I Need Some Advice Please

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
W

wantstogiveup

Guest
#1
#1
I've been depressed and extremely unhappy for a long time. I left my fiancée about a month ago because he was smothering me, he was very controlling, and I couldn't continue to pretend that I was ok. My fiancée and I just recently got to where we can talk again.
Tonight he told me that I need to decide if I want to be with him or he won't be in my life or talk to me anymore. I'm so confused I don't know if I made a mistake or if this was meant to happen. So many people think that they found " the one" and it ends up not being who God had planned for them.
I want to know without a doubt that God wants me to be with him, I want to know where God wants me to be, I want to know for a fact that I'm in Gods will before I make any decisions. Will I ever know without a doubt? How will I know for a fact that God wants me where I'm at? Do I have the wrong way of thinking? Do I follow my heart even though the heart can be deceitful? Will God literally lead the way?
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#2
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#2
No if you have been unhappy, please do not go forward with him. It is your emotions out of control. Once you get back to being yourself, you will see clearly why you left. i would say wait and pray for the Lords direction. He is still trying to control you. I will be praying for you. God bless you and give you peace, in Jesus name
 
VCO

VCO

Senior Member
#3
Oct 14, 2013
11,972
4,587
113
#3
wantstogiveup said:
I've been depressed and extremely unhappy for a long time. I left my fiancée about a month ago because he was smothering me, he was very controlling, and I couldn't continue to pretend that I was ok. My fiancée and I just recently got to where we can talk again.
Tonight he told me that I need to decide if I want to be with him or he won't be in my life or talk to me anymore. I'm so confused I don't know if I made a mistake or if this was meant to happen. So many people think that they found " the one" and it ends up not being who God had planned for them.
I want to know without a doubt that God wants me to be with him, I want to know where God wants me to be, I want to know for a fact that I'm in Gods will before I make any decisions. Will I ever know without a doubt? How will I know for a fact that God wants me where I'm at? Do I have the wrong way of thinking? Do I follow my heart even though the heart can be deceitful? Will God literally lead the way?
Click to expand...
I tried to anxiously jump into a marriage and make a bad relationship work, because she made me feel, NOT LONELY, when I was 29. I had met her at an all night party, and in a whirlwind romance, we got married six months later. Six months after we got married, she demanded a divorce because she said, "You cannot earn enough money to buy me the things that I want in life." Some excuse, huh? I went into severe depression, and attempted suicide three times that mext week. Thankfully, I surrendered control of my life to the LORD after that third attempt.

About nine months after that, a mutual friend introduced me to my soul mate. I mean I KNEW from the very first night that she was who GOD had intended me to marry all along. Everything about our relationship seemed RIGHT. Our conversations just flowed as if I had known her for YEARS. We have been happily married for 35 years now. So my advise, is if it doesn't feel right, do not kick those marriage doors open. My experience at doing that, is it quickly turned into a screaming nightmare. Wait for the LORD to bring you your soul mate, it is worth the wait, :).
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#4
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#4
The difficulties you speak to, will only get worse if you marry him.
Let him go and trust God, for He does have a good man for you, who will love you as he loves our Lord. :)

Hugs and God bless
pickles
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
You are exactly where God wants you to be right now! You were right to leave your boyfriend. Let him get on with his own life, and try to figure out what God wants you to do next. God does not want you to be unhappy. :)
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#6
Jan 24, 2011
11,783
2,947
113
#6
Controlling is a sign of future abuse. Please do not go back to this man! You need to walk away. While I don't believe in this idea of the perfect soul mate God gives you, this man just sounds wrong!

Don't ignore the warning signs!
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#7
#7
wantstogiveup said:
I've been depressed and extremely unhappy for a long time. I left my fiancée about a month ago because he was smothering me, he was very controlling, and I couldn't continue to pretend that I was ok. My fiancée and I just recently got to where we can talk again.
Tonight he told me that I need to decide if I want to be with him or he won't be in my life or talk to me anymore. I'm so confused I don't know if I made a mistake or if this was meant to happen. So many people think that they found " the one" and it ends up not being who God had planned for them.
I want to know without a doubt that God wants me to be with him, I want to know where God wants me to be, I want to know for a fact that I'm in Gods will before I make any decisions. Will I ever know without a doubt? How will I know for a fact that God wants me where I'm at? Do I have the wrong way of thinking? Do I follow my heart even though the heart can be deceitful? Will God literally lead the way?
Click to expand...
That will be up to you & Jesus. You will need to establish a relationship with Jesus and strengthen your faith in Him. (Revelation 3:20)

I can't & won't take sides in broken relationships because there are two sides to every story.

May God be with you.
 
S

sassylady

Guest
#8
#8
He has not changed in just one month. You have seen how he is, and talking to him again is not doing either of you any good. He made a valid point, either you are together or not. I would move on without him. God will heal the hurt, and He is all you need.
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#9
#9
Posters, just remember that there are two sides to every story. Had an ex girlfriend who gave an incredible offensive fabrication of our relationship to her female friends. It was only when I gave my side of the story that they fully understood who was telling the truth. I know many of you are basing your opinions on the facts given ... but please take into consideration that you have only one side. It is my reason why I try to stay out of giving advice but will give support.

Thanks,
biscuit
 
T

twotwo

Guest
#10
#10
wantstogiveup said:
I've been depressed and extremely unhappy for a long time. I left my fiancée about a month ago because he was smothering me, he was very controlling, and I couldn't continue to pretend that I was ok. My fiancée and I just recently got to where we can talk again.
Tonight he told me that I need to decide if I want to be with him or he won't be in my life or talk to me anymore. I'm so confused I don't know if I made a mistake or if this was meant to happen. So many people think that they found " the one" and it ends up not being who God had planned for them.
I want to know without a doubt that God wants me to be with him, I want to know where God wants me to be, I want to know for a fact that I'm in Gods will before I make any decisions. Will I ever know without a doubt? How will I know for a fact that God wants me where I'm at? Do I have the wrong way of thinking? Do I follow my heart even though the heart can be deceitful? Will God literally lead the way?
Click to expand...
God wants you to be happy, period.

