PRAYERS FOR PROTECTION OF MARRIAGE

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M

Mom2boys

Guest
#1
#1
I have been with my husband now almost 16 years. We have two beautiful boys who are 6 and 10. My husband had an automobile accident 4/2014 and things with his brain changed, besides have several medical problems to deal with. He also turned 46 and hit what I believe most call Mid-Life Crisis. Last summer he began seeking out female friends with whom he would text or talk with via his phone. How I found out is that I went to call my cell and a smiley face popped up. I asked him about it and he told me she was just a friend. I explained that if she was only a friend then she wouldn't be sending smiley faces. I explained it was flirtatious and he tried to down play it. This woman was someone he went to high school with many years ago and recently reconnected via facebook. When finally I confronted him about it not be acceptable to converse with a single woman and it was over the top with the texting and talking that he was upset that I was blowing it out of proportion. Then finally was evening he admitted that this chatting was something he felt he needed and it was the safest way to get an urge to go away that he was having in wanting to have a fling. Ugh.. long story short. After asking to go to counseling, he of course, refused saying he didn't need anything if I would just let him do what he wanted to do. Well, in the end he stopped chatting with her but flipped out like I had never seen him do and got on dating/chatting websites. He never ended up meeting anyone nor doing anything, and I firmly believe this is because of all my prayer partners and requests. I began praying the book prayers for your husband. In December 2014 he finally went to see a physciatrist. He was diagnosed as Bipolar2, and as I have researched diagnosis it really does fit and gives me answers of how he has acted over the years and I just thought he was depressed and had an anger issue at times. I truly love my husband and believe in my vows no matter what and I believe in the power of prayer against the enemy. After being placed on a mood stabilizer he was back to his old self. I thought the storm was over and praised God. Well now 8 months later after his grandmother died he became angry... and well here we go again on the roller coaster ride of emotions. He had to go off his mood stabilizer due to his diabetes and thus why I believe this issue has now come up again of a mania state. Of course, since I had been there once before I was concerned. And, I was right, 4 days later he has reached out to a different female friend on facebook. They are constantly texting and chatting. He even met her for dinner on Friday night. I am sickened by it all. I am distraught and only now to turn to God for his help. What should I do, please advise me. Like other bipolar individuals he does not want to get more help. He says it is just something he has to do. He doesn't want to hurt me but says it can't be helped. There is no talking reason with him when he is in this state of mind. Please pray for protection of my marriage as he never use to be like this until this last year. Please advise me as I am lost. God Bless...
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
An internet full of strangers cannot advise you on what to do. I think his accident probably definitely altered his behavior, BUT obviously he has an addiction that needs to be dealt with. You need to turn to GOD for the answers you seek. Turn this all over to him and trust that He will bring this all under control for the good of everyone.. :) Oh, and your post is difficult to read because it's a wall of text. Could you please use paragraphs next time? :)
 
Consumed

Consumed

Senior Member
#3
Jun 4, 2015
112
1
0
#3
He needs to be on meds. There is more than one medication for bipolar disorder, and I'm sure there is at least one that will work with his diabetes. If I were you I'd look into that. Show your husband love and support. What he's doing is wrong, yes, but keep in mind he's a victim of his condition. Continue to push for marriage counseling, make a doctors appointment and seek out different meds. I'll be praying
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#4
#4
Mom2boys said:
I have been with my husband now almost 16 years. We have two beautiful boys who are 6 and 10. My husband had an automobile accident 4/2014 and things with his brain changed, besides have several medical problems to deal with. He also turned 46 and hit what I believe most call Mid-Life Crisis. Last summer he began seeking out female friends with whom he would text or talk with via his phone. How I found out is that I went to call my cell and a smiley face popped up. I asked him about it and he told me she was just a friend. I explained that if she was only a friend then she wouldn't be sending smiley faces. I explained it was flirtatious and he tried to down play it. This woman was someone he went to high school with many years ago and recently reconnected via facebook. When finally I confronted him about it not be acceptable to converse with a single woman and it was over the top with the texting and talking that he was upset that I was blowing it out of proportion. Then finally was evening he admitted that this chatting was something he felt he needed and it was the safest way to get an urge to go away that he was having in wanting to have a fling. Ugh.. long story short. After asking to go to counseling, he of course, refused saying he didn't need anything if I would just let him do what he wanted to do. Well, in the end he stopped chatting with her but flipped out like I had never seen him do and got on dating/chatting websites. He never ended up meeting anyone nor doing anything, and I firmly believe this is because of all my prayer partners and requests. I began praying the book prayers for your husband. In December 2014 he finally went to see a physciatrist. He was diagnosed as Bipolar2, and as I have researched diagnosis it really does fit and gives me answers of how he has acted over the years and I just thought he was depressed and had an anger issue at times. I truly love my husband and believe in my vows no matter what and I believe in the power of prayer against the enemy. After being placed on a mood stabilizer he was back to his old self. I thought the storm was over and praised God. Well now 8 months later after his grandmother died he became angry... and well here we go again on the roller coaster ride of emotions. He had to go off his mood stabilizer due to his diabetes and thus why I believe this issue has now come up again of a mania state. Of course, since I had been there once before I was concerned. And, I was right, 4 days later he has reached out to a different female friend on facebook. They are constantly texting and chatting. He even met her for dinner on Friday night. I am sickened by it all. I am distraught and only now to turn to God for his help. What should I do, please advise me. Like other bipolar individuals he does not want to get more help. He says it is just something he has to do. He doesn't want to hurt me but says it can't be helped. There is no talking reason with him when he is in this state of mind. Please pray for protection of my marriage as he never use to be like this until this last year. Please advise me as I am lost. God Bless...
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Two suggestions:
1. Seek Christian counseling from a real counselor with real experience with bipolar people and their families. You may know what it is, but that doesn't instantly make you able to deal with it. It's really a tough situation to deal with, so find someone who can truly help you there.

