Marriage shattering.... Heart breaking.

[Klp_crh]

I'm not sure what is allowed on this site and what isn't....
Well I'll just put it as cleanly as I can and pray I don't offend anyone. I would actually like some mens input on this one as well so...

My husband and I have been married 3 years... We have a 3 year old little girl and I'm 38 weeks pregnant now.... Shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter I also found outy husband was.... Regularly viewing inappropriate videos... I'm sure you guys will know what I'm talking about. I later realized it was an addiction. That ended up causing us to stop being intimate. He also started talking to other women in social media sites. He swears to me (and I believe him) that he's never cheated... But I feel as though the other things are cheating as well especially when they start to effect the way he acts and feels towards his family. Anyways. I thought we had over come these issues. But they started to resurface again when I got pregnant again... And again today I found the videos again today and another woman he was talking to... And he's not wildly inappropriate talking to these women... He talks about being married and his kids ect... But he also tells them how gorgeous they are and how they deserve a great man and he doesn't say these things to me... I'm at a loss I don't believe in divorce. I'm a strong believer in marriage and making it work but I'm terrified about bringing my girls up in this environment....

 

[Ssue]

God knows how you feel now.
May God console you.

 

[Ugly]

Yeah, men don't go around complimenting women so casually, particularly about their looks, because they're just being friendly.
This is even more true if they are doing it behind their wives backs.
Even more yet again when it's a repeated pattern.
You believe him, i'm not so quick to believe him, yet i don't have evidence to accuse him. But often times choosing to believe someone we care about has more to do with protecting ourselves from facing things than it does looking at a situation objectively and seeing if there is a reason to even consider otherwise.
Perhaps he hasn't cheated. But if he's talking with and complimenting women behind your back then it's possible he may be headed in that direction, whether he intends to or not.

Addiction is a lifelong process. If you think that he stopped once and now it's done and over with then i suggest you do a little research on addiction. It's generally a life time issue. Each day is a new day to start over. They may go months or even years with feeling little or no temptation, then suddenly get hit with it.
Chances are your being pregnant and probably unable to fulfill certain desires of his caused him to cave in.

Not sure which environment you mean. Are they aware of what's going on?

 

[Klp_crh]

No they are not aware. They are too young. But my 3 year old plays on his phone and I don't want to forever be afraid of her picking up his phone and coming across it. Not to mention young are not they are well aware of the tension between mommy and daddy.

 

[Olerica]

First off, your husband is seeking physical comfort outside of his marriage. Even if you are completely unable to fulfill his needs, it's not ok. He is actively sinning against you, against God, and against himself.

KLP, this is problematic and your husband needs help. I am not personally equipped to help you, but there are a few resources I would like to encourage you with. One is a women's group out of Bellingham, Washington that is run by a wife of a man who runs a ministry for men stuck in addiction - porn, substance, etc. The women's group is called Squadron of Sisters and their website is Squadron of Sisters They have quite a few videos and talks about how to deal with sexual/porn addiction in your husband.
One of the links they have on their site is to From Porn to Purity. Wives of Sex Addicts — Porn to Purity I am a widow so I have not investigated these resources from the viewpoint of a spouse, but I pray that they can be helpful.

I want to end with this: You are not alone. You are not stuck here alone. Not only do you have God - which I know you know, but there are sisters in Christ who deal with this too and will have some excellent advice for you. This does not have to mean the end of your marriage.

God bless you and I will be praying.

 

[Klp_crh]

Thanks so much for the encouraging words! I know in my head I'm not alone but it's hard not to feel alone.

 

[santuzza]

He's cheating in his mind, even if he's not physically doing it.

You both need Christian counseling, both separately and together.

Praying that God will heal your marriage.

 

[zaoman32]

I've dealt with this in my own marriage, and it caused a lot of problems. I want you to message me, and when I get a chance tomorrow I'll message you back and help give you some perspective on His end. Don't let it ruin your marriage, and as hard as it is, continue to love him.

 

[love7]

Hi. I'm probably way too young to give any solid advice; but I will say that you are truelly not alone; even when you do feel that you are. I will be keeping you in my prayers; especially about sisters Christ; so that you can have sisters that are focused on Christ that can love; encourage and support you.and that God may grant you constant wisedom so that you can handle everything in a way that gives glory to him. With God; everything will be ok. Its all a spirituak battle; and we are on the winning team

 

[soccermom19]

You need to further investigate. Find out if he actually slept with someone. He will not be honest with you and tell you that he did, even if it is true. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and change. Otherwise, you may have to become drastic and kick him out for a while until he straightens up.
Pray for answers and God will provide them. He did for me! Each time that I prayed for answers about my husband's actions, God showed me the truth. God will show you too! Have faith! Leave it in Gods hands and follow what he asks of you.

 

[Sirk]

If I might offer what I think is the underlying reason why your husband is doing the porn....it's sort of like the adrenaline junky, when he watches videos or talks with women there is a rush of chemicals that flood his brain and it feels good. It is a temporary escape from a deep seated unprocrssed emotional trauma. It is a broken mechanism but it is one that feels good and offers respite, albeit temporary, from unprocrssed pain.

Unprocessed pain always leads to anger, anxiety and depression...which lead to addictive self harming behaviors in an attempt to "feel better".

My two cents are this...you need to learn all you can about co-dependancy so that you can know how to protect yourself from his behavior and set healthy boundaries and learn how to love him in the way he NEEDS to be loved vs how he WANTS to be loved.

Stop begging him to change and stand up for yourself. Jesus calls you to love not to let yourself be abused.

 

[Pijow]

I also agree with the poster who said pray to God for answers (and protection). He will lead your way, I'm sure. I had this type of stuff happen to me during the first few years of my own marriage, unbeknownst to me, and it was always worse during pregnancies and it eventually escalated into full out unprotected sex with at least one woman and tons of other women he cheated with in other ways. I never thought he would do that to me. You are not alone... Keep your eyes open and your spiritual guard up!! Blessings to you and your children and I hope it works out for the best

 

[tourist]

I also agree with the poster who said pray to God for answers (and protection). He will lead your way, I'm sure. I had this type of stuff happen to me during the first few years of my own marriage, unbeknownst to me, and it was always worse during pregnancies and it eventually escalated into full out unprotected sex with at least one woman and tons of other women he cheated with in other ways. I never thought he would do that to me. You are not alone... Keep your eyes open and your spiritual guard up!! Blessings to you and your children and I hope it works out for the best

This is horrible. I hope that you eventually put that piece of trash out on the curb.