feeling lonely

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lihle

Guest
#1
#1
Just join two days ago and this is the best place fr me to be ryt now. About 2 years ago I lost my husband, since then I have sort kept to myself. I have 3 wonderful kids who are basically my life ryt now, I spend my most time with them but they have their lives to leave. I get so loney when they are out with friends or atschool. l feel so alone and I just don't knw how to cope with this emptiness.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#2
Jan 24, 2011
11,781
2,947
113
#2
Welcome to CC! I hope you will post and make many friends. I am sorry you lost your husband, too.

I think the answer is for you to seek Christ in your life. Read the Bible, pray, and find a good church where people care.

I also am a bit worried about you, since severe grief usually abates after a year. It sounds like you have depression, and need to see a doctor and get some help.

Another thing that helped a friend of mine was a grief group. They were able to share their pain in a non-threatening environment. I pray you can find new friends, and get some help.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#3
#3
I do not think there is a limit on grief when it is deep. I do however believe that perhaps lilhe needs some help in ordering her grief so the Lord can heal her. She is doing the right thing in tentatively reaching out thru this site... but this is not the place for her to find the "real life" fellowship she is NOT receiving in her community.
Lilhe, I am praying right now that the Lord bring you a true friend into your life... or help you to recognize the one he has already provided but you have kept yourself from because of your pain. Please seek prayerfully this answer as I know the Lord yearns to heal the broken hearts of his people and he wants you to be whole.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#4
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#4
Welcome Lihle,
I too am a widow, it's been just over 3 years for me. I don't have kids, so for me my work/business has been my solace outside of my relationship with God. Please don't feel you have to grieve on someone else's timeline. But it's good that you are feeling like you want to start up a social life again. Grief really can just suck you dry.

I don't have good advice on starting up with a social life again. I do bible studies with groups of women. I LITERALLY don't know any single Christian men in my town, so I figure if God wants me to meet someone he'll move me or someone into my life. (I'm actually praying for this miracle to happen... as possibly shallow as that may sound. He promises to meet ALL of our needs.)

Anyway, I know very well how absolutely hard this is. I'm glad your kids have some outlet. Are you going to church, having that fellowship is nice too. Are you working? Is that something you could do while the kids are in school? I know it is a fulfilling thing to feel like you have a purpose.

If you would like to PM me, I'd be happy to chat more openly. Sometimes this place - CC - feels far too public for me.

God bless you sister, praying for you!
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#5
#5
lihle said:
Just join two days ago and this is the best place fr me to be ryt now. About 2 years ago I lost my husband, since then I have sort kept to myself. I have 3 wonderful kids who are basically my life ryt now, I spend my most time with them but they have their lives to leave. I get so loney when they are out with friends or atschool. l feel so alone and I just don't knw how to cope with this emptiness.
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Your profile says you are separated. It sounds like your husband died. Really hard to give help if we don't know the situation.
 
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lihle

Guest
#6
#6
I am a Christian and in a wonderful church, and they very supportive but still the feeling if loneliness doesn't seem to go away. I have gone bck to studying just to keep busy so that I don't feel so lonley, keeping busy helps a bit but sometimes I feel that people think that u should be over morning already since in my culture morning period is a year. But a persons feelings are not guided by culture and other people's expectations. I feel OK when I'm around people bt when I'm by myself it's another story. People expect you to move on with your life but it's not as easy, being a wife and a mother had been my life for such a long tym, what do I move in to be ?
 
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lihle

Guest
#7
#7
Yes my husband passed away, when doing the profile the options are married, not married or separated so I just chose separated because I am or was married
 
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lihle

Guest
#8
#8
Thank you, I just feel like people don't understand what I'm going through, how im feeling. Sometimes I feel like I'm being forced to move on by society and by family
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#9
#9
lihle said:
Yes my husband passed away, when doing the profile the options are married, not married or separated so I just chose separated because I am or was married
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Okay. Got you. Sorry. I feared I'd go off and tell you something entirely inappropriate if you were separated.

And, yeah. I strongly suspect I wouldn't be done grieving for my hubby after two years either, so I get the cultural say-so isn't always the reality.

But if you're kids are going about their lives now, isn't it time to make a new life for yourself? And I'm not necessarily talking dating. (I'm not dismissing it either, which is where I worried if you were just separated.) Have you ever considered volunteering? It's both a way to help others and to meet others. (Could just be friends, but friends are good.)

Or have you always wanted to learn how to do something, but your family took priority? When I was a kid, my family just watched TV after dinner. (Well, Mom ironed, but I think I got my restless streak from her, but not enough of her home-arts streak. She also sewed, needlepoint and tried to garden. Wasn't very good at gardening, but great at sewing and needlepoint. I hate sewing, and my eyes are too middle-aged now to do needle craft. She'd find it funny that I can garden though. lol) Then my aunt would come to visit and bring her latest project with her. At that time she made hooked rugs. It was the first time it dawned on me there was something else to do besides watch TV after dinner.

Don't get me wrong, I still watch TV, but I've done needle craft work while doing that, have ventured off to making baskets (didn't like it, but tried it), wreathes, colored pencil drawings, and stained glass. I fell in love with stained glass, but then I became disabled, so can't lean over much anymore. So, then I tried making websites, then blogs, which then got me into writing children's stories, and then the bold (and crazy) idea to write a children's novel. Well, it would have helped had I learned how to write a story first, so then I had to learn how to write fiction. And, poof, a mere six years later, and I'm finally working on finishing up a final draft of that novel. (Little did I know it would be a series, when I started. But, not like I don't have time to do what I want, so why not?)

