How donyou know your marriage is too far to be saved?

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Keeper

Keeper

Banned
#21
Dec 22, 2014
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#21
jknotts2 said:
My wife continues to non trusting that Incan do anything for myself which is totally not true because I have recently done things for myself and she knows it. Since the beginning of our marriage she has always been very demeaning, and I have put up with it form20 years. There is not alot of love left here wish it was not that way.
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There is a reason why men have always been expected to be strong, traditionally speaking. 20 years, that's a very long time, and I can confidently say that you're not the "whining" kind.

Recently you've been doing things for yourself... but for 20 years she's always believed that you can't do anything on your own. How about you change the opinions inside her head by continuing to do what you started doing recently? (doing things for yourself) After all, a woman will speak her mind... especially if she's married to a kind husband, a man she knows he would never hit her or hurt her feelings in any way; even if she hurts him, he wouldn't hurt her back. So when she feels so secure with you, so safe, she will speak whatever crosses her mind.

And what I'm suggesting is that, instead of "asking" (or expecting her) to stop saying that; to stop saying what's on her mind; how about you actually change it from within her mind? And the one way to do that is to keep on doing what you've been doing lately. Do that and keep on doing it, with a smile on your face... and I can guarantee you that it's only a matter of time before she realizes that actually, YES YOU CAN.
 
3

3star

Guest
#22
#22
If we actually believe what the Bible teaches... that God can DO ALL THINGS. Then that means ALL THINGS.... which includes saving marriages. It saddens me deeply to see couples giving up and families broken.
 
Born_Again

Born_Again

Senior Member
#23
Nov 15, 2014
1,583
128
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#23
The only downside I see is if the other half does not walk with Christ and wants no part. I have faith to move a mountain and I believe He can do all things. But His will is His will..
 
S

sc81

Senior Member
#24
Dec 17, 2013
152
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#24
DiscipleDave said:
There are only three reasons for one to legally divorce in Gods eyes or to know it is to far gone to be Saved
1) she dies
2) you die
3) either of you commit sexual immorality

If it does not fit into one of those three categories, then there is Hope and it can be Saved.

^i^
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are people suggesting women in abusive relationships should really try and reconcile just for the sake of not breaking the divorce laws.

sorry but i've heard stories of pastors giving advice like that before and it is evil to do that.

people are still way too legalistic on divorce, it's still like the "worst sin" a christian can do in the church.
 
DiscipleDave

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
#25
Sep 4, 2012
3,095
69
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#25
DiscipleDave said:
There are only three reasons for one to legally divorce in Gods eyes or to know it is to far gone to be Saved
1) she dies
2) you die
3) either of you commit sexual immorality

If it does not fit into one of those three categories, then there is Hope and it can be Saved.

^i^
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sc81 said:
are people suggesting women in abusive relationships should really try and reconcile just for the sake of not breaking the divorce laws.
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Are you suggesting God forgot to add that as being a good reason to get a divorce? or Suggesting that maybe God forgot to add that particular statement in His Word. Are you suggesting that they commit sin by seeking divorce which is not approved in Scriptures and that trying to reconcile is not Godly?

sc81 said:
sorry but i've heard stories of pastors giving advice like that before and it is evil to do that.
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evil according to who? You? Because not only pastors give that advise, the very Word of God gives that same advise, are you saying that advise is evil?

sc81 said:
people are still way too legalistic on divorce, it's still like the "worst sin" a christian can do in the church.
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Well they are wrong it is not the Worse sin, it is a sin, just as raping someone is a sin, killing someone is a sin, stealing from another a sin, cheating on your spouse a sin. All is sinful.
When a person stands before God on Judgment Day, it is not what sins that you have or have not committed that will be Judged. what is Judged is how much you have LOVED OTHERS, or Failed to LOVE OTHERS, that will be judged.

^i^
 
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sc81

Senior Member
#26
Dec 17, 2013
152
0
0
#26
well you're wrong, but a good example of why I wouldn't send anyone to a pastor if they have marriage problems.
 
