My Lamb in Wolves' Clothing: Advice for bipolar partner

[intercessorginger]

I think it's terrible that you would be advised to "drop" a friend who has a disability. solely based upon that. He needs your love and support and prayers while he stands in faith for his healing. There is treatment for this condition and hopefully it will help him to function well. No one is perfect, and he may not be "the one' for you..but a limitation should not be the thing that makes this decision for you.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Way to go Duchess. Your faith has healed you....

This is good to know. I'm glad you mentioned it.

 

[HEstolemyheart]

My boyfriend recently was diagnosed with bipolar. I am really struggling with how to help him. So many people don't understand mental illness and discourage me from staying with him. I know the success statistics for marriage with someone who is bipolar are below 20%. But, I catch beautiful glimpses of the true Christian man behind the anger and depression that others see. How can I help others see this? And any advice on helping him would be welcome, as well. Thank you in advance.

I am bipolar; Bipolar NOS, fast cycling, with paranoid tendencies- is my exact diagnosis.

I first want to personally thank you for standing by and supporting your boyfriend. The statistics aren't in the favor of people with mental illnesses when it comes to relationships. I'm on the opposite side of the situation as you, but I can give you advice from my perspective since i've recently been through the same as him.

Prioritize. Work on the most important things first, then gradually continue with more as you go along. My medicines LITERALLY made me feel as if I were having to relearn, well, everything. How to walk, talk, take care of my self.

First priority is setting up a healthy lifestyle. Eating healthy, no alcohol, finding effective stress relief, exercise; these are all things that will help him start to "normalize" his life during, through, and after med adjustments and changes.

SEE THE DR! TAKE THE MEDS, Even when you feel better or normal! This is the most important thing I can stress to you both! I went off my meds only once, and my husband, by the Grace of God, found me standing on the (very active) train tracks right behind our house. I didn't even know what I was doing really, I don't recall much except waking up being terrified of something and "running for the light".

I believe God can heal all things, but I believe the sometimes God heals through not only Miracles but medicine. I believe this because the two medicines I am currently on are the only ones that are working for me, have NO generic and are very expensive. Luckily, one of the medications is provided through my husbands work, and the other, God always manages to provide us the financial means to pay for it.

Keep on your spiritual journey together as you are. Do as you have to do to keep yourself right with God, if that means going to church on sunday without him, then by all means, go. God will set a fire in his heart in time to rejoin when the time is right. Maybe at this moment he needs to adjust, cope, and heal.

As for everyone else, what does it matter how they see him, God sees into the heart of things, and how God and you see him is all that really matters, right? Everyone else is small beans for now! Hope this helps some.

 

[Lucy68]

Lucy, thank you. I just want to also be sure I don't paint him as a burden. He is so patient with me too. Just the other day, he was struggling with obsessing about something he found very frightening. My "patient" self was tired of listening and could only focus on the day I was having. I broke down and told him I just couldn't listen to his problems at that moment. He stopped immediately and said, "I'm so sorry that I was selfish. I can wait. Tell me about your day." Then he drove an hour and a half from his house to be with me and prove he would always be there for me. I'm not always the patient one. But, I am ALWAYS the blessed one, as long as I can be with him. I just want everyone to see that part of him. And I like your idea about not having to agree with everything in order to worship with other Christians. I will talk to him about that. And you make a great point about the partner setting an example of how to treat their loved one. Thank you so much for your prayers!

This is a very good sign! Continue to encourage him to consider other people's feelings...yours included.

When we feel 'needed' this is a wonderful affirmation that we have something to contribute. Some people (I'm thinking of a relative mainly) will not let other people do anything for them, or considers it a personal weakness to let other people know that they are having a hard time in dealing with something. Their pride prevents them from acknowledging the fact that they might actually 'need' anyone else.

I'm sure that isn't you...but I think it's important to realize that in a Christian community, or a relationship, that each others strengths and weaknesses are the avenues which we can lift each other up and make us feel important in someone else's life.

That involves discernment and leading by the Spirit. This same relative of mine will insist on doing EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY....almost like no one else knows how to do it but her. Or she has a martyr complex...I really don't know what her motivation is.

Praying for you both

 

[Lemondrops]

I am bipolar; Bipolar NOS, fast cycling, with paranoid tendencies- is my exact diagnosis.

I first want to personally thank you for standing by and supporting your boyfriend. The statistics aren't in the favor of people with mental illnesses when it comes to relationships. I'm on the opposite side of the situation as you, but I can give you advice from my perspective since i've recently been through the same as him.

Prioritize. Work on the most important things first, then gradually continue with more as you go along. My medicines LITERALLY made me feel as if I were having to relearn, well, everything. How to walk, talk, take care of my self.

First priority is setting up a healthy lifestyle. Eating healthy, no alcohol, finding effective stress relief, exercise; these are all things that will help him start to "normalize" his life during, through, and after med adjustments and changes.

