Frustrated!

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I

Inthevalley

Guest
#1
#1
How do I respond to a self-centered know it all? We recently married an the new has worn off! I love my husband,we are Christians, but he has a mountain of excuses,for procrastination, and if Im sick he wont go to church. Im starting to question whether he's really saved or just playing the part. He's always refering to black people as nigers,"which sends me oved the top". When asked to outreach or fast he says no. He only outreaches when the church does. He doesnt read the bible at all, an only prays for 2 to 5 min a day. He blows up at the drop of a hat. I love this man,but I dont know what to do. On the other hand, he's a wonderful cook,an pleases me romantically. What should I do?
 
R

rerun

Guest
#2
#2
Pray for him for one thing and sit down have a heart to heart talk and don't threaten him but let him know that you would appreciate it in his attendance, habits, and language. Good Luck in your new marriage and it will be ok
 
sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#3
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#3
:)
tell him when you, don't like his speach (it schould not be difficult for him to change that).

But do not expect him to be exactly like you.

He prays each day (!) so he is a christian !

If he stays home, when you are sick, I think that is so very nice.

Everyone worships a little different. You both have still to find the way, where you worship together.

as for the bible, you might ask him a question once a week, like : "I read this in the bibel, what do you
think that means", then he might look it up and with time, you might have a bible reading session.
 
D

dyingeveryday

Guest
#4
#4
Agreeing with rerun. Also Romans 12: 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
 
I

isaria

Guest
#5
#5
Maybe he does know it all.... ;) :)

He does not seem so bad.
Praying every day is wonderful and amazing (even if it is a "quick " )

And to fulfill you romantically and be a good cook.

Agree with rerun: pray for him and talk to him about all that disturbs you but dont do it in a naggy way.
Just sincerely talk to him about it and he may listen and try change his ways and improve.

As for the language I find it is often hoooooow something is said.
Sometimes it is not the word but how it is used and spoken and what tone and circumstances etc.


Hope you find patience and appreciation for eachother aswell as have blessing in marriage and improve where you lack: both of you :)
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#6
#6
I would focus on the good things he does. the new always wears off but he cooks for you, he "pleases you romantically" which I hope translates as he loves you.

The Enemy always wants to tear apart new marriages. That is to be expected. the question is are you going to allow him to with your nagging and negative thoughts about your husband?

Proverbs 21:19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#7
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#7
I would suggest the a careful study of 1 Cor 7:10-16
Not an easy path to trod but the Lord is gracious and merciful. Tribulation worketh patience.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
T

tenderhearted

Guest
#8
#8
So your saying that when you were dating you didn't pick up on the fact that he was prejudice. If someone is a Christian you can see the fruit in the them. If these things bothered you about him, why didn't you work this through before you were married? I don't mean to sound rude.

Procrastination that is something that you probably wouldn't of noticed till you were married. We all have issues that we are working on. Pray for him. All you can do is work on your issues. Pray for his walk with Christ and focus on the good that your husband does.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#9
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#9
Psychologist and psychiatrist go to school for years learning how to change people, and they only work on those people who pay them to try.

Try thinking and praying long and hard about what battles you want to fight and if they are truly worth fighting for rather than just living with them, and let the rest go. People watching is always fun, anyway.
 
J

jerusalem

Guest
#10
#10
communication is critical as this story will show...two women were talking. when asking how each other were getting along one woman said terrible. my husband came straight home from work ate supper and went to bed. the other said, my husband came home and took me out for dinner afterward we took a long romantic walk home. their husbands at work had a similar conversation. the one man said my life is going great when i got home my wife had supper waiting for me and it was so good and relaxing i went straight to bed and got some much needed sleep. the other man said i forgot to pay the electric bill so i had to take my wife out to eat, it was so expensive that i couldn't afford a cab back and we had to walk all the way home. man am i beat. it may seem like a silly story but it is exactly this difference in perspective that can destroy a relationship if the door of communication is not kept open. one person in the relationships almost always taken off guard when it all falls apart. i will hold you up in prayer dear
 
C

Catera

Guest
#11
#11
Inthevalley said:
How do I respond to a self-centered know it all? We recently married an the new has worn off! I love my husband,we are Christians, but he has a mountain of excuses,for procrastination, and if Im sick he wont go to church. Im starting to question whether he's really saved or just playing the part. He's always refering to black people as nigers,"which sends me oved the top". When asked to outreach or fast he says no. He only outreaches when the church does. He doesnt read the bible at all, an only prays for 2 to 5 min a day. He blows up at the drop of a hat. I love this man,but I dont know what to do. On the other hand, he's a wonderful cook,an pleases me romantically. What should I do?
Click to expand...
You need to walk up to him and punch him right in the nose as hard as you can.
Ok, not really.
I know you're frustrated and I didn't mean to make light.
First, did you do pre-marital counseling?
I know it's hard to keep your cool when someone is blowing their top. But it might be fruitful in doing so, just asking "why are you so upset?"
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#12
Apr 18, 2013
9,415
2,489
113
#12
Inthevalley said:
How do I respond to a self-centered know it all? We recently married an the new has worn off! I love my husband,we are Christians, but he has a mountain of excuses,for procrastination, and if Im sick he wont go to church. Im starting to question whether he's really saved or just playing the part. He's always refering to black people as nigers,"which sends me oved the top". When asked to outreach or fast he says no. He only outreaches when the church does. He doesnt read the bible at all, an only prays for 2 to 5 min a day. He blows up at the drop of a hat. I love this man,but I dont know what to do. On the other hand, he's a wonderful cook,an pleases me romantically. What should I do?
Click to expand...
Clearly you just need to keep him in the bedroom till he's too exhausted to cause trouble.

