Lost and broken

[buttons20]

I will try to be as brief as I can, but here goes. In 2009 I was a happily married woman that had returned from a trip to Israel to a husband that missed me and our marriage looked brighter than I every dreamed possible for me. Until 2 months later when my knee broke. I had it repaired but it didn't hold and 6 months later it had to be reset again. My husband was the prefect caregiver. 3 months later we had a fight over something very simple and it caused us to move to separate rooms. I had to have the knee replaced two years later. It was ok for 2 weeks then it started showing signs of being infected. I could feel the distance in my husband but he still was a wonderful caregiver. After four failed attemts to clean out the knee and many trips to er, I became so sick I almost died. Osteomyolitis , bone infection had eaten part of my bones, tendons and tissue in my leg. I was in the hospital for months. Over the course of almost a year in and out of hospital and at home care I still wasn't better. My leg had to be fused together without a knee. I am deformed now. My husband began to be so mean when he would talk to me and and he was acting so strange. A month ago I noticed that he has been texting a woman he works with at his weekend job. They text back and forth all day long, even when he is at home with me. Then He tells me he no longer loves me and I have ruined his life, but that he will stay with me to care for me since I am diabled.. I am lost. I love my husband and am trying so hard to get as well as I can and I don't want an end to my marriage. He won't let me touch him or even hug him. I pray for him all the time and I don't know what to do. I am lost, being replaced because of something I didn't do.

 

[Ariel82]

I don't have the words, but just wanted to say I read your story and send my love and prayers your way.

 

[tourist]

This has been a horrible ordeal that you have endured. I feel that over a period to time that your husband just became overwhelmed and possibly feeling neglected as well.

I took care of a sick wife for years with severe arthritis along with other serious medical issues. During the last few years we hardly had a coherent conversation due to the many different medications affecting her. Her last couple years were in a nursing home. I saw her when I could, continued to love and support her and remained faithful to the end. The thing was I became very lonely and felt very isolated from my family and my late wife.

While I don't condone your husband texting another woman I can understand possibly why he does. I believe that he also still loves you but can't really tell you that in light of his recent behavior.

My late wife had a knee replacement too. It went OK but in the end her body gave out and she ended up in a wheel chair. My prayers go out to you and your husband.

 

[lovingladyo4]

You ruined his life???? It's very possible he ruined his own life when he got his priorities out of order. Somewhere along the way the "for better or worse" part of his vows to you got erased from his memory.

I can't imagine the pain of rejection you must be feeling, as though you have to be perfect to be worthy of his love. What does love mean to him, I am curious? Something got twisted in his delusional thinking and he must feel he is entitled to receive the admiration from a woman who makes him feel good.

Maybe you have read the verse in the Bible which states, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7.

Does your husband know the Lord? Has he made a profession of faith? If so, then he must be held accountable for his actions and his thoughts. If not, then he has no moral compass to follow, except his own deceptions.

Let's pray together: Dear Lord, we thank you that are ever watchful and ever mindful of us, and that not one single thing happens without your heart being moved towards us. We pray right now for this dear precious soul, who is hurting and questioning how to feel and how to act and what to think, that you would place your abiding peace within her heart so that she may sense our presence and feel encouraged. You are the only one who can intervene and bring about any changes to her husband. We pray that you will cause him to see his selfishness and his sin, not only againt his wife, but against you as well. Father we ask you in the mighty name of Jesus to bring her husband to his knees so he can see the foolishness of his behavior and how badly it hurts his wife. We ask that your grace would abound, and that you will draw her husband closer to you so that he might experience for himself a better understanding of how his actions are affecting his wife, and more importantly, so that he can experience your forgiveness and be a changed man. Thank you Jesus that you care so much about every detail, big and small. Thank you that you provide grace in our time of need. Thank you that want marriages restored. Thank you that you provide a way for reconcilation to happen. Thank you that your mercies are new everyday.

[FONT=&quot]Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Corinthians 13:4-7




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[MrsSimpf]

I'm sorry for all the pain you have gone through and are going through. I know it may sound like a "pat" answer, but have you sought counseling together? If you'd like, I can provide a link to free counseling services that would be available in your area. You said that he will stay to care for you and perhaps there is a way to communicate with help since he has chosen to stay. Praying for you both as you pray for him as well.

 

[slave]

You can keep your marriage safe from emotional affairs. But it requires open, honest communication and a commitment to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage your No. 1 relationship. If he is experimenting with other relationships it is important to talk to him about your honest concerns. You cannot change your condition and this is where the vow of for "Better or worse" comes into play right?

But as much as it's tempting to throw that in his face, it would only make it worse. I will be praying for you. I would love some ladies in here to pray with you too. Regardless of all this - trust, all the more, in the Lord, for we know that in all things (including your marriage), God works for the good of those who love Him....." (Romans 8:28). God is your refuge and if you need Him use Him.

