At a complete loss with my marriage need serious advice

[sadiez]

My husband and I separated in march of this year In all reality i cant tell you why things just got tough and being a young confused person i left instead of trying to fix the problem after about 3 weeks of being separated he asked me to come back home so i did after being home for 3 days the weekend came around and he had been going out every weekend prior so didnt see why he couldnt do the single thing that weekend after a night out doing only god knows what he told me the next day he didnt love me and never did he wanted a divorce so i begged and pleaded and he was dead set on his decision a few days later i was with some friends when i got a phone call from a close family friend that is like family himself saying he needed to tell me something but didnt know how said he couldnt hold it in any longer that my husband had been going to his home for about a month picking up his 18 year old baby cousin and keeping her out till all hours of the night he denyed it and denyed it till i seen him with her for myself he had an on going emotionally and physically involved relationship with this girl and after finding out i filed for divorce it was the hardest thing i ever had to do in my whole life i love that man with all i have he is the father of my three children and has been the only man i have committed my life to since the age 15 after weeks of going through court and the long drawn out divorce he starts telling me he misses his family and things like that after several lunches and meetings he asked me to move back in with him i took it as we where finally working things out till i receive a text 2 days after i move back in that said you do realize we are not together you can have the babys room and help with the bills i was completely heart broken i have been living here almost a month now and we have slept in the same bed together almost every night and i have gone above and beyond for this man to prove i have become a better woman but after him leaving his phone unlocked and a text pulled up old habits die hard i had to look he is still telling the same girl he had the relationship with that he loves and misses her and vise versa but he is telling me he still wants to go through with the divorce and work on our friendship and if we decide to renew our vows thats what we will do i cant take it i feel like im being used i dunno what do if i should stand by my husband and fight for him or just walk away i pray every night for the lord to give me guidance but i am completely lost please help

 

[Exoaria]

I think it's beautiful that there are people out there willing to stand by their partners through everything.

You need to learn when enough is enough, though. Jesus wants you to reign in life, and to rise above everything that is in your way. When you have known someone for so long and you are so in love with them, you feel as if you would do anything for them and to save what you have. It's such a strong determination that you just wish they would give you the opportunity to travel half the country for them just to show that you want to put in effort and fix things - but they never do.

Focus on Christ now, start to see Him in this situation and look to make your life beautiful. You know that Jesus has a plan for you to prosper and be loved? He has plans for you to be taken care of and nurtured, treated with respect and dignity. He wants you to be prosperous and to rise above this.

The anxiety must be terrible, having to feel like you're drowning in something. But you don't have to be drowning in this, you can be walking on it - with Jesus. Focus on Him, don't look away when the waves come and you hear the storms, just focus on Christ and know that He is with you in the midst of these things.
I'm not sure that anyone here can make decisions for your life because you are so in love with this man, but this pain is something that you will learn from and something that will make you stronger. You need to know that the Lord is spinning you into the person that you need to be. Take strength and faith, stand up on two legs and fight for your life and prosperity in Christ. Take refuge and shelter in Him.

You will eventually have to come to a point where you see what this man is doing is disgusting, and you cannot spend the rest of your life being overshadowed and drowning in fear and insecurities. I know that when you love someone, you cannot imagine your life any other way without them, but it's time to put Him away and move on with your life in peace and love of Jesus Christ. Know that you are righteous in Christ and that sin will not have any dominion over you, that He sees you beautifully and perfectly.

 

[daszed]

I really feel for you... I'm going through something really messed up too. The way I see it is, do you really want to live your life like this, cause he's not gonna change, I can promise you that! Send him out of your life and close the book on that chapter. You know you deserve better

 

[daszed]

I'm sorry, I'm new to this and that was my first post. Exoaria, you said it beautifully. I've been trying to take my marriage out of the depths of hell for almost a year now, and about four months ago God sent me a friend that i haven't seen in twenty years. This friend brought me to God and from there I received the strength and wisdom to push through.
I learned to forgive and I learned to love myself, but most of all I learned that i can let go because i deserve to be treated so much better.

