Confronted husband in a gentle conversation about the lady from Honduras mission trip who is consistently sending him facebook messages once she started asking him personal questions about me. I told him that I felt that lines were being crossed now, and that because she flat came out and asked him if she left the country illegally, could she come here, that it was just not what it should be. At first, he seemed receptive, but he didn't like it all when I mentioned that it didn't seem right that some single woman with 4 children who she wants to leave in Honduras to flee to the States is facebooking him 10 - 20 times a day. For goodness sakes, I don't think he and I talk that many times a day while we are at work. His defense mode set in then and he shut down the conversation and said "fine, I gotta go finish at work" .... when he got home about 30 minutes later, not a single word came out of his mouth. If I said something, he sassed back a curt reply (nothing to do with her at all) -- then I noticed later that evening that he shut down his facebook account. That was 2 days ago and its still down. I tried talking to him and still he is not replying or responding at all. Sent him my typical love you message this morning when I got to work (he is still sleeping when I leave) and no response. He's responded to me for 23 years every single day. We ALWAYS say good morning and tell each other we love each other. So tonight he gets home, quickly changes, goes out cutting grass and after he finished he went out front. I walked out and ran into him and said, oh, I was just coming to see what your doing (to spark conversation) ... to which he replied "cutting grass". I said, oh I thought you were done. He said, I am. Walked upstairs and got in shower. I'm really now getting to the point of getting angry that he is acting like such a baby and not saying anything ... seriously, we've been married 23 years and you can't talk something out? Its so frustrating and short of a million prayers, I don't know what else to do. He won't talk, so no sense saying anything. I've tried that for 2 days. Any ideas? Do I ignore him and let him swell on it a week or so, or do I continue to attempt to talk and get shut down?
It Finally Hit the Fan
- Thread starter Cindy12
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If I do that, he will never speak to me again. Honestly. The pastor is one of his best friends (outside of church). I feel we are on the verge of major trouble as it is, and this would blow it up. He already warned me that with us going to a church where the pastor is a family friend of his, our business personally is our business. I really want to do that, I really do ... but something in my gut tells me he will walk out this door forever if I do. Should I just risk that? I feel 99.9 percent sure that if I told him the pastor was coming over to talk to us (his best friend) - he would flip out and say goodbye and wouldn't be here when he got here anyway.
The fact he closed his FB account is a good sign.. However, he's acting like a childish donkey right now.. That woman and her kids, if they left illegally they would most likely get caught at the border. It's hard to cross over with 4 kids.. but still, if she DID manage to get there, it would definitely be inappropriate for them to come there with you. Give hubby a day or two to cool down, and try talking again to him..
He said to her that he thought she and the kids couldn't try to leave because of money. She told him she would have to leave the kids behind and come herself or try to come herself and leave them with relatives or friends until one day they could get here. Classy. NOT. I will give him another day to cool down and see if he opens up. Thanks so much Lady Blue, you have a way of calming me down for some reason 
.....
I agree the shutting of Facebook was classy on his part, trust me, I did not ask him to do that, he just did it on his own. It just bugs me how someone can ignore a person and act like they don't exist in the household. Thats so irritating and seems so darned immature. I will continue to pray and be patient, give it another one or 2 days like you suggest.
..... I agree the shutting of Facebook was classy on his part, trust me, I did not ask him to do that, he just did it on his own. It just bugs me how someone can ignore a person and act like they don't exist in the household. Thats so irritating and seems so darned immature. I will continue to pray and be patient, give it another one or 2 days like you suggest.
He said to her that he thought she and the kids couldn't try to leave because of money. She told him she would have to leave the kids behind and come herself or try to come herself and leave them with relatives or friends until one day they could get here. Classy. NOT. I will give him another day to cool down and see if he opens up. Thanks so much Lady Blue, you have a way of calming me down for some reason .....
I agree the shutting of Facebook was classy on his part, trust me, I did not ask him to do that, he just did it on his own. It just bugs me how someone can ignore a person and act like they don't exist in the household. Thats so irritating and seems so darned immature. I will continue to pray and be patient, give it another one or 2 days like you suggest.
..... I agree the shutting of Facebook was classy on his part, trust me, I did not ask him to do that, he just did it on his own. It just bugs me how someone can ignore a person and act like they don't exist in the household. Thats so irritating and seems so darned immature. I will continue to pray and be patient, give it another one or 2 days like you suggest.