I was married for 29 years when, after an accident of falling two floors 28 ft and landing on a stairwell my life changed immensely. And me and my wife's relationship suffered as well. But I can also say, it was because of those rough moments I drew ever- so- close to my Father, as He built and invested in my character. May God Bless you, and I will pray God will bring men around him to gain godly counsel too.

 

[littlestarsmum]

I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, girl. Your post brought tears to my eyes, and I wish I could give you a hug. I know how difiicult and devastating it must be for you right now. Have you tried talking to a marriage counselor? I just said a prayer for you and your husband, asking the Lord to bring healing and hope to your marriage. May He be the strength of your heart and your refuge. I know your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. Stay strong, girl. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

 

[Angela53510]

As the person who suffers from a severe disability, I'm going to tell you, that if you have been through a lot, so has your husband. I don't think most people have a clue how hard being a caregiver is. My husband was a saint, when I was bed ridden. But I also did everything in my power to get on better meds, so I wouldn't be a burden to him.

There is a thing called "caregiver burnout." You need to google that. I am sure you get lots of sympathy, if the posts here are any judge. But, how much does your husband get? Almost none?

Your post is primarily about you. What you went through with an occasional node to your husband. I tell you, you should be describing all your husband has been through. I know too many people whose marriages have ended because one of the partners became disabled. That is just a terrible thing, but it is human nature.

However, you say your husband is willing to stay, even though he doesn't love you, because you are disabled? Wow! That is amazing. He is a great person. This is something you need to build on in your mind. I know you want him back as the man who loved you, but that requires changing your attitude first. Get a bit more independent if possible. Try and do things for him. And do see a Christian marriage counselor and someone to counsel you about your disabilty, and ways you can restore your marriage.

Right now, the issue is not your leg. It is your marriage. Take the emphasis off of you, and put it back on your husband and marriage. I'm just speaking as someone who has had to work through a lot of issues in my marriage, which I would not have had to have done, if I wasn't disabled. I hope everyone understands that!

 

[preacher4truth]

I'm so sorry. You sound like a very nice woman. We will be praying for you and your husband.

 

[Miri]

Just wanted to say that Angela is 100% correct.

Im not married but I look after my elderly aunt, who brought me up.
So for me she is like my mum. Over the last 4 years her health has
deteriorated considerably and she has spent a lot of time in hospital.

Our relationship has changed from mother daughter, to carer and sick person.
We are different to the OP, in that my aunt struggles to make logical decisions she
doesnt have dementia but her illness and some small strokes, seem to have
changed her thinking.

Every single conversation we have either starts and ends with medical needs, her needs.
Or it starts about something else very quickly reverts to her needs, what she
can and can't do, what she wants, how she feels etc.

Every medical visitor we get is focused on my aunt and her needs alone.
All family visitors focus on my aunt how she is, never how I am, do I need any help.

Im use to it now but I can tell you there were many depressing times, sometimes
still are. Many times when I felt I can't do this any more. We can no longer talk
on the same level as we use to.

Im not saying this is exactly the same with you and your husband. I just wanted to
give you a perspective from the other side.

The sleepless night and tiredness, dragging yourself through the day, constantly
having to put another person above every thing, even your own needs.
Having it adjust to different ways of doing things. Every action, all activities revolve
the person you are looking after, even right done to how much time you can be out of
the house, how much time you have for yourself. The endless worry Day and night.

It changes the way you think and feel. Emotions get shut down as a coping mechanism.

If your husband is still willing to look after you, it shows he DOES love you, the
love may have changed from romance to brotherly love, but it is still there.

Have a good chat with your husband, let him know his feelings and emotions
are important too. That you are grateful for him being there for you.
Ask him how all this has affected him and how you can recover your marriage and
turn it around etc. Ask him what his needs are. Start romancing each other again,
treat him as your husband not just your carer etc.

I know a few marriages which are strong despite disabilities. There are ways to
get over this and start afresh if you are both willing to make changes.

I hope it works out for you. It's not too late for you both to have a good
marriage and work through all of this.

 

[narrowispath]

Hi, buttons20, I am very to sorry to hear about your situation. It must be very difficult situation you are
in, however, you need to stay strong because GOD will direct his angels to help you. I know it maybe
easy to say these because I may not be in your situation but I felt devistated when I learned I had a
cancer several years ago, but what I have learned through these difficult years is that GOD will continue
to help those who love him. Although we do not see GOD because he is a spirit but we can feel him
in our hearts and gives us the courage. I believe you will be better soon both health and relationship
but now is the time to grow in CHRIST. I hope this helps and we'll pray to almighty GOD for his help..