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It's okay, people will probably find it here. I've been through this. Accepting that you are "divorced" is sometimes the hardest part. Christians aren't supposed to be divorced. But sometimes there's just nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry for you... You got it right though - there IS life after divorce.
Let us know if there's anything specific you need advice about. You're welcome to PM me if you need to talk. I don't have all the answers, but I can definitely relate to the questions.
Let us know if there's anything specific you need advice about. You're welcome to PM me if you need to talk. I don't have all the answers, but I can definitely relate to the questions.
C
My parents got a divorce about a year and a half ago, and yes it can be real hard. Not just on the spouses but on the entire family. I'm sorry you're going through this.
After my parents separated my mom was sad at first, but eventually she became happy, and she still is. She said she felt a new sense of freedom. My dad had a lot of issues that my mom had to deal with, such as with money. He wasn't good at saving money and my mom would always stress about it. Now (even though we still have our financial issues) she doesn't have to worry about any money being wasted.
She also had to constantly clean up after him, and he was a messy guy. He keeps all of his work papers spread out all over the dining room and kitchen tables, and she doesn't have to deal with any of that either.
There's definitely other stuff, but this is only a few. I'm never been married nor divorced, but my advice is to look at it in a positive way like my mom did. Also, I've heard a saying: "If your lover cheats on you, then they don't care about you that much." Now I don't know your husband or how he feels about you, but I happen to agree with that saying. So in my opinion you're better off without him.
God bless ya.
After my parents separated my mom was sad at first, but eventually she became happy, and she still is. She said she felt a new sense of freedom. My dad had a lot of issues that my mom had to deal with, such as with money. He wasn't good at saving money and my mom would always stress about it. Now (even though we still have our financial issues) she doesn't have to worry about any money being wasted.
She also had to constantly clean up after him, and he was a messy guy. He keeps all of his work papers spread out all over the dining room and kitchen tables, and she doesn't have to deal with any of that either.
There's definitely other stuff, but this is only a few. I'm never been married nor divorced, but my advice is to look at it in a positive way like my mom did. Also, I've heard a saying: "If your lover cheats on you, then they don't care about you that much." Now I don't know your husband or how he feels about you, but I happen to agree with that saying. So in my opinion you're better off without him.
God bless ya.
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Hi colalella
I think I know your dad lol. In fact I am sure I am married to him.
Jokes to one side, Look love you cannot keep sacrificing yourself for someone else. Your mum once she is used to it will love her new found freedom
And you guys I know you love your dad and always will. But now you can love him without the stress of having to put up with him.
You all, your mother included will continue to care for him. He is part of your lives and always will be.
I will say this though, do not let him take advantage of your caring. People with these tendencies tend to keep coming back when the going gets too tough for them.
They actually know you care and will play on this. Also you will find these people need to be cared for. Actually from what you say your mum was the carer not a wife. She obtained another child not a husband.
I do not know your father but will take a guess on the fact if he is caught doing something wrong he will go into self-denial
unless getting caught red handed, then it will always be your fault the other persons fault never his.
The best of luck to you and your family. And also remember God helps those who help themselves we are not on this earth to be wet nursed.
Your mother divorcing your father was not a sin.
Take care
Hoot Owl
I think I know your dad lol. In fact I am sure I am married to him.
Jokes to one side, Look love you cannot keep sacrificing yourself for someone else. Your mum once she is used to it will love her new found freedom
And you guys I know you love your dad and always will. But now you can love him without the stress of having to put up with him.
You all, your mother included will continue to care for him. He is part of your lives and always will be.
I will say this though, do not let him take advantage of your caring. People with these tendencies tend to keep coming back when the going gets too tough for them.
They actually know you care and will play on this. Also you will find these people need to be cared for. Actually from what you say your mum was the carer not a wife. She obtained another child not a husband.
I do not know your father but will take a guess on the fact if he is caught doing something wrong he will go into self-denial
unless getting caught red handed, then it will always be your fault the other persons fault never his.
The best of luck to you and your family. And also remember God helps those who help themselves we are not on this earth to be wet nursed.
Your mother divorcing your father was not a sin.
Take care
Hoot Owl
Z
Just building on this, it definitely does not help to bury the hurt. I've been divorced since last January and separated 10 months before that, even before we were divorced I did my best to bury all my feelings and just keep my head up and keep moving, and it caused a lot more problems than it solved, even now all those hurts and pains that I buried are still coming up to the surface, though I'm finally starting to get past them and moved on.
You've got a lot of people on your side here on this one Nichole. Quite a few of us have been where you are and dealt with what you are dealing with. And if Grace-Like-Rain is opening herself to you, I would take the offer.
You've got a lot of people on your side here on this one Nichole. Quite a few of us have been where you are and dealt with what you are dealing with. And if Grace-Like-Rain is opening herself to you, I would take the offer.
Most of the hurts we feel in this life center on how the people around us live and what we feel about that. We can only live our own life, even when the other life is as much a part of us as a spouse. The more we accept others and live our life the best we can the more content and fulfilled we can be. God tells us we are to let Him take care of others, and that God will do that. We aren't to take on that responsibility at all.
The problem isn't how to handle life after divorce, it is simply how to handle life so it is fulfilled best.
The problem isn't how to handle life after divorce, it is simply how to handle life so it is fulfilled best.
K
Divorce is a hard thing to deal with. I was raised with parents that went through many trying times, but divorce wasn't an option. They made it through and now are enjoying the benefits of working it out. When divorce came as a possibility for me, I was ashamed. I choose to struggle alone. The stress got so bad that even my parents could not ignore it. They actually are the ones who brought divorce up to me. In hindsight, I guess I could have removed some of the burden by sharing with my loved ones earlier. I allowed the stigma to control my life instead of allowing the love of others to help me heal and remain strong.
