Being a Parent...It's Hard.

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MissCris

Guest
#1
I'm a stay-at-home mom of a two year old boy, and a 2 1/2 month old girl. I feel very, very blessed that my husband and I are able to raise our children this way.

Usually I feel blessed. Sometimes, however, I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or lonely.

And when I do feel something other than perfectly content with my life, I also feel so, so guilty.

There are people out there who think that stay-at-home moms (or dads) aren't actually doing anything; I'm not here to enlighten them on the subject. If you're a parent, you know that being at home all day with kids requires a lot. There are other people who think that if a person is lucky enough to be able to stay at home with the kids, then they should shut up and be happy about it.

To everyone who understands, or even those who don't but also don't put down something you know little about, I appreciate it.

To all of the parents out there, whether you stay home with kids, or go to work, whether you are married and sharing the job, or single and trying to figure out how to raise those kids, whether your kids are tiny like mine, or long gone with kids of their own-

It's hard. Being a parent is difficult, and if you're struggling with it, if you've ever doubted yourself, if you have ever had days where you wish you could just have an hour to yourself...that's normal. It doesn't mean you're a failure. It doesn't mean you aren't a good parent. It doesn't mean you aren't strong enough in your faith.

There's nothing wrong with reaching out and asking for help- although I'm only beginning to learn this. I've felt for a while now like I had to be Super Mom, that I had to be able to do everything, and do it perfectly. By myself. I've been thinking that if I have to ask even my husband for his help, then I've failed (um, hi there, pride...). Talk about a self-defeating way to go about it. The more I try to do, the worse I feel, and the worse I feel, the more guilt I heap on my shoulders. And when I feel guilty, I feel like I just need to be doing more.

It doesn't have to be that way. I'm trying to learn to accept that, and I just wanted to share with other parents that are having a rough time right now-

You're doing a good job. You don't have to be in control of every situation. In fact, hey, remember God? He's there, waiting for you to let Him help you, guide you, comfort you. So let him! Because being a parent....it's hard.
 
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Texan4sure

Guest
#2
Having raised two of my own and stayed home with them for a good while, I know what you mean. Now I'm a grandmother and I work from home, but take care of my grandson 7 months old and granddaughter 6 for 2-3 days a week. Sometimes it can be very stressful and I want to quit, but other times I cherish the time I get to spend with them. My 76 year old mother also lives with me and that can be just as stressful, with doctor visits and caring for her. I am recently remarried and we are also raising a 14 year old son. So, I feel very stressed out some days. This past two weeks I've changed focus and instead of dwelling on the problems as I have a tendency to do, I am trying to focus more on God, reading His Word, praying and just spending time talking to him and most of all trying to listen. I want to do the right things by my grandchildren and my mother, my stepson and my husband, but I also need to take care of myself and finding time to do that is getting really tough. Most days I'm just exhausted, mentally and physically. I started walking this morning with the baby in the stroller. I figured rather than trying to work while he's awake and not getting much done, I'll just spend time with him walking and playing and work while he sleeps and on the days I have him, just work after his momma picks him up. He won't be little for too long. Thank you for your post. It was just what I needed when I needed it.
 
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Powemm

Guest
#3
you ladies are an inspiration of who God is to us. God is the heavenly father over all
Of us "his children" .. He watches over us, feeds us, cares for us .. He's also at Home with Himself .. I'd say what you ladies are doing along with those coming up in it and those who have already done it .. it's the most important job in the world .. we are Gods precious children and God help us if we didn't have Him..
I remember a time when my oldest son was going through a really hard stage .. I felt guilty I was told I wasn't a good mother because if I had been they wouldn't be doing the things they're doing .. I felt like a failure ..
I couldn't understand , I taught them to be kind, I taught them not to lie, I taught them to help.. I went through the whole list "what did I miss???" why is this happening ?...
My grandmother said something to me one time that changed how awful I felt and my guilt .. She said " Michelle , I have watched you raise your children .. You not only taught them , you "did" everything you taught. So you gave them two gifts you blessed them by being their example". She then said " one thing I think you aren't aware of is , God is the perfect father and still had two children that defied Him" ..

