Need Help from Married People- Troubled Marriage in the Bedroom

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CristenJ

Guest
#21
#21
Dragoon9 said:
You may also consider that you may be doing too much for your husband as well. Men like to feel needed, esp by their wives. We want to rescue you and guard/protect you. We often do things in the unspoken knowledge that we are doing it for wife/family.
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I'm really glad that this was said...I picked up on this immediately, Fani...(not that I'm an expert or anything, but reading through your post where you listed all the things that you do for your husband, I thought, "My word! He must be helpless!")

I would suggest that you cut down on the serving him hand and foot thing. If you are doing everything for him, he might be feeling a bit like a child, and that alone would be enough to make things in the bedroom awkward for him. I don't know that that's what it is, but it could be.

Also, if your husband isn't the main breadwinner in your home, he might be feeling kind of useless already, even without having you taking care of absolutely everything else. So I would definitely ease up, maybe talk to your husband about sharing more of the responsibility in the home...but say it in a way that lets him know that you NEED his help and support, and not in a demeaning way (i.e, telling him he's being lazy or that he just isn't doing enough will make things worse, probably). Try something like, "I think I've bitten off more than I can chew, would you mind taking care of (insert a couple of tasks)? It would really help me out." And if he does what you ask, even if he doesn't do it very well or it isn't up to YOUR standards, make sure he knows that you appreciate it.

My husband and I have had similar problems in the past...and I used to feel like he just wasn't attracted to me. It's taken time to learn that a lot of the time if he isn't feeling "romantic", it's because he had a bad day at work, or there's a lot on his mind- the car that needs fixed, rent that is due...it's usually nothing to do with me. But I've found that when I take the time to figure out what's bothering him (in a loving way, not nagging him or demanding that he tell me what's wrong), and then show that I am interested in helping him solve the problem (even though my suggestions are pretty useless, he realizes that I'm trying), things get a lot better over-all.

I don't know if that helps. I hope it does.
 
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CristenJ

Guest
#22
#22
kan said:
Dear Fani! People, im sori to comment here because i am not a member but i feel advice will be of great worth to Fani. I recommend that you watch a christian movie called FIREPROOF with your husband, im sure u will see change in him afterwards. Just buy the DVD, its really wonderful.

May God bless you while patiently waiting for His help!
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Ooh! This was a great movie. My husband and I bought the Love Dare book (used in the movie) and are going to start it this week.

I would also recommend watching this movie, for anyone who is having marriage troubles. It won't solve your problems, but it's an eye-opener, and you might even want to purchase the Love Dare book and try it yourselves.:cool:
 
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tinamichelle74

Guest
#23
#23
Agreed, Fireproof is a wonderful movie for any married or engaged couple. And I plan on buying The Love Dare book as well.
 
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SeekinHIM

Guest
#24
#24
Please dont go outside your marriage and please try to get to a place where the attention of "other" men is NOT important, If you allow the compliments to lead into something else, you are setting yourself up to fail in your marriage. It is normal after childbirth for things to not be as frequent as before but normally its the woman who's absolutely exhausted and hormonal... Anyway, communication is key, communicate with your husband about how you feel... perhaps your timing is all wrong & its as simple as that. God Bless your beautiful little family and keep it strong through everything. You need to make a decision not to be the one to step out of your marriage, regardless of what he may or may not have done. Honor God and your Husband as you said you would the day you wed.


BRAVO IMOSS----- This is one of the best responses I have ever heard on CC. I PRAISE GOD FOR YOUR WALK WITH HIM.................MY PRAYER IS THAT YOU AND FANI BECOME CLOSE FRIENDS THROUGH THIS....................

FANI, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T CONTINUE TO LISTEN TO THOSE "OTHER MEN" THAT IS TOTALLY WRONG ESPECIALLY KNOWING YOU ARE MARRIED AND JUST HAD A BABY................OMGOSH!!! I AM PRAYING THAT SERIOUS CONVICTION COMES UPON THEM, EVERY ONE OF THEM, FOR DOING THIS.............The enemy is TRYING to destroy your family, ANY WAY HE CAN....................I WOULD IMMEDIATELY TALK TO YOUR PASTOR, SHARE ALL THAT YOU SHARED HERE, WITH HIM, GET THE CHURCH PRAYING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!!! AND THAT CAN BE DONE, DISCREETLY, WITH RESPECT FOR YOU, YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR PRECIOUS CHILD.........CONGRATULATIONS BY THE WAY................

