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Hello. I'm new here. I was hoping to get other Christian's advice and thoughts on problems I'm having in my marriage. My husband and I have been married for 8 years- we've been together for 12.
We have 2 daughters together ages 4 & 7 .
I am also 6 months pregnant with our son. I am a Christian but my husband is not- altho God had been answering my prayers and working on his heart . ie. he attends church, listens to christian music ( he had not done things like this before). I had met him when I was not following Jesus ( carnal) but I did ask The Lord to let me know if I should marry him and felt that God did. However we had our share of marital problems including misunderstanding, Miscommunication & not enough intimacy.
The worst of it we were more roommates than husband and wife.
We both said we wanted to try more intimacy but we were always so busy and things came up, excuses so neither of us were as intimate as either of us wanted to be. We had talked about carving out the time etc but things always seemed to come up. We both still love eachother. I had a really bad feeling something was wrong recently and had found out found that he had been having an online emotional relationship with a female for about 4 months. Before confronting him I prayed to God for help and His peace. No tears when I confronted him about it. He did not denied doing it. He said he was lonely, bored and we werent intimate enough. He also felt I had been rejecting any of his advances and recoiling from his touch (I didn't know that I did this) and was making excuses for not being intimate. he told me the online chatting was an escape from reality.
He also never apologized at first and thought that he did nothing wrong because he said that he never had any physical contact with her and never planned on meeting her (she lives in another country) or anyone else online. Their chats ended in sept 2013 and no communication since then.
I asked him to put himself to reverse the roles and if i was cheating online with another man doing what he did- would he still think that it's ok? He said no and realized that he was wrong.
Nonetheless. I was so devastated - angry, upset, filled with doubt & mistrust- total basket case. I kept thinking what else is he not telling me , what other secrets and lies were there? Especially since he expressed no remorse about it. He then said he was sorry and wanted to do anything and everything to make our marriage work. He said he would give me all access to emails, online accounts, his phone, etc. that he has nothing to hide and would take a lie detector test. Take STD tests to show he was disease free. That he would stop chatting online. Go to marriage counseling- whatever it takes.
I wanted to believe him but honestly didnt know what to believe. The trust was gone.
I told him if I can't trust him that I can't be with him and i didnt want to think about divorce but i would if i had to. He said he would consider commit suicide if I divorced him and he loved me more than life itself.
I had been constantly praying to God for help, guidance and reading scripture and verses on marriage and forgiveness. I know I must forgive him for what he did. I asked God to show me how to forgive him . To see His grace and mercy. And He did show me and I started to forgive him. I started feeling a great compassion and love for him- and i know it was due to God&the Holy Spirit, not of my own will. I acknowledged that altho what he did was wrong, my miscommunication and "rejection" of him made it worse.
Against my own initial misgivings, we became intimate again after reading in 1 Corinthians 7. & Ephesians.,submit to my husband and don't deny your spouse .. etc and felt that God was showing me that my husband was just so lost , lonely , sad and needs Jesus so badly. I wanted to show him I could love him despite the pain and sadness and mistrust i felt and hope it will bring him to The Lord. And I told him this .
We also spent alot of time just talking and being together- it was like we were dating again.
Then again we hit another snag. I had also found out that he told the online girl ( who knew he was married with 2 kids) that we were pregnant and that he was unhappy and didnt want the baby. That ours was in a Sexless marriage and he didnt remember impregnating me since we didnt have sex that often. He told me he was unhappy because he thought I had cheated on him and that the baby was not his - and that's why I was rejecting his advances since I was getting it somewhere else . I told him that I am a Christian woman following Jesus and never have and never will commit adultery( my dad had a few affairs while with my mom but she stayed married for her kids sake- it devastated her. Also when we got married i was still a virgin and have never been with anyone else but him and saw no need to stray). He said that he was considering getting a DNA test. I told him I completely have nothing to hide. He never did. I think that it's satan doing a number on him and us
. I don't think he truly believes it- I think it was said in anger.
We both want to move past this and make our marriage work. But I keep having trust issues - which i told him i would for a while. I want to believe but am guarded.
I feel like I was truly making an effort even tho im still upset but to me he seems to show true remorse. I asked him if i didnt find out about his cheating would he have told me? he said he didnt know. Im concerned that ive been foolish to be intimate with him again so quickly.i just felt so bad and I love him. I panic every time i see him on the computer or phone for extended periods of time. I told him we have to set ground rules- no phone or internet at home after dinner unless emergency and only for short periods of time. At first he seemed really upset to give it up the internet but then he said he was willing to do this but seems to be having a harder time complying ( he loves Facebook and playing games)
We plan on going to marriage counseling.