SEE THE DR! TAKE THE MEDS, Even when you feel better or normal! This is the most important thing I can stress to you both! I went off my meds only once, and my husband, by the Grace of God, found me standing on the (very active) train tracks right behind our house. I didn't even know what I was doing really, I don't recall much except waking up being terrified of something and "running for the light".

I believe God can heal all things, but I believe the sometimes God heals through not only Miracles but medicine. I believe this because the two medicines I am currently on are the only ones that are working for me, have NO generic and are very expensive. Luckily, one of the medications is provided through my husbands work, and the other, God always manages to provide us the financial means to pay for it.

Keep on your spiritual journey together as you are. Do as you have to do to keep yourself right with God, if that means going to church on sunday without him, then by all means, go. God will set a fire in his heart in time to rejoin when the time is right. Maybe at this moment he needs to adjust, cope, and heal.

As for everyone else, what does it matter how they see him, God sees into the heart of things, and how God and you see him is all that really matters, right? Everyone else is small beans for now! Hope this helps some.

Thank you. I need and highly value perspectives from people with bipolar as well. I know each person is different but I feel like I can get a little bit of a better glimpse of his struggles through other people's explanations, as well as his own. He is also diagnosed NOS. He is good about seeing the doctor but only sees him once a week.

Is it possible for me to emphasize the healing aspect too much? I recognize this is an illness that needs medical attention. Did you want people to pray for you to be healed? (Especially during the cycles of depression.) I also see medication as God's way of working even though it isn't a complete healing of the illness, itself.

Your train story is scary and since I do not live with him, it is very scary for me to think I don't always know what he is doing. I am trying very hard to give those fears to God, though. I am not in control, even when I am with him. You sound very blessed with a loving husband.

All of the posts about healing are extremely encouraging. So, again, thank you.

 

[Lemondrops]

This is a very good sign! Continue to encourage him to consider other people's feelings...yours included.

When we feel 'needed' this is a wonderful affirmation that we have something to contribute. Some people (I'm thinking of a relative mainly) will not let other people do anything for them, or considers it a personal weakness to let other people know that they are having a hard time in dealing with something. Their pride prevents them from acknowledging the fact that they might actually 'need' anyone else.

I'm sure that isn't you...but I think it's important to realize that in a Christian community, or a relationship, that each others strengths and weaknesses are the avenues which we can lift each other up and make us feel important in someone else's life.

That involves discernment and leading by the Spirit. This same relative of mine will insist on doing EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY....almost like no one else knows how to do it but her. Or she has a martyr complex...I really don't know what her motivation is.

Praying for you both

Thank you Lucy. Actually, sadly, it is one of my weaknesses. I don't like letting people help me. It is hard. That is why your post means so much to me. I recognize it all as very true and I know that I need to work on it. Since he is my partner, bipolar or not, I know I have to let him be there for me BEFORE I reach my breaking point, when he is able. And, as I mentioned, he desires very much to support me emotionally, spiritually and financially. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to let him do this, for both of our sakes.

 

[hope36523]

I am married to a bipolar man and he has a chemical in balance,it has its ups and downs but if you truely love that person ou will be with him no matter what anyone else thinks.like i say its hard but my love for him is more powerful than the desease,and we have 2 beutiful children and i love him though there are days when i feel like walking away butmy love for him keeps me here.

 

[hope36523]

and god can heal him just rember that

 

[SavedByTheGraceOfGod]

Absolutely, the God of all can heal everything. Bipolar can be demonic, which is why it will be a struggle to get him to go to a church (as he is fighting against the darkness that doesn't want him to go there. I was healed of schizophrenia through our wonderful Lord Jesus. Can I please suggest that you find your local Catholic church, and join their RCIA program (conversion team for adults). Every week after receiving the Eucharist (when you eat the circles of bread) my mind and soul was healing. Week by week the Lord saved my mind from demons. 5 months down the track, and I have the clearest, most peaceful mind and soul I've ever had in my life. I prayer for peace for your boyfriend, and that you turn to the Lord and his promise of healing via the sacraments. God bless

 

[RedTent]

I have two bipolar friends. It is like being diabetic needing insulin, there is a chemical in the brain that has to be supplied.

One friend says things like I am more an my pills, etc. It is hard to accept that a pill is what makes your thinking correct, but that has to be accepted. They have to be taken.

One thing good about it is that they don't have to give in to thoughts that are not what they would have without the condition. Being a Christian and filling their mind with God thoughts actually helps the disease.

We all experience that. When you have done something very well you get a sort of high, and everything in life seems wonderful. When we let ourselves indulge in those "ain't it awful" thoughts, everything seems black. The thoughts actually make our bodies work differently. The other day I went for a routine check up at my doctor when I was very upset about something. My blood pressure was sky high. I told him I was upset. He told me that even with what had happened, the world still was just the same, God still operated in it, it was my perception that was off. Told me to sit and put myself in a happy place. 15 minutes later he took my blood pressure again and it was down 40 points.

