inappropriate chat

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hollydakota

Guest
#1
#1
I've been married for 24 years. Our 2 children are grown and I am now an empty nester. I'm bipolar with both manic highs and lows. I had gotten myself involved with inappropriate chats with men. My husband has found out just recently. I need prayer in dealing with the guilt and a plan not to go back. My husband has forgiven me but is hurting.

Please help me.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#2
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#2
Hi there; following the Lord is not only a matter of the absence of x, y or z.

It is mainly about in faith honoring the Lord Jesus, Who died at the Cross for sinners, and pursing prayer and the Scriptures daily in one's walk with Him.

John chapter 3 is a great passage to read; there we learn about the wondrous love of God shown in His sending the Savior.

God bless His Word to you.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#3
#3
Thanks. I am struggling with approaching God. What I have been doing is disgusting. These men gave me validation that I was attractive to them. I shouldn't need validation from these perverts. What is wrong with me? I had been a strong follower of Christ but one day abruptly gave up on him and my husband. I am so confused as to why I did that. I can't look myself in the eye let alone approach God.
 
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faroukfarouk

Banned
#4
Feb 21, 2014
5,672
18
0
#4
hollydakota said:
Thanks. I am struggling with approaching God. What I have been doing is disgusting. These men gave me validation that I was attractive to them. I shouldn't need validation from these perverts. What is wrong with me? I had been a strong follower of Christ but one day abruptly gave up on him and my husband. I am so confused as to why I did that. I can't look myself in the eye let alone approach God.
Click to expand...
'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' (1 John 1.9) If you read the whole chapter, it will be helpful also.

Blessings.
 
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biscuit

Guest
#5
#5
hollydakota said:
Thanks. I am struggling with approaching God. What I have been doing is disgusting. These men gave me validation that I was attractive to them. I shouldn't need validation from these perverts. What is wrong with me? I had been a strong follower of Christ but one day abruptly gave up on him and my husband. I am so confused as to why I did that. I can't look myself in the eye let alone approach God.
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Revelation 3:20

New International Version (NIV)

[SUP]20 [/SUP]Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you both for the reminders. I so very badly needed these.
 
John_agape

John_agape

Senior Member
#7
Feb 27, 2014
187
7
18
#7
The thing that defines us as Christians, is not that we do not sin, but how we react to sinning. If we fall and sincerely repent then we can go forward with confidence.

It is good to see that your husband has forgiven you. The hurt is there, but Christ is the healer of our souls.

Being aware of the risk you can be susceptible to when your bipolar wave takes you, can help strengthen you in future.

Remember even Peter failed. He felt pretty rotten when he met Jesus after denying Him. But Jesus understood Peter's weakness and forgave him.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#8
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
113
#8
Please remember you have a disease of the brain. Have you changed your meds recently? Or added any new ones? I had a bipolar friend who became totally manic for about a year. We finally tracked it down to the fact that she was on Miraplex for Parkinson's, which triggered mania. Prednisone is another drug that can trigger mania.

I know God can help you. God loves us all, and he knows the wickedness in our hearts. Despite your disease, you still need to remain faithful to your husband, and have a vibrant relationship with Christ.

I would meditate on Scripture verses, such as Prov. 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths."

God is waiting for you to put your total trust in him. But please see your psychiatrist and tell him about these impulses and urges, which are overwhelming you. There may be a biological basis for them. And if not, then you do need to get down on your knees daily, and speak to God and release yourself to the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome sin.

Actually, even if the urges to do inappropriate things goes away on its own, you should still be pressing forward to know Christ better. And that means putting Jesus first in your life, and finding the time to read the Bible, to study and to pray.

"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." 1 Cor. 2:2

"I want to know Christ better. I want to know the power that raised him from the dead. I want to share in his sufferings. I want to become like him by sharing in his death." Phil. 3:10

PM me if you want to talk more about this situation.
 
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hattiebod

Guest
#10
#10
God Bless you, precious daughter of the King & God does not want you to 'accept' the label of Bi-Polar. You have an issue, and like anything we are given in this life...like depression, self harming or even a physical illness, we did not ask for it.....BUT....you can live with it SO much better....in Him. You need to get into a warm, accepting church family. Make friends, be loved because you are SO loveable!! Look at the promises of God...your are made in His image...Yes....YOU!!!!! so you are beautiful. Full of potential.Do not be defined by this, God Bless & Empower you!! <><
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#11
#11
Thsnk you for your kindness. The guilt and shame I feel is very intense. Your words are a guiding light to me. Thank you.
 