even when our children are grown and gone .. We still parent .. They run back often :)
it is the most important job in the world .. And all parents need to hear what you've said ms Chris ..
Thank you for posting it in a time I need a reminder myself :)
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#4
Everything you said Miss Kriss is true. I remember When my son was born. People told me that it would all come natural. It didn't. I had a lot of support, praise GOD! When my son was 6 months old I found out I was 4 months pregnant. I had Irish twins and I'm not Irish. ;)
 
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psychomom

Guest
#5
Beautiful Cris...you're doing a wonderful thing, and a wonderful job. ♥

I can remember when our children were very small wondering if I'd be able to take a leak without a child on my lap. (sorry for the graphics, but prolly moms know that feeling :) )

When our home school group would gather, we'd do an art project or have a soccer game with the kiddos, and then they got to play while the moms had tea. We'd commiserate and share and advise and pray. I heartily recommend a group like the old "mommies and babies" type thing for you, and those in your situation. ALL parents need support, especially primary care-givers.

Our group of Christian ladies laughed when I shared my mothers oft spoken words, "little kids, little problems. big kids, big problems." How silly, we said. She was a working mother and didn't understand us! (LOL--my mom worked full time, did the housework and laundry, and ALWAYS had a hot dinner on the table every single night--she was amazing!)

Ten to fifteen years later, when our older ones were adolescents and entering college, we remembered those words and laughed again. Doncha just hate it when your mom is right? :)

Our 'baby' is 18, and our oldest is 32, and there are days I long to 'fix' their troubles with a kiss and a story read. Not that it's all there is to raising little ones...it IS frustrating sometimes, and I never want to diminish the struggles of it.
And as hard as we try, we are imperfect beings with finite knowledge and we will fail to be the perfect parent we feel our child should have.
But God gave those particular little ones to you and your husband for a reason, and He is such a faithful Father!

So, I guess be encouraged! The Lord is with you! And in twenty years you'll look back and all that time will seem as if it had been a week. :)
It's SO worth it all.

love to you, and to parents everywhere-
ellie
 
Feb 17, 2013
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#6
Ladies, love and enjoy this time. When they get to be teenagers and mainly when they start driving it's a total different world.
 
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jinx

Guest
#7
Keep up the good work ladies, your all awesome!!!!!
super_mom.jpg
 
Aug 27, 2005
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#8
I have found that being a parent is just that: tough, tough, tough! All I've ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom and I got my wish! But I thought I'd be so great at it.. But I'm not. I know it's just tv.. But I look at the Duggar ladies and they are so calm and so together and have well behaved kids! And then I look at me, who only has one child (so far) and I get so flustered when he is determined to flip over during a diaper change, and wonder "why can't I be all cool and calm and collected?" Sigh. But I'm so thankful that I get to be here for all the "firsts" ..especially in this economy! But I also need not be so tough on myself. I feel like a failure of a wife when I can't get the house spotless while entertaining a teething baby. I'm sure at some point I'll master that (maybe) ...but until then I just have to be okay with what I can accomplish each day.
 
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violakat

Guest
#9
I have found that being a parent is just that: tough, tough, tough! All I've ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom and I got my wish! But I thought I'd be so great at it.. But I'm not. I know it's just tv.. But I look at the Duggar ladies and they are so calm and so together and have well behaved kids! And then I look at me, who only has one child (so far) and I get so flustered when he is determined to flip over during a diaper change, and wonder "why can't I be all cool and calm and collected?" Sigh. But I'm so thankful that I get to be here for all the "firsts" ..especially in this economy! But I also need not be so tough on myself. I feel like a failure of a wife when I can't get the house spotless while entertaining a teething baby. I'm sure at some point I'll master that (maybe) ...but until then I just have to be okay with what I can accomplish each day.
I'm not a mom, but I think I want to relate the violin with you and the Duggar mom. I've played the violin for well over, well, let's just say over 25 years. In that time, I've come to learn quite a bit about how to tame the violin. Yet, I still make mistakes. Now, I have students that range from not even a year at playing to maybe a few years under their belt. Do you think the ones who haven't played as long as I have should have the same ability as me right away? When you look at the Duggar mom, you are looking at someone who has had 18 kids, some who are adults, and many that are not. I bet you anything, that she has her moments when she want's to scream her head off. And the only reason she seems so cool, calm, and collected, is probably because she's seen it all, from the broken arms to the skinned knees. Christianrchk, you are just so new. Don't be so anxious to learn everything at once. Take your time. Then as time goes on, you will become the virtuoso. And who knows, maybe I'll come knocking at your door if I ever have children, begging you for advice.
 
