divorce when youngest turns 18

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#1
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#1
HI friends
Need wisdom

I found out I'm not paranoid after all.
I have a horrible marriage and I mean horrible (long story)
I want to divorce in a couple years when youngest graduates.
I dream of having my own place.
It is AWFUL and I have NO feelings anymore.
I have put up with repeated crap. over and over

However, I come from a divorced family and I hate to do this to my kids (its very sad) but I cant keep the lie going forever.
I Know it will hurt the kids .....help
Please Pray for my precious Kids
Jesus Name
 
C

Coil

Guest
#2
#2
Assuming your reasons for divorce are Biblical, why wait until your youngest graduates? I would rarely tell someone to get a divorce, but if you truly are decided this is what you want to do, I don't see any benefit in waiting necessarily, unless you will use that time to try to rectify your relationship.

My parents tried to stay together for us kids, and it just made everyone more miserable. The parents felt bitter toward the children. The children felt like it was our fault...etc.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#3
Jan 24, 2011
11,783
2,948
113
#3
Kim, you keep coming on here and complaining about your marriage. Please realize you are 50% of that marriage. God can and does change people. You need to change, and then your husband will change.

I do not approve of people planning their divorce. If you are being physically or emotionally abused, then leave now and be safe. If you are not being abused, then explain the reasons why you plot your divorce? If he is committing adultery on you, then leave now, before he gives you some disease.

Simple and easy.
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#4
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#4
I appreciated your thoughts on this.

why wait because my youngest is just entering the teen years. You know what happens when parents divorce during teens year NOT good from my experience.
I am not bitter towards my children I do anything for them & yes sad to say I have biblical grounds



Coil said:
Assuming your reasons for divorce are Biblical, why wait until your youngest graduates? I would rarely tell someone to get a divorce, but if you truly are decided this is what you want to do, I don't see any benefit in waiting necessarily, unless you will use that time to try to rectify your relationship.

My parents tried to stay together for us kids, and it just made everyone more miserable. The parents felt bitter toward the children. The children felt like it was our fault...etc.
Click to expand...
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#5
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#5
adultery and disease



Angela53510 said:
Kim, you keep coming on here and complaining about your marriage. Please realize you are 50% of that marriage. God can and does change people. You need to change, and then your husband will change.

I do not approve of people planning their divorce. If you are being physically or emotionally abused, then leave now and be safe. If you are not being abused, then explain the reasons why you plot your divorce? If he is committing adultery on you, then leave now, before he gives you some disease.

Simple and easy.
Click to expand...
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#6
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#6
It is NOT simple and easy


Angela53510 said:
Kim, you keep coming on here and complaining about your marriage. Please realize you are 50% of that marriage. God can and does change people. You need to change, and then your husband will change.

I do not approve of people planning their divorce. If you are being physically or emotionally abused, then leave now and be safe. If you are not being abused, then explain the reasons why you plot your divorce? If he is committing adultery on you, then leave now, before he gives you some disease.

Simple and easy.
Click to expand...
 
N

nimbus3852

Guest
#7
#7
You have my empathy.
 
3

38miles

Guest
#8
#8
Kim -- this "dream of having your own place" doesn't sit right. There is such a thing as lusting after divorce/self/independence and it is just as much sin as anything else. Have you entertained falling in love again, because that is adultery. Obviously I don't know any of the details, or traumas, or emotional garbage you have to experience day in and day out. Only God truly knows. And, as difficult as it is, that is your peace--He knows. And if there's a voice on you that says, "you just don't understand" that is from the enemy.

Please don't be mad, but this is the better forecast if we're even doing such a thing. "In the next couple years I want to have the best marriage in the world (long story) and one that I never dreamed possible, but it will be my testimony and evidence to the world that those who put their hope in The Lord will not be disappointed." You seek marriage restoration from the fall and you push against every dark attack, knowing that God's will is always restoration because He is God. Especially if you've placed His name on your marriage at any other time.

Have you read books about this? Shared with other believers with restored marriage? Have you seen a biblical counselor? Have you separated? Separation should always happen before divorce, almost like a reverse engagement period, but one in which both sides can work on their personal relationships with God, themselves, and eventually each other. Many who do this come back "feeling" again...hungry again...empowered. But if you're choosing to run to divorce..well, that is sin.

I'm not trying to offend you, sorry. I believe God is bigger than our failures and I'm praying for you.
 
J

jimmydiggs

Guest
#9
#9
Probably 80-90% of divorces I would gander are for unbiblical reasons.

I don't know your situation, but there's a few red flares.
 
J

jimmydiggs

Guest
#10
#10
kim12345 said:
adultery and disease
Click to expand...
Disease is no reason for divorce.

Matthew 19:8
He saith unto them, Moses for your hardness of heart suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it hath not been so.