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Zinzerio

Banned
#12
Mar 21, 2014
1,322
8
0
#12
HI holy inappropriate chat is one thing but actual doing something is another. I understand your still married but separated and your husbands hurt will ease over time.
It sounds like your hurting too after 24 years of marriage which is a credit to you because a lot of marriages do not even make it out of the first couple of years and some will argue that most divorces are badly over exaggerated or probably would not have happened if people other marriages had not been so badly effected or over exaggerated.
Like many say the reason why so many people do not get married is the fear of divorce or horror stories they have herd. Which is true but i feel personally these things can not be swept away stuff like this should be talked about. The fact that your husband has found out is probably down to someone not wanting him to be with you and so maybe your unappropriated chat was not so unappropriated at the time you know like i say to you in jest something like you look far to young to be a mum of 3 and then my mate who is jealous of me because he finds my wife attractive "Like he goes and tells my wife i was chatting up a woman you see now if i said to you something which was very suggestive then i would be in the wrong but that still does not make it ok for someone to come between a man and his wife it is up-to the wife or the husband to tell there partner not some interfering marriage wrecker which you will probably find out that who ever has told your husband this has been driving a wedge between you both for years happened to me.
I do hope these problems go away for you and i hope you can find peace again. i wish you good luck with this take care bye.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#13
#13
Thank you for your reply. My husband was suspicious so got into my phone and read my emails. I am glad that he did so I don't have to hide the lies anymore but we are now going through the pain of rebuilding trust.
 
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Zinzerio

Banned
#14
Mar 21, 2014
1,322
8
0
#14
That is good i hope he can find it in his heart to forgive and trust you, as you seem zincere haha my name but spelt with a z.
I love a good zzzz on Saturdays i have the attitude if it fits i sit haha.

Holly there is always something that triggers this and i guess that because of your honesty to put it right It could be anything from the husband not being a proper husband (like not giving you the attention or the romance being lost or hurtful words being said or you having your own doubts about him.
I do not want to say the other but boredom too.
I have a friend who separated from there partner because of boredom i know That sounds harsh and not biblical reason for divorce but they will never get back so that looks on the cards.
This may not be the case with you but your genuine honesty says to me something has triggered it i don see you as the sort to deliberately do this for no reason and what ever the trigger people can change if there sincere enough to want to good luck again. May God be with you in all that you do from this moment and may he give you the gift of mental strength to cope with the battle of miss trust to come if there is any.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#15
#15
Funny you should mention triggers. For the past 2 years I was primary care giver for my inlaws who were dying of lung cancer and COPD. The chats gave me a place to go to be a totally different person. Knowing this about myself helps me fight the addiction. My husband is an amazing follower of Christ. I've hurt him and pray I can someday earn his trust back. When you get messed up with chatting you try and rationalize you are not cheating because it isn't physical. If anyone reading this believes that know that it isn't the case. Your emotions and mind belong to your spouse and to God as much as the rest of you does. Chat sites are addictive. Stay away. I learned this the hard way. Hope it helps someone.
 
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Zinzerio

Banned
#16
Mar 21, 2014
1,322
8
0
#16
Hi again forget about the old if you can and if i may sugest binding these words to your heart 2 Corinth 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here.

The new is here holly and when your feeling down and someone or something has reminded you of your sorrow remember this scipture please and think it for them to and pray for them.
For if they are in Christ they will forgive you.

I am sorry for your trouble you got your self into in the sense that people are blinded and they do not see the sorrow at the end of it when things get messed up.

Like this i know the other day i had gave an old friend a hand and i know that i should probably have said something but i never did.
I just prayed for him he doesn't see the corruption or realize the consequences he may have causeD for him self should he get caught. Its only then will it hit him and especially when he sees his wife's heart broken. I know he loves
but i prayed i am scared because its not my place to judge and i know he has problems. I have told him once and i do not ask questions no more.
For these reasons i only wanted to try and help you out with this because i know what your going through.
I am sorry if this has been a strain for you to i hope you feel better now its all of your chest i really do and i think your on the right track and about the chat stuff its so easy to get charmed in chat its happened to me a few times where i probably said something i shouldn't of said and there was no real internsion of doing anything just showing off if you know what i mean and chat can be such an influence to show off if you let it go to you head easily done.

Peace be with you and remember you are a new creation and the old has gone always
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#17
#17
A new creation...thanks for that reminder. I very much appreciate your kindness, concern, and especially your prayers.

A new creation...AMEN. ;)
 
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GraceRevelation

Guest
#18
#18
Remember that God knows the beginning to the end. Nothing surprises him or catches him off guard. What your allowing is the devil to condemn you. All condemnation does is separate you from God, strictly because that's how you feel. God's love hasn't changed for you a bit...this is the time you definitely don't want to be separating yourself from God. Your under the waterfall of forgiveness always. Jesus died for you and your sins are forgiven. Listen to the leading of the holy spirit, it's for your benefit and beneficial to your earthly relationships. These men on the internet aren't in love with you. And I think you know that, they want to have their fun and aren't concerned about anything else. I also hope that you don't receive being bipolar, don't speak that out. You don't need to have extreme high's and low's, and your emotions should be stable. Speak every day that you are the righteousness of God in Christ. As Jesus IS, so are we IN THIS WORLD.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#19
#19
Thank you very much. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I needed that. :)
 
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