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He got mad because he doesn't want his dirty little secret known.. And what happens if he DOES have the kids in the car with him, and gets stopped for whatever reason, if the cops smell pot or have reason to search the car, they'll find his stash. Or, God forbid, he's too high and crashes the car with the kids.. what then?? His secret isn't a secret..
K
Mrs. Kate,
I certainly sounds your separation is necessary due to the constant lies and pot use. You are unltimately responsible to keep your kids safe from him. So you are in communication with your pastor about this? You certainly need community support as you navigate this hard situation.
However your marriage goes in the next year it wont be easy. Lord willing, as your husband loses his identity as a husband and father, he will fall to his knees and ask the Lord to help him change. If you two walk the path of healing your marriage it will be very hard and slow but worth it. If divorce is the only route due to his lack of heart and behavior change, then that will have its own set of emotional healing to go through. A court date and a divorce decree is nothing to celebrate and is a sad somber ending to your dreams with him. I am not trying to be negative. I just want to realize that our culture lies to us about the freedom that divorce brings. Ultimately, I want to see your marriage restored. I want your husband to abandon the deceptive bliss of a high. I highly encourage you and couple other people to pray hard for your husband's freedom from addiction which begins with him seeing the reality of his problem. It is in your family's best interest married or divorced. Your kids are your legacy and every kid benefits from a present loving father.
Lord God, I pray for Kate. I lift her up to you right now. Please give her strength and wisdom as she leads her children each day. Please help her to see her husband as your hurting and lost child who can't even see your blessings to him of a wife and children. Please surround Kate with people who will encourage her, lift her up, comfort her at she feels experiences the pains of a fractured family, who pray for her marriage and pray over her children. Thank you Lord for the covenant of marriage. May we all remember your definition and purpose for it and turn away all the lies our culture feeds us. May she stand strong in her convictions to keep her children in a calm environment free of drugs. Lord, may she draw near to you each day and each moment she thinks of her family. Thank you Lord for your love, your grace and mercy, your patience. In Jesus name I pray, Amen
I certainly sounds your separation is necessary due to the constant lies and pot use. You are unltimately responsible to keep your kids safe from him. So you are in communication with your pastor about this? You certainly need community support as you navigate this hard situation.
However your marriage goes in the next year it wont be easy. Lord willing, as your husband loses his identity as a husband and father, he will fall to his knees and ask the Lord to help him change. If you two walk the path of healing your marriage it will be very hard and slow but worth it. If divorce is the only route due to his lack of heart and behavior change, then that will have its own set of emotional healing to go through. A court date and a divorce decree is nothing to celebrate and is a sad somber ending to your dreams with him. I am not trying to be negative. I just want to realize that our culture lies to us about the freedom that divorce brings. Ultimately, I want to see your marriage restored. I want your husband to abandon the deceptive bliss of a high. I highly encourage you and couple other people to pray hard for your husband's freedom from addiction which begins with him seeing the reality of his problem. It is in your family's best interest married or divorced. Your kids are your legacy and every kid benefits from a present loving father.
Lord God, I pray for Kate. I lift her up to you right now. Please give her strength and wisdom as she leads her children each day. Please help her to see her husband as your hurting and lost child who can't even see your blessings to him of a wife and children. Please surround Kate with people who will encourage her, lift her up, comfort her at she feels experiences the pains of a fractured family, who pray for her marriage and pray over her children. Thank you Lord for the covenant of marriage. May we all remember your definition and purpose for it and turn away all the lies our culture feeds us. May she stand strong in her convictions to keep her children in a calm environment free of drugs. Lord, may she draw near to you each day and each moment she thinks of her family. Thank you Lord for your love, your grace and mercy, your patience. In Jesus name I pray, Amen
D
"Doctor, Doctor, I need help. I'm very overweight. I can't pee, but I'm always thirsty. I'm forever tired, and my eyesight is going quickly."
"Sounds like diabetes. Get a blood test, cut out most carbs -- sugar and flour, stay on a 1500 calories a day diet, and come back in a month when the blood test comes back."
Three months later.
"Doctor, doctor, it's much worse. I've gained 15 pounds, cannot drink enough, but haven't peed in days, I could barely stay awake to come here, and I now need a white cane."
"I don't know what happened. I never got the results from the blood test."
"Oh, I never got one."
"And the diet?"
"What diet?"
And why are you surprised it's only gotten worse?
The last I heard from you was you gave him an ultimatum.
We're really not doctors, but you seem to take no advice from anyone, but have come back to tell more. Why?
