my step mom hates me

  • Thread starter TemporaryCircumstances
  • Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#21
#21
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Easier said than done though..........
I don't think I can do that
Click to expand...
You can do it! Believe me, as a person who has had to deal with a ton of ridicule from stupid people who were insecure about themselves....I had to deal with a ton of "mental/emotional" abuse from the harsh words people threw out at me...especially in college....it took a lot of hard days to get through it, but with God's help I did...I became a stronger and tougher person inside b/c of it....and I realized all the stuff they accused me of was just their emptiness spouting out of their mouth....I prayed a ton and got through it....Now I don't give a crap about what people say because I matured more to the point where their validation/un satisfaction with me means nothing...absolutely zero....I wish I had this when I was younger but only pain/experience teaches you some lessons I guess. :)

Also if you have the mindset you can do it and people can just screw themselves....your game face so to speak.... it helps build your inner confidence!

When you are young you tend to take a lot of validation/input from other people seriously and they don't realize what kind of damage can be done with a young mind....but as you get older you realize they aren't important to your identity anymore....

So like I said before....don't let them dictate your future/identity.....steel yourself up to their crap to the point where it's like water off a duck's back and know internally that you are more capable of greatness than they are....and that they are trying to hold you back and you don't have time for losers.....
 
HS

HS

Senior Member
#22
Jul 3, 2016
672
11
18
#22
Lord Jesus I would just like say a prayer for Natania. Bless her Lord. Protect and provide comfort for her. Help through this hard time. Give her a light in her dark surroundings. Open a window for her Lord. Also I pray her family both related and not. Draw them to you Lord so that they can love this dear sister. Thank you Jesus. Come Lord Jesus. In the name of Jesus amen.
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#23
#23
Ultimatum77 said:
You can do it! Believe me, as a person who has had to deal with a ton of ridicule from stupid people who were insecure about themselves....I had to deal with a ton of "mental/emotional" abuse from the harsh words people threw out at me...especially in college....it took a lot of hard days to get through it, but with God's help I did...I became a stronger and tougher person inside b/c of it....and I realized all the stuff they accused me of was just their emptiness spouting out of their mouth....I prayed a ton and got through it....Now I don't give a crap about what people say because I matured more to the point where their validation/un satisfaction with me means nothing...absolutely zero....I wish I had this when I was younger but only pain/experience teaches you some lessons I guess. :)

Also if you have the mindset you can do it and people can just screw themselves....your game face so to speak.... it helps build your inner confidence!

When you are young you tend to take a lot of validation/input from other people seriously and they don't realize what kind of damage can be done with a young mind....but as you get older you realize they aren't important to your identity anymore....

So like I said before....don't let them dictate your future/identity.....steel yourself up to their crap to the point where it's like water off a duck's back and know internally that you are more capable of greatness than they are....and that they are trying to hold you back and you don't have time for losers.....
Click to expand...
Sigh....
I just wish I didn't have to try to earn love from family
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#24
#24
HS said:
Lord Jesus I would just like say a prayer for Natania. Bless her Lord. Protect and provide comfort for her. Help through this hard time. Give her a light in her dark surroundings. Open a window for her Lord. Also I pray her family both related and not. Draw them to you Lord so that they can love this dear sister. Thank you Jesus. Come Lord Jesus. In the name of Jesus amen.
Click to expand...
Thank you..
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#25
#25
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Sigh....
I just wish I didn't have to try to earn love from family
Click to expand...
Yea I know what you mean, I was the ignored child of my family despite being the oldest. Everyone loved my sister and expected great things of her b/c she is smart. But for me nothing was expected, and I never got affirmation for anything I achieved it was always failing in comparison to whatever she could do in their eyes.....Too bad that I outdid my sister (btw no sibling rivalry here just tbh) and have a great degree while she hasn't achieved much at all despite being in college for 4 years. Just goes to show that God decides who comes up and goes down....I blew away my parents paltry expectations for my life....and am proud in a godly way that I could do this....I'm not gloating but the satisfaction of disproving people is so rewarding...it's indescribable....

anyway enough about that.....back to you

You need to trust God (I know cliche lol) but if you get your confidence from God it will last longer and help you achieve things you couldn't even imagine and help you blow people away with your achievements. Man can only give you so much confidence before letting you down but God won't. It's like a unending fountain of confidence/strength that he can give you one that you should draw from daily by praying and staying in His will. Don't let your lack of affirmation lower your own personal expectations, seeks God and keep those expectations/goals high, know you can do it with God's help..
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#26
#26
Ultimatum77 said:
Yea I know what you mean, I was the ignored child of my family despite being the oldest. Everyone loved my sister and expected great things of her b/c she is smart. But for me nothing was expected, and I never got affirmation for anything I achieved it was always failing in comparison to whatever she could do in their eyes.....Too bad that I outdid my sister (btw no sibling rivalry here just tbh) and have a great degree while she hasn't achieved much at all despite being in college for 4 years. Just goes to show that God decides who comes up and goes down....I blew away my parents paltry expectations for my life....and am proud in a godly way that I could do this....I'm not gloating but the satisfaction of disproving people is so rewarding...it's indescribable....

