Horrendously Suicidal and Angry

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M

Maz

Guest
#1
#1
I am so depressed every single day and my only desire is to top myself. I have done the best I can but only see how God has completely abandon me and lied to me about everything. I only want to last long enough to get home and then I will take my own life. Right now, everything I do is working towards that end.
 
S

Spokenpassage

Guest
#2
#2
What's wrong, why so depressed?
 
B

brokenclay

Guest
#3
#3
Hi Maz. What happened that's making you feel this way?
 
B

brokenclay

Guest
#4
#4
Maze. Please talk with us.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#5
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#5
Hmm!

It´s a pity you wrote that and left. I cannot figure out what it is hurting or molesting you but I, once, pulled a trigger to blow my head with a gun 12´. What a mistake it would have been!

Sometimes I wish life were faster, just to see what it is at the final of life tunnel, but I decided to live one day after another. Here many persons are facing the castro-comunism Venezuela is so proud of and nothing seems to be better... I decided to trust God. My life is but a waste, but I live a day after another.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#6
Feb 26, 2012
2,522
50
48
#6
Lord Jesus, I pray that you surround Maz with peace and comfort and godly people right now. Prevent any action of self-violence. I know You have great plans for Maz and that You have not abandoned Maz, nor have You lied, but at times our pain is so real and intense and current that we cannot see past it. You understand this. You know how we feel in those moments. Please, Lord, Your peace and Your touch and move on people to come to Maz's side and bring counsel and comfort and wisdom and love in this moment and refrain the self-harm that current darkness and pain lead Maz to feel is the only option. In Your holy name, Lord Jesus, Amen.

..

Maz, when you return to this site, please PM myself or others and we will do what we can to guide, encourage, uplift and help you. Many of us have been exactly where you are. Rest assured, it improves, life gets brighter and better, and Jesus does love you so very much and has great things planned for you.
 
Toska

Toska

Senior Member
#7
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
22
38
#7
Maz, please talk to us. What has you so depressed that you think the best solution is to end your life. We want to help you but you are going to have to talk to us. Until then, I will be praying for you.

Please, please, please answer us!
 
doseofreality

doseofreality

Banned
#8
Dec 9, 2013
753
5
0
#8
Maz said:
I am so depressed every single day and my only desire is to top myself. I have done the best I can but only see how God has completely abandon me and lied to me about everything. I only want to last long enough to get home and then I will take my own life. Right now, everything I do is working towards that end.
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I find it very odd that you write this as your first post the day you sign up to a christian chat forum.
You obviously still feel the need to share your problems and want people to sympathize with you so you are not too far gone.

Why do you feel abandoned and lied to?
God does neither, only people can abandon you or lie to you.

Also, just to point out the irony, killing yourself doesn't give any escape according to your beliefs. You will only see God that much quicker, better off living and ignoring God if you are mad at Him.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#9
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
113
#9
You are being lied to by the devil. God is so faithful, just and loving, it is beyond description. You are depressed, and whatever the circumstance, God is in control. He can and will help you.

I went through many years of deep depression, due to a crippling and painful disease. But God brought me through it, and he has given me joy and peace. He will do that for you, too!

Praying you will return and talk with some of us. You can PM me too!
 
Toska

Toska

Senior Member
#10
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
22
38
#10
Has anyone been able to contact Maz? I sent a pm, no response. I am praying that somebody here as been in touch with her.
 
C

CRC

Guest
#11
#11
Praying that you will not and did not succeed!!! Only God has the right to Judge You! Roman 14:4 reminds us that it is God who judges us not we ourselves. As free moral agents we can do anything we want, but that does not make it right. Please, let God judge you and not judge yourself. You will see that his judgement includes grace, mercy and forgiveness. Self condemnation is void of the power of Jesus blood. God is greater than our hearts. (1 John 3:19,21) May the peace of God guard your heart and thoughts. (Philippians 4:6,7)
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#12
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#12
secularhermit said:
Hmm!

