Need Wise Christian Advise

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GodGoesOn

Guest
#21
#21
Re: My Marriage(Newly)

I'm pregnant with his child... and I knew what I was In for since the beginning and after I caught him In a lie the first time he said "I'll never do it again" I never trusted his word after that until he finally confessed and explained why he "use to do it" and told me what he had been doing to prevent it.. I believed that was true repentance. I want him to get help from a man who has overcome them kinds of problems and I want to be there by his side while he is doing so, i appreciate your advise but if you know of a marriage that doesn't have issues they need to work through amen but in my experiences all marriages/people have their own kind of problems they need to work through, I love him because I chose to love him and I am here to help him even if he doesn't want to be helped yet I'm here to support him and honor him. I made this thread a little to detailed but all I really wanted was to know if I should wait till after our honeymoon or do it immediately.
 
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GodGoesOn

Guest
#24
#24
I reported my own post asking them to remove the others.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#25
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#25
Sirk said:
Or you could bring it up like the bug suggests and put him on the defensive and he will likewise distrust you with the dark parts of his heart. I think Jesus likes it when we are gentle with those we love and refuse to let our flesh throw stones because we are hurting.... but instead show grace and love in spite of our personal pain.
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ahem.. I did NOT suggest she bring it up to him. I suggested she shouldn't have married him UNTIL he got some help first.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#26
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#26
blue_ladybug said:
ahem.. I did NOT suggest she bring it up to him. I suggested she shouldn't have married him UNTIL he got some help first.
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I think Sirk's point was that she would have to give him a reason for being so drastic.
 
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GodGoesOn

Guest
#27
#27
Sirk said:
Or you could bring it up like the bug suggests and put him on the defensive and he will likewise distrust you with the dark parts of his heart. I think Jesus likes it when we are gentle with those we love and refuse to let our flesh throw stones because we are hurting.... but instead show grace and love in spite of our personal pain.
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I agree with your advise I'm just scared my flesh and emotions will take over, I knew what I was in for when I first started dating him and loved Him anyways, I would never call off our marriage for something I already knew I was in for I'm here to support and help him not to convict him and judge him, I'm also pregnant with his child. All I want is to have him get help for himself and I want to be right next to him through it all, I feel like if I would have help.off the marriage and demanded that he get help in order to marry me the problem would have only worsened. I want to help him and want him to know how I feel I just wasn't sure how to go about it or when to go about it. Jesus was betrayed by Judas but that never stopped him from loving him just as much as he did before.
 
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GodGoesOn

Guest
#28
#28
But thank you all for your advise I know that all your trying to do it help me and I greatly appreciate it!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#29
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#29
GodGoesOn said:
I agree with your advise I'm just scared my flesh and emotions will take over, I knew what I was in for when I first started dating him and loved Him anyways, I would never call off our marriage for something I already knew I was in for I'm here to support and help him not to convict him and judge him, I'm also pregnant with his child. All I want is to have him get help for himself and know how I feel. I just wasn't sure how to go about it or when to go about it. Jesus was betrayed by Judas but that never stopped him from loving him just as much as he did before.
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Is there some AA program he can go to, only it's like PA, for porn addiction?
 
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Sirk

Guest
#30
#30
It really seems like you are making a lot of emotionally based decisions and the consequences of them are beginning to accumulate. The right course of action would appear to be a course correction.ie.....planting the seeds of Godly decisions now so you can reap those when they have reached to their potential.
 
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GodGoesOn

Guest
#31
#31
blue_ladybug said:
Is there some AA program he can go to, only it's like PA, for porn addiction?
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Yes a woman from my church recommended that I suggest him to get help from something like that or someone, but if he is not ready for it there is not much I can do except encourage him to do so and continue to honor him no matter the situation.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#32
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#32
To try and rebuild the trust, you should ask him to delete the porn off his phone and/ or computer, and do it in front of you so you know for sure that he's done it. Then talk civilly about his problem and that he needs to get help for it. If he refuses to delete the porn and get help, then that will tell you what is more important to him: the porn, or his marriage.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#33
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#33
GodGoesOn said:
But thank you all for your advise I know that all your trying to do it help me and I greatly appreciate it!
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There are dozens upon dozens of people on here who are dealing with this very same thing. The wife/gf or husband/bf is viewing porn and their partner doesn't know what to do about it. So you're not alone in this.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#34
#34
I really don't believe that addictions are the problem but are a symptom of a wounded soul. Men seek after porn and such things because they lack the knowledge of how to process pain. Their character is insufficient to carry the burdens of life so they seek respite thru unhealthy coping mechanisms.....such as porn, drugs, anger, affairs, isolation and on and on.
 
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GodGoesOn

Guest
#35
#35
And just so everyone knows I have this posted in more than one forum because people keep suggesting other places to put it... if I knew how to delete them I would I've already tried to contact the admins to remove it. So please just be patient.... thank you all for the advise
 
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pwrnJC

Banned
#36
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#36
Re: My Marriage

So you entered this relationship willingly, openly, living together, having a child, knowing full well that there was a porno addiction..and now...after all of this..you sit here and ask for the public's advice? WOW...You have already spoken to others, including a pastor, and a dear sweet older CHRISTIAN lady...so what now? Let's be perfectly honest...since you've aired all the dirty laundry that we can endure here. What else can anybody say or advise here? JESUS CHRIST is your TOTAL answer to this drama. HE forgives, HE cleanses, HE delivers, HE heals, HE directs, HE Saves, and HE is the one that matters here...not some stranger.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#37
#37
Re: My Marriage

pwrnJC said:
So you entered this relationship willingly, openly, living together, having a child, knowing full well that there was a porno addiction..and now...after all of this..you sit here and ask for the public's advice? WOW...You have already spoken to others, including a pastor, and a dear sweet older CHRISTIAN lady...so what now? Let's be perfectly honest...since you've aired all the dirty laundry that we can endure here. What else can anybody say or advise here? JESUS CHRIST is your TOTAL answer to this drama. HE forgives, HE cleanses, HE delivers, HE heals, HE directs, HE Saves, and HE is the one that matters here...not some stranger.
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I guess you told her. I just Hope your words didn't tip her over.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#38
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
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#38
I think they should ban any kind of porn. It has destroyed too many lives.
 
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GodGoesOn

Guest
#39
#39
Re: My Marriage

To all of those judging my choice to continue on and be married the ONLY advise I was asking for was whether I should wait until after our honeymoon to mention it or do it now, or maybe even should I keep my mouth shut and let him continue without knowing how I feel. I only told one woman of it and that's hard enough I couldn't tell my pastor I would feel like I'm betraying him but that's the advise she gave me I obviously didn't listen and just came here to see if I should ruin the mood or wait until after, I didn't ask for your criticism.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#40
#40
Re: My Marriage

GodGoesOn said:
To all of those judging my choice to continue on and be married the ONLY advise I was asking for was whether I should wait until after our honeymoon to mention it or do it now, or maybe evens should I keep my mouth shut and trust the lord I only told one woman of it and that's hard enough I couldn't tell my pastor I would feel like I'm betraying him but that's the advise she gave me I obviously didn't listen and just came here to see if I should ruin the mood or wait until after, I didn't ask for your criticism.
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Public forums are hard because people can come across with a not so good bedside manner. I would say to ignore what is not true or helpful to you and pick out the stuff that is helpful and true. Good luck.
 
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