I wish no mother has to go through this situation

[meredith01]

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

 

[bestbefore1973]

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

I doubt anything will happen, unless you have history of your husband physically abusing you.

Maybe he should leave until it's all resolved.

 

[kaylagrl]

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

Quote " My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out. "

I dont care the situation,there is NEVER any reason to put hands on a woman,period! Your husband is to be your protector. I dont care if it is the first time or the 50th,he was dead wrong and your are treading on dangerous ground. If your fights are small or not,if it escalates to him slapping you,putting hands on you in any way you need to seek counseling,now! Dont make excuses. You've been married long enough to know how to communicate without being physical. Get help.


Quote " My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.

Your son is a man. I dont blame him for being angry,it means you at least raised him right. What a thing to see,his mother being hit. Your husband ought to be ashamed that he lost control and he ought to admit that to your son and tell him he is deeply sorry and is going for help. Any decent young man would loose all respect for their father after seeing that situation. Your husband needs to man up and go get help.

Quote "I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

You bridge the gap by going for help.You need help.Your husband needs to be honest with your son,who is not a child you can lie to,and tell him he is ashamed he lost control and he is going to seek help. A man with any honor does not hit a woman. Your son has lost respect for his father,if it is his father you did not mention that. Either way if you want to solve this begin counseling and perhaps you'll regain your sons respect. You should never,ever accept a man putting hands on you,whether its one time or not. You did not mention whether he is emotionally abusive but still,get help.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Your husband isn't innocent. HE HIT YOU. That in itself IS grounds for assault. And of course he did it intentionally. Abusers ALWAYS do it intentionally. That's their way of keeping control. Your son is right, hubby should be punished. At the very least, he needs professional help. He definitely has anger issues. Just wait, he WILL hit you again. Then apologize, then hit you again, and apologize. Lather, rinse, repeat.. Fortunately, your son is a first hand eyewitness to this abuse. He can testify as to your husband's temper and what sets him off.

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

 

[lovingladyo4]

It doesn't appear that you will lose both of them and yes your husband is guilty of harming you. Whether it escalates enough to bring in the law is yet to be found out. The thing is, if your husband slapped you once, he is capable of slapping you again. So it's best to bring as much conflict resolution into this dilemma as soon as possible before it escalates to bigger problems.

Your husband said he was sorry and perhaps he is. But there are deeper underlying issues he is struggling with and they need to be addressed, whatever they are. Lawyers are not counselors and really do not care what your husband is experiencing to have behaved this way. It is up to the two of you to make a mature decision to target the problem and work through it together. If an outside person needs to get involved, just make sure it is a Christian counselor who knows how to act as a mediator between couples. Any secular counselor will have their limitations on how to help and then you would run the risk of the not getting the best guidance. You both can be held accountable in a healthy way with a Christian counselor. Go to a source that can see the problem in its entirety.

Your son is feeling a lot of revenge and getting back at your husband is not be the perfect solution to this problem. He needs his father to be a father - not just an irritating presence in the home. Your husband can bring a lot of healing into their relationship by talking through these areas of hurt. Your son needs his dad.

The very best thing you can do is to pray to God and seek His wise counsel. He has all of your answers and those answers can come through in variety of ways. His goal is to restore you, and your son, and your husband, but you all must be willing and ready to reach a solution. That's where a Christian counselor will be the appropriate person to contact.

An assault lawyer can fix the surface problems but cannot fix the heart issues of all of you. Only God can do that. Do not be afraid to stand your ground and do what is right. Over protecting your husband will not bring him any closer to resolving his problem. He must face it head on and be willing to do whatever it takes to be the man of the house the way God intended for him. Let God be in the center of all this.

Do you want to know what will help right now? The three of you kneel down and hold hands and pray together and ask God to come into the center of your home and into the center of your hearts. Surrender this problem together as a family. Continue to pray together and do not quit. A change will begin to happen when you all allow God to be in charge and your hearts are yielded to His plans.

 

[Adstar]

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

Well from your letter it seems that it was the first time your husband has hit you in 20 years of marriage??? If so then i would be forgiving and not press any charges.. I do not believe your sons efforts will bring about any legal problems for your husband without you supporting your sons efforts in court..

I would keep working on your son and ask Him to end His efforts..

I hope the LORD intervenes in this and bring peace and reconciliation between all involved..