2. Do you have That older couple in your church? Most churches have at least one such couple. That couple who have been in love and loving for years, never has a bad thing about their spouse, always supportive, always out to do whatever helps the spouse? THAT older couple. Most people don't notice them, but only because they don't make big dramatic scenes to notice.

Only once was I in a church that didn't have that couple. (Scary thought. I was roughly your age and I was "the older woman" in that church.
I so wasn't ready to be the Titus 2 older woman. Freaked me out. Hope you don't have that problem.)

But the idea here is for you to find such a couple in your church and then do two things. Become friends so you can watch how they do their marriage, and then ask questions so you know how to do it in your marriage -- how to love. Because I see some problems how you handled this problem, but this is still not one of those things you can learn online. It would be helpful to go the Titus 2 approach to learn how to change you.

That's the thing. You can't change him. You can find Godly ways on how to love him and react honestly. God can change you to the good for him and for you.
 
M

Mom2boys

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. Please pray for me and my family.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#6
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
113
#6
Bipolar Disorder was my first thought reading your post. I think he always had it, but maybe the accident dealt a blow to the area of the brain that controls impulses? Bipolar is a disease that develops usually in the teens and 20's.

I think you are doing everything right. But as for the need to go off a medication because of diabetes, there are literally so many other drugs that would not have this side effect. People with bipolar disorder who do not have any insight into their condition will use any excuse to go off their meds.

He needs to go back to the psychiatrist and get on a new med. And keep following up with the doctor. I will check some contacts and see what kind of meds are good for someone with bipolar 2 and diabetes.

Personally, I do not see anything positive happening until you address this issue.

Also, there is a really good book written by Julie A Fast and John Townsend (A Christian psychologist) called "Loving someone with bipolar disorder". It can really help you in dealing with your husband, even after he gets medical and counseling help. This team has also written another book about being bipolar, although I have not personally read it.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#8
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
113
#8
Half of the above post did not come through.

I just wanted to tell you to please show him the link (one didn't come through!) and tell him that he needs to be on medication for your marriage to survive. People with no insight into their disease often enjoy the hypomanic stage and the added sex drive. They dislike not having those feelings, and will use any excuse to get off their medication.

I just had a response from a man who has had both bipolar disorer and diabetes for years. He manages both diseases with medication. And he is quite happy!
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#9
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
113
#9
Five more people have responded who have both diabetes and bipolar disorder in my thread. Some recommended not taking atypicals like Seroquel or Zyprexa, and avoiding weight gain and exercising and eating healthy.

But they all said the same thing - tell this man not to go off his meds. I hope this helps.
 
M

Mom2boys

Guest
#10
#10
Great suggestions. I will try to contact some couples that may be able to help me. It's amazing though that a single "Christian" woman is constantly texting my husband and talking with him on the phone. How do I get strong and deal with that?
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#11
#11
Mom2boys said:
Great suggestions. I will try to contact some couples that may be able to help me. It's amazing though that a single "Christian" woman is constantly texting my husband and talking with him on the phone. How do I get strong and deal with that?
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Matt. 18:15-18
 
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