I'm not sure divorce is an option for Christians.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#12
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#12
Praying for you all.
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#14
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#14
No do Not day dream of falling in love again, 2yrs ago I did but then stopped cause God showed me its wrong. However at this Point I Do Not want to fall in Love I do Not want to remarry. I just want a place of my own where the Home is Clean and I mean No porn, no violent movies blasting every night. I place where I can play beautiful music, paint, sing read my Bible, come home from work and have a hobby and Love my children



38miles said:
Kim -- this "dream of having your own place" doesn't sit right. There is such a thing as lusting after divorce/self/independence and it is just as much sin as anything else. Have you entertained falling in love again, because that is adultery. Obviously I don't know any of the details, or traumas, or emotional garbage you have to experience day in and day out. Only God truly knows. And, as difficult as it is, that is your peace--He knows. And if there's a voice on you that says, "you just don't understand" that is from the enemy.

Please don't be mad, but this is the better forecast if we're even doing such a thing. "In the next couple years I want to have the best marriage in the world (long story) and one that I never dreamed possible, but it will be my testimony and evidence to the world that those who put their hope in The Lord will not be disappointed." You seek marriage restoration from the fall and you push against every dark attack, knowing that God's will is always restoration because He is God. Especially if you've placed His name on your marriage at any other time.

Have you read books about this? Shared with other believers with restored marriage? Have you seen a biblical counselor? Have you separated? Separation should always happen before divorce, almost like a reverse engagement period, but one in which both sides can work on their personal relationships with God, themselves, and eventually each other. Many who do this come back "feeling" again...hungry again...empowered. But if you're choosing to run to divorce..well, that is sin.

I'm not trying to offend you, sorry. I believe God is bigger than our failures and I'm praying for you.
Click to expand...
 
3

38miles

Guest
#15
#15
kim12345 said:
No do Not day dream of falling in love again, 2yrs ago I did but then stopped cause God showed me its wrong. However at this Point I Do Not want to fall in Love I do Not want to remarry. I just want a place of my own where the Home is Clean and I mean No porn, no violent movies blasting every night. I place where I can play beautiful music, paint, sing read my Bible, come home from work and have a hobby and Love my children
Click to expand...
Kim, we all are being deceived daily and deceiving ourselves daily. Again, I do not mean to come too strong against you, but this "place of your own" seems to be just as bad as daydreaming of falling in love again.

Psalm 23:1, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." If there is a home to be clean, void of porn, of violent movies, etc. then shouldn't your heart to be on the home you are in now? And if those things are in your home now, shouldn't our prayers for you, as well as your own, be for the removal and deliverance of such things?

-- still have no idea about your husband and his belief in Jesus Christ.

Kim, my prayer for you is that you will honor God by submitting some of these wants at His feet in favor of His wants. In fact, you're attempting to handcuff God to what you want. Understand that you started off by saying that you want to get divorced in a few years. That is lust. You need to repent, surrender, and focus on what God desires.
 
S

ServantStrike

Guest
#16
#16
kim12345 said:
No do Not day dream of falling in love again, 2yrs ago I did but then stopped cause God showed me its wrong. However at this Point I Do Not want to fall in Love I do Not want to remarry. I just want a place of my own where the Home is Clean and I mean No porn, no violent movies blasting every night. I place where I can play beautiful music, paint, sing read my Bible, come home from work and have a hobby and Love my children
Click to expand...
The home you live in now could become that home.

It's going to be a lot of work, but it could become that home. You'll have to drop the "it's falling apart fast" mentality though. And yes, your husband will have to want to work with you on this, if he won't then you're not going to succeed. The thing is if you've already made up your mind that you want a divorce, every interaction you have with your husband is going to come off as hopeless, driving him towards that porn more and more.

But, if there was adultery involved, then yes, you could decide that divorce is in the cards. Don't straddle the fence though.
 
R

Richardp

Guest
#17
#17
I would like you to take ur time about this issue, no one can really give u the perfect answer u really need but God does..... So pray more about it
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#18
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#18
thanks everyone for your input.
husband talking about ruining our credit now and not payin bills
 
K

kim12345

Senior Member
#19
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#19
I don't know his relationship with Christ either?


38miles said:
Kim, we all are being deceived daily and deceiving ourselves daily. Again, I do not mean to come too strong against you, but this "place of your own" seems to be just as bad as daydreaming of falling in love again.

Psalm 23:1, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." If there is a home to be clean, void of porn, of violent movies, etc. then shouldn't your heart to be on the home you are in now? And if those things are in your home now, shouldn't our prayers for you, as well as your own, be for the removal and deliverance of such things?

-- still have no idea about your husband and his belief in Jesus Christ.

Kim, my prayer for you is that you will honor God by submitting some of these wants at His feet in favor of His wants. In fact, you're attempting to handcuff God to what you want. Understand that you started off by saying that you want to get divorced in a few years. That is lust. You need to repent, surrender, and focus on what God desires.
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.