You're welcome.. Yeah, how convenient for her to leave her kids behind..She wants to come there for one reason only: your husband.. :/ Men act like babies at times, that's a fact..lol..
And BTW, just read one of your stories. WOW ... you are in inspiration. God bless your sweet soul!
He did reply to her message when she said that and told her that it made him sad to think she could leave her 4 children .... she was quiet for 3 days so he figured she got mad. Nah, her internet was just down. Thanks Lady Blue, I feel he is being a huge baby too. Maybe embarrassed that I called it out? I don't know but I feel he needs to grow up a little. Giving him those days you suggested! And BTW, just read one of your stories. WOW ... you are in inspiration. God bless your sweet soul!
And BTW, just read one of your stories. WOW ... you are in inspiration. God bless your sweet soul!
I try to be an inspiration.. God bless you too..
P
Even though you did NOT overreact massage his ego a little. Tell him how much you love, respect and value him as a man and husband. Let him know you appreciate his closing down the Facebook. Remind him of all the qualities on him you appreciate. He'll be eating out of your hand in no time. good idea fix his fav meal. No man can stay mad at a loving wife for long.
Oh, I have definitely been trying this. Night before last, I cooked his favorite meal, and he came in and said he wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat. So it went in the fridge. Last night, he said he was just going to have some fruit. I have told him over and over how much I respect him and love him, and that I didn't blame him for anything, that I was just sharing some of my inner feelings with him. Told him that I have always respected how honorable of a man he is and has been our entire marriage. I'm getting not much of anything out of him yet.
I did send him my typical morning text today -- morning babe, i love you ... and I got one right back that said, good morning, I love you too. That was it.
I did send him my typical morning text today -- morning babe, i love you ... and I got one right back that said, good morning, I love you too. That was it.
I sense that he is calming down a bit, so like Lady Blue said maybe I just need to back off a few days and let him sulk this out? I want to say something again, but I don't want to push things either. I just HATE walking in the door at night feeling like walking on eggshells ... no one really says anything other than hi babe ... then he goes and does his thing in the yard or something, and I do mine in the house. I just don't know when to try again.
S
If you honestly think he would walk out if you got the pastor involved, and he won't talk, I personally would have one more thing to say to him whether he responded or not. I would tell him you can ignore us if you want, I am leaving you in God's hands to deal with this situation as He sees best, and then you back off and pray about it. Let God have it. Be a loving wife but don't mention the situation. It is very hard to not say something once you do that but God knows better than we ever do how to handle it. I did that a couple times with my now ex and was amazed at what God did in the situation. The divorce part is a long story but that also is one case of leaving him in God's hands, because what came out just a few days later was huge and resulted in the divorce and lack of contact with the children.
N
Sometimes, when something happens that upsets me, and then later when he "sees" things more clearly, it embarrasses him, and then he clams up for a while. If I give him time, he comes around. Sometimes it takes a couple hours and sometimes it might take a day or two for him to figure out how to get past his pride and embarrassment and talk to me. In the end, he always comes around. Like you two we've been married 23 years, so I know how important or how out-of-place it is for either of us to allow an issue to stop our good mornings to each other, so I understand how stressful this can be.
I'm still praying for y'all.
Peace
I'm still praying for y'all.
Peace
This is just something I am dying to ask out of curiosity, because I am not married. Are most married people this aware of each other's emails, facebooks, etc? I recently ended a 4 year dating relationship that never reached engagement. We lived in separate places. He was EXTREMELY intensely focused on reading all of my files on my computer, skype convos, chat friends lists, etc when he visited. We would fight over random things I said to family members. We fought when I added a guy to facebook that immed and said he knew my pastor and asked about my church. I found myself having to 'prove my innocence' or explain why I added someone. I ended up feeling accused and constantly on trial.
Only I think my case was different because he didnt propose to me and we weren't getting married so I think that level of access was unwarranted. But if we did get married, would this be normal? I think you are absolutely one hundred percent justified in being uncomfortable with this lady, just wondering if this is typical to be that aware of these details.
Maybe he feels he had pure intentions and feels you doubted him? If so, explain that you think SHE is the one acting like she doesn't have the purest intentions, and assure him that as another woman you might have more insight to what women are thinking than he does. Even though my situation wasn't the same, I can tell you it didn't feel good.