It´s a pity you wrote that and left. I cannot figure out what it is hurting or molesting you but I, once, pulled a trigger to blow my head with a gun 12´. What a mistake it would have been!

Sometimes I wish life were faster, just to see what it is at the final of life tunnel, but I decided to live one day after another. Here many persons are facing the castro-comunism Venezuela is so proud of and nothing seems to be better... I decided to trust God. My life is but a waste, but I live a day after another.
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Your life is not a waste and I'm glad you didn't pull that trigger! You have been a blessing to many on this site :).

If we keep looking back to our mistakes, we will stumble in this race towards the finish line and will not get very far at all. Keep focused on the FUTURE and how you are helping to grow the Kingdom every day. We don't all have to be geniuses or charismatic people to make a difference. We are all a 'work in progress'.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#13
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#13
Maz said:
I am so depressed every single day and my only desire is to top myself. I have done the best I can but only see how God has completely abandon me and lied to me about everything. I only want to last long enough to get home and then I will take my own life. Right now, everything I do is working towards that end.
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Sorry you feel this way. What's on your heart? :(
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#14
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#14
Maz said:
I am so depressed every single day and my only desire is to top myself. I have done the best I can but only see how God has completely abandon me and lied to me about everything. I only want to last long enough to get home and then I will take my own life. Right now, everything I do is working towards that end.
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Maz,

1.) It's never a good idea to come onto an online website and say you're gonna kill yourself. That will only invite criticism.

2.)God does NOT abandon us, ever!! He does NOT lie to us!! His truth is in the Bible. It is in us. It is in you. Have you tried to pray to him for help? Guidance? Support? He is always listening to you, he always hears you, and he does and will answer. He answers our prayers in HIS time, not ours. Try to be patient and "be still and know that I (he) is God." :)
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#15
May 29, 2013
9,092
1,755
113
#15
My wife had a difficult upbringing, with a dad and step mom that fought. She was raised overseas and had to wake up early to set up a shop and run it after school, working a lot of hours. She endured verbal abuse, and was shy and self-conscious. At times, she thought of killing herself and was about to do it, but something told her that her whole life wasn't going to be like this and there were better times ahead.

Don't choose such a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Your emotional state now does not define the rest of your life. It's a temporary issue you may have to suffer through, but it isn't the rest of your life. I know what it's like to feel depressed, at least temporarily. It did go away, and things did change. I've even had some really good times since then.

More important is the spiritual side of things. Do you really want to meet your maker after murdering yourself? Is that what you want to be your last act? Is that what you want your legacy to be? Isn't it like burying a talent in the ground? Use what God has given you for His glory. Don't be so selfish. Your life is not about yourself or how you feel at the moment. The Lord understands that we go through grief, but you need to have something solid at your core so that you can endure the grief. The fruits of the Spirit include love, joy, and peace. Peter wrote of having joy in our sufferings. Even if you are going through some difficult times, you can have inner joy through having faith in Christ and the indwelling Spirit. The Bible also tells us to cast all our cares upon Him. He cares for us.

So during this time, lean on the Lord. Rely on him. Quit thinking about your feelings and focus on the Lord. That's what David did when he felt depressed as we see in Psalm 42, which is a good Psalm to read during this time.
 
P

paulsfam4

Guest
#16
#16
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air:they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow:they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat? ' or 'What shall we drink? ' or 'What shall we wear? ' 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
 
A

AmberGardner

Guest
#17
#17
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

1 John 4:16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
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1 Corinthians 13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
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Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
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P

presidente

Senior Member
#19
May 29, 2013
9,092
1,755
113
#19
I don't know if there is a way to check on the original poster to see if he has been online. When I check his profile, I can't find any evidence of it.
 
Toska

Toska

Senior Member
#20
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
22
38
#20
presidente said:
I don't know if there is a way to check on the original poster to see if he has been online. When I check his profile, I can't find any evidence of it.
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I was in contact with Maz when this first happened but, she has disappeared on me. Maz, if you are out there, please send me a quick note that you are okay.
 
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