Grandparents

[tenderhearted]

I wanted to know your thoughts on this subject. If a grandparent doesn't seek their grandchildren, do you think it's the responsibility of the parent to reach out to the grandparent on behalf of the grandchildren? It's a long distance relationship, so all I could do is call. I know that my mother cares about them, she just doesn't reach out. Personally if I was a grandparent I would try to be involved even if I didn't live close by. My mother and I don't have a healthy relationship, which is why we are not friends and she isn't involved in my life. We are on amicable terms. I don't want to keep my kids from my mother, but she isn't reaching out to them. I have been praying a lot about this. I called her for Mother's day thinking that she could talk to the kids, but she never returned my call. I then emailed her and she replied back with thanks for the well wishes. I haven't called again because I assumed if she wanted to talk that she would have returned my call. I am letting the LORD lead me with every step that I take because I have been hurt many times in the past by her. I still love and pray for her all the time. I recently sent her a birthday present. Anyway I was thinking about my kids and wondering if I should call her so she could talk to them. I will continue to pray about this and wait for God's peace about the situation. I was just wondering what you thought.

 

[jogoldie]

As a grandparent of 3 I can tell you God has blessed me and put us together on a daily basis.....im watching them grow.....
Im also blessed to be close to my daughters......I hope for your children her heart opens quickly....you see I would not let
anyone get between us....I had a terrible relationship with my father.....but my daughter he spoiled....they had a good bond...
Idk why that is but it is what it is....this is not for anyone but the children....this is not for you or her.....make the effort....
Arrange a girl day and invite her along.....neutral ground is a good start to see if it works.....I am old but I can remember
My grandpa and he died when I was six....give this to your kids or at least make an attempt so your children know you
Tried....and how she response is up to her whether she wins or loses.....I know its hard to be humble and be the grown up
but it is for your children ...I am praying this happens just the way you desire.....peace and joy come to you....

 

[tenderhearted]

Thanks for the advise jogoldie. Years ago when we lived in the same state my daughter was close to her grandma (my mom). Then when we moved away the dynamics changed and the relationship between them changed. Sadly, the relationship between my mother and I has not been the best. I think my mother has allowed that to affect her relationship between her and now two granddaughters. I asked my daughter if she misses talking to grandma on the phone and she said a little. I asked her if she felt bad that grandma doesn't call anymore and she said no. She thinks that grandma is just mad at me. I'm thankful that she hasn't personalized it. I did tell her that if she wants to call her grandma she is welcome to. My youngest daughter is a bit young to understand it all. I was just thinking that perhaps I was suppose to make more of an effort to help the relationship between my mom and kids. My husband feels that my mother is an angry person which is why she is hurtful toward me and is unable to be a grandma to our kids.

 

[jogoldie]

Unfortunately we as parents make mistakes and sometimes so bad we cant face our grown children......sadly the children
blame themselves for the distance....if you have given the children access to her then you should not feel bad....
Im kinda selfish with mine....I dont share them well.....God is working on my sharing problem......lol....
When my girls were growing up I was mom ,dad, and grandparent.....and they are fine....just it would break my heart
if my grands didnt know me......your daughters sound like it doesnt even bother them much......so I say. ....just keep praying
for her. ....and maybe she will reach out to them.....heres praying for all of you......daughters are the best...I have two also....
they have turned into the people I like the most.....enjoy them.....

 

[santuzza]

I wouldn't push the relationship at all. Continue being cordial, but don't try to force your children on their grandparents. They would be part of their lives if they wanted to be.

But always keep the door open. I would encourage your girls to send birthday cards, etc., but not much more than that. And always speak of the girls' grandparents with respect because it it important that they learn to respect their elders. But it doesn't have to be a "lovey-dovey" relationship -- simply respectful. And you never know, your mom may be persuaded by your girls' respect for her.

Simply keep modeling Christian love.