"Sounds like diabetes. Get a blood test, cut out most carbs -- sugar and flour, stay on a 1500 calories a day diet, and come back in a month when the blood test comes back."
Three months later.
"Doctor, doctor, it's much worse. I've gained 15 pounds, cannot drink enough, but haven't peed in days, I could barely stay awake to come here, and I now need a white cane."
"I don't know what happened. I never got the results from the blood test."
"Oh, I never got one."
"And the diet?"
"What diet?"
And why are you surprised it's only gotten worse?
The last I heard from you was you gave him an ultimatum.
We're really not doctors, but you seem to take no advice from anyone, but have come back to tell more. Why?
M
This weekend was a good and peace filled weekend.
I had to work Saturday until 12, so he came over that morning and kept the kids.
After I got home from work he left, and his son from a previous marriage came over Sunday morning to visit for a bit.
He came over later around lunch and took the kids to his mom and dads house. My daughter is staying with her for a couple of days, and he brought our 7 month old son back around 6 that evening.
We had a long talk. A very honest talk. I told him I in no way wanted to argue about anything.
If he wants to be a father to his children then there are some things that if we are together or not he will have to change.
He said he did not want a divorce, and I told him that he was giving me no choice.
He said he wants to "start over". Oh, and Saturday night via text, I mentioned something about how I wanted to go to church Sunday, but I did not think I could because his mother would be there. He said he understood that, and I know that is something that I have got to work through, since she does not have a clue that I was spying on there convo...
He said that he wanted to start going to church also.
I went to see my lawyer today and I am going to file for a marriage separation. He says he wants to start over, well I don't see any better start than that right there.
I think he will be mad, at first, but he will have to deal with how he feels, not me.
Please keep praying for us.
I do love my husband very much, but I will not allow him back in our home right now.
I feel this will take a good long time to heal if it going to.
Hopefully I can get him to talk to the preacher with me sometime soon.
I had to work Saturday until 12, so he came over that morning and kept the kids.
After I got home from work he left, and his son from a previous marriage came over Sunday morning to visit for a bit.
He came over later around lunch and took the kids to his mom and dads house. My daughter is staying with her for a couple of days, and he brought our 7 month old son back around 6 that evening.
We had a long talk. A very honest talk. I told him I in no way wanted to argue about anything.
If he wants to be a father to his children then there are some things that if we are together or not he will have to change.
He said he did not want a divorce, and I told him that he was giving me no choice.
He said he wants to "start over". Oh, and Saturday night via text, I mentioned something about how I wanted to go to church Sunday, but I did not think I could because his mother would be there. He said he understood that, and I know that is something that I have got to work through, since she does not have a clue that I was spying on there convo...
He said that he wanted to start going to church also.
I went to see my lawyer today and I am going to file for a marriage separation. He says he wants to start over, well I don't see any better start than that right there.
I think he will be mad, at first, but he will have to deal with how he feels, not me.
Please keep praying for us.
I do love my husband very much, but I will not allow him back in our home right now.
I feel this will take a good long time to heal if it going to.
Hopefully I can get him to talk to the preacher with me sometime soon.
Good.
I think you've definitely reached that "words are cheap, show me with deeds" phase. He can say whatever he wants, I'd stay leery and keep my distance for my own safety. If what he says is true and if he is able to follow through with what he says, make him show you first and win you back with his changed life....not with promises and how he'll change. Only God can change him and deliver him from all of this so if he "behaves" for a few weeks but you can't see a spiritual change in him and detect him drawing closer to God than I'd expect him to relapse. God has to be at the center of his change and if you can tell it is not, any change will probably only be temporary. Just things to consider.
I think you've definitely reached that "words are cheap, show me with deeds" phase. He can say whatever he wants, I'd stay leery and keep my distance for my own safety. If what he says is true and if he is able to follow through with what he says, make him show you first and win you back with his changed life....not with promises and how he'll change. Only God can change him and deliver him from all of this so if he "behaves" for a few weeks but you can't see a spiritual change in him and detect him drawing closer to God than I'd expect him to relapse. God has to be at the center of his change and if you can tell it is not, any change will probably only be temporary. Just things to consider.
M
"Doctor, Doctor, I need help. I'm very overweight. I can't pee, but I'm always thirsty. I'm forever tired, and my eyesight is going quickly."
"Sounds like diabetes. Get a blood test, cut out most carbs -- sugar and flour, stay on a 1500 calories a day diet, and come back in a month when the blood test comes back."
Three months later.
"Doctor, doctor, it's much worse. I've gained 15 pounds, cannot drink enough, but haven't peed in days, I could barely stay awake to come here, and I now need a white cane."
