Help, girlfriend

[Jakob]

So I met this girl, January 5th.
We both went to an art school. I did music, she did art.
We stayed up every day until 4 am, talking. (We sleep in the art school.)
We got together late January. and even the mother of the school, as we call her, the principal, said that we were good for each other.
Before that people said "either youre gonna end up as brother/sister relationship, or boyfriend/girlfriend"
I got mad, cause I come from a really broken home, where my mom left me, and chose alcohol, and just a lot of things happend, and me and my brother was send to foster family. So i always was to afraid to open my heart, to anyone. It didnt come natural to me.
She had problems with alcohol and drugs, and went to this school in denmark to escape it all.
I had a problem with alcohol, but in a different way. I would sit and drink alone, almost everyday.
She would go out and get really drunk, take coke, hook up with someone maybe.
She was molested when she was around 7 years old, once..

When we got together, it did bother me a lot she wasnt virgin, like I was. It must be a natural feeling, but I felt REALLY horrible after I made her feel horrible about her past desicions. Im not perfect either.
I was also obsessed with that, Cause I had read books about why you should wait until you find true love, and you have to be certain. It made sense to me.
But I realized that the things she had went through, made her to the person she is today. And living a girl, in a crazy city like London would be hard.
She slept around a lot when she was 17 and 18, and twice in 2014.
She dated a lot of people. and did stuff.. I got really jelous half-way into our relationship, cause i was asking her "why" she did it. But she said she didnt know there ever existed love like mine to her, or hers to mine.
We talked about a lot, including religion. She said one day, "There has to be a God, that's the only explanation for this love"

I may mention im from Denmark, and shes from big London.
Everything was good besides me sometimes not being able to control my dumb non-accepting her past..
I met her parents, I told her dad, (being drunk on a bar) that I really really loved his daughter. Her mom told me that she was really happy I was in the family now. They really like me.
We laughed so much, and we were both devastated when she had to go back to London. We decided, of course, that we stayed together, and write letters to each other, because shes coming back in august, and i wanna see her maybe before august. (I dont have any money, loads of debt though.)..

I got home, and I couldnt sleep at all, i felt so sick.
I got drunk, 8 days, some days being okay, but some evenings calling her phone in London, being HORRIBLE to her. Depending all my happiness on her. Depending on her. Automatically thinking it wasnt as hard for her as well.

2 days ago, she went out (which isnt weird, cause she goes out with her friends lots. Especially now that she hasnt seem them in a long time)
She went out, and i didnt hear her until yesterday at around 6pm. She had apparently taken coke, she was crying to me on skype, she had come to a party, really drunk, then to another one, where they had coke.
She said to me when she told me crying "I want to get out of london"
I was devastated. I thought I missed her being, when i was down, but this put it in perspective, I miss her more now, and more determined to see her, knowing she went through this.
I was so angry at her for taking coke, cause she dont remember anything at all really.
Not even how she got home..
I felt really horrible, like i had pushed her the last days.
Today, she feels really bad, talking about how she saw a movie called the Blind side, and thought of me, and how I just really deserve a good christian girl.
I love her, so much. She is my first love.
I told her, that she needs to know the difference between going out, dancing, having fun, drinking with friends, and being really drunk..
I need to work as well, on not getting drunk so much, and not having negative thoughts, that can harm other people.
I wanna get back into reading and writing again.
I used to read A LOT. and I know about escapes, in my heart, but I dont ever drink that much, so Im out of control, do I.

I just feel really sick, mentally. This situation, not being able to sleep without her. When I do sleep, I have nightmares and keep waking up. I need to be better at my thoughts, more stable right? or what is wrong with me, can all of this be caused by love.



