feeling disconnected

[TalentedPoet]

Ever since I found out about my husband's infidelity I have felt disconnected from God. It just doesn't make since to me.
Maybe I am reading too much into things, maybe it is just that my life has been in a whirlwind and I just have yet to get my barrings.

First my daughter was acting out and left home on bad terms (she was 18 and had graduated from high school when she left). She was hanging with the wrong crowd and nearly was shot in the head... so she came back home but I had to send her away to family members. Then she left there on bad terms with her much older boyfriend (he was fresh out of jail and 10 years her senior).
I had lost my best friend to cancer, learned my mother had early onset alzhiemer's, had a stillborn birth followed by a miscarriage. And while I am going through all of that my home was literally falling down around me.
Trying to make sure my mom was taken care of from another state, raising 5 children and taking on church duties... I was feeling overwhelmed and unsupported by my husband. And oh, I forgot to mention we were going through bankruptcy (because my husband had to control ALL of the finances and wasn't making the best choices- even by his own admission).
This is when I learned of my husband's lies and deceit.


I have forgiven my husband (I think) I don't beat him over the head with his wrongdoings, I don't hound him about where he has been or where he is going, BUT I do still find myself questioning his love for me. I question his ability to make good/right decisions for us and our family. I question his ability to lead.
We live in a much nicer rental home. Can't wait to own again.
I have had a baby girl since then ������ ☺������...
my oldest daughter is back home and being productive.
Praise be to God for answered prayers.
And now...
just as it seems the storms are over and new season of blessings and greatness is upon us, I feel lost.
I feel disconnected.
With a home to take care of, 7 children in the home, and my husband I don't even have much time to take care of my physical needs let alone my spiritual needs. I try to pray but I am so exhausted at the end of the day I fall asleep. Tried to meditate, read/study my Bible, and pray in the morning but I am either interrupted by hubby, baby, or my adult daughter... or I can't get up because I am too exhausted from a very long night up with a crying baby.

Please busy moms, give me some advice here. I am a lists person! A schedule person... but my new baby has me off my game.

 

[psychomom]

man, you have been through it!
i'm sorry!

all i offer is what you already know...that lovely baby girl will grow.
she'll begin to sleep through the night and you'll regain some energy.
if she's colicky and crying most of the time, this may be no help,
but BibleGateway dot com has an audio option?
when you're up at night, and conscious enough, you may want to just listen to the Word?

with all the stress, and the too much cortisol it produces, and the hormonal shifts,
it may take some time to find those bearings.
and that's okay!
sometimes we're our own worst enemies in the expectations we have for ourselves.
i have a friend who's a type A, list kinda gal, and when she and her hubby decided to homeschool
their (four) kiddos, she got some good advice from someone who knew her well---
'if you don't bend; you'll break'.

my husband and i have six children whom we homeschooled, and when we were in the thick of it he was the one looking out for my physical and spiritual well being.
given your history, i don't know if mentioning to your husband you need help there
will actually be any help? again, i'm sorry.......

i do believe fatigue and stress can make us feel all kinds of disconnected.
but the Lord Jesus is right there with you, through it all.
He is still loving you; never leaving you. holding you up with His righteous hands.

and i will surely pray for you. ♥
-ellie

 

[soccermom19]

God Bless you!
You certainly have a busy life. Would your husband be willing to take care of the baby for an hour every evening? If so, use that time to get a quiet shower, read your Bible, and pray. If not, take a moment during your most stressful times to sit down and pray.
I used to walk around for hours in the middle of the night with my first child. It's the only way she would quit crying. I often prayed out loud while I was walking her around. After a while it began to soothe both her and I.
I will pray for you. But, give yourself time to get back on track. A new baby changes the balance of things.