the better and less painful it will be for you. Just avoid hanging between. The person is married. He has one person more to look after or to love. So, it will hardly matter to him if you stop now. And if it has been 6 months already, may God bless you and give you strength to take a strong decision. It is not easy, but is necessary....
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Thank you.. This relationship is everything I have been against, it was one of the things I said I couldn't do because I wouldn't want it done to me. Thanks for not just telling its wrong that's not what I needed to hear.
 
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nathan3

Guest
#10
#10
ti14 said:
Thank you.. This relationship is everything I have been against, it was one of the things I said I couldn't do because I wouldn't want it done to me. Thanks for not just telling its wrong that's not what I needed to hear.
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What we want to hear is not what we need to hear...

This is wrong . Because there is a innocent third party that is being lied to. And this is against what you believe. It is even written.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#11
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#11
You know in your hearts of hearts that this is wrong. End it now...cold turkey. Yes, it will hurt, but only for a little while. We honor God by following His teaching. When we honor Him, He will honor us.

Not only do we damage our relationship with God through sin, we also harm ourselves and others. Our soul is permanently marked by sin...yes we are forgiven but the marks are still there. Maybe as reminders of what we are capable of.

Also, think of the man's family....you are hurting them as well...his wife AND ESPECIALLY the children. You are damaging the whole family.

Yes, yes, you need to end this immediately and seek God's forgiveness. He has many good plans for you but they will come to nothing as long as you continue in this.

Praying for you...wisdom, strength, guidance. Find a church to attend. The fellowship of believers and teaching sermons are wonderful motivators and guides to Christian living.

You may think you're happy now with this man, but nothing compares to a close relationship with Christ. Seek Him FIRST, then everything else is thrown in as a bonus. May you experience the love of a loving, Christian, single, man.
 
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ti14

Guest
#12
#12
Lucy68 said:
You know in your hearts of hearts that this is wrong. End it now...cold turkey. Yes, it will hurt, but only for a little while. We honor God by following His teaching. When we honor Him, He will honor us.

Not only do we damage our relationship with God through sin, we also harm ourselves and others. Our soul is permanently marked by sin...yes we are forgiven but the marks are still there. Maybe as reminders of what we are capable of.

Also, think of the man's family....you are hurting them as well...his wife AND ESPECIALLY the children. You are damaging the whole family.

Yes, yes, you need to end this immediately and seek God's forgiveness. He has many good plans for you but they will come to nothing as long as you continue in this.

Praying for you...wisdom, strength, guidance. Find a church to attend. The fellowship of believers and teaching sermons are wonderful motivators and guides to Christian living.

You may think you're happy now with this man, but nothing compares to a close relationship with Christ. Seek Him FIRST, then everything else is thrown in as a bonus. May you experience the love of a loving, Christian, single, man.
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That was everything I needed to hear thanks. I do go to church and I have always had a relationship with god I just lost faith for a couple years because of personal reasons. Its just hard to speak to people with in my church because a big percent of them are family members who would judge me and not help me. Thank you so much.
 
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eddie1801

Senior Member
#13
Jun 9, 2013
127
1
0
#13
I want to commend you for confessing this issue in the first place. This website is really a blessing..for individuals to send out prayer request and concerns going on in their life. I know this is hard to speak about with people in your church ..so it is good you can come hear and get wise counsel. As a married man, I will tell you..he is pretty much using you. Men do not always connect sex with love. He will tell you anything , as long as he can have the option of having sex with you. He has probably told you "he loves you" Men use the l-word because we know women like to hear that.

Please understand, even though you are receiving a ton of good advice here, you can still be susceptible if you place yourself in a compromising situation with this man. You need to totally remove yourself from being around this man. Just like Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife ..this is what you need to do. As the bible says, flee from temptation.
 
yac11

yac11

Senior Member
#14
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#14
Lucy68 said:
You know in your hearts of hearts that this is wrong. End it now...cold turkey. Yes, it will hurt, but only for a little while. We honor God by following His teaching. When we honor Him, He will honor us.

Not only do we damage our relationship with God through sin, we also harm ourselves and others. Our soul is permanently marked by sin...yes we are forgiven but the marks are still there. Maybe as reminders of what we are capable of.



Also, think of the man's family....you are hurting them as well...his wife AND ESPECIALLY the children. You are damaging the whole family.

Yes, yes, you need to end this immediately and seek God's forgiveness. He has many good plans for you but they will come to nothing as long as you continue in this.

Praying for you...wisdom, strength, guidance. Find a church to attend. The fellowship of believers and teaching sermons are wonderful motivators and guides to Christian living.

