My wife the slob

[Born_Again]

Hey, at least you have a wife to call a slob. Keep this in mind. I recently became "separated". She has her own things to sort out I guess but yesterday I spent my first Christmas in 12 years, alone..... Be thankful for what you have. I certainly hope you can address the issues in your home. We never did until it was too late. I always thought her little quirks were endearing but she didn't seem to feel the same towards my quirks. I thought those were the things that made her, her.

 

[Keeper]

I thought about how to title this post but I just had to be truthful.

my wife is a Christian, a very attractive lady, athletic, and a great mom to the kids but she is a pig pen.

She never ever puts things away, starts projects and leaves everything out, her car smells like food garbage, she is a hoarder and saves everything.

I have resigned myself to excepting this of her and embracing it by being helpful. But it is tiring and it brings a real lack of peace to have so much clutter in our home.

It appears you've received a whole lot of views, a few of which required that you provide further details, how/when did it all start... and I suppose that by now you feel you've got an idea how to move forward.

However if not, if you're still "wondering"? Then here's my take:

Try and change your thinking from "who" does (or doesn't do) what... change it from "who" to "what". I mean: "What" needs to be done, and consider this approach as the beginning point of all things in your home and your car(s).

Question: "What is it that needs to be taken care of?"
Answer: "The mess in the house."

From that point, what must follow is action. You will put on your chores-gear and get to work. But suppose you're tired; then you'll contact a house-cleaning company in your town and pay a few dollars to get the world done. And if you're tired and you don't have the money to spend. Speak to your wife and say: "Hun? The house is so messy, I am tired, and I don't have money to hire someone. Can you help? Please?" If you're lucky she'll do it. And if she doesn't, then you'll keep thinking and come up with a whole bunch of other possible solutions. (maybe call a buddy, maybe decide to rest for 6 hours and get up refreshed to get it done, maybe this, maybe that...)

Bottom line being: Something needs to be taken care of. So? Well, it will be taken care of. Doesn't matter by whom.

 

[themusicmiss]

that title was hilarious hahahahahaa,

you need to let her know how much you love her and tell her the amazing things about her like you told us and Im sure she'l come round

 

[Born_Again]

that title was hilarious hahahahahaa,

you need to let her know how much you love her and tell her the amazing things about her like you told us and Im sure she'l come round

Sometimes, things are rooted deeper than that. That may not always work. The problems don't just pop up over night and neither will a resolution for it.

 

[JesusistheChrist]

that title was hilarious hahahahahaa,

I thought so too (and I still do...as sober as I normally am, I have a silly sense of humor), but it almost got me stoned to death.

lol.

 

[JesusistheChrist]

Sometimes, things are rooted deeper than that. That may not always work. The problems don't just pop up over night and neither will a resolution for it.

I'd have to agree...especially since the OP's situation and my own are very similar...even though my wife has finally begun to change in this specific area.

Now, before anybody picks up any more stones to hurl at me, I regularly pick up after myself and do my own fair share of cleaning when I'm not busy working around the clock as I normally am and the problem definitely isn't that we "need a maid" or that my wife has too many other responsibilities. Quite frankly, the problem has always been related to the exact opposite:

Irresponsibility.

Anyhow, even though we don't "need a maid", I might need a secretary...to help me sort through all of the "fan mail" that I'm sure to receive for my above comments.

lol.

 

[dabodab]

This thread is hilarious!

I invite you to read it inverting 'wife' for 'husband' and try to imagine any prickly responses. It's just a thought exercise, not a gender bashing one.

Sounds to me like the OP is simply venting honestly. If we can't vent here with all our superficial names and no return addresses, then where?

I love how the OP describes his wife as beautiful, that she takes care of herself and is a good mom. He also stated that he is resigned to her 'slob' state and is helpful.

Hoarding is definitely something to be concerned about. My advice would be to talk to your wife about how the clutter makes you feel, and maybe get a little counseling together about it. Your marriage axtually sounds solid so I expect you will not accept the remarks that it could all end over this.