Aug 27, 2005
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#10
I'm not a mom, but I think I want to relate the violin with you and the Duggar mom. I've played the violin for well over, well, let's just say over 25 years. In that time, I've come to learn quite a bit about how to tame the violin. Yet, I still make mistakes. Now, I have students that range from not even a year at playing to maybe a few years under their belt. Do you think the ones who haven't played as long as I have should have the same ability as me right away? When you look at the Duggar mom, you are looking at someone who has had 18 kids, some who are adults, and many that are not. I bet you anything, that she has her moments when she want's to scream her head off. And the only reason she seems so cool, calm, and collected, is probably because she's seen it all, from the broken arms to the skinned knees. Christianrchk, you are just so new. Don't be so anxious to learn everything at once. Take your time. Then as time goes on, you will become the virtuoso. And who knows, maybe I'll come knocking at your door if I ever have children, begging you for advice.
Thanks for that! I really appreciate everything you said there! I just need more patience, I suppose. But I also know.. When you pray for patience you always end up waiting in a checkout line at Walmart for 25 minutes or behind someone driving 10 miles under the speed limit for 15 miles! Haha! I never keep in mind that my family is just now starting to bloom, I'm young and I've got a lot to learn... Instead I just compare to others who are so seasoned in life! I gotta stop doing that!
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,352
2,440
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#11
Of course being a parent is hard...
that's why animals eat their young.
 

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
Apr 5, 2013
185
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#12
Wow, I think we need a 'Being a Teacher- it's hard' thread. TinTin - what say ye?

I don't have my own children yet, and I know it's no walk in the park- but hey, try have 25 of them all at once, and co-ordinating them all to do one activity, together, at the same time! *sigh*

Love is patient, love is kind...

I wouldn't change it for the world of course, but just thought I'd add the flipside to this thread.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#13
Thanks for that! I really appreciate everything you said there! I just need more patience, I suppose. But I also know.. When you pray for patience you always end up waiting in a checkout line at Walmart for 25 minutes or behind someone driving 10 miles under the speed limit for 15 miles! Haha! I never keep in mind that my family is just now starting to bloom, I'm young and I've got a lot to learn... Instead I just compare to others who are so seasoned in life! I gotta stop doing that!
Not to mention that "reality" TV isn't necessarily reality...:)

You gotta know they're showing you what they want you to see.
And when you have little ones and older ones simultaneously, it's SO much easier.
The older kids do chores, and help with the babies.
It takes a ton of pressure off mommy.

My sister used to diaper her first with my niece laying on her tummy, she got so frustrated with the flipping. :)
You're doing great, and I appreciate your attitude. ♥
 
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tdrew777

Guest
#14
Will you permit a Dad to enter the discussion?
My wife gets to stay at home. And raise two kids (oldest 2 1/2). And work via the internet. And maintain our home open for FREQUENT visits. And she needs help. I think her feelings of inadequacy are an accurate assessment of reality - she can not do all this. Her inadequacies open up two avenues:
1. God has a role in our family life. If she thought she could handle it (the family), the Holy Spirit would back off. He has delegated that responsibility, after all. Because she doesn't think that way He doesn't back away.
2. I have a role in our family life. When our first daughter was born, I did not want to touch her for fear that I would break her. Whenever my wife moved in, I would back off. IT was only when my wife was unavailable/frustrated that I would move close to my daughter - because otherwise I perceived that I wasn't up to the task. It is due to my wife's "inadequacies" that I became a "hands-on Dad".
The first night back from the hospital with our second child, our home was a disaster. I remember sharing a look with my wife that said, "what have we done?" at 2 in that first morning. It all seems so romantic in retrospect. We have become a good homebuilding team. She takes care of the children all the time, except when I am doing it. I wean the children (she actually left the house so I could put our first child to sleep with formula - Daddy milk - without her). With our third child on the way, we are contemplating switching from man-to man to a zone defense. My wife's perceived inadequacies have made me the man I have become.
 