You may think you're happy now with this man, but nothing compares to a close relationship with Christ. Seek Him FIRST, then everything else is thrown in as a bonus. May you experience the love of a loving, Christian, single, man.
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YES stop now and do it because you love Jesus! Cold turkey just as lucy said. GOD Bless you.
 
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danschance

Guest
#15
#15
I suspected my wife was having an affair. I mentioned this to a christian who told me as her husband I had unique authority over the marriage And suggested I pray that if she is involved wrongfully with a man that it be exposed. We prayed and then my friend said this type of prayer often takes two weeks or so to work and advised me to do nothing but wait and see.

About two weeks later, my daughter told me I should divorce my wife. She told me she had looked into my wife's text messages and found some to a man about kissing. My wife made a huge mistake when I confronted her. She tried to deny it and mitigate what happened. She tried to say that he kissed her on her cheek.

I said "I kiss my grandma, my mom, my kids on the cheek and we never text each other about that." I knew she was lying and because she did not tell me the truth, I find it very difficult to believe her. We are now separated and have been for years. I hope she comes back but if she does she will have to go the extra mile to earn my trust.
 
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Mammachickadee

Guest
#16
#16
ti14 said:
This is something I'm very ashamed of and can't believe I let myself get into this.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 6 months. I have recently let God back into my life and I feel like a new person and extremely blessed, but this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I have so much good going on in my life that I don't want it to be taken back because of my sins. I'm having a hard time ending it and he knows what to say to make me want to stay. I'm very confused and need help.
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Ti, you need an accountability partner; time free of men; a healthier sense of self respect; understanding that God forgives; a dose of "some day you will have to tell your husband"; and someone to go with you next time you tell the man that's been USING you as his sex toy to take a hike down some road in the opposite direction. If he's a person you work with or go to church with, take care of the issue before God has to.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#17
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#17
ti14 said:
This is something I'm very ashamed of and can't believe I let myself get into this.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 6 months. I have recently let God back into my life and I feel like a new person and extremely blessed, but this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I have so much good going on in my life that I don't want it to be taken back because of my sins. I'm having a hard time ending it and he knows what to say to make me want to stay. I'm very confused and need help.
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You have to stop the affair. Do it now.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#18
#18
Mammachickadee said:
Ti, you need an accountability partner; time free of men; a healthier sense of self respect; understanding that God forgives; a dose of "some day you will have to tell your husband"; and someone to go with you next time you tell the man that's been USING you as his sex toy to take a hike down some road in the opposite direction. If he's a person you work with or go to church with, take care of the issue before God has to.
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This last statement is the real clincher. The longer you wait the harder it's going to burn. Speaking as someone who has been cheated on, it really hurts. It's not something I would wish on anyone, I don't care how crappy their spouse is. I was a bad husband but that didn't help me feel better about anything.

Someone mentioned telling his wife, I'm going to advise you NOT to. That business is between him and his wife, and you could cause a lot of problems by being the one who tells her. You'll be surprised what God can bring out into the light.
 
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Shiloah

Guest
#19
#19
ti14 said:
This is something I'm very ashamed of and can't believe I let myself get into this.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 6 months. I have recently let God back into my life and I feel like a new person and extremely blessed, but this affair is keeping me down because I know its not right but I have thoughts in my head telling me there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing. I have so much good going on in my life that I don't want it to be taken back because of my sins. I'm having a hard time ending it and he knows what to say to make me want to stay. I'm very confused and need help.
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You have to care about his wife. Think what you're doing. Think how she'll feel when she finds out, because she WILL find out. If he's done this with you, he'll do it with someone else. There's no way good can from from this. Only evil will come from this. Jesus HATES adultery because it hurts people so bad. You MUST stop NOW. You tell him not to contact you again, ever. Yes, I would definitely tell him that I'd tell his wife the next time he contacts you. End it right now. Flat.
 
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tenderhearted

Guest
#20
#20
This man you are with is already taken and you deserve to be with a man who is free to love and cherish you. Like many others have said, quit this relationship. When you are tempted to go back to him, remind yourself that you deserve better. The fact that this man is cheating on his wife shows that he is an ungodly man. You need a man who is a follower of Christ. This man that you are seeing can never make you a priority. You need a man who can give you his heart. You don't want to be second to another women. Now that you are a follower of Christ you are a princess. God wants to shower you with good gifts, so trust that God has the right man in mind for you. A man that won't use you. A man that will love you the way that Christ loves the church. Marriage with the person that God has for you is such a beautiful thing. Personally, it's the best relationship that I have ever experienced. When you come to Christ, he transforms you and gives you the strength to let go of your old self. You are a new creature in Christ. Renewing your mind is a daily process that happens through reading your word and praying without seizing. God bless you.
 
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