LOOKING FOR OTHER MOTHERS WHO ARE MARRIED THAT NEEDS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON.

[christianmom1989]

IM A MOTHER OF TWO GIRLS. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE 2007 AND MARRIED SINCE 2013. OUR RELATIONSHIP ISN'T IN A GOOD PLACE. YEARS AGO BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED I WAS SEXTING ON TWO DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. TWO DIFFERENT GUYS. I JUST WANTED ATTENTION. MY HUSBAND DIDN'T LIKE MY WEIGHT AFTER I HAD OUR FIRST CHILD I WAS DEPRESSED FELT UNLOVED. WHEN WE GOT MARRIED I THOUGHT THINGS WERE GETTING BETTER I THOUGHT HE WAS OVER IT. I DIDN'T DO IT EVER AGAIN. I VALUE OUR MARRIAGE BUT HE ISN'T INSTEAD HE CONSTANTLY ASK ME WHO IM TALKING TO DID I HAVE ANYONE HERE IN OUR HOUSE ITS DEPRESSING I FEEL LIKE I CANT DO ANYTHING. IVE BEEN TRYING TO COPE WITH THIS BECAUSE I KNOW HE NEEDS TO HEAL BUT I TOLD HIM I DID IT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER TO MAKE ME FEEL ATTRACTIVE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WANTED WOMAN. HE USE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A MAID A CHEF LIKE I WAS SUPPOSE TO DO IT I DIDN'T GET ANYTHING IN RETURN ALL HIS ATTENTION WAS FOCUSED ON THE PS3 AND THE BABY AND WORK ITS LIKE I DIDN'T EXIST. I TOLD HIM ITS NOT FAIR TO EXPECT ALL OF THE THINGS A GIRL IS SUPPOSE TO GIVE AND NOT GIVE A GIRL ANYTHING IN RETURN NOT EVEN ATTENTION BUT YET WANT HER TO STAY FAITHFUL. IM TRYING TO STAY IN THIS MARRIAGE BUT I REFUSE TO BE IN A MARRIAGE UNHAPPY IM CONSIDERING LEAVING I DON' T KNOW THO. I MISS BEING HAPPY I MISS BEING THE OLD ME IM LOST AND CONFUSED. I DON'T FEEL LIKE IM THE MOTHER I SHOULD BE THE MOTHER I COULD BE I FEEL LIKE A PERSON THATS JUST SITTING HERE NOT LIVING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

 

[Willie-T]

Why all CAPS? Try real sentences and even some paragraphs. You will be read by many more people that way.

 

[christianmom1989]

sorry my caps lock acts up im using a tablet im use to a real laptop lol sorry.

 

[Willie-T]

Cool. But, honestly... do what you can to make your message readable. If it is important enough for you to take the time to write it, it should be read... And it may not be as all CAPS.

 

[christianmom1989]

i am trying to figure out how to change and it it so i can fix it. help please.

 

[VioletReigns]

Hi Kortney, I see by your profile you came to the Lord in 2005.

Please share how you came to that decision.

What has the Lord put on your heart since your life has been made new?

Do you attend church?

I'm very, very interested in hearing your testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ in your life.

Praise His Name! Thanks for sharing!

 

[christianmom1989]

Hi VioletReigns. I was young and my aunt asked me to attend church with her. I chose to keep going. It was the pastor that was delivering the message of god and it spoke to me. So i chose to get baptized. I just moved to North Carolina from new jersey. I have not found a church yet. My father attends church and i helped them set up a broadcast a live broadcast to broadcast church service every sunday for now i watch so i can continue to receive the word of god. i was lost when i had my children. i was lost but lately i've been yearning for the need of god and need of direction And im now working on getting back on the right path. Im proud that i have never felt the need and want to use drugs and alcohol. everyone i know is amazed that i've never tried it so i know god has something bigger in store for me. Thats what keeps me motivated. Life is not easy and im learning new ways to cope.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

If your husband staying with you after that sort of thing, and if he is working and taking care of his kids, that sounds like he loves you to me.

 

[Jeff_56]

i am trying to figure out how to change and it it so i can fix it. help please.

the simple way. the way of GOD'S WORD (not clinical not religious no by rote; REAL AN TRUE)...

get as soon as possible, GOD permitting,

the 2 books "total joy" and "total woman".... these are good for everyone, not just women or wives.

simple, basic, sound, tested biblical ways to

do as you are seeking to do (and you won't find too many on this site or at church) to please GOD, to

find out what GOD wants you to do and how to live HIS WAY.

without reading them, just from previous posts the last several weeks/ months/years,

i can tell(warn?) you that most advice offered on this site or most other sites either is not in line with GOD'S WORD.

but you will find peace, joy, and righteousness in those 2 books i mentioned, not by human means, but

by and in line with GOD'S WORD, as HE SAYS and as HE PROMISES in HIS WORD.


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[christianmom1989]

thank you jeff i will check them out.

 

[christianmom1989]

Hi GodisSalvation yes i know he loves me but i feel like if he keeps bringing up the past then he hasn't moved on and i do not see how we can see progress. i feel like he is leaving us stuck in something we cant change. i just want to move forward

 

[Jeff_56]

'moving forward' isn't all it's cracked up to be (humanly speaking).... a lot of GOD'S PEOPLE learned by
being challenged, in prison, in slavery, in the desert, in the wilderness, in a city of rebellion,
for
as many as forty years , more and less, as GOD choses. "sit,walk,stand" is excellent from the BIBLE by watchman nee
about the BIBLE's verses, GOD'S WORD, on the various times we go through and HIS WORk in our lives.

look up in SCRIPTURE, how many times it IS WRITTEN , "WAIT" or "BE STILL",

then also, when it is time "let peace of CHRIST guide you and keep you" always doing as ABBA our heavenly father desires, even though

in the world we have much pain, "be of good cheer, I(JESUS) have overcome the world" i.e. don't run from troubles or pain,
"instead, embrace it" as trusting and relying on GOD HIMSELF by grace and faith in JESUS.

