Being forced to marry before our set date

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salty227

Member
#1
Aug 9, 2013
61
0
6
#1
I am betrothed to my love and plan to marry her in 3 months. We live together , We are saved, We are active in the church and my pastor has no problem with us. New member who I thought was a good friend now wants us to get married and says they can not sit with us or take anything we say serious and are questioning our sanctification in God. They came from a church where they were reprimanded for living together without marriage... so they hurried and got married and now they expect my pastor to make us do the same thing. He does not want to offend them...but this individual actually wants me to leave so he can be the church drummer ... We have many ready and waiting their turn. Most of the couples in our church have told us they slept together before they got married.. so it is not a big thing and we have nothing to fear because we are under the dispensation of grace and no one is without sin. so they are the last ones to judge us on this. They love us and encourage us all the time.
The leaders will make a decision and we do not know if we will have to leave and the new member takes my place because he has a problem with us. Just seems like everything in the church right now is centered on whose sin is bigger and who gets called on the carpet , money, and sex. Seriously.... are people looking at me as I sing about God and all they can see is me and my finance having sex?? Who really has the problem? Let them without sin cast the first stone. I know my sins are forgiven. I am a sinner saved by grace. I am not sinless.... I sin LESS and a work in progress. As much secret sins and thought sins that go on daily in us all..you would think the so called God people would know that love and forgiveness will draw and the holy spirit will do the rest.

frustrated
 
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starfield

Senior Member
#2
Jun 13, 2009
3,393
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#2
"Her"? You, a woman, are planning on getting married to a woman?
 
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nimbus3852

Guest
#3
#3
Marriage has larger ramifications than sleeping with them. It's not a casual thing, and you're in a tough spot. You're going towards marriage with open eyes, gaining experience about how to live with your partner, how to love them in a roommate situation.

Later you might decide to buy a house together, that's something to look forward to or be afraid of. Consider your thoughts about purchasing a house with this person. That's one thing to compare the idea of marriage to.
 
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Eze20

Guest
#4
#4
1 cor 6
9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

[SUP]10 [/SUP]Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

Hebrews 10
[SUP]26 [/SUP]For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
[SUP]27 [/SUP]But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.
[SUP]28 [/SUP]He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses:
[SUP]29 [/SUP]Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace?
[SUP]30 [/SUP]For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
[SUP]31 [/SUP]It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.


I know what I have written sounds very harsh.. However, this is what Word of God says about living in sin. I want to point out though that there is difference between living in sin and falling in to sin.
I would recommend you to run from that relationship and to repent. Furthermore, if you have not been born again by the Spirit of God you need to put your faith in Lord Jesus and to repent.

 
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salty227

Member
#6
Aug 9, 2013
61
0
6
#6
The letter was given to me. Just getting advice.
 
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Les

Guest
#7
#7
I lived with my fiancee before marriage. She was from a different town many miles away and due to personal circumstances was no longer able to afford the place she was renting. She had nowhere to go, so seeing as we were to be married within the month I invited her to move in with me. She did so and we were immediately condemned by the church. When I prayed about it the Lord told me to "Move to my parents' house for their sake so that I would not be a stumbling block to them" God is not as legalistic as some churches.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#8
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
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#8
salty227 said:
I am betrothed to my love and plan to marry her in 3 months. We live together , We are saved, We are active in the church and my pastor has no problem with us. New member who I thought was a good friend now wants us to get married and says they can not sit with us or take anything we say serious and are questioning our sanctification in God. They came from a church where they were reprimanded for living together without marriage... so they hurried and got married and now they expect my pastor to make us do the same thing. He does not want to offend them...but this individual actually wants me to leave so he can be the church drummer ... We have many ready and waiting their turn. Most of the couples in our church have told us they slept together before they got married.. so it is not a big thing and we have nothing to fear because we are under the dispensation of grace and no one is without sin. so they are the last ones to judge us on this. They love us and encourage us all the time.
The leaders will make a decision and we do not know if we will have to leave and the new member takes my place because he has a problem with us. Just seems like everything in the church right now is centered on whose sin is bigger and who gets called on the carpet , money, and sex. Seriously.... are people looking at me as I sing about God and all they can see is me and my finance having sex?? Who really has the problem? Let them without sin cast the first stone. I know my sins are forgiven. I am a sinner saved by grace. I am not sinless.... I sin LESS and a work in progress. As much secret sins and thought sins that go on daily in us all..you would think the so called God people would know that love and forgiveness will draw and the holy spirit will do the rest.

frustrated
Click to expand...
To frustrated, the author of the letter,

Your message grieves me. It typifies so much of what is wrong with churches today. They let you up on the platform knowing you are living in fornication?

You think people are wrong for getting on your case for fornicating?

The Bible teaches that if a man is living in fornication that other believers should not keep company with him or eat with him. They should deliver him over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh. Otherwise, the leaven of wickedness can spread in the congregation.

By fornicating, your 'root of bitterness' warned about in Hebrews 12 can defile many people. Jesus said if a man causes one of these little ones to stumble, it is better for him that a millstone be tied around his neck and that He be cast into the depths of the sea. Have you considered that your example might influence some new believer or child to fornicate and sin against God. This sin IS a big deal. All sin is. There are probably people in your church who sin. Maybe someone speaks a harsh word and repents of it. He apologizes to someone else. That is different from constantly living in unrepentant fornication, living in the same house, maybe sleeping in the same bed without someone who is your wife. You could choose to repent and move out. Or you could just go ahead and get married.