Being fiancé, it is obvious that you left him due to extremely serious issues. Hence, I would not go back for any reasons.

Trust the Lord and wait for his graces!
 
VCO

VCO

Senior Member
#11
Oct 14, 2013
11,972
4,587
113
#11
Angela53510 said:
Controlling is a sign of future abuse. Please do not go back to this man! You need to walk away. While I don't believe in this idea of the perfect soul mate God gives you, this man just sounds wrong!

Don't ignore the warning signs!
Click to expand...

Oh there really is such a thing as a Soul Mate! We have been living it for 36 years, and we love each other more today than the day we married 35 years ago. The secret is LOVE THE LORD more than your Spouse, and your spouse more than any other human being.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#12
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#12
wantstogiveup said:
Tonight he told me that I need to decide if I want to be with him or he won't be in my life or talk to me anymore.
Click to expand...
His statement above illustrates "control"... He's giving you an alternative and putting pressure on you to comply with what he wants. Don't surrender to his demands, even a friend would never tell you that they won't be in your life or even talk to you, but yet your fiancee did. Just tell him that you don't need to decide anything right now, and you prefer to be friends for a while because you enjoy being free and unencumbered.
 
X

Xethea

Member
#13
Aug 12, 2013
306
75
28
#13
There are many things about who is the one far marriage. Simply, many people do very often get caught up in emotions, when actually, they need to have a serious talk without focusing on emotions and really be able to tell if they can really enjoy their lives in everything and not just emotions and physical feelings. For marriage is complete commitment, a vow to always be together until death. Divorce shouldn't ever even be s thought of possibility. In your case, you should just decide you should give the wait for marriage more time to decide if you really should have it together. Because there are always issues, but you are still actually having feelings that you aren't sure if he is the one. And in his mind and feelings, if you even said you won't marry him yet, he wouldn't stop being your friend or would just stop waiting on you to marry him so soon. And as you think about what you should do, speak to God, read his word and don't just listen to others advice exactly for the answer, but listen to your spirit and don't just think it's telling you the answer, wait until you know it. God's plan for your life will work if you don't let other people rush you into things and you don't rush yourself. And marriage is really something to think about and wait for to tell if it should be for your life, because it will greatly effect all of it. In situations of decisions, tough times or not, use your spirit of God, his word, and understandings and not just emotions.
 
I

imhumbled

Member
#14
Sep 2, 2014
50
0
6
#14
Go to a quiet place and close your eyes and ask the Lord to guide you in this decision. Then open your eyes and write down five things that come to your mind about your fiancee. Dont think about them, just write. It might be a memory, event, something he said. Then look at what you wrote. When reading them, do they make you happy, smile, angry, hurt? If your younger sibling or best friend wrote those things, would you support them maintaining a relationship? Sometimes in a relationship we can be so blinded by emotion , it completely overshadows everything else, including God's will. Conversely, in this day and age, people believe love should be perfect. Try to be objective when making this decision. And remember, it gets much harder after you are married. I am praying God shows you His will.
 
W

wantstogiveup

Guest
#15
#15
Thank you all for your replies. I told my fiancée that I can't rush back into a relationship just to endup leaving again. I told him I wwasn't making a move until I knew its what God wanted. His response was I can't keep waiting. As much as it hurt I said then don't. If you aren't ok with me choosing God then I don't know what to tell you.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#16
#16
My dear little sister, life is nothing more than a string of choices we make. God gave us free will, so that we would follow him out of "wanting to" over "having to" like some robot. Choosing to love another is no different. If we choose to love someone for the rest of our lives, then we are choosing to love that person not in spite of his or her flaws but because those flaws are part of what makes them the person we love. I say love is a choice we make, because God is love. Feelings change and God never changes, so true Love cannot be a feeling. If it's not a feeling then what is it to people? We have to choose God, so we have to choose to love and to be love to others, making love a choice we make daily.
The choice you have to make with this man, knowing he is controlling is two things: Is he treating you with the same love that Christ shows us, as much as he can (being a human and making mistakes), And with the knowledge of him you have now, can you choose to love this man for the rest of your life?
Is there a set person one should marry? Perhaps, but who among us has God's mind to know who that person without a doubt? Even if there is a set person for each to marry, and he is that man for you, it still will take conscious and unconscious, daily (and sometimes even hourly) choice to love that person for the rest of your life, even when he frustrates the devil out of you, angers you to no end, or just gets old and crabby....Loving someone is a LOT easier in the good times, but the marriage vows state for better or worse because there WILL be worse!
Once you make this choice to love someone, try and remember the principal of the triangle. Love should be like an equilateral triangle with God at the top point; the closer each person gets to God the closer they come to each other naturally.

My advice (and all of this is only my opinion) is continue as you are in prayer, seeking God's guidance in your whole life, not just this issue. Work on becoming the woman, wife and mother God intends for you to become, and the rest will become clearer.
 
M

Michelleks

Guest
#17
#17
I went through this myself with my husband. With the help of The Lord, I am saved. Nothing, other than unhappiness, will harm a man who loves you more! No one is perfect, no matter what, please be strong in heart with Him in it, and be positive .say positive words 10 times, before you say a negative words. For The Lord wants a wife to help and support the husband. If you can not keep an intimacy relationship, do not start a marriage. Lot of advices above are really good, I need to read again. Think of 10 good things about your finance, and thank lord for them. Be thankful for the mercy of The Lord daily.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.