 

[Ugly]

Your husband sounds like a bit of a jerk who is taking advantage of a years old situation to justify treating you as less than he took a vow to God to do.
Neither does staying or being a father prove his love. He may love you on some level, but in reality nothing at all about his behavior proves it. Many men stay in marriages when they know they have the power over their spouse, and craving control over another person has nothing to do with love. And that he loves his kids doesn't prove anything about how he feels about you either.
If he truly cares then you guys need counseling and he needs to make the effort to follow the counseling and change. If he doesn't then he's just sticking around to manipulate you and have, just as you said, a chef and a maid.

 

[GodIsSalvation]

Hi GodisSalvation yes i know he loves me but i feel like if he keeps bringing up the past then he hasn't moved on and i do not see how we can see progress. i feel like he is leaving us stuck in something we cant change. i just want to move forward

To be blunt about it, I don't blame him for that. If I were in his shoes I'd have probably broke the phone.

Time marches forward. Your husband loves you. So in time, if you abide, this will be forgotten.

 

[christianmom1989]

i agree counseling is needed my husband believes in god but he isn't a christian. im going to keep praying about it. i refuse to live in abuse. i refuse to get less than i deserve. i will leave it in gods hands and wait for guidance. i know i need to be happy and im going to start attending therapy to better myself as a christian and as a mom but mainly as a person. im focusing on me from now on because if i keep focusing on "us" there will be no more "me" and i don't want to lose myself entirely i know we are one but i am an individual and if i don't work on me i will be no good to myself or my kids or anyone

 

[christianmom1989]

To be blunt about it, I don't blame him for that. If I were in his shoes I'd have probably broke the phone.

Time marches forward. Your husband loves you. So in time, if you abide, this will be forgotten.

i agree but its been years and before we were married i feel like he shouldn't have married me until he was over it. but he made me believe he was over it. i didn't want us to move forward unless we resolved everything which i thought happened but i guess i was wrong.

 

[Jeff_56]

....i refuse to live in abuse. i refuse to get less than i deserve. i will leave it in gods hands and wait for guidance. i know i need to be happy and im going to start attending therapy to better myself as a christian and as a mom but mainly as a person. im focusing on me from now .......;

neither in the OT nor in the NT did GOD'S PEOPLE refuse to live in abuse (even as slaves as GOD REQUIRED),

neither in the OT nor in the NT does GOD assure you that you can or will be "happy" nor that you have a right to "be happy" circumstances. rather, JESUS assures you that you will be persecuted and treated badly IF
you are willing to live as GOD SAYS TO LIVE, and in jail, and in persecution, and in 'abuse', "BE OF GOOD CHEER" because I(JESUS) have overcome the world... ..... i.e. live HIS WAY, not the way you chose... otherwise you're separating yourself from HIM.


those 2 books have a lot of SCRIPTURE that shows how little we know from church or from our family or from this forum or from anywhere ---- shows how to live a GODLY RIGHTEOUS LIFE in CHRIST JESUS willingly and joyfully without any bitterness or regrets.

focus on JESUS' GRACE, not on yourself. JESUS told HIS DISCIPLES, if you focus on yourself, you've already failed.
and if you focus on GOD, trusting HIM to accomplish EVERYTHING related to SALVATION(HEALING)_ now and in the world to come, then IT IS ALREADY DONE.

 

[soccermom19]

Coming from the other side, the betrayed, I can understand why your husband has issues with letting go and moving on. It's not as easy as you think. He has probably tried to and just keeps feeling that you may be hiding something again. Trust is a very hard thing to earn back once lost.
On the other hand, he does need to show you that he still loves you. You both need to go to a Christian counsellor together and get involved in church. You both need to learn to communicate better and you need to find a way to earn back his trust.
You need to ask God for forgiveness and improve your Christianly walk. If you do this, it will help him to see that you have changed.
Give him time and understanding. My husband thinks that I have no right to bring up his past indiscretions and I tell him that until he has changed and we work through his infidelity or we get divorced that I have every right. It is ridiculous for him to think that I will just forget about it when it keeps happening. I needed time to heal. Your husband does too. If you love him, you should be the one bending over backwards to show it to him. Then maybe he can return the show of affection.
I say, hang in there and get counselling. God Bless!

 

[lostsister119]

Why all CAPS? Try real sentences and even some paragraphs. You will be read by many more people that way.

I personally don't feel that our Lord Jesus Christ cares if someone writes in all CAPS or even in paragraphs. She has come for good Godly advice and you criticize her writing skills? I'm sure God will let you in heaven regardless of your grammar.

 

[mystikmind]

I personally don't feel that our Lord Jesus Christ cares if someone writes in all CAPS or even in paragraphs. She has come for good Godly advice and you criticize her writing skills? I'm sure God will let you in heaven regardless of your grammar.

I think Willie's intention was to be helpful not critical, but he could have made that a bit clearer.

On the main issue, i would add, part of his insecurity could well stem from his guilt because he knows he is not the husband he should be.... and because of that, he knows he is creating the incentive for cheating, and that is why he is so guarded about it. Nothing breeds jealousy like feelings of inadequacy!