PS. I dont really think much about my future.. I want to travel, to meet people, to know, to learn, about life.
But I dont have any money, in fact, I owe.. So i feel stuck.
I can get a job, but that means I cant go to gymnasium. I can go to gymnasium, but that means I cant go anywhere the next 3 years.
People may ask if i'm in a rush, and yes I am.
BTW, took gymnasium last year, but quit, because of deppression, this history teacher was anti-religion. So depression. Close-minded.
I used to write loads of poetry, english and danish. But i dont know if I can use it.
Maybe I "want" to be like Rich Mullins hah, but I cant at 19 years old.
What do I do? With my life. With my situation. With everything.

I know my life is my own responsibility, but please people, I really need your help. More than you'd ever known.
Please help me.

 

[tourist]

I believe that this girl is high maintenance and that you are not strong enough yourself to handle all of her problems. My advice is to take a deep breath and then step away from this relationship. She is too weak physically and spiritually, also, to be of much help to you. Together, the both of you will drown.

 

[Jakob]

I didnt mean to sound disrespectful, there is of course only one soul as special that lives up to the name Rich Mullins.
I just meant, maybe I could go the music way.

 

[Jakob]

Thank you Tourist.
Yeah. But the thing is, when we were on the art school (4 months) we didnt drink that much, and we really did help each other. It's more now when we're apart.
We did really help each other, and the principal was so happy for us, not drinking.
I do agree with the spirtual thing though.

 

[mystikmind]

I would recommend doing online research.

Google mental effects of sexual abuse for starters.... probably plenty of issues you can Google on your own emotional situation too,,, i would say you have allot of work to do if you want to have half a chance with this girl. And don't just trust one article on the internet, you need to look at 3 or 4 on each issue to get a better perspective.

 

[Jakob]

So what do I search on?

 

[Ugly]

Neither one of you sound ready to be in a relationship. And this infatuation you have for each other is proving it. People always mistake their 'first love' as real love, more often than not it's not real love. Or not the kind of love they think it is.

 

[purpose]

God is Strong and can help you not fall. He can bring you before his glory without any wrong in you and can give you great joy. He is the only GOD, The ONE who saves us. To Him be glory,greatness,POWER, and Authority THROUGH JESUS CHRIST our LORD for all time PAST,PRESENT and FOREVER.AMEN. JUDE 24,25

MY child , pay attention to my words; listen closely to what i say. Don't ever forget my words;Keep them always in mind. They are the key to life for those who FIND them; they bring health to the whole body. Proverbs4:20/22

Two People are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls, the other can help him up. It is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. Ecclesiates4:9/10

 

[purpose]

Keep a clear , sober, mind. Do not live in the past. God is a healer of all things. It seems when we talk about the past it opens the door for our enemy to come against us. Leave that door closed. Focus on God and His Son JESUS CHRIST.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[purpose]

p.s. I love Rich Mullins. Have you ever seen the movie. Raggamuffin! Its based on his life!

 

[presidente]

When I was a young man in my 20's, I had different categories in my mind for women I was attracted to. For example, I might find a woman attractive, but she might go in the 'needs spiritual help' category instead of the 'potential wife' category. I went to this church with someone I grew up with. We were hanging out with other young people, and one of them was a very attractive blonde. She started talking about these dreams that she had that seemed like demonic torment, where she'd get up from sleep and go in the kitchen, and a demon would throw her against the wall, and then she'd wake up, it had been a dream. So she'd go in the kitchen for water, and then a demon would throw her against the wall, and then she'd wake up and go into the kitchen, and it would happen again. It was messed up stuff. I thought she likely had some spiritual problems.

The other guy with me there started dating her, fell into sin with her, almost married her, and had something demonic, he said, in his bedroom, started cutting himself making some kind of symbol even though he wasn't paying attention to what he was cutting. Lots of weird stuff.