 

[sadiez]

I want so badly to let go but I need the strength and the prayer from my sisters and brothers in Christ not only for my strength but for my faith and salvation I have strayed and need to find my self on the right path and focus my eyes back on him

 

[daszed]

The one thought that's in my head...." Let no one separate what God has joined"..So I pray that I have the strength to pass His test.
But if He shows me proof of adultery ... Then I will see it as Him telling me " You're free to go" So Sadie, God has freed you, your man didn't deserve you.
I've been married for 19 years, 4 kids

 

[Exoaria]

We are no longer under law, all righteousness has been fulfilled. No matter what your situation is and the things you don't tell us and post on the forum, know that Christ sees you beautifully and perfectly as you are regardless of your transgressions as well. I will pray for you, but when I do, I need you to have faith that Christ is going to lift you up and you need to cast your eyes onto Him - I'm not telling you to go to church every Sunday or never put your Bible down. I just need you to talk to Jesus and to start looking at Him in this situation. That's all you have to do, cast your eyes onto Jesus.

Dear Lord Jesus,
My best friend, you've redeemed me from my place in separation from God and you've redeemed this lovely lady. We are renewed with everything you've done for us, and right now the devil has a grip over her life and sin is holding dominion over her. Jesus by your stripes we are healed, and I need you to just touch sadiez right now and show her that you want her to live in peace and prosperity. Lay your hands over her life and even though this will be painful at the moment, show her what you have planned for her, plans not to harm her but to bring her a future. Help her to grow and keep her moving in your precious name, keep her tuned into your grace, and show her how to focus on you in these times. Be with her and comfort her, help her to move through this valley of the shadow of death and guide her. Thank you Jesus, you're always with us when we need it and even in the good times, we need to focus on you. Amen.

Keep shining, keep looking for Christ because He is there and He wants you to move with Him.

 

[Lucy68]

Praying for you sister, wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit.

I'm afraid it does sound like this man is using you...almost like he just wants you to live with him to help pay the bills ???

God wants much more than this for you! He wants you back in relationship with Him as your most-important relationship. As we put Him first in our lives, our lives go much better .

Unless your ex-husband shows vast change in his behavior, I don't think you should live with him or be in contact with him. If he loves you enough to honor you as his wife, then he will change and seek God. If he doesn't, you're going to pulled into the pit with him. You should only live together under a marriage covenant. This is what honors God.

When we realize that our biggest NEED is for God...then that is the first step toward abundant living. I pray for this to happen for you and your children.

Visit churches and begin getting grounded in the faith...support of other Christians is a must for battling life's difficulties. Pray and study God's Word regularly. He can't help you until you come to Him for help. He respects our free will (which He gave us) and will wait for an invitation into our lives .

 

[yac11]

My husband and I separated in march of this year In all reality i cant tell you why things just got tough and being a young confused person i left instead of trying to fix the problem after about 3 weeks of being separated he asked me to come back home so i did after being home for 3 days the weekend came around and he had been going out every weekend prior so didnt see why he couldnt do the single thing that weekend after a night out doing only god knows what he told me the next day he didnt love me and never did he wanted a divorce so i begged and pleaded and he was dead set on his decision a few days later i was with some friends when i got a phone call from a close family friend that is like family himself saying he needed to tell me something but didnt know how said he couldnt hold it in any longer that my husband had been going to his home for about a month picking up his 18 year old baby cousin and keeping her out till all hours of the night he denyed it and denyed it till i seen him with her for myself he had an on going emotionally and physically involved relationship with this girl and after finding out i filed for divorce it was the hardest thing i ever had to do in my whole life i love that man with all i have he is the father of my three children and has been the only man i have committed my life to since the age 15 after weeks of going through court and the long drawn out divorce he starts telling me he misses his family and things like that after several lunches and meetings he asked me to move back in with him i took it as we where finally working things out till i receive a text 2 days after i move back in that said you do realize we are not together you can have the babys room and help with the bills i was completely heart broken i have been living here almost a month now and we have slept in the same bed together almost every night and i have gone above and beyond for this man to prove i have become a better woman but after him leaving his phone unlocked and a text pulled up old habits die hard i had to look he is still telling the same girl he had the relationship with that he loves and misses her and vise versa but he is telling me he still wants to go through with the divorce and work on our friendship and if we decide to renew our vows thats what we will do i cant take it i feel like im being used i dunno what do if i should stand by my husband and fight for him or just walk away i pray every night for the lord to give me guidance but i am completely lost please help

I am so sorry for everything you have been through and God did not want this for you. However, God has given you 3 beautiful children to raise to know Him and Jesus. First you look in the mirror and you see yourself looking back, you have the Holy Spirit living in you, your body is His temple. Now turn around and look at those beautiful children as He has given you strength now to teach these children that though they must forgive in life, they are not to forget who they are in Christ. They are no one's doormat and either are you.