"I don't know what happened. I never got the results from the blood test."
"Oh, I never got one."
"And the diet?"
"What diet?"
And why are you surprised it's only gotten worse?
The last I heard from you was you gave him an ultimatum.
We're really not doctors, but you seem to take no advice from anyone, but have come back to tell more. Why?
"Sounds like diabetes. Get a blood test, cut out most carbs -- sugar and flour, stay on a 1500 calories a day diet, and come back in a month when the blood test comes back."
Three months later.
"Doctor, doctor, it's much worse. I've gained 15 pounds, cannot drink enough, but haven't peed in days, I could barely stay awake to come here, and I now need a white cane."
"I don't know what happened. I never got the results from the blood test."
"Oh, I never got one."
"And the diet?"
"What diet?"
And why are you surprised it's only gotten worse?
The last I heard from you was you gave him an ultimatum.
We're really not doctors, but you seem to take no advice from anyone, but have come back to tell more. Why?
And how do you get that have not followed through with what I said I was going to do?
He moved out and I am seeking legal advise.....
If you don't have anything productive to say, pls go find another thread
J
The advice is simple to give, easy to say, yet... difficult to take. Until you and your children are HIS priorities, things will not change unless HE WANTS them to. Some say, "all you can do is pray"... but the very best thing to do IS pray and release him to God who is the only One who can change his heart. ~ My prayers for you are for peace... "soul peace" as only God can give. I pray God's love surround and permeate your children and protect them from the imminent pain and confusion ...
D
Of course you didn't. However you got advice straight across the board. Nothing was missing, so you were free to select a little from Column A and some from Column B with a side of Column C, yet still... nothing! You didn't even follow through on your own ultimatum.
So, exactly why are you here? Because it looks like you're here to gossip about everyone in your family and get a couple of, "aww, poor girl" from anyone stumbling onto this post.
I had plenty of productive to say, and I said it. It's three months later and you're still doing nothing, including "Desperate for marriage advice!"
You took none, so apparently not desperate yet.
So, exactly why are you here? Because it looks like you're here to gossip about everyone in your family and get a couple of, "aww, poor girl" from anyone stumbling onto this post.
I had plenty of productive to say, and I said it. It's three months later and you're still doing nothing, including "Desperate for marriage advice!"
You took none, so apparently not desperate yet.
"Doctor, Doctor, I need help. I'm very overweight. I can't pee, but I'm always thirsty. I'm forever tired, and my eyesight is going quickly."
"Sounds like diabetes. Get a blood test, cut out most carbs -- sugar and flour, stay on a 1500 calories a day diet, and come back in a month when the blood test comes back."
Three months later.
"Doctor, doctor, it's much worse. I've gained 15 pounds, cannot drink enough, but haven't peed in days, I could barely stay awake to come here, and I now need a white cane."
"I don't know what happened. I never got the results from the blood test."
"Oh, I never got one."
"And the diet?"
"What diet?"
And why are you surprised it's only gotten worse?
The last I heard from you was you gave him an ultimatum.
We're really not doctors, but you seem to take no advice from anyone, but have come back to tell more. Why?
"Sounds like diabetes. Get a blood test, cut out most carbs -- sugar and flour, stay on a 1500 calories a day diet, and come back in a month when the blood test comes back."
Three months later.
"Doctor, doctor, it's much worse. I've gained 15 pounds, cannot drink enough, but haven't peed in days, I could barely stay awake to come here, and I now need a white cane."
"I don't know what happened. I never got the results from the blood test."
"Oh, I never got one."
"And the diet?"
"What diet?"
And why are you surprised it's only gotten worse?
The last I heard from you was you gave him an ultimatum.
We're really not doctors, but you seem to take no advice from anyone, but have come back to tell more. Why?
Wow, what a sarcastic, belittling tone.
Thank you Nicole for answering my thread. My son is grown and lives on his own...So it's just me. His mom won't accept that information from me. She was physically abusive and caused sexual abuse to husband when growing up. He told me he relived his childhood since we have been here. She wants him as surrogate husband so she won't accept anyone he loves. She sent him away at 19 because he fell in love n wanted to marry someone else. I have family on mainland if I have to leave but, I am older and it's not there problem or responsibility to take care of me. I have been praying as what to do, I wanted to run away on daily basis for whole time we have been here. The Lord is good and I feel more in awe of how he loves us because how often we were not appreciative of his care and he loves us just the same. I have a chronic health condition...and don't know where to go as I would have to start all over again...I am thankful to have someone to talk to, as it has been very lonely here. God bless you for taking time out of your day to answer a perfect stranger! God bless you....