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MissCris

Guest
#15
Wow, I think we need a 'Being a Teacher- it's hard' thread. TinTin - what say ye?

I don't have my own children yet, and I know it's no walk in the park- but hey, try have 25 of them all at once, and co-ordinating them all to do one activity, together, at the same time! *sigh*

Love is patient, love is kind...

I wouldn't change it for the world of course, but just thought I'd add the flipside to this thread.
I didn't mean this thread to come off sounding like I think parents have the ONLY difficult job in the world, I hope that's not how it sounded! I just meant to give a little encouragement to others, and to myself, because I had a rough few weeks with some very sick, very cranky kiddos.

BTW, I certainly wouldn't want to be a teacher- you guys DO have a tough job! I can't keep two TINY kids in line all day long, 25 would make me want to jump out of a very high window
:eek:
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#16
No misskriss, I think she was just comparing. I like this thread. I work as a teachers aide for the pre school ages. I know the teacher has a tough job it's a lot of at school and home. I know majority of teachers do it for the love of teaching and the kids. :D
 
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Nancyer

Guest
#17
Having raised two of my own and stayed home with them for a good while, I know what you mean. Now I'm a grandmother and I work from home, but take care of my grandson 7 months old and granddaughter 6 for 2-3 days a week. Sometimes it can be very stressful and I want to quit, but other times I cherish the time I get to spend with them. My 76 year old mother also lives with me and that can be just as stressful, with doctor visits and caring for her. I am recently remarried and we are also raising a 14 year old son. So, I feel very stressed out some days. This past two weeks I've changed focus and instead of dwelling on the problems as I have a tendency to do, I am trying to focus more on God, reading His Word, praying and just spending time talking to him and most of all trying to listen. I want to do the right things by my grandchildren and my mother, my stepson and my husband, but I also need to take care of myself and finding time to do that is getting really tough. Most days I'm just exhausted, mentally and physically. I started walking this morning with the baby in the stroller. I figured rather than trying to work while he's awake and not getting much done, I'll just spend time with him walking and playing and work while he sleeps and on the days I have him, just work after his momma picks him up. He won't be little for too long. Thank you for your post. It was just what I needed when I needed it.
Your mother is only 76 and YOUR a grandmother yourself? You must be a very young grandmother. I was 34 before I had my first child, who is now 18 (I'm 52). My mother was 35 when she had me, her first. Yes I stayed home with him for the first year and a half. Like most of life it can be wonderful and difficult at the same time. And it doesn't get a whole lot easier as they grow up, the kind of work just changes. I had another baby 4 1/2 years later and for her first 6 months my husband lived away from home 4 days a week, due to his job. I only wish I'd had God on my heart back then and had started my kids in the Word early on. It would have been so much easier and things would be much different today. But I was told once, by a gentleman at my church, that God led me there when He was ready for me to be there and when He knew that I would be ready.

You can be grateful you have God in your heart now and can turn to Him when you need Him. I didn't have that then, but I do now. God bless you and all stay at home moms.

 

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
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#18
I'm a stay at home mom as well. Is it bad even your 11 year old looks at you and says "Momma. Will you please get a job? I need a break!"
I'm serious. He said this.
 

iraasuup

Moderator
Staff member
Apr 5, 2013
185
5
18
#19
I didn't mean this thread to come off sounding like I think parents have the ONLY difficult job in the world, I hope that's not how it sounded! I just meant to give a little encouragement to others, and to myself, because I had a rough few weeks with some very sick, very cranky kiddos.

BTW, I certainly wouldn't want to be a teacher- you guys DO have a tough job! I can't keep two TINY kids in line all day long, 25 would make me want to jump out of a very high window
:eek:
No, it's fine I was just adding another spin to the topic.

It is indeed challenging, but very rewarding too. Although some days I feel like broken record because all I do is repeat myself. I have 25 x5 yr olds (so somewhat harder to teach structure and routine to, than older kids), but I love them!
 
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wit2Christlv

Guest
#20
Wow thank you for writing this thread. Right before I logged on I was just thinking some of those thought. Im a single mother in a wheel chair and it gets real frustrating at times. If I didnt have God in my life I wouldnt be the mother I am today. Praise God Our Almighty Father