I agree that clutter can disturb peace, however some people actually thrive in clutter. There are two attorneys where I work, who are clutter freaks. It hurts me just to look at their desks. They know where everything is and everything is vitally important to keep just where it lays. Me, when I pull staples out of documents, said staples are deposited into a special tray, which is dumped into my trash can at the end of the work day. The felt pen has its cap put back on immediately after each use. My inbox is checked and organized 2-3 times a day. You could make a case that I'm a little sideways as well, just no one notices.

Don't make more of this than necessary, all other things in your marriage being good. You sound like a reasonable man. I heard one of the main guys on Focus on the Family radio show describe his wife as 'unorganized' and stuff cluttering his life at home. They all laughed about it and he moved on. It's not a shame to talk about it. It's not a shame to be disorganized. It's just stuff.

 

[SweetShelly35]

Ok so I have some questions...Why would anyone ever come onto a Christian site to criticize their spouse? How do you think this lady would feel if she knew? Is this what Jesus would do? Would a pastor or Christian Counsellor have better answers than a bunch of internet strangers? Think about your wedding vows.

 

[Dan58]

Ok so I have some questions...Why would anyone ever come onto a Christian site to criticize their spouse? How do you think this lady would feel if she knew? Is this what Jesus would do? Would a pastor or Christian Counsellor have better answers than a bunch of internet strangers? Think about your wedding vows.

The OP was probably looking for answers on how he could change the slob? Its not criticism if his wife never see's it, and its not criticism if its true. A slob is as a slob does. Jesus told the truth, and he had much harsher words for the scribes and Pharisees, so yes, I doubt he would have mince words, he called a spade a spade. Sometimes the touchy-feely approach doesn't work, and being direct is a necessity. If a woman or a man is a slob and their spouse can't tell them, who can? If someone has bad breath, do you tell them? If someone's an alcoholic, do you tell them they're a drunk? Or do you tip-toe around the problem and pretend it doesn't exist? Imo, you confront someone with the truth when you care about them, even when it may hurt their pride.

 

[JesusMyOnly]

Did she ever clean the house?!

...I'm just waiting for my mom to start a similar thread about me...

 

[Colorful]

This is not an excuse to essentially name-calling his wife, but I hope people can look passed that and reply about his solution rather than condemnation of his [untactful] choice words.

I would have suggested having her read THIS thread but for a multitude of reasons, I don't think that is a good idea anymore. Because you (the OP) worded things the way you did, you have vilified yourself towards many women (and possibly men too), which has caused them to become side-tracked to actually give you beneficial and fruitful responses. For this reason, she might feel even MORE justified in being disorderly around the home by simply reading this thread.

Also, I just wanted to state that just because the OP chose to make a personal attack (name calling) on his wife, it doesn't give us the right to match fire with fire. Why match personal attack for personal attack? To teach him a lesson? Simply express why you think he chose the wrong words and move on. I think if the OP is going to learn why using words like that to describe his wife is wrong and shouldn't be done (especially on an online forum), it's going to be by the Holy Spirit, not at a vengeful tongue.

My advice: Communicate with her in a HEALTHY manner. Keep an open dialogue about it where there isn't a Father-Daughter dynamic, and when/if you see her improving, give her positive reinforcement (for motivation). Perhaps offer to do something completely unrelated towards cleaning that she wants (or doesn't want) you to do as a form of compromise/reward for being orderly (shoulder/back/foot rub? weekly dates? cooking for the family dinner on occassion, etc..). Pray for even more patience. Objectively determine if this is something she can overcome on her own or if she needs professional help. By being given a professional opinion that she has psychological issues/predispositions towards her disorderly nature, this could cause an automatic increase in tolerance on your part (hopefully anyway). Try to set timelines and deadlines for when a project starts to when it should be done. Hold each other accountable for it. Talk about the ramifications of what ought to happen if a project goes passed a deadline.

 

[Sirk]

A disordered outer circumstance can be an indication of a disordered inward circumstance.