 

[notuptome]

So what is the Spiritual condition of you, your husband and your son?

Anger is not a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Just saying.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Depleted]

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

That's odd. You and your husband argue "over the silliest things," yet you have a great relationship. Your son and husband argue "over small things," and yet "are not in a very good relationship." Your husband slapped you and you "have no complaint against my husband." (Personally, slapping me is a very BIG complaint, but maybe I'm just a complainer.)

Have you ever considered it is you who isn't seeing this clearly? I really do get this is a fight between your son and your husband -- the two people you love more than anyone else in the world, and you're stuck in the middle.

Here's my suggestion: Get out of the way. You're in between two people who need to sort this out themselves. Let them! They're both right! He DID slap you, but you don't think he's abusive. Your son thinks he is. Your husband slapped you once. You're not seeing clearly, so stop with the "we are planning" and the "we prove." (Matter of fact, I would be against my husband hiring a lawyer, so if he chooses to, it better be HIS money, not OUR money.)

Pray for God's will for the outcome. (God's will. Something completely ignored in your post, btw.) Love them both. And stay out of the way.

If how you and your husband relate is great but your husband treats your son the same way and the son knows something is wrong, It's your view that is wrong, your son's view, or your husband's.

Pray, and let God sort it out! Because I don't think you're seeing this clearly! I'm also sure I could be wrong about that, but there is no particular reason for you to be stuck in the middle of this. It serves no purpose other than make you the enemy of someone you love dearly.

 

[Angela53510]

Victims of assault often defend their abusers. It's called "Stockholm Syndrome."

Your husband hit you once, that is a sign there might be other abuse. Does he try and control you? Where you go, the money you spend, who you are friends with? Because the underlying cause of abuse is power. Abusers want to control you, for whatever reason.

Please examine whether these "silly" fights have more to them. Consider the kinds of boundaries he puts on you. He has no right to do that. The bible talks about believers submitting one to another:

"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Eph. 5:21.

The word in Greek is hyputassomenoi or ὑποτασσόμενοι. It is the voluntary submission of one person to another. It is not forced submission or demanding obedience, like a slave. You are protecting your husband from your son, you say. But your son has probably been watching your husband control and manipulate you for years.

My suggestion is to go to an abuse center and get some counseling. They will just explain the dynamics of the cycle of abuse. Its sounds like you are caught in that. As for your son, try and look at his perspective. His father abuses him, and then he seems him doing the same to you. I happen to agree with your son.

Marriage should never be preserved at the expense of safety and sanity. Plus, now that he has broken through his own barrier at hitting you, the likelihood as that it will not only happen again, but get worse.

You are a victim. Get some help from a Victim's Services, or an abuse center, and learn what is really going on in your marriage. There is never an excuse for hitting a spouse, and certainly your husband is as far from innocent as can be!

 

[popeye]

need to see if this deal is real.

She claims to be 30 and has a 20 year old son?????

Married 25 years????

Doesn't add up.

 

[Depleted]

Victims of assault often defend their abusers. It's called "Stockholm Syndrome."

Your husband hit you once, that is a sign there might be other abuse. Does he try and control you? Where you go, the money you spend, who you are friends with? Because the underlying cause of abuse is power. Abusers want to control you, for whatever reason.

Please examine whether these "silly" fights have more to them. Consider the kinds of boundaries he puts on you. He has no right to do that. The bible talks about believers submitting one to another:

"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Eph. 5:21.

The word in Greek is hyputassomenoi or ὑποτασσόμενοι. It is the voluntary submission of one person to another. It is not forced submission or demanding obedience, like a slave. You are protecting your husband from your son, you say. But your son has probably been watching your husband control and manipulate you for years.

My suggestion is to go to an abuse center and get some counseling. They will just explain the dynamics of the cycle of abuse. Its sounds like you are caught in that. As for your son, try and look at his perspective. His father abuses him, and then he seems him doing the same to you. I happen to agree with your son.

Marriage should never be preserved at the expense of safety and sanity. Plus, now that he has broken through his own barrier at hitting you, the likelihood as that it will not only happen again, but get worse.

You are a victim. Get some help from a Victim's Services, or an abuse center, and learn what is really going on in your marriage. There is never an excuse for hitting a spouse, and certainly your husband is as far from innocent as can be!