Other married people, just so I know in the future, at what point is it normal for your 'other' to be this into your private messages?
Only I think my case was different because he didnt propose to me and we weren't getting married so I think that level of access was unwarranted. But if we did get married, would this be normal? I think you are absolutely one hundred percent justified in being uncomfortable with this lady, just wondering if this is typical to be that aware of these details.
Maybe he feels he had pure intentions and feels you doubted him? If so, explain that you think SHE is the one acting like she doesn't have the purest intentions, and assure him that as another woman you might have more insight to what women are thinking than he does. Even though my situation wasn't the same, I can tell you it didn't feel good.
Other married people, just so I know in the future, at what point is it normal for your 'other' to be this into your private messages?
I have never had cause to read my wife's private e-mail or her text messages. I have always trusted her and she has never given me cause to doubt. She might keep some things from me but it's probably for my own good.
I grant my wife her privacy out of respect. Proverbs 31:11 the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
I grant my wife her privacy out of respect. Proverbs 31:11 the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
Hi! Thanks for your message. I am not into any of his private email, facebook or other social media. He was the one showing me his phone messages on facebook to him, because he had told me about her family in Honduras and he was showing me the pictures she sent of the kids and the conversation was with it. This was all him. He could have hidden it completely and I'd of never known. It wasn't until he started showing me the ones she sent of just herself in her sexy poses, then her message saying she wanted to illegally leave Honduras and come to the states, and asked if she could come here to our house that I started getting a nasty sense of SHE wanted a lot more.
I agree that I think he felt that I was accusing him, but I told him over and over that I was not doubting HIM at all and didn't think he was doing anything wrong, but that her 12 - 15 messages a day and pictures were starting to cross lines and I felt she wanted a lot more than what he thought. Thats how it all happened.
Married 23 yrs and he has never one time asked to see my email, phone, or facebook ... although we have both since shut down facebook (the only social media we used).
I think I hurt his feelings. I've apologized sincerely for that and put it in Gods hands.
I agree that I think he felt that I was accusing him, but I told him over and over that I was not doubting HIM at all and didn't think he was doing anything wrong, but that her 12 - 15 messages a day and pictures were starting to cross lines and I felt she wanted a lot more than what he thought. Thats how it all happened.
Married 23 yrs and he has never one time asked to see my email, phone, or facebook ... although we have both since shut down facebook (the only social media we used).
I think I hurt his feelings. I've apologized sincerely for that and put it in Gods hands.
Quick update -- This morning I sent him a message asking him if he wanted to run by Lowes to check out some paint we are looking for -- (somewhat attempting to spark conversation) -- he instantly replied "I don't know" .... my temper went through the roof and I wanted to just burst. I replied back to him this, "why not, do you have plans" .... and he didn't come back with anything. So 30 minutes later, i sent him a message and said "Joe, I need to have a conversation with you - can we talk at lunch". (we both take lunch break at noon with our jobs) .... I don't know if a lightbulb went off in his head and he thought I was really ticked off or what, but he immediately called me at work and said, "babe, whats wrong? I don't have any plans of course, but I was not sure we were at the point of going to get the paint before we looked at the tile floor ... but if you want to just go and look, sure, we can do that" ............ WHAT???? Then he carried on about things at work, stuff around here, just overall conversation as if nothing ever happened. He's flipping me out.
I just sat and talked with him "general" stuff for the lunch hour and then we both went back to work .... I am home now and he will be home shortly, so "what" happens when he gets here is to be seen. Maybe he is over it now. I think someone got it right when they suggested that maybe he is embarrassed after he thought about it. Maybe he felt that I was right and it made him look bad (not trying to do that to him) and just go this feelings hurt? Who knows. I just cannot wait for him to come home and see how it goes. I think I should steer free of any conversation regarding the Honduras situation at all, am I right about that??? Just let it go now???
I just sat and talked with him "general" stuff for the lunch hour and then we both went back to work .... I am home now and he will be home shortly, so "what" happens when he gets here is to be seen. Maybe he is over it now. I think someone got it right when they suggested that maybe he is embarrassed after he thought about it. Maybe he felt that I was right and it made him look bad (not trying to do that to him) and just go this feelings hurt? Who knows. I just cannot wait for him to come home and see how it goes. I think I should steer free of any conversation regarding the Honduras situation at all, am I right about that??? Just let it go now???