anyway enough about that.....back to you

You need to trust God (I know cliche lol) but if you get your confidence from God it will last longer and help you achieve things you couldn't even imagine and help you blow people away with your achievements. Man can only give you so much confidence before letting you down but God won't. It's like a unending fountain of confidence/strength that he can give you one that you should draw from daily by praying and staying in His will. Don't let your lack of affirmation lower your own personal expectations, seeks God and keep those expectations/goals high, know you can do it with God's help..
Click to expand...
That's great! :)


And yes I know. I'm still working on that. I'm trying
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#27
#27
TemporaryCircumstances said:
That's great! :)


And yes I know. I'm still working on that. I'm trying
Click to expand...
Use your negatives as motivation to propel you! I pray God give your life stability and a good safe place to grow into the person He wants you to be. :) God Bless!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#28
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#28
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Yeah that's highly debatable
Many can and do hate me

The thing is, I can't keep doing what im doing.
I push myself to the breaking point and I'm done I've broken.
Congrats to her
Click to expand...
Sweetie, we never break. We may bend and sway under our heavy loads, but we never break. We just short out sometimes..lol.. Luckily Jesus can fix us, no matter how many times we need it. :) Like Demi said, you're too awesome for anyone to hate. Your step mom is probably just jealous because you're put together better than she is.. lol
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#29
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#29
You're NOT done. In this life, we are never done with going through hardships and persecution. I KNOW that you aren't a quitter, Natania. With all you've already been through in the short 14 years you've been on this earth, you definitely don't admit defeat. :) You've been through more in 14 years, than I've been through in my 45 years and I'm 4 times your age..lol .. Maybe your step mom is a quitter, but you are not. You keep fighting every battle that is thrown your way. Maybe she just wishes she had your strength to conquer any trial that comes her way..
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#30
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
113
Germany
#30
blue_ladybug said:
You're NOT done. In this life, we are never done with going through hardships and persecution. I KNOW that you aren't a quitter, Natania. With all you've already been through in the short 14 years you've been on this earth, you definitely don't admit defeat. :) You've been through more in 14 years, than I've been through in my 45 years and I'm 4 times your age..lol .. Maybe your step mom is a quitter, but you are not. You keep fighting every battle that is thrown your way. Maybe she just wishes she had your strength to conquer any trial that comes her way..
Click to expand...

((To be honest I wish I had her strength)) I dunno after cancer and all if I was able to stand the way Natania does.. no joke I think I wouldnt be sittin here is I was her
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#31
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#31
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Yeah that's highly debatable
Many can and do hate me

The thing is, I can't keep doing what im doing.
I push myself to the breaking point and I'm done I've broken.
Congrats to her
Click to expand...

Babe, I can't imagine going through cancer as many times as you have. Having gone through it just once almost did me in. You are alot braver than I am, and that's a fact. :) Talk to Blaine, he's had cancer and still suffers effects from it to this day. Talk to Angela, who has RA so bad that it nearly cripples her just to do everyday things. Talk to Depleted about her bad back and being gang raped. If anyone has reason to give up, it's her. Her hubby had a heart attack over a year ago, and he just barely came home from the hospital because it affected him so badly and thing after thing just went wrong with his recovery. Lynn (Depleted) has had probably the hardest time of all, yet she pushes on despite being self-admittedly depleted.

In this life, we don't get to give up and admit defeat. Doing that means we give in to satan's attempts to destroy us. We can only endure through, the best way we know how.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#32
#32
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Just as the title says.
I am not overreacting.
I've tried to ask for love from her. All I get is constant hate.
I've tried apologizing and blaming everything on myself instead of her.
I've tried everything.
I'm about done.
What else can I do?
Click to expand...
1. Remember that God loves you.
2. Show her God's love even when she doesn't deserve it and don't expect for her to return that love.
3. Pray for her and yourself (that God guides your actions and words so you can live in peace even if she never loves you
4. Remember her lack of love is not your fault but some issue she needs to deal with
5. Don't accept blame for things not your fault. Be honest, if you did something wrong or was mean or disrespectful, apologize. Know that God forgives you even if she doesn't.
6. Don't ask for love from her, ask for a truce and peace so that you can live together because of your mutual love of your father....4 more years at home?
7. Pray...we will keep you in our prayers.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#33
#33
TemporaryCircumstances said:
I'm not doing adoption
I literally take care of this family.
I help pay bills, I buy and cook all of the food I take the kids to school and make sure they are okay

I can't just leave my siblings like that
Click to expand...
Replace father with siblings in my previous posts....