GET YOUR MIND ON THE LORD, TALK TO HIM DAILY, CONTINOUSLY, ................ISAIAH 26:3 SAYS IT ALL..............I WILL KEEP YOU IN PERFECT PEACE WHOSE MIND IS STAYED ON ME....... THIS IS THE LORD TALKING TO YOU FROM HIS WORD....................DO IT, MANY THINGS WILL CHANGE FOR YOU IF YOU DO............
 
VW

VW

Banned
#25
Dec 22, 2009
4,579
9
0
#25
Hi Fani,

There are so many things in this world which are aimed at your husband, to take him away from you in not just this way, but in every way. This that you are experiencing is the result of the world's system of media and sexual exploitation. Men are easy to entice with visual sights, and that very thing is what we see most often in the world, visual sights of women who are sexual magnets.

It is a very difficult position you are in, and your husband also. I have been married for over 39 years now. One thing I know about marriage is that it is not something we do, it is something we become. We are married, we are a couple, and everything that happens to one affects the other. We truly become one flesh.

I strongly suggest that you pray, and if you have not received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, then seek this above all. This may not make everything great right away, but it brings God into the conflict on your side, and gives you the wisest councilor in all of creation, God Himself. And ask for protection for your husbands mind, where the enemy is trying to destroy something wonderful, a joining of two people in the eyes of God to become one.

In Christ,
vic
 
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endofallfears

Guest
#26
#26
It sounds to me that the problem is not centered around how he feels about you, but about himself.

When men don't have direction and purpose, we fall into depression. Perhaps it's the way we are designed, but there it is. So here is something you might try.

Find out if your husband is moving toward his dream. (For myself, it took decades to realize I wanted to compose music, and when I began to actively pursue it, it gave me purpose, direction, and lifted me out of a depression I didn't even know I was in.)

If you can find out the dream he wants to accomplish, if you don't already know, encourage him to follow it (as long as he can fulfill his responsibilities to the family). It's possible the baby, and the responsibility that goes along with it, makes him think his aspirations are now beyond reach.

I may be wrong about this, but it is worth looking into.

(My wife introduces me to her friends I am a music composer, although I am FAR from famous, and it creates a spark in me for her, if you know what I mean ;)
 
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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#27
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#27
The OP left this thread 2 years ago.
 
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ubaiono

Guest
#28
#28
In life there is always the ups and downs, so this is the time you should table your problem to God ,there is power in prayer especially during the time of temptation. Don't leave your husband continue loving him God will intervain soon.
 
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ChicagoMommyRev

Guest
#29
#29
I am praying for you. with that said, do not compare your husband to other men. It will only cause more harm than good, and lets face it no man, except Jesus, is perfect, so they will all fall short. Also, marriage is not only about a sexual relationship. Love is also more than a sexual realtionship. My recommendation is to draw near to God and ask him to give you the feeling of significance that you long for as it can really only be found in him and not in any man, including your husband.
 
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Jullianna

Guest
#30
#30
fani, I am a widow who was married for 15 very happy years. Since you are doing so much, I'm wondering if maybe your husband is feeling less than the leader of your home. Feeling inferior and insecure is really tough for a guy. When you talk with him, encourage him to take more of a leadership role - NOT BY NAGGING, but by telling him that you respect him as your christian husband and that you want to help him be the leader of your home. MEN NEED AND WANT TO BE RESPECTED MORE THAN JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.

Remember that intimacy with your husband is so much more than what goes on in the bedroom. It's something that happens 24/7. It's listening, loving, serving, being affectionate, patient, prayerful and so many other things.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, rebuke those thoughts of straying. There's nothing down that road but pain and misery for everyone involved. Just...don't.

Prayerfully...
 
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