Anyway, my point is that if you are Christian looking for a wife, have high standards as far as character goes. If you want to marry a virgin, then don't date a nonvirgin. Back when I was single, I had this strong emotional connection with this girl that had started going to my church. She was a beautiful girl, and I had an emotional connection with her. She had lost her virginity, though, and I wanted to marry a virgin, so I just didn't pursue a relationship with her, even though she dropped a hint and part of me wanted to (when she was on the rebound from another fellow she liked not showing her interest.) I wanted to marry a virgin, and I am glad I didn't use her for some kind of emotional boyfriend-girlfriend thing. I dated another young woman for a few weeks who wasn't a virgin. I stopped when I found out she wasn't, but that was just as much because I got the vibe that I could do what I wanted with her and that it was all on me to keep us from fornication, and I didn't want to depend on that. I asked myself if I were going to marry her? I decided I probably wasn't and ended dating amicably and went back to 'just friends.' We hadn't been dating long, though, just several dates. Asking her why she lost her virginity isn't going to do any good, especially if her first experience was being molested.


If, while dating, you find out she isn't one, then back off before you get too involved and she gets heartbroken. Don't date unbelievers. What you are actually doing is recruiting a mother for your future children. If you were rich and had a child, and you were going to recruit a nanny, you would probably turn down someone who does coke and sleeps around and lives a wild life, right? A wife should at least live up to nanny standards.

I don't think you said you'd slept with this girl. I hope not.

She may need a lot of help with substance abuse and spiritually as well. But you don't have to be a boyfriend to her to help her with those things. If you date, you should date to find a wife. Otherwise, don't date. If marriage is too far down the line for you for you to date to find a wife, don't date. The 'boyfriend' was invented about 100 years ago, and it's a damaging institution that has led many into fornication. Being a boyfriend or girlfriend is not an end in itself. If you court or date, it should be for marriage. If a woman is messed up with drugs and isn't wife material, she should get straightened out first. If a man's got substance abuse issues, he's not in a situation where he could marry, either.

You should pray about it. If you want to marry her, then you'd want to marry her as a believer who isn't doing drugs and living a wild life. If she's not the type of woman you want to marry, don't keep dating her. You might be able to minister to her as a friend, and maybe help her get to know some strong female Christians who can help minister to her. If you haven't slept with her, and she's still unrepentant and wild, but not sleeping with you because you don't fornicate, that's not someone you need to be dating. That's temptation.

 

[atwhatcost]

So I met this girl, January 5th.
We both went to an art school. I did music, she did art.
We stayed up every day until 4 am, talking. (We sleep in the art school.)
We got together late January. and even the mother of the school, as we call her, the principal, said that we were good for each other.
Before that people said "either youre gonna end up as brother/sister relationship, or boyfriend/girlfriend"
I got mad, cause I come from a really broken home, where my mom left me, and chose alcohol, and just a lot of things happend, and me and my brother was send to foster family. So i always was to afraid to open my heart, to anyone. It didnt come natural to me.
She had problems with alcohol and drugs, and went to this school in denmark to escape it all.
I had a problem with alcohol, but in a different way. I would sit and drink alone, almost everyday.
She would go out and get really drunk, take coke, hook up with someone maybe.
She was molested when she was around 7 years old, once..

When we got together, it did bother me a lot she wasnt virgin, like I was. It must be a natural feeling, but I felt REALLY horrible after I made her feel horrible about her past desicions. Im not perfect either.
I was also obsessed with that, Cause I had read books about why you should wait until you find true love, and you have to be certain. It made sense to me.
But I realized that the things she had went through, made her to the person she is today. And living a girl, in a crazy city like London would be hard.
She slept around a lot when she was 17 and 18, and twice in 2014.
She dated a lot of people. and did stuff.. I got really jelous half-way into our relationship, cause i was asking her "why" she did it. But she said she didnt know there ever existed love like mine to her, or hers to mine.
We talked about a lot, including religion. She said one day, "There has to be a God, that's the only explanation for this love"

I may mention im from Denmark, and shes from big London.
Everything was good besides me sometimes not being able to control my dumb non-accepting her past..
I met her parents, I told her dad, (being drunk on a bar) that I really really loved his daughter. Her mom told me that she was really happy I was in the family now. They really like me.
We laughed so much, and we were both devastated when she had to go back to London. We decided, of course, that we stayed together, and write letters to each other, because shes coming back in august, and i wanna see her maybe before august. (I dont have any money, loads of debt though.)..

