need advice please

[Alice_in_wonderland]

Hi. I am relatively new. This is my second day here. I am 20 and I just Got married in September.
Now let me start with saying I've had a bad past. Abusive ex, abortion, miscarriage, depression, suicide Attempts.. Etc. Anywho met and married jeramey, and now we are trying for kids. But I haven't gotten pregnant. I went to the doctor, alone and without his knowledge.. And I was told that I have slim to none chance of carrying a baby full term. And a 10 to 20 percent chance of actually getting pregnant...
Now idk how to tell him. I feel like less of a women, like the one thong I'm Genetically designed to do I can't..
Idk how to even bring it up or if I even should. What if he resents me or just leaves me?...
I'm terrified now and he's starting to notice something is wrong.
Any advice? I'm just scared..

 

[maxwel]

It's probably going to be a while before you're over the past abuse from your ex.
That stuff is going to affect your thinking, and your expectations about your current husband.
It's a big deal.

I would start by getting in to your pastor for some regular counseling.

You don't need one specific answer to one specific question...
you need general counseling to help you deal with all the stuff from your past.
Then you will be able to think more clearly about EVERYTHING.

 

[Alice_in_wonderland]

I don't go to church... Last one I went to the pastor told me, in front of everyone, that I was going to hell. So no church for me.

 

[Toska]

I don't go to church... Last one I went to the pastor told me, in front of everyone, that I was going to hell. So no church for me.

Don't give up on church because of one pastor's terrible actions toward you. I wish you were close to me, I would take you to church with me. I cannot think of a single person in my church that would say anything negative to you, they would just love you and help guide you in your relationship with God.

About children, I have known many women who were told they could not have children and they did. My closest friend has two and was told by several doctors that she would never conceive. I do understand you feeling like less of a woman. I was never able to have children and it is hard to cope with at times. But, I know God has a plan for me and it obviously does not involve me having a child of my own. Even though I struggle at times, I put my trust in Him.

I wish I had better words of wisdom for you. Never forget that God loves you and He always will.

 

[sandtigeress]

I would tell him, about the doctors prognosis.
Because that is a heavy burden for one person alone and a partner is there to relief oneself of part of ones burdens.
I understand that you are a bit frightend, because of your ex. I would pray for the right words to come and then
tell him.

And 10-20 chance is not 0, but if there are no children in the next years (like at least 3-5 years), you may both
think about other options like adoption.

Not all churches are the same, and I hope that at some point in the future, you may be able to forgive that
pastor, for his awfull and hurtfull words.

 

[Alice_in_wonderland]

Thank you. Your kind To share your story too.I appreciate you taking time to help

 

[Alice_in_wonderland]

Thank you guys.

 

[intercessorginger]

Hi Alice,
I'm sure your husband loves you and not your childbearing potential. It's a bit of a shock to find out you can't have children, but there is always the possibility of adoption. So many kids out there need love. Just be honest and straight forward..honesty is the best policy.

 

[Agricola]

DO not give up your faith and trust in God, if God is desperate for you to have a baby, then you will. I know a woman who was past child bearing age, but married a bachelor who was in his 60s. He is a faithful servant to God and never married,waiting for the right woman, he had longed for a son. Well soon after they were married, to everyones surprise, especially the medical profession, she became pregnant naturally, carried full term and have a healthy wonderful boy.

 

[secularhermit]

Hmmm!

If someone would leave me because I decided to be vasectomized I would not regret her going. I decided not to get more kids and, of course, it will seem selfish (on my side and hers) but it is our decision to keep on with the person WE SAY WE LOVE.

I knew a couple who spent more than 10 years to get their first baby, now they are near to get 10 kids in Cincinatti, Ohio (hope you don´t run that long distance).

If I were you, I would concentrate on building my walls (my firewalls) and the relationship I need with God, first (all the people I know and knew could be gone any moment).

If I were to get babies, I would save money to buy food, diapers, and all the stuff they need. If I don´t have to save, I´d get a job to pay for needed things...

If you have overcome your past, that´s okey but, at your age, we still need to be healed emotionally from those things you´ve mentioned.

 

[Ugly]

I don't go to church... Last one I went to the pastor told me, in front of everyone, that I was going to hell. So no church for me.

What if the first woman i met treated me poorly. And my reaction was to have nothing to do with women, because they obviously all must be bad, because i met one bad one. Would that be a fair assessment of women? Does that make any logical sense? Since when is one bad church (or anything else) a fair way to judge the countless others?

While your fears may be valid. But what if your husband is understanding? No one can say as no one here knows anything about your husband. And it sounds as if you may not know enough about him either. But why assume only the worst?

 

[nimbus3852]

It sounds like there are mental health issues involved. Many (if not all) churches do not welcome this sort of problem.

 

[ww_21]

Hi Alice,

I understand you being scared to trust your husband with this because of an abusive ex. However, a relationship should be built on honesty, so I say you should be honest with him. If he really loves you as I think he does he will not leave you. There are always other options to explore on the parenting font. Don't give up. Keep praying and by God's grace things will be alright.

 

[Jumpmaster]

Psalm 113:
9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Make a New Year's resolution to seek the Lord more. Read His Word and pray to Him before starting your day.
The more you know God the more you know that He is very concerned about your life and the lives of your family.
Like the verse says above, He is well able to give you children. Nothing is too hard for Him.

Starting your day with prayer and Bible reading will build your faith in Him and His Holy Word.

There are many women who could tell you they were barren until the Lord miraculously opened their wombs.

Jesus Christ - the same yesterday, today and forever! (Hebrews 13:8)

 

[Lucy68]

Husbands and wives need to share these kind of intimate details with each other. That's an important part of marriage...to go through life (good times and difficult times) together.

Don't let a negative church experience keep you from God. This is Satan's most effective tool...don't let him win. Visit churches until you find one of love and forgiveness. You will know it when you find it .

May the Holy Spirit comfort you and guide you and show His love to you and your husband .