God needs you to show your children a very important teaching that though we need to live in Love, we need not and never are called to Love those who spit on us. We just need to pray for them and move on.

You and your children will be in my prayers. May God Bless you abundantly.

 

[DragonSlayer]

[h=1]The narcissistic pervert: recognize and discard.[/h]

[h=2]How to recognize a narcissist perverse?[/h]The narcissistic pervert thinking above all his own enjoyment. It is not known to have feelings, he can not love. He feels no guilt. He can not stand to be disparaged. He needs to please. This is a flattering, a seducer and also a great actor. In reality, the perverse narcissist has a problem with his image, he does not like. This negative vision he has of himself he will transpose on others in order to live better. This is actually a patient who wants to ill the other in its place, to feel better.
The narcissistic pervert has a split personality after his public. On the one hand it can be charming and attractive, on the other hand it can be manipulative and destructive.
He likes to be admired, to be valued, it needs recognition. Often, it mimics the attitudes and words of another for better post and manipulate.
Critical it all, is never satisfied and never apologize. He never acknowledges his mistakes or wrongs, he will blame the other for him.
He cares a lot of appearances, image, wants to be seen as a perfect person. He feels no emotion and no empathy.
It has a great power of attraction as it is a great actor. Its strength lies in the art of induction, ie it insidiously suggests ideas to another.
[h=3]THE OPERATION OF A NARCISSISTIC PERVERT.[/h]The narcissistic pervert shows first charming and seductive to better handle its prey. It is a predator who finds his pleasure in throwing his suffering to another.
Unlike a psychopath who has no superego, the perverse narcissist has a low superego, but it can become psychotic if family breakdown, romantic or professional.
Its objective is to submit and degrade his victim by underhand methods. Initially he seduce his prey, place it on top of a pedestal, then devalue, will destroy an insidious manner and to manipulate that it becomes a toy.
He never acts in public, in relation to others, but always in private. It will push the prey into madness in order not to sink itself. He will spend his time to reproach the other his own faults.
He will bring his victim to depression devaluing, by guilt, by humiliating, by lowering, telling him constantly murderous lyrics. It takes power over her, will suffer for having fun. For that use physical, verbal and psychological.

[h=2]How to release a narcissistic pervert?[/h]One of the first things to do is not to crash against the perverse narcissist. Indeed, if the spouse criticizes something, it must put the narcissistic pervert face reality and consider what it is to permit a judgment like that. Should be resisted and not seek costs the cost to understand. It is important not to question.
[h=3]CUT ALL TIES.[/h]Often prone to harassment must cut ties completely, go to change phone number and do not patronize places that the couple enjoyed. This is where it may get you first.
[h=3]RECONNECT WITH LOVED ONES.[/h]It should be parallel search for persons of trust, friends that protect you if necessary. They will provide a new social life of the victim, changereront her ideas and give him affection. This is the first step towards rebuilding itself.
[h=3]DO NOT GO BACK.[/h]It is important not to the perverse narcissist feels his victim doubt. This would reinforce in the strategy and encourage them to redouble their efforts or, at least, to continue on the path he has chosen. It must therefore be firm and not give in, at least in appearance.
[h=3]EXTREME CASE: APPEAL TO JUSTICE.[/h]If the perverse narcissist persists in harassment, do not hesitate to protect themselves with the means provided by the public authority, namely justice. Victims should not hesitate to ask a handrail if it feels physically and psychologically danger.

ONLY ONE GREAT ADVICE SISTER ! RUN AWAY ASAP FROM THAT HEARTLESS MONSTER, CUT ALL TIES, AND NEVER LOOK BACK FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY AND THE SAFETY AND FUTURE OF YOUR CHILDREN !!!!!!

THE LORD PROTECTS YOU ALWAYS YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN !!!!!!!!!!

 

[DragonSlayer]

Ok, I just discovered many mistakes in that article, I didn't know it was a translation from a French version and I was so shocked about how you were treated by that heartless monster !!!!! I hope you will understand what is written.

Be blessed