Your stepmother may not love anyone, including herself as God intends people to love.

Focus instead on building relationships with your siblings, how old are they?


When you turn 18 would you be able to adopt them, because from your hints your step mom sounds abusive and neglectful. She is likely to kick you out of the house if you threaten her source of food stamps....some people just have kids to get welfare, sadly. Hoping she isn't one of those people.
 
W

WarriorForChrist

Guest
#34
#34
Ahhhhhhhh the dreaded stepmom. I have one of those and it is tough. I know what you are going through because I have a real peach of a stepmom. I think I was 10 when my dad re-married and I can tell you that even though she forced me and my sister to call her mom, she was never a mom to us. I am 44 now and even to this day she doesn't treat me as a real son. But you know what, it doesn't matter. You still love the stepmoms as much as you can and just get use to not being able to depend on them. It is hard when you are a teenager but when you get all grown up (lol) you will be able to set limits with her and keep her at a distance.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#35
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#35
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Why?
She's not with my father anymore.
So that's not it.
She's glad she's not with my father as is everyone else who isn't with him.
So I guess she really isn't my step mom but I still consider her my step mom
Click to expand...
You're just 14, but that is when these inevitable conflicts begin. There's a lot of psychological stuff involved. But suffice it to say this is just a part of becoming a woman in a world full of other women. Boys go through much of the same thing with their fathers.

Trust me, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you'll survive it.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#36
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#36
Take a look at your user name, Natania. These are only temporary circumstances for you. :) I KNOW you believe that, or you wouldn't have chosen that for your user name. I went through tough times with my mom when I was little, and still am today. Obviously I survived. You will too. :)
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#37
#37
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Just as the title says.
I am not overreacting.
I've tried to ask for love from her. All I get is constant hate.
I've tried apologizing and blaming everything on myself instead of her.
I've tried everything.
I'm about done.
What else can I do?
Click to expand...
Out of all the things I've gone through in life, and some of them have been quite hard, they pale compared to this. I can imagine nothing harder to have to go through. We count on parent figures loving us, and yet, as you know, it's not a given.

You're not alone. I've known others who were hated by their parents through no fault of their own. I wish I could tell you this will change. It may never. God might change her. That doesn't really help you now.

What do you do? The same thing we're required to do for everyone, becuase God was kind enough to do it for us -- love her.

I know. Really? Like how?

Pray for her, do good for her, keep thinking in the same terms as when you love someone who does love you back. Give her your best. And, no, I'm not saying 100%, because that can't be maintained. 90% is good, simply because we reward ourselves for doing good at lavish rewards, so it probably won't hit 90% either.

It doesn't require changing yourself in 20,000 ways to see if you can find a you she can take. Why be someone you're not just to please someone? And don't blame. Let it go.

How do you do all that? Same way as always -- God.
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#38
#38
Ultimatum77 said:
Use your negatives as motivation to propel you! I pray God give your life stability and a good safe place to grow into the person He wants you to be. :) God Bless!
Click to expand...
Thank you I will try
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#39
#39
Ariel82 said:
Replace father with siblings in my previous posts....


Your stepmother may not love anyone, including herself as God intends people to love.

Focus instead on building relationships with your siblings, how old are they?


When you turn 18 would you be able to adopt them, because from your hints your step mom sounds abusive and neglectful. She is likely to kick you out of the house if you threaten her source of food stamps....some people just have kids to get welfare, sadly. Hoping she isn't one of those people.
Click to expand...
One is 22 is but doesn't live with us
One is 3
One is 2
One is 9
One is 10
One is 12 or 13 I can't remember
And I used to have a 15 year old sister
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#40
#40
Thank you so much Lady Blue
You always have things to say that make me smile in any circumstance.
Thank you so much for always being so kind to me.
I know I can't give up I just...
I don't even know.... >. <
I'm not that strong honestly.


Demi,
Aw you are so kind.
But I believe you would be able to make it through much more than I have. You've already made it through so much.
But thank you for your kind words as well.


Willie,
I never know what to say to you xD
I know what you're saying is true


Lynn,
Thank you so much!!!!!
I will try
 
You must log in or register to reply here.