Been hurt by husband (words) but he won't talk about it

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mumof4

Guest
#1
#1
Been happily married for over 20 yrs, my husband has never been the romantic type and I have accepted that. He is a wonderful man, father and friend. I never hear how wonderful or beautiful Iam unless we are physically together, and that is becoming less often. The other night in being physical he said something to me that hurt my feeling and I kept correcting him that no I wasn't what he was calling me.I started to cry and stopped, and he stopped and his comment was "you took it the wrong way, and well,that ruined the moment. Didn't talk to me even the next day when I confronted him he said he didn't want to talk. Went all day in silence, that was very distant for me . when I did bring it up again, he made it sound like it was my fault and that after so many yrs being married like he would really mean something like that. He could care less on how hurtful it was to me. I have noticed lately how angry he gets over little things and swears. It all very harsh to the ears, and when he does swears. it goes on and on. We hardly ever argue and we are Christians, but lately I feel he isn't living up to that name. My 2 older daughters have boyfriends and he is always talking to them about how their boyfriends aren't Christians and you need to be careful and stuff, yet, he is not being a true Christian when he gets into this little fits and not wanting to talk with me . After so many yrs is this a normal stage, he is 11 yrs older than me. Can he be seeing things different now after all these yr? I'm just a little confused, and keep playing everything in my mind. I don't really have anyone I trust to talk with this about, and thought maybe a stranger could give me a thought or two to help me out. I pray to not feel this way, but I feel so distant from my husband right now after he has hurt me with his words, especially since it doesn't seem to bother him. Anyone have words for me or thoughts.
 
Jruiz

Jruiz

Senior Member
#2
Dec 13, 2013
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#2
Tell him how much you love him and how bad it makes you feel when he talks to you like that ... Ask him if anythings bothering him. I'll pray got your situation ...and congrats for being married so long! :)
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#3
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,951
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#3
It sounds like he needs some prayer for him to stop swearing, and for you not to be so sensitive. I'm sorry he seems to be changing, but maybe he is going through a male mid-life crisis?

You need to forgive him and love him in spite of what he is going through. And pray, pray, pray!
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#4
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
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#4
Some men just don't realize how much their words can hurt. The tricky thing is is to keep talking without it sounding like criticism.

Men and women talk from different perspectives. Our brains really are wired differently and it takes a lot of forgiveness and willingness to see the others point of view to make a marriage work. (good book-"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus")

Husbands really want to be respected and looked up to and that means communicating our appreciation and admiration for them. For a long time I just thought my husband knew this...otherwise why would I have married him? If speaking directly to the problem isn't working, or it sounds like criticism, you may want to try the indirect approach...like finding the things you DO appreciate about him and letting him know it. He may stop the swearing on his own. One thing you can do when he starts swearing is just leave the room if you can. He'll get the message. If he asks why just politely tell him that you don't think it's pleasant to listen to that kind of talk.

I've noticed with my own husband that if I approach something directly that I want him to stop doing :) he's offended and balks like a mule. But if I use kindness, logic, and hints instead of orders, things go along much smoother. I'm giving him the choice, making my own preference known, but not making it a big deal...or trying not to anyway. Of course, if the problem is adultery or something very serious, I would recommend Christian counseling.

Give him credit for trying...even if it isn't exactly what you would like to hear. Some men just don't know how to say romantic things...it just isn't 'them'. But they can still make their feelings known by little considerations, etc. Anytime he tries, acknowledge it!

Praying for you both...guidance and forgiveness. Immerse yourself in God's Word; the Holy Spirit will reveal to you how to make your relationship better.
 
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