have you ever been a 16 yr old daughter

[seekingg]

What does a 16yr old girl want to hear from her dad.

My daughter is 16. i was always the best dad in the world. she love love loved her daddy. My wife went to jail for beating me and my 2 daughters. Then my wife filed for divorce. my daughter lived with me for 2 months and she was still neutral. with me it was about love and forgiveness and healing. Then she went to live with her mom. after 3 weeks of mom my daughter cam back and said," its all your fault dad, i saw it in black and white on court documents. You lied." I IS A TON OF LIES FROM THE OTHER SIDE , ITS ABOUT REVENGE AND HATE AND THE LOVE OF MONEY.

I don't even know what documents she saw.

If you know how the mind of a 16yr old girl works , tell me what to say to her so she will know i love her and she can trust me.

thanks

 

[RedTent]

I have lived with things like this in my family for 87 years, and my conclusion is that you can’t fix it. If we lived in a world where God values were held as the most important, these things wouldn’t happen. We don’t live in that world. God lets everyone choose how they will live. There are powerful, wonderful forces directing us to Him. God loves each of us, even those who reject Him and He wants them as His own.

God even tells us that our only duty to those who choose ways that are not God’s ways is to let Him take care of it, for God says vengeance is mine. You can’t be God for your daughter, you can’t judge her, only know what actions lead to what God calls “the land of milk and honey”. Your job with her is to find what is good and praise that. God says we are to find what is good in our life and the people around us and keep our mind on that. He also says that our purpose with other people is to build them up.

It takes a LOT of faith in the goodness and love of our Lord. It takes a LOT of letting go and letting God take care of it. It takes acceptance and forgiveness for what is directed at us. It takes superhuman strength, but God helps us acquire that.

My prayers and love goes out to you.
Thess_5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.

Php_4:8 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

 

[tenderhearted]

Hello,

I encourage you to pray for her. Pray that her heart would be tender toward you. She is very hurt and angry about the divorce. She feels like she has no control and her security has been shaken. Tell her how much you love her and will always be there for her. Even when she rejects you, continue to love on her. Give it time, her heart is broken. Divorce is only a wound that God can heal. Pray for this wound as it will be something that she will have to live with if she does not surrender it to God. Make sure you don't ever put her mother down. You put her mother down, you are putting her down.

The Lord has had me confront the wound from my parents divorce. I didn't even know I had a wound because my parents separated when I was 3 and divorced when I was 7. However, I have had to deal with abandon and rejection issues because of the divorce. What hurt me the most is when my father remarried and moved on with his life. He rejected me. He couldn't handle raising two families at once. Also, my father did not marry a godly woman. I know that this is jumping the gun, but if you one day decide to remarry, please don't abandon your daughter. Make sure that your future wife loves your daughter as much as you do. Make sure she is a woman of God. I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but imagine the pain that your daughter feels. Pray without seizing and be constant in her life. If you aren't the enemy will convince her that she is worthless. He will encourage her to get involved in things that will only bring on more pain.

Lastly, talk to your daughter openly about everything and apologize. Even if you don't think you did anything wrong or if you're not ready to admit that you had a part to play. This will bring reconciliation and comfort to your daughter. You mentioned your wife filed for divorce, if possible, please try to reconcile with your wife.

I will pray for you. It's a soft spot for me. I have a heart for teenagers, so I will be praying for your daughter too.

 

[seekingg]

thanks a bunch

 

[PopClick]

The only things I have to add are, don't give up trying to show love to her, and don't raise your voice at her. I wish I was more help. :/

 

[Jordache]

I was a very broken 16 year old girl with a father that was more suitable for jail than parenthood. I still loved him. I still wanted to be daddy's little girl. Yet, I had no idea that's what I wanted. I wanted him to listen to me, want to be around me, be proud of me, and take interest (or at least fake it) in what I was interested in. Many of the things I wanted in my father I never got, and honestly, I never knew I really wanted them before the past few years.
My mother too told me a lot of evil things about my dad. Unfortunately they were mostly true, but that didn't change the fact that he was my dad. You cannot change what your daughter believes, but you can speak truth lovingly. You can stand up for yourself though at some point it may just be best to step back and not defend yourself. The most important thing is to stay present with her even if she doesn't want to be present with you. Be there the moment she turns your way. Be there for that one call she makes. Do not bad mouth her mother. Stand for her purity in all ways, but especially the purity of her mind which is being poisoned.
Pray for her. Love her. Be there with grace.

 

[aeguz]

Well, I can kind of relate to this in so many ways. First of all, I am 16, nearly 17 years old, I'm a daughter, and my parents just went through a divorce. I know, it's tough. My advice to you as a father is try to talk to her. My dad hurt me in so many ways, and my mom abandoned me, and as a child she would beat me. She was never reported, but knowing this hurts. Your daughter, as I did, may seem confused, not only because her mom was guilty of domestic violence, but her parents has gone through a divorce. Believe it or not, she may not show it, but I'm pretty sure she's heartbroken at this time. That's how I felt when my parents got into a divorce. I personally feel confused and sad at the same time, but time will heall, and most importantly, God heals all wounds. I know I may seem like I'm talking more about my experience than your situation, but with this, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and your daughter is not alone. She will be confused, maybe angry or sad, maybe will show some hatred towards life in a way, but she is not alone. It seems like you are a caring father who wants the best for your family, and I applaud you for doing so. It's something that for some reason comes out of our nature. As humans, we all make mistakes, and we all suffer from them. In this case, your daughter probably is suffering the most. I don't know all the details to your situation, but if for any reason you were to need anything, don't hesitate to send me a message, and I'll be more than happy to help you. The same thing goes for your daughter. If she ever needs someone to talk to for anything, anything at all, let me know. We can email each other or even send text messages to each other. But sir, I want to let you know that no matter what happens, God is always there for you. You may see only one set of footprints in the sand, but it's not because God has left you: it's because He's carrying you. God bless you sir

 

[Lucy68]

Sorry you hurting! I would ask her to list these 'lies' and to give you the opportunity to address them, one by one. Prayer is definitely the first defense, then go for logic and commonsense. It is only fair that you be given the opportunity to defend yourself in an attack.

 

[seekingg]

thank you i for your voluble input

 

[seekingg]

Jordache , thanks i am trying my hardest to do the right thing. the thing that i have realized that sence mom put the lies in her head that it is gonna take God and her mom to undo the lies. I pary that the mom would get visit from the holy spirit and cause her to repent and undo the damage.

 

[Jordache]

Unfortunately, mom probably won't get there for a long time or at all. But God can break through and mom doesn't have to a part of that solution. One good thing is that your daughter is not a little girl who's only source of understanding is her parents. She is old enough to reason for herself.

 

[needmesomejesus]

There is nothing you can say to make it better. I would say just show her unrelenting unchanging love. Day in day out show her love whether it is received or not. It may not be today it may not be next month or not for some years but the fruit of your love and labor will pay off.