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nick hearing 'consequences' is gonna drive her away. this is gonna sound weird at first, but forget laws, consequences and anything else for a second. When you put those aside, does she have any reason to stick around??
She needs to want to stay out of love, not out of fear. And You need to find the man you were at one point. Joy and Jesus are synonymous when you see the core message and realise yourself again.
it's about love, not fear. Fear works for the devil, and love for God.
So take all those consequences, laws, and everything else and throw them out the window into the garden for the night, and ask yourself one simple question; how can you love her without fear being any part of it?
She needs to want to stay out of love, not out of fear. And You need to find the man you were at one point. Joy and Jesus are synonymous when you see the core message and realise yourself again.
it's about love, not fear. Fear works for the devil, and love for God.
So take all those consequences, laws, and everything else and throw them out the window into the garden for the night, and ask yourself one simple question; how can you love her without fear being any part of it?
I want to give you something to pray about and see if God would lead you to say this...
Tell your wife before she leaves that you understand why she does not love you and its because you do not love her either. Don't say, because I have not loved you the way I should, but rather that you don't love her and that is why she does not love you. Tell her that you don't know what to do about it and why it's that way. Tell her that you don't know if you will ever be able to love her they way you should as a husband. Tell her that you are totally lost as to how to love her and to give her the intimacy she needs as a woman. And when you tell her this, it's because it is true and you mean it.
The only way that you are going to be able to love your wife in this situation is to bankrupt yourself of any love that you have for her and trust God to put a new love in your heart that comes from Him, that is pure and true and without hypocrisy. When you do this, realize that it is not a guarantee that it will win her back. Your expectation should be of God and not of your wife coming back and you will have to trust God and see what God does in your heart and in the heart of your wife. If she goes, then let her go and don't resist it but keep your eye on Christ and stop thinking about it so much. You cast all this upon the Lord and let Him take care of the consequences because those consequences belong to God, not you. and He has all power and you don't.
If you don't want to consider this and pray about it then don't, but what else are you going to trust God for concerning your marriage, other than a new beginning through the power of a new love that comes from God and works. Can you present yourself to God and lay your faith at the cross and trust God for something impossible for man but not for God?
Tell your wife before she leaves that you understand why she does not love you and its because you do not love her either. Don't say, because I have not loved you the way I should, but rather that you don't love her and that is why she does not love you. Tell her that you don't know what to do about it and why it's that way. Tell her that you don't know if you will ever be able to love her they way you should as a husband. Tell her that you are totally lost as to how to love her and to give her the intimacy she needs as a woman. And when you tell her this, it's because it is true and you mean it.
The only way that you are going to be able to love your wife in this situation is to bankrupt yourself of any love that you have for her and trust God to put a new love in your heart that comes from Him, that is pure and true and without hypocrisy. When you do this, realize that it is not a guarantee that it will win her back. Your expectation should be of God and not of your wife coming back and you will have to trust God and see what God does in your heart and in the heart of your wife. If she goes, then let her go and don't resist it but keep your eye on Christ and stop thinking about it so much. You cast all this upon the Lord and let Him take care of the consequences because those consequences belong to God, not you. and He has all power and you don't.
If you don't want to consider this and pray about it then don't, but what else are you going to trust God for concerning your marriage, other than a new beginning through the power of a new love that comes from God and works. Can you present yourself to God and lay your faith at the cross and trust God for something impossible for man but not for God?
A
What has God put in your heart during this? When I was going through a similiar situation I prayed tons and one of the prayers I would always ask for God to open my eyes, heart, mind, and soul to what it is I am to learn quickly to prevent any separation. All I kept feeling was to hold on to my husband by letting him know how much he is appreciated, loved, cared for, and desired.
Long story short, I even when he was screaming at me and critising my worth, nature, looks, love among many other things, I would always stay calm (with the exception of crying) and would listen to him, then I would continue to do as God laid on my heart. I would remind him of actions I did because I appreciated him, I would remind him of words or expressions I did because he was appreciated, I would remind him that I am not lashing out with hurtful things and I could go down that road, but I love him and I am not willing to treat him as though I do not, I would remind him in what ways I cared for him (homemaking stuff, planning of surprises from large to small, serving his food at the dinner table, sex, and so on), lastly I would show him and tell him that he is and was desired.
Sometimes when he was really mad, I would leave the area for a moment and pray and I would for whatever reason strip off my clothes and walk back in nude. This worked a lot, he usually couldn't be rageful. I always made myself vulnerable to him, and most the time I felt crushed, but I refused to let him leave without giving it my all.
After this horrifying, but eye opening experience we went to a male Christian counsler, and what I thought was ironic during our sessions because I thought I was going to hear from him all these horrible things about myself, but I was wrong. He said it was always him, never me. He said everything to hurt me, because he started to fall into dark thinking and he didn't think I wanted to be with someone like him, even though I did not make him feel this way.
My point, fix all you can fix about you, while you hold on to her, she will see that your are not willing to acknowledge her weakness. Remind her of her importance to you, and dig deep. Pray for God's direction he wants you to come from, as well as pray for her to be open to him and you. I wish your marriage the best. God bless!