I have a different road to divorce than you. My ex choose to go her own way earlier in the marriage. I stayed in the marriage primarily for my daughter, hoping in time that God might soften her heart. I continued to work on our marriage, but it can't go anywhere when only one person is working at it. I actually had a chance to go through the grieving process prior to getting divorced. My daughter was graduated and out on her own, and it was time for me to move n as well.
The only thing that I can suggest is that once the grieving process is over for you (don't rush it) look back and try to learn something from it. I have found that no matter what I have gone through in life, God has tried to teach me something. It is actually from that that I have been able to enter into healthier relationships. None of them of produced the right match, but each one has taught me more about myself and the kind of woman I want and need in my life.
You have a lot to offer another man, and the next phase of your life will provide blessings that you may not see at this time. Allow yourself time to heal, and the openness to see the possibilities that are yet to come.
I have a different road to divorce than you. My ex choose to go her own way earlier in the marriage. I stayed in the marriage primarily for my daughter, hoping in time that God might soften her heart. I continued to work on our marriage, but it can't go anywhere when only one person is working at it. I actually had a chance to go through the grieving process prior to getting divorced. My daughter was graduated and out on her own, and it was time for me to move n as well.
The only thing that I can suggest is that once the grieving process is over for you (don't rush it) look back and try to learn something from it. I have found that no matter what I have gone through in life, God has tried to teach me something. It is actually from that that I have been able to enter into healthier relationships. None of them of produced the right match, but each one has taught me more about myself and the kind of woman I want and need in my life.
You have a lot to offer another man, and the next phase of your life will provide blessings that you may not see at this time. Allow yourself time to heal, and the openness to see the possibilities that are yet to come.
Sorry to hear about your situation, but unfortunately life can be a real pain in the arse, generally due to others sticking the knife into us!
I have been divorced almost 20 years, haven't married again yet, but certainly it is my intention to.
So, how you might possibly deal with it:
1) Use this time to get close to the Lord Jesus and strengthen your faith.
2) Get good (Christian) friends around you, people you TRUST, people who are NOT going to criticise, judge and condemn you because you are getting a divorce (because of your husband's infidelity), it is generally Christians who like to point the finger at people getting a divorce, avoid them like the plague, they just poison your soul!
3) Look upon this as a door shuting in your life and a new one opening, the Lord Jesus knew about this situation BEFORE creation and He has prepared a future for you in Him! Deut 33v27, Jer 29v11, Acts 15v8, Rom 8v28, Rev 3v7,8
4) Make sure you are in a good fellowship/church, a place where you can actually FEEL the Presence of God and His Love, if you can't feel these (as well as truth being preached) you are in the wrong Church!
5) And lastly, time is a GREAT healer, along with the Lord Jesus ofcourse. Isaiah 61v1
Yahweh Shalom...
I have been divorced almost 20 years, haven't married again yet, but certainly it is my intention to.
So, how you might possibly deal with it:
1) Use this time to get close to the Lord Jesus and strengthen your faith.
2) Get good (Christian) friends around you, people you TRUST, people who are NOT going to criticise, judge and condemn you because you are getting a divorce (because of your husband's infidelity), it is generally Christians who like to point the finger at people getting a divorce, avoid them like the plague, they just poison your soul!
3) Look upon this as a door shuting in your life and a new one opening, the Lord Jesus knew about this situation BEFORE creation and He has prepared a future for you in Him! Deut 33v27, Jer 29v11, Acts 15v8, Rom 8v28, Rev 3v7,8
4) Make sure you are in a good fellowship/church, a place where you can actually FEEL the Presence of God and His Love, if you can't feel these (as well as truth being preached) you are in the wrong Church!
5) And lastly, time is a GREAT healer, along with the Lord Jesus ofcourse. Isaiah 61v1
Yahweh Shalom...
B
I am separated just over 2 years now. Probably will be going through divorce. I feel guilty about the idea of divorce but my wife left me and she is not coming back she is with someone else so I feel that divorce might well be the only way but I feel guilty about the idea of divorcing her. Should I?
So yep I know exactly what you are feeling its horrible and so unsettling not quite knowing what to do.
So yep I know exactly what you are feeling its horrible and so unsettling not quite knowing what to do.
T
Bazman, your wife has already divorced you. All you will do is the paperwork for it. That is also what happened to me and I had to do the paperwork on it so that I could get some spousal support in order to survive. People at the church supported me in the decision because he had been gone a year and living with someone else.
Think of it as cleaning up your wife's mess. There is nothing wrong with that, the wrong has already been done.
Forgive in time, but forget ??? No, you won't forget, its part of your history,(unless you have alzheimers or amnesia). Try to live in the present and have hope for the future because God is with us. Who knows what good things he has in store for us even as early as tomorrow.
Think of it as cleaning up your wife's mess. There is nothing wrong with that, the wrong has already been done.
Forgive in time, but forget ??? No, you won't forget, its part of your history,(unless you have alzheimers or amnesia). Try to live in the present and have hope for the future because God is with us. Who knows what good things he has in store for us even as early as tomorrow.
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I just want to reassure you that God still loves you, even if your husband has treated you in this terrible way. My advice is to look to God to help you.
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5
Although you are not an actual widow, your husband has committed an act which has left you like a widow, mourning for him, and wondering what you did wrong.
God is there for you through all of this. I would also see if your church can help you, or find a support group for divorced people.
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling." Psalm 68:5
Although you are not an actual widow, your husband has committed an act which has left you like a widow, mourning for him, and wondering what you did wrong.
God is there for you through all of this. I would also see if your church can help you, or find a support group for divorced people.