I continuously am asking for God's wisdom and help but am so confused. Please help!
Thank you so much in advance.
We have 2 daughters together ages 4 & 7 .
I am also 6 months pregnant with our son. I am a Christian but my husband is not- altho God had been answering my prayers and working on his heart . ie. he attends church, listens to christian music ( he had not done things like this before). I had met him when I was not following Jesus ( carnal) but I did ask The Lord to let me know if I should marry him and felt that God did. However we had our share of marital problems including misunderstanding, Miscommunication & not enough intimacy.
The worst of it we were more roommates than husband and wife.
We both said we wanted to try more intimacy but we were always so busy and things came up, excuses so neither of us were as intimate as either of us wanted to be. We had talked about carving out the time etc but things always seemed to come up. We both still love eachother. I had a really bad feeling something was wrong recently and had found out found that he had been having an online emotional relationship with a female for about 4 months. Before confronting him I prayed to God for help and His peace. No tears when I confronted him about it. He did not denied doing it. He said he was lonely, bored and we werent intimate enough. He also felt I had been rejecting any of his advances and recoiling from his touch (I didn't know that I did this) and was making excuses for not being intimate. he told me the online chatting was an escape from reality.
He also never apologized at first and thought that he did nothing wrong because he said that he never had any physical contact with her and never planned on meeting her (she lives in another country) or anyone else online. Their chats ended in sept 2013 and no communication since then.
I asked him to put himself to reverse the roles and if i was cheating online with another man doing what he did- would he still think that it's ok? He said no and realized that he was wrong.
Nonetheless. I was so devastated - angry, upset, filled with doubt & mistrust- total basket case. I kept thinking what else is he not telling me , what other secrets and lies were there? Especially since he expressed no remorse about it. He then said he was sorry and wanted to do anything and everything to make our marriage work. He said he would give me all access to emails, online accounts, his phone, etc. that he has nothing to hide and would take a lie detector test. Take STD tests to show he was disease free. That he would stop chatting online. Go to marriage counseling- whatever it takes.
I wanted to believe him but honestly didnt know what to believe. The trust was gone.
I told him if I can't trust him that I can't be with him and i didnt want to think about divorce but i would if i had to. He said he would consider commit suicide if I divorced him and he loved me more than life itself.
I had been constantly praying to God for help, guidance and reading scripture and verses on marriage and forgiveness. I know I must forgive him for what he did. I asked God to show me how to forgive him . To see His grace and mercy. And He did show me and I started to forgive him. I started feeling a great compassion and love for him- and i know it was due to God&the Holy Spirit, not of my own will. I acknowledged that altho what he did was wrong, my miscommunication and "rejection" of him made it worse.
Against my own initial misgivings, we became intimate again after reading in 1 Corinthians 7. & Ephesians.,submit to my husband and don't deny your spouse .. etc and felt that God was showing me that my husband was just so lost , lonely , sad and needs Jesus so badly. I wanted to show him I could love him despite the pain and sadness and mistrust i felt and hope it will bring him to The Lord. And I told him this .
We also spent alot of time just talking and being together- it was like we were dating again.
Then again we hit another snag. I had also found out that he told the online girl ( who knew he was married with 2 kids) that we were pregnant and that he was unhappy and didnt want the baby. That ours was in a Sexless marriage and he didnt remember impregnating me since we didnt have sex that often. He told me he was unhappy because he thought I had cheated on him and that the baby was not his - and that's why I was rejecting his advances since I was getting it somewhere else . I told him that I am a Christian woman following Jesus and never have and never will commit adultery( my dad had a few affairs while with my mom but she stayed married for her kids sake- it devastated her. Also when we got married i was still a virgin and have never been with anyone else but him and saw no need to stray). He said that he was considering getting a DNA test. I told him I completely have nothing to hide. He never did. I think that it's satan doing a number on him and us
. I don't think he truly believes it- I think it was said in anger. We both want to move past this and make our marriage work. But I keep having trust issues - which i told him i would for a while. I want to believe but am guarded.
I feel like I was truly making an effort even tho im still upset but to me he seems to show true remorse. I asked him if i didnt find out about his cheating would he have told me? he said he didnt know. Im concerned that ive been foolish to be intimate with him again so quickly.i just felt so bad and I love him. I panic every time i see him on the computer or phone for extended periods of time. I told him we have to set ground rules- no phone or internet at home after dinner unless emergency and only for short periods of time. At first he seemed really upset to give it up the internet but then he said he was willing to do this but seems to be having a harder time complying ( he loves Facebook and playing games)
We plan on going to marriage counseling.
I continuously am asking for God's wisdom and help but am so confused. Please help!
Thank you so much in advance.