 

[Cino]

My boyfriend recently was diagnosed with bipolar. I am really struggling with how to help him. So many people don't understand mental illness and discourage me from staying with him. I know the success statistics for marriage with someone who is bipolar are below 20%. But, I catch beautiful glimpses of the true Christian man behind the anger and depression that others see. How can I help others see this? And any advice on helping him would be welcome, as well. Thank you in advance.

There is nothing short of sorrow in a household where a partner has a mental problem, be it depression, mood swings, bipolar, things like that. I know, because my husband of 38 years has some of these problems. It is HELL on earth. I married my Christian husband in faith, and I can tell you that it is ONLY my faith in believing that this was the man that God wanted me to marry, that held my marriage together. There were countless times I thought to leave him. But my faith told me not to. My husband has seen 7 psychiatrists and 2 psychologist. All of them said they could not help my husband, because he was too complex for them. My husband was on various medications, and they all seemed to make him worse. We threw all the medications out. I was living in a hell of rollercoasters for years and years. I walking on glass, wondering what mood he would be in when he got in the house. And when he did come home in a good mood, 10 minutes later, he wanted to kill me. I felt like a faucet that was turning off & on. I joined a group for the family and friends of the mentally ill. I talked to the psychiatrists and psychologists myself, and not only talking, but breaking down in tears. They all told me I was right and believed me, but there was nothing they could do to help. Also, on top of this, my husband never thought that HE was the one with the problem, and he never wanted to take the medication, but I forced him. My husband always said, and even to this day, that I am the one with the mental problems, not him. Well, I must say, that over time, and lots of time, he mellowed a bit. I guess it was just praying, praying and more praying on my part. And not only praying for HIM, but praying for ME to have the strength and grace every day to live with him. I have found the best thing is not to aggravate him. When you see him upset or in his moods, leave him alone. My daughter has similar problems with her husband, and I am always advising her on how to deal with him. A very sad and extremely exhausting task for the spouse of the mentally ill. I have found that chromium is a help for mood swings and depression. Be careful on some of the medications, as I have a friend who is on anti depressants, and he is now in the mental ward of a hospital for 8 months. The more medications they give him, the worse he gets. I also had a lady friend who committed suicide while being on anti depressants. The best thing I could have done for my husband was take him off all medications. My husband is now 60, and after going through hell on earth for so many years, he is mellowing more & more. Just take each day as it comes, and ask God for help to make it through. HE will carry you through.

 

[Cino]

I just wanted to add, that my husband is a Christian as well. Christians are not exempt from mental illness. He was going to church regularly, and then he stopped, because he had conflicts with the preachers and some of the members. He did not agree with their way of thinking, and mentally ill people think that THEY are always right, and everyone else is wrong. So, because they did not agree with HIM, he stopped going to church. However, that did not make him stop being a Christian. I go to church every Sunday and raised our 3 children in the fear of God, and thank God, all 3 of our children are Christians. I go faithfully to church, except when I am sick. I left him alone. I did not force him to go. I did not argue the point. I supported him, that if he didn't want to go, that's fine, just stay home. He used to just stay home and do nothing, but then he slowly listened to ministries on the TV, and also sermons from our churches overseas. He also likes to listen to John MacArthur Jr., and Chuck Swindle. So, I just left him alone. After a long time, he slowly started to show up at my church. He came for the singing, which he really likes. I was happy to see him do that. Sometimes, you just have to leave them alone, and they may come out of it and come to their senses, and maybe start going to church again. The important thing is that he is still a Christian.

 

[Cino]

Take heart lemodrops, one of my personal favourite preachers suffered from depression all his life and he was the 'prince of preachers' his name was Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

Hopefully this link may help your boyfriend and you, I pray it does:

Do You See the Glory of God in the Sun? Spurgeon’s Battle Against Depression – Justin Taylor

Thanks for the link. I like to read Spurgeon as well, and I have a husband and son who battle with depression.

 

[Cino]

My son is trying Chromium as an alternative to medication. Chromium is for depression and mood swings, which bipolar people get. It's worth a try, but get the Therapeutic strength.... 500 mgs a day. My son was never diagnosed, but I see that he suffers from mood swings, with very highs and very lows. His wife has told me she notices it as well. My daughter in law is a registered nurse and has seen what medication can do to people, and no way does she want my son on medication. Her brother suffers from mental illness and medication ruined his life. There are alternative ways to deal with this. Chromium and St. John's wart.

 

[Cino]

One more point. If you are on medication, and you come off, then you could get worse. This is what happened to my daughter in law's brother, and that is why she doesn't want my son to even start the Meds. Her brother was on for awhile, went off, and wow, took a bit turn for the worse. He has been on them now for YEARS. However, my husband was only on for a couple of weeks, and when I started to see the side effects, I told the psychiatrists that he is not taking them. The psychiatrists took him off the pills, as she agreed they could do a lot of harm to him. Just be careful.