Hey, that may just sound like a stupid "man" solution, but I can't help it, I'm a man.

: )
 
I

Inthevalley

Guest
#13
#13
Thank you all for your advice. It was helpful and even made me laugh.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#14
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#14
Inthevalley said:
How do I respond to a self-centered know it all? We recently married an the new has worn off! I love my husband,we are Christians, but he has a mountain of excuses,for procrastination, and if Im sick he wont go to church. Im starting to question whether he's really saved or just playing the part. He's always refering to black people as nigers,"which sends me oved the top". When asked to outreach or fast he says no. He only outreaches when the church does. He doesnt read the bible at all, an only prays for 2 to 5 min a day. He blows up at the drop of a hat. I love this man,but I dont know what to do. On the other hand, he's a wonderful cook,an pleases me romantically. What should I do?
Click to expand...
You're judging the crap out of your husband!

1Corinthians 13 says that love keeps no record of wrongs. So if you love you husband, you shouldn't keep remembering all the things he does wrong and instead focus on being a Godly example to him. That includes respecting him at all times, even if he doesn't deserve that respect.

If you'd like, I can recommend a book that might help.
 
yac11

yac11

Senior Member
#15
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#15
Inthevalley said:
How do I respond to a self-centered know it all? We recently married an the new has worn off! I love my husband,we are Christians, but he has a mountain of excuses,for procrastination, and if Im sick he wont go to church. Im starting to question whether he's really saved or just playing the part. He's always refering to black people as nigers,"which sends me oved the top". When asked to outreach or fast he says no. He only outreaches when the church does. He doesnt read the bible at all, an only prays for 2 to 5 min a day. He blows up at the drop of a hat. I love this man,but I dont know what to do. On the other hand, he's a wonderful cook,an pleases me romantically. What should I do?
Click to expand...
From what you shared the only thing that your husband is dead wrong about and why I can see you questioning him would be because of his racism. That is not a Christian man. I believe he is not saved if he feels that way.

Go and take him to get help from a pastor please.

God Bless you and your marriage.
 
I

intercessorginger

Guest
#16
#16
Love your husband and try to see him with the eyes of Jesus. Jesus is not mad at him. Forgive him for not living up to your expectations and ask the Lord to show you how to see him in another light. When it comes to others we have to forgive their weaknesses and love their strengths and pray for all the things that disturb us in ourselves..and in others.
 
M

moonglow

Guest
#17
#17
Divorced mom of 3 here...First off let me say that I am hearing alot of "He" and what he's doing is not right but you also have a part in this. Trust in God 1st always. Trust and believe in your husband but do not make demands.

The minute u said I Do, there should have been 100% trust, faaith, love, devotion, and communication!
When you said you question weither or not hes saved...Ask. Thats really Important. IF he's not, do not pressure him about it.

The most important thing to do is Love your Husband, accepting him "As Is!" Take the good with the bad, and strengthen each other positivitely everyday!!
Always pray together, and never go to bed mad WITHOUT saying I love you!! God will never give you more than you can handle!!
God knows what is best so Trust him always!
 
M

moonglow

Guest
#18
#18
I agree to a point. We were not put here to judge! A person with flaws just means, a person with bad habits that have room for improvement! You can be a prisoner and be christian, but ACTIONS speak louder than words!
Do not judge, or you will be judged.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#19
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#19
When two people are joined in marriage to become 'one', interesting things begin to happen...and not all good. But when both learn to live sacrificially for the other then really GOOD things do happen. This can only happen with growing together in the Lord.

Love him and respect him and be sure to tell him so. Then he'll be more willing to listen when you have something to say....just say it gently and humbly :).
 
HoldingOn2013

HoldingOn2013

Banned
#20
Dec 25, 2012
419
5
0
#20
Marriage is not easy and you will come across many trials and will have times when you question everything about your relationship. I can relate to some of what you say and can tell you that you can't change him. You can only work on yourself and you becoming the woman God wants you to be. If he is a Christian, then that is a plus for you. Because you modeling a Christian lifestyle will speak volumes to him. Not sure if the change will happen next week, next month or next year. But in the mean time you should pray and be the wife you are supposed to be. It's not easy and it's something you will have to work at everyday until he changes. Until then, you have to be determined to make it thru.

God Bless, and keep your focus on God and put your energy into your marriage.
 
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