Long story short, I even when he was screaming at me and critising my worth, nature, looks, love among many other things, I would always stay calm (with the exception of crying) and would listen to him, then I would continue to do as God laid on my heart. I would remind him of actions I did because I appreciated him, I would remind him of words or expressions I did because he was appreciated, I would remind him that I am not lashing out with hurtful things and I could go down that road, but I love him and I am not willing to treat him as though I do not, I would remind him in what ways I cared for him (homemaking stuff, planning of surprises from large to small, serving his food at the dinner table, sex, and so on), lastly I would show him and tell him that he is and was desired.
Sometimes when he was really mad, I would leave the area for a moment and pray and I would for whatever reason strip off my clothes and walk back in nude. This worked a lot, he usually couldn't be rageful. I always made myself vulnerable to him, and most the time I felt crushed, but I refused to let him leave without giving it my all.
After this horrifying, but eye opening experience we went to a male Christian counsler, and what I thought was ironic during our sessions because I thought I was going to hear from him all these horrible things about myself, but I was wrong. He said it was always him, never me. He said everything to hurt me, because he started to fall into dark thinking and he didn't think I wanted to be with someone like him, even though I did not make him feel this way.
My point, fix all you can fix about you, while you hold on to her, she will see that your are not willing to acknowledge her weakness. Remind her of her importance to you, and dig deep. Pray for God's direction he wants you to come from, as well as pray for her to be open to him and you. I wish your marriage the best. God bless!
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I agree that the advice and counsel is a bit unorthodox and probably would not apply to most but wisdom is justified of its children and is the principle thing to consider. Every person has needs and those needs have to be met in one way or another. What is so bad and terrible in stripping yourself of all those fig leaves and letting God put back on you His garments and His coverings so that you can trust what He covers you with and not your own. Try and understand the picture. In a marriage their can't be any fig leaves or false coverings, because they only last as long as you can maintain them outside of grace. When that is gone, someone is going to say it's enough and want to get out and no matter what you try with those fig leaves on, it will not work because the fear and insecurity will only get deeper and cause the separation to be greater. All objectivity will be lost and subjectivity will take over in the emotions because the fig leaves have not been stripped off and replace with God's covering.
Mt 16:25
25 For whosoever will save his life (including his married life) shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
Here is a promise from God and can we trust that promise or are we going to function in unbelief and never find it?
Mt 16:25
25 For whosoever will save his life (including his married life) shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
Here is a promise from God and can we trust that promise or are we going to function in unbelief and never find it?
S
I wish I had the space to tell you how God restored my marriage My God is a God of Restoration. My God can restore Love, trust and bind you back together stronger then ever. If you want to recapture her heart then start with recapturing HIS heart. She has to see HIM in order to get past whatever is causing her to walk away. She has to want the marriage restored as well. I hope and pray God restores your marriage!
B
I'll pray for you brother. I hope your wife will listen to reason and think of her God, you and her son to work things out. Love is a choice, a commitment, not a feeling that passes on a whim. You two made vows, that should mean a lot. In the mean time what you can do is be a better person. Compliment her as much as possible. Make intelligent compliments, clean up the house, do what a good husband should do and perhaps you'll win her back that way.
O
If she was leaving, she would have already left without a good-bye. People serious about this do not split on the spur of the moment.
Divorce, separation, "leaving" is incredibly destructive to a child. From studies done on families, and from my childhood.
And if you are only staying together "for the sake of the child". That is a really really good reason. More than enough to put up with what your spouse dishes out.
Forget marriage counseling, when you are at that stage, you don't need a stranger in the situation.
You have a week. Get out some paper and a pencil, meet with her in the kitchen, hash out exactly what is needed to stay together. You don't have to sleep together, touch each other, talk to each other, eat meals together, love each other, watch the TV together, or be seen together.
Because no matter how much your spouse and you hate each other, your child loves you both. Please do not hurt your child like this.
Divorce, separation, "leaving" is incredibly destructive to a child. From studies done on families, and from my childhood.
And if you are only staying together "for the sake of the child". That is a really really good reason. More than enough to put up with what your spouse dishes out.
Forget marriage counseling, when you are at that stage, you don't need a stranger in the situation.
You have a week. Get out some paper and a pencil, meet with her in the kitchen, hash out exactly what is needed to stay together. You don't have to sleep together, touch each other, talk to each other, eat meals together, love each other, watch the TV together, or be seen together.
Because no matter how much your spouse and you hate each other, your child loves you both. Please do not hurt your child like this.
I'm so sorry that your family is going through this
.I'll be praying for your wife to have a change of heart.
Have you asked her about going to Christian counseling? An objective third party can be very helpful in getting problems out in the open so they can be dealt with.
Do you have support group of Christian men? A church family can be very encouraging in ANY trial we go through.
Praying for strength, guidance, patience, and calmness for you
A
That's no excuse for her to break up with you!
Remember what is said in 1 Corinthians 7:10
and remember what Jesus said on Divorce.
So, make sure to fight all you can for your marriage, because unless one of you cheated on the other, there is no reason for divorce, and will be seen as a sin.
I will make sure to keep you and your wife in my prayers.
Remember what is said in 1 Corinthians 7:10
and remember what Jesus said on Divorce.
So, make sure to fight all you can for your marriage, because unless one of you cheated on the other, there is no reason for divorce, and will be seen as a sin.
I will make sure to keep you and your wife in my prayers.