Hey, I kind of went/go through the same thing. I'm 30 and it started when I was about 13-14ish... I've read all the books, went to 3 different therapists, tried zoloft... oh and yes, I stopped asking for advice on this subject on Christian forums because it's an area most people do not properly understand and the general consensus is "pray! Read the bible! Repent of un-repented sins!" etc etc etc. Well when someone comes down with cancer, no one shouts out those things assuming the person is not doing one/all and that's why they have cancer. (Got so sick of these answers so it's still a sore point as I think these sort of uniformed answers tend to do more harm than good but anyway... =) )
First off... the only way she's ever gonna have a prayer of changing is if she REALLY wants to change. I mean, I don't know her situation and I'm sure her experience is much different than mine. But I think in most cases, the cause is extremely complex and deep rooted. I've found there is no magic cure as it's kind of ingrained into their personality and it's just shaped who they are. But, if you really want to, anything is possible and that means re-programing your thinking and personality. It's not gonna happen overnight and she's gonna have to be the one who really wants to change or she never will.
I'm not gonna bore ya with all the details about myself and my journey... it's been a long one. And it's taken a lot of work on my part to keep going and REALLY work at trying to be positive and setting goals and trying stuff. Every successful step seemed to just be a dead end and the pendulum always swings back the other way and it feels like ya gotta start all over again.
You know what's helped me the most, more than anything? Finding a real positive person, who's really confident, assured, playful, and respectful... and opening up a little. There was a dude at work... I always thought he was an awesome guy and when he talked to people, he treats ya like you've known each other for years. I had a hard time making friends because of my negativity and moods and just feeling down but he always made me feel good when he'd come up and talk and I always wished I had a friend like him because he seemed like someone you could talk about stuff too and he wouldn't judge ya. Well, one day, he came back in my area kind of messin around and I just asked him... and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever pushed myself to do but I was almost 30 and I didn't wanna live another 10 years like I lived the last 10... and I just basically said (though in many more words as it took forever to get out), "hey I'm struggling, ya know depression, anxiety, hard time talkin to people etc. I wanna be positive and confident like you. I wanna change. Could ya help me out? Maybe just talk sometime... not to unload my problems but... just sometimes it's hard" Anyway it was really like a 10 minute exchange but that was the gist of it. He was really positive about it though and was like yeah, he'd do anything he could. So then we started going out to lunch every once in a while. It was really hard and awkward at first and I kind of explained some things and he was really cool about it. Anyway, long story short, yeah we just kept doing that for months and just being around him, just like made my day so much better. Like just getting a text and asked "Do you want to grab lunch?" made my day. And he'd talk about stuff he was doing like we had been friends forever. And he never acted like he felt awkward or anything and over all it was just a positive experience cause it would boost my mood up, I'd get stuff done I needed to get done cause I felt better. Feel more confident cause I'm not berating myself in my head all the time. But yeah... and then out of this an actual friendship grows... he's helpin me with my jeep, I painted him a bike helmet... Even took a 2 hour drive together to pick some stuff up and I don't think I ever felt happier. It's been good. I still have a long ways to go... But I'm REALLY hopeful now =) More so than I've ever been in my life.
I did/do pray a lot as well but I can tell ya, I thought for sure God was plugging his ears. I used to write down letters to God in a little notebook years and years ago but nearly all of what I had wrote down and asked/longed for have been answered over the years. Stuff I couldn't do or didn't because I was either too nervous, to sad, to anxious, felt stupid etc etc. But I think finally opening up to this dude was my biggest success yet and also has been the most hopeful and positive experience and has really helped changed my thinking to some degree. Tryin really hard to engage in other positive activities and meet other really positive, self assured people and it kind of rubs off and ya feel more confident and positive.
I think that's the best thing though. Having a couple people who really know what's up that are positive and treat ya normal... people ya can talk to when you're really struggling... and then being a friend back and to others in general. Helping others... trying to be a positive person in someone else's life cause you've been there and knows what it means just to have someone smile at ya. That helps ya feel good too... Not expecting anything back though... Probably won't know you had any effect on em but you do.
So yeah, I pray God will bring a positive influential person into her life. Hopefully she really wants to change too. Sometimes God's been answering a prayer, ya just haven't reached out and grabbed it. If you're hungry in the forest, God will send ya the geese, but you still have to catch it. Sometimes it takes a few tries and a lot of energy before you actually do but don't give up =)