I got home, and I couldnt sleep at all, i felt so sick.
I got drunk, 8 days, some days being okay, but some evenings calling her phone in London, being HORRIBLE to her. Depending all my happiness on her. Depending on her. Automatically thinking it wasnt as hard for her as well.

2 days ago, she went out (which isnt weird, cause she goes out with her friends lots. Especially now that she hasnt seem them in a long time)
She went out, and i didnt hear her until yesterday at around 6pm. She had apparently taken coke, she was crying to me on skype, she had come to a party, really drunk, then to another one, where they had coke.
She said to me when she told me crying "I want to get out of london"
I was devastated. I thought I missed her being, when i was down, but this put it in perspective, I miss her more now, and more determined to see her, knowing she went through this.
I was so angry at her for taking coke, cause she dont remember anything at all really.
Not even how she got home..
I felt really horrible, like i had pushed her the last days.
Today, she feels really bad, talking about how she saw a movie called the Blind side, and thought of me, and how I just really deserve a good christian girl.
I love her, so much. She is my first love.
I told her, that she needs to know the difference between going out, dancing, having fun, drinking with friends, and being really drunk..
I need to work as well, on not getting drunk so much, and not having negative thoughts, that can harm other people.
I wanna get back into reading and writing again.
I used to read A LOT. and I know about escapes, in my heart, but I dont ever drink that much, so Im out of control, do I.

I just feel really sick, mentally. This situation, not being able to sleep without her. When I do sleep, I have nightmares and keep waking up. I need to be better at my thoughts, more stable right? or what is wrong with me, can all of this be caused by love.



PS. I dont really think much about my future.. I want to travel, to meet people, to know, to learn, about life.
But I dont have any money, in fact, I owe.. So i feel stuck.
I can get a job, but that means I cant go to gymnasium. I can go to gymnasium, but that means I cant go anywhere the next 3 years.
People may ask if i'm in a rush, and yes I am.
BTW, took gymnasium last year, but quit, because of deppression, this history teacher was anti-religion. So depression. Close-minded.
I used to write loads of poetry, english and danish. But i dont know if I can use it.
Maybe I "want" to be like Rich Mullins hah, but I cant at 19 years old.
What do I do? With my life. With my situation. With everything.

I know my life is my own responsibility, but please people, I really need your help. More than you'd ever known.
Please help me.

When I was your age, I too was both a Christian and a wreck. It got worse. It got worser. And then I finally figured out the only way out was to go through rehab. (Out-patient and it didn't cost anything, but my hard effort.)

You're a wreck. She's a wreck. You can't help her, she's not helping you, and you're not helping yourself. The best you can do is find a good rehab and try to talk her into rehab too. (Another one. Don't use the same one.) That said, one of the prime rules in rehab is "don't hang out with old friends." That's because it's too easy to fall back into old habits and relapse.

You're right. You aren't responsible for her, but you're not being responsible for yourself either. Honest, rehab! If the relationship is meant to be, you'll find each other again at the other side of rehab, but don't go looking for her again, unless she goes through another rehab, because both of you are two broken people tumbling through life waiting for something to happen. That approach just makes worse stuff happen. Go to rehab before the worst happens, because it gets so much worse than what you've had so far. (And, yes. I read what you wrote and yet know it can still get so much more worse.)

I'm 59 now. I look it. If you saw me on the street, you wouldn't notice me. There is no way you'd pick out I was in rehab in my youth. Most folks go through rehab again and again. I didn't. I have God on my side. There is life, and a much better life, after drinking, drugs, and youthful angst. Not necessarily an easier life, but a much better life.

Do the hard thing, before it gets even worse. (Unbelievably WORSE!)

 

[atwhatcost]

Thank you Tourist.
Yeah. But the thing is,

The words of an addict. Always with a point to prove instead of listening to what people are saying.

Here's your choice presented to you today. Get over those words, or keep using them as you go down that dark path that leads to blackness.