Hebrews 12 contains a warning. The profane person or fornicator is compared to Esau. It connects Esau selling his birthright to losing the blessing.

You remember the stories? Esau comes back from hunting. Jacob offers him a bowl of beans in exchange for his birthright (to get the larger chunk of inheritance with Isaac died, which would have been 1/3 of the estate.) Esau figures if he dies he can't inherit it, exaggerating his physical need and giving in to it. He trades something very valuable for temporary satisfaction of the flesh.

Then what happened? Apparently, that opened the way for him not to inherit the blessing. Israel God the blessing, and became the patriarch of the nation through whom the Messiah came. What do we call God? The God of Israel. WOW! What an honor for Israel, for Jacob!

Esau didn't get the blessing. When he found out Isaac had given his blessing to Jacob, he wept, wanting the blessing to be given to him. But he couldn't change Isaac's mind. He couldn't change God's mind.

Just think about that if you choose to fornicate. It's like Esau, giving up something much greater, much more valuable, for temporary satisfaction of the flesh. You have no idea what kind of blessing you are forfeiting as you continue in this sin.

The only passage I can think of which speaks of God avenging sin against a believer has to do with fornication. It's in I Thessalonians 4.

Repent. Quit contaminating the church and tripping people up. If the church won't change, leave and find a church that would get on your case for a sin like this and bring you under church discipline.
 
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nimbus3852

Guest
#9
#9
Leaving seems like it might be a good option.

Politics is strong in most churches.
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#10
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#10
salty227 said:
Just seems like everything in the church right now is centered on whose sin is bigger and who gets called on the carpet , money, and sex. Seriously.... are people looking at me as I sing about God and all they can see is me and my finance having sex??
Click to expand...
That is a very bad attitude for a church to have !

Nothing against telling someone, that some behaviour is not good and one has to make allowences for christians with less faith, who might be discouraged in their faith, when they see behaviour, that looks sinnfull. So I would understand, if you have to go on a hiatus for church work for the 3 months.

There are no "big" sins and "little" sins, there is only forgiveness. So sins can never be measured against each other.
God is mighty and the forgiveness and the "when am I married" question, is something between god and the hearts of the couple.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#11
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#11
So because other people fornicated inthe church it makes it ok? What does the bible say?
 
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38miles

Guest
#12
#12
Difficult situation. 1) the pastors/teachers I respect and listen to would not marry these two. I don't believe they would let them lead or be active in ministry either, well...no I don't think they would. We have to be willing to lose ourselves for the sake of Christ. That means inwardly and it even means by outward appearances, because these communicate to believers and non-believers alike. Be above reproach. They should not be living together or having sex. These are outward actions that call the inward profession to be questioned. If we truly believe, then it sinks deep enough so that our hearts change as well as our actions. As our actions line up, they affirm or confirm what we inwardly profess.
 
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salty227

Member
#13
Aug 9, 2013
61
0
6
#13
Thanks..... I would tell them to get married secretly...do not tell anyone and go on and have the marriage ceremony as planned.
 
Agricola

Agricola

Senior Member
#14
Dec 10, 2012
2,638
88
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#14
Get Married! I know a couple who did just that, they went away on holiday but couldn't resist the temptation to sleep with each other, so they found somewhere which would marry them legally, so they did, it annoyed a lot of the families, but they said they would still have a "proper wedding" etc.
 
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salty227

Member
#15
Aug 9, 2013
61
0
6
#15
This is how my husband and I did it. We fornicated starting my senior year and the summer before I left for college. I did not want to be a virgin any more. and I really was not looking for a husband but he said I was his wife. We got saved the summer going into my sophomore year and got convicted and gave our hearts to God. We knew it was wrong but that desire kept me coming back for more. He said we needed to be married. I really did not love him enough to be his wife, but I eloped with him. We went back to living separate lives because he could not support me as a husband yet. HE was in school trying to graduate. We did not know they published those type of transactions in the paper and the rumor was out that we were married. My parents were devastated and through my clothes out the house. It was trying times but he was my husband. My dad has roughed him up, tried to shoot him, yelled and everything else,but he would not go away. I learned to love this man over time. We are still together and that was 37 years ago. I got the wedding and big diamond 20 years later when we could afford it . We believe in till death do us part and stay no matter what.
 
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salty227

Member
#16
Aug 9, 2013
61
0
6
#16
Well.. the stay for no matter what has been hard. How I treat this husband will be my ticket to heaven. And because the marriage bed is undefiled.... I can enjoy all the sex I want when I want and how I want.... For us.... It was the attraction first, The love grew and we became very familiar with each other...learned the ticks and tocks about each other,played the power games, took risks, learned how far to go, became good friends and business partners. What works for one couple contemplating marriage will not work for another couple. A man getting the cookies before marriage does not guarantee he will go through the process of making a loose woman his wife. He can take a look and go there and decide he is bored with it and want something else. She is left angry devastated , damaged and what man would want her after another has touched her where as the man can move on and find a another virgin to ruin. Fornication is just not beneficial for the advancement of kingdom living in a world that values " Have it your way" instead of God's way. Granted... the Word may not be popular and you are left standing on your own, but you can be at peace with the spirit of God cause your soul just know God is with you every step of the way. I think I will tell my friends this. So.....stop the sex sinning and let the preacher marry you.
 
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