I'm not so sure who the victim is. I've known a few relationships where the wife screamed and shouted insults at the husband for hours at a time, until he hit her.

And in hubby's first marriage, the ex could have said (truthfully) that he pinned her arms back, or pushed her down. He did. He had to dislodge the knife she was attacking with him somehow.

We're obviously not getting the full picture here, so don't assume who the victim is.

 

[EarnestQ]

Your husband needs therapy and your family needs therapy. The issues are far too complicated and deep to be solved by a one or two paragraph answer on CC.

If you are serious about resolving this, get professional help. If you want to continue living this way the rest of your life, don't do anything.

 

[ROSSELLA]

Hi,
This is a bit long, but please hear me out.
I have been married for 25 years and I have a 20 year old son. My husband is a short tempered person and he gets angry over the silliest things. We had a small fight last week and he slapped me. I know that he had not done that intentionally. He even apologized to me later. We keep having small fights and we patched up the other day. But it is the first time he hit me. I was shocked and I got really mad at him at that moment. But later when he said sorry. I realized he had not done that on purpose and we sorted it out.

My son had seen him hitting me. He got really angry at my husband. He thinks that he always abuses me and hits me. My husband and son are not in a very good relationship. They always argue over small things. He got so mad with this situation that he went and filed a case against my husband for physically assaulting me.
I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your husband is guilty . Even if he just hit you in a moment of rage, it's not okay. If your son is so angry at your husband, maybe it's because he sees that your husband is violent and abusive. While the state will decide whether or not to prosecute, they usually take the victim's wishes into consideration. However, even if your husband gets off scott free, lawyers won't help him with his anger issues. I suggest seeing a counselor. I'd even recommend a temporary separation ; it would be good for you to get some distance from your husband to think about the situation and for your husband to see how serious his 'mistake' was.

Now, as another poster pointed out, your son is 20 and you are 30, which means you may be lying about your age, mistyped when you signed up, adopted your son, or got pregnant at the age of 10. If the last option, is your husband the father of your son? If so, was he your age at the time of conception or was he an adult? If he is your son's father and he was an adult, then leave him immediately. It's not okay for adults to have relationships with children, let alone get them pregnant. Even if you an adult now, he would still be a rapist.

 

[Depleted]

I'm sorry you're going through this and I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your husband is guilty . Even if he just hit you in a moment of rage, it's not okay. If your son is so angry at your husband, maybe it's because he sees that your husband is violent and abusive. While the state will decide whether or not to prosecute, they usually take the victim's wishes into consideration. However, even if your husband gets off scott free, lawyers won't help him with his anger issues. I suggest seeing a counselor. I'd even recommend a temporary separation ; it would be good for you to get some distance from your husband to think about the situation and for your husband to see how serious his 'mistake' was.

Now, as another poster pointed out, your son is 20 and you are 30, which means you may be lying about your age, mistyped when you signed up, adopted your son, or got pregnant at the age of 10. If the last option, is your husband the father of your son? If so, was he your age at the time of conception or was he an adult? If he is your son's father and he was an adult, then leave him immediately. It's not okay for adults to have relationships with children, let alone get them pregnant. Even if you an adult now, he would still be a rapist.

She's not hearing it anyway. She hasn't been back in a week.

 

[mcubed]

Your husband is not innocent, you just gave testimony he did hit you and about his temper. Maybe your son is right your husband needs help. You cannot fix what is wrong between your husband and your son, but G-d can fix them both and all of you. If it was me and you were my mom I would hate that piece of …. Too for hitting you, if your child loves you how he feels is righteous.
Quit arguing with your husband. That is stupid. Something needs to be done what you described life in your house sucks if I was your kid I would want one of you gone too.

 

[Oncefallen]

need to see if this deal is real.

She claims to be 30 and has a 20 year old son?????

Married 25 years????

Doesn't add up.

It doesn't add up because she joined for the sole purpose of burying an advertising link in the middle of her made up story.

I have no complaint against my husband. Now I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him, but he is saying that my husband should be punished for what he did. I am trapped in a battle between my son and my husband. I can’t lose both of them. We are planning to hire a domestic assault lawyer to help my husband come out of this situation. How do we prove my husband’s innocence? And how do I bridge the differences between my husband and my son? Please help me.