PaleoGirl

PaleoGirl

Junior Member
#27
Nov 28, 2014
9
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#27
sc81 said:
well you're wrong, but a good example of why I wouldn't send anyone to a pastor if they have marriage problems.
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I agree with your position on divorce, sc81. Legalism is still going strong in our churches today, especially in cases of divorce. Men and women need to be very careful seeking advice about this. Well-meaning pastors keep people trapped due to their own interpretation of Scripture on this topic. After I saw a divorce attorney and broke the news to my (now ex) husband, I had three (yes, THREE) pastors calling me, trying to get me into counseling. I fled my church. I was under attack, even though I was not at all to blame for the ultimate brokenness of my marriage. Unfortunately, I lost several friends who believed I was destroying the lives of my ex and my children. Contrary to a previous respondent (Angela53510), I am NOT poor, and my children are doing VERY well. We are better off now than at any one point in time during my previous marriage. These are assumptions and judgments that are not true of all divorced families. The legal process of divorce is NOT a sin. Destroying a marital bond due to addictions, adultery, abuse, or neglect is a sin.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#28
#28
jknotts2 said:
My wife continues to non trusting that Incan do anything for myself which is totally not true because I have recently done things for myself and she knows it. Since the beginning of our marriage she has always been very demeaning, and I have put up with it form20 years. There is not alot of love left here wish it was not that way.
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It takes 2 A plus people to make an A plus marriage. Conversely, it takes 2 D minus people to make a D minus marriage.
 
Colorful

Colorful

Banned
#29
Dec 6, 2014
181
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#29
I'm familiar with the biblical reason for divorce. I think Dr. Phil has tremendous insight on when one is ready for divorce.

Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test:

1. Have you done everything you can to save and rehabilitate your marriage?
2. Do you have unfinished emotional business?
3. Have you researched, planned, and prepared yourself legally for divorce?
4. Are you ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children?
5. Are you willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent?
 
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sc81

Senior Member
#30
Dec 17, 2013
152
0
0
#30
PaleoGirl said:
I agree with your position on divorce, sc81. Legalism is still going strong in our churches today, especially in cases of divorce. Men and women need to be very careful seeking advice about this. Well-meaning pastors keep people trapped due to their own interpretation of Scripture on this topic. After I saw a divorce attorney and broke the news to my (now ex) husband, I had three (yes, THREE) pastors calling me, trying to get me into counseling. I fled my church. I was under attack, even though I was not at all to blame for the ultimate brokenness of my marriage. Unfortunately, I lost several friends who believed I was destroying the lives of my ex and my children. Contrary to a previous respondent (Angela53510), I am NOT poor, and my children are doing VERY well. We are better off now than at any one point in time during my previous marriage. These are assumptions and judgments that are not true of all divorced families. The legal process of divorce is NOT a sin. Destroying a marital bond due to addictions, adultery, abuse, or neglect is a sin.
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yep

in regards to things like marriages with domestic violence, hasn't the man broken his vow to love and to cherish? So that marriage is not valid in my eyes, and it's disturbing there are christians who think a woman should go back to that type of environment to reconcile
 
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Colorful

Colorful

Banned
#31
Dec 6, 2014
181
3
0
#31
sc81 said:
yep

in regards to things like marriages with domestic violence, hasn't the man broken his vow to love and to cherish? So that marriage is not valid in my eyes, and it's disturbing there are christians who think a woman should go back to that type of environment to reconcile
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In many circumstances, husbands and wives sin against their mate (and against God as marriage is a 3 way covenant). It could range from, as you said, domestic violence, but even when it comes to "loving", "honoring", "respect", "truthful", etc... I'm not convinced that if a man (or woman) did everything PERFECTLY (which is impossible) with the exception of telling a lie, or showed one instance of disrespect towards the spouse, that the marriage is now "invalid". I doubt there would be a single VALID marriage after the honeymoon if that was the case.

To the Christians who think they should "go back" to a domestic violence situation to "reconcile"... I say that is horrible advice. The bible speaks of a time of separation. Reconciliation can absolutely happen while being separated from the other person. Many times it is mandatory that they are separated. However, I think it's important to not use "separation" and "divorce" synonymously. One can separate (in proximity) from their spouse without ever actually having a desire to divorce their spouse but rather in hopes of their spouse coming back towards Christ (honoring their marital vows).

To my knowledge, the bible gives the reason for what is an acceptable divorce. Or rather, when the marriage may be considered "invalid". Personally, I wish domestic violence was one of them. I get people can change their harden heart, but I would forever worry if my sister was in a situation like that (thankfully she's not), even if he was "changed". I just haven't found any biblical scriptures that suggest domestic violence is grounds for divorce.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#32
#32
sc81 said:
yep

in regards to things like marriages with domestic violence, hasn't the man broken his vow to love and to cherish? So that marriage is not valid in my eyes, and it's disturbing there are christians who think a woman should go back to that type of environment to reconcile
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"What God has joined let no man put asunder".

I'm curious as to what authority a man has to judge whether a marriage is "valid" or not. By using your reasoning Jesus said..."he who has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me....." If at some point you break a command or for that matter, ignorantly don't know one....is your sonship in Christ invalid?


For the record....domestic violence IS grounds for divorce. It's foolish to say that it isn't.
 
S

Sirk

Guest
#33
#33
In regards to the OP...and I keep harping this point...it takes two A plus people to have an A plus marriage. What you doing doing to become an a A plus person?
 
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