Now, I'm not saying you have to do any of that. I'm suggesting it's time to do some of what you always wanted to do. Help others, support a cause, learn a craft or scuba dive. Yes, you will miss your hubby. You will miss your hubby whether you do something or do nothing, but here's a scripture that might support doing something now:
3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

You've had a time to break down, a time to weep, a time to mourn, a time to lose, and a time to tear. Why not your time to dance, to sew, to laugh? It is okay, and it is not a disgrace. It is a time to heal. You have alternatives. Go. Do. This is your time, until whatever happens the next time.
 
G

GypsyRebel

Guest
#10
#10
lihle said:
Just join two days ago and this is the best place fr me to be ryt now. About 2 years ago I lost my husband, since then I have sort kept to myself. I have 3 wonderful kids who are basically my life ryt now, I spend my most time with them but they have their lives to leave. I get so loney when they are out with friends or atschool. l feel so alone and I just don't knw how to cope with this emptiness.
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Welcome to CC
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
They keep telling me. You're not alone for God is always with you.
I unfortunately am finding little comfort by that myself.
If you ever need to vent talk message me i'll listen.
 
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lihle

Guest
#11
#11
I went bck to school I'm studying social work and still working part-time. I have s passion for old people, I like spending tym with them. My part-time job is s caregiver, just gave up a job in January as a clerk which I have been fr 14 years. I felt like I needed to do something worthwhile so I took a job as a caregiver fr an lady of 80 yrs. We were very close i have known her fr s long tym. So fr a while I felt like I'm giving bck and being needed. Bt the lady just passed away earlier this week so it hit me very hard. If felt like loosing my husband all over again.
 
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GypsyRebel

Guest
#12
#12
(((Hug))) through Christ all will be fine. Lean on him and his promises.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#13
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#13
Loneliness is a feeling that nearly everyone experiences at some point. There's an empty place in your life, but its a void that you can fill and get through. I'm guessing you've never really been alone, so what you could be experiencing is a need for an intimate relationship like the one you once had. I think women have a greater need to be wanted, appreciated, and to have someone close to share life with? Loneliness is not necessarily a bad thing, it can make you a stronger individual and draw you closer to God. Remember that your never really alone, and that no one was ever more alone than Jesus at Calvary. The Lord said; "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee". Take solace in that promise.. Your never alone.
 
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lihle

Guest
#14
#14
Thanx fr encouragement
 
L

lihle

Guest
#15
#15
Thanx, never been alone I married very young and I've been a wife and a mother and that what I have been fr so long, I don't knw what I am now
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#16
#16
lihle said:
I went bck to school I'm studying social work and still working part-time. I have s passion for old people, I like spending tym with them. My part-time job is s caregiver, just gave up a job in January as a clerk which I have been fr 14 years. I felt like I needed to do something worthwhile so I took a job as a caregiver fr an lady of 80 yrs. We were very close i have known her fr s long tym. So fr a while I felt like I'm giving bck and being needed. Bt the lady just passed away earlier this week so it hit me very hard. If felt like loosing my husband all over again.
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Yikes! Yes, that can do it to you. Obvious question (with no bad answers): Now that you know it hits you this hard, can you still help older folks? Is it still in your heart to do so?

I'm not asking because I think that's a good or bad idea. (I think that's a great idea.) I'm asking because I'm a wimp and couldn't. Death has always hit me hard, so I jut can't do it, unless I'm braced for some specific reason.

On the good side, you really did give back, so don't think it meant nothing. I'm sure it meant everything to her because you were there.

And on a different note, if you want to reach out to people, you've mentioned a place where you can do that. You're going to school. That means you have to study. Ever consider forming a study group? Good way of making friends.
 
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mokie22yrold

Guest
#17
#17
I am going through a divorce and the loneliness is to much to bear at times. I lived with my sister till I got married only to have my husband abandoned me for someone else. I try to keep busy but there is only so much to do. I am trying to get back into oil paintings. it takes time.
 
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GypsyRebel

Guest
#18
#18
((Hugs)) I'm going through the same sort of .. he said fill out the papers but I haven't filed them. I don't want a divorce. When he says file them I will. Have you tried the singles sites? Not to date!!! but as a distraction?
 
L

lihle

Guest
#19
#19
Well I've been thinking a lot about working with old people lately, when I went back to study I was planning on working with the youth. The community i live in id dealing with a lot of issues like drug and alcohol abuse amongst the youth, but the is a lot of NGOs that are helping with that. When I was caring fr this lady I saw a difference and joy she had every time I was there with her. Even her family were so grateful to me for making her last days happy. So now I'm praying to God to show me if this is what I should be doing. Please keep me in your prayers too.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#20
#20
lihle said:
Well I've been thinking a lot about working with old people lately, when I went back to study I was planning on working with the youth. The community i live in id dealing with a lot of issues like drug and alcohol abuse amongst the youth, but the is a lot of NGOs that are helping with that. When I was caring fr this lady I saw a difference and joy she had every time I was there with her. Even her family were so grateful to me for making her last days happy. So now I'm praying to God to show me if this is what I should be doing. Please keep me in your prayers too.
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Will do. (Although it sounds like you still have the heart for it.)

You do know there are in-the-middles who could use help too, right? Disabled folks. I don't know how it works in your country, but in the States becoming disabled is a maze of Harry Potter proportions -- hoops to jump through without even knowing where to find them, confusion, especially when you have this plan for life and then poof -- the body refuses, how to go from middle-class to broke as a way of living, physical stuff like how to get help with taking care of the home when you're totally unable to do it, and mostly where do you go for help. Just giving you ideas, if you'd like an in-between group.
 
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