Radical forgiveness is the only way this can truly be resolved. Please see Matthew 18. When I was much younger (about 21) I started thinking about how wronged I was by my dad, because of him being so involved in work that He did not give me the necessary tools to survive in an adult environment. The more I thought about It, the angrier I became, that is until I was sitting in His office later that day and stumbled upon the passage found in Matthew 18. The Jesus told was about a man who was accused of wasting the kings goods. He was brought before the king and to accountability for his actions. Now the problem with this situation was that the man accused of wasting goods owed more money than he could ever hope to pay back. He spoke to the king "Have patience with me and I will pay you all." The Bible says that the king was moved with compassion and freely forgave the man the debt.
As I read this text, my heart was filled to the brim with gratitude and joy for what Jesus had done for me so many times. Again and again He had been merciful and compassionate to me.
JESUS continued His parable. This same man went out and found someone who owed way less, and took him by the throat saying "pay me what you owe."
Instantly my mind was brought back to my attitude towards my dad. The comparison of the story was so clear. I was the man who owed more than he could ever pay back. I was the one who was desperate for God's mercy, but I had adopted the "take em by the throat and pay me what you owe attitude towards my dad." My very thoughts had been taking my dad by the throat. I had been rehearsing in my mind again and again the grievance that was done to me and all the while Jesus was in tears at my lack of compassion.
Then I read the rest of the story. The man whose throat was grabbed had friends and they went before the king and told him what had happened. The man who previously forgiven by the king was again brought before the king and this time received no mercy.
Then I read the clincher: "so also shall my Heavenly Father do to each one of you if you do not forgive each one from your heart."
I knew right then that I had to forgive my dad and cancel the debt completely. I had to erase it, and thinking about how much I had been forgiven by Jesus was the key.
Now I paraphrased the parable found in Matthew 18 and strongly encourage you to read it for yourself.
I still have times when the perceived injustice surfaces in my mind, and at those moments, I have the choice whether I will focus on the hurt and pain caused by pesky faucet drip of restorative actions by those who have wronged me, or focus on the thundering Niagara falls of God's forgiveness to me through Jesus Christ, His Son.
To me, having that kind of attitude is the only way to live with those around me, including my spouse.
With this mindset and revelation, and embracing It, I am prepared by Jesus Christ to forgive the most heinous sins committed against me, for after all, what are they in the light of eternity?
