Premarital advice

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danderson8280

Guest
#1
#1
My fiance and I have both been married before. According to some of the bible if we marry again we will be committing adultry. However, God was never a part of our previous marriages. We have started to go to church together and so i feel that in spite of our previous marriages, perhaps God has brought us together for a reason. He also has a 6 year old daughter with his ex and the ex continues to be a lot of drama. She even tried to get him into bed when he and I were first dating. We love eachother and want this to work. Does anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Encouragement?
 
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Sirk

Guest
#2
#2
danderson8280 said:
My fiance and I have both been married before. According to some of the bible if we marry again we will be committing adultry. However, God was never a part of our previous marriages. We have started to go to church together and so i feel that in spite of our previous marriages, perhaps God has brought us together for a reason. He also has a 6 year old daughter with his ex and the ex continues to be a lot of drama. She even tried to get him into bed when he and I were first dating. We love eachother and want this to work. Does anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Encouragement?
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get a good counselor. Blended families can be difficult.
 
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kote

Guest
#3
#3
hello.
if you met your "man" before knowing the truth of the gospel and before being baptized for the remission of sins, there is no problem if you wanna live for the rest of your life with him. because none of you knew the gospel
but if you met a married man, and if you already have the knowledge of the gospel.... I'm afraid that "you" will be committing adultery.
 
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danderson8280

Guest
#4
#4
He has a daughter.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#5
#5
You guys are gonna have to agree on your roles in parenting his daughter. I would suggest that you figure out a game plan before you're in the thick of it. Step children are often formidable enemies to a marriage and will win if you don't have a solid plan. This little girl could be an angel and I could be all wrong but if there is an angle to exploit in driving a wedge between husband and wife...a step child is often very adept at exploiting it.

It also sounds like the ex is already trying to throw a monkey wrench into the deal. If she is unstable she will try to live in your minds and as a result will take up residence in your home. Under the best of circumstances a blended family is difficult. Under the worst circumstances it is a heart wrenching experience.
 
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danderson8280

Guest
#6
#6
We have discussed parenting roles and it is certainly decided that I will treat her just as if she were my own.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#7
#7
danderson8280 said:
We have discussed parenting roles and it is certainly decided that I will treat her just as if she were my own.
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She is not your own though. Sounds like she has a mommy.
 
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danderson8280

Guest
#8
#8
Yes, she has a mother that 90% of the time sends her to her grandmother when it is her weeks. I don't think that just because she is not blood to me that I should treat her any different or care for her any less.
 
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Sirk

Guest
#9
#9
What brings you two together? What are your ages? How much time have you spent getting to know each other?
 
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Sirk

Guest
#10
#10
danderson8280 said:
Yes, she has a mother that 90% of the time sends her to her grandmother when it is her weeks. I don't think that just because she is not blood to me that I should treat her any different or care for her any less.
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I'm not saying that you should not care for her....but your relationship with her will have to built over time.....like in a crock pot. If you try to bring it to a boil to fast it could boil over into something not so good. I'm not trying to discourage you...I think step parenting is an incredibly hard thing and my wife and I failed largely because of differences in parenting.
 
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danderson8280

Guest
#11
#11
We are like minded in every way. Same politically and spiritually. We are both into sustainable living/agriculture and homesteading. Our lifestyles and personalities really work well together. We are together most of the time and have been together for 7 months and have known eachother for almost a year. I'm 28 and he is almost 31.
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#12
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#12
I´ll pray for your situation, sister. May the Lord enlighten all of you and may His will be done.

God bless!
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#13
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#13
I strongly suggest pre-marital counseling with a good pastor. Much damage has already been done and it is likely that certain parties will continue to stir up as much strife as is possible. His daughter is only 6 now but her bio mom is not going to allow peace for you guys if she does not have peace in her own relationships.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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danderson8280

Guest
#14
#14
Very true. She is with someone else and has another daughter by him, but they fight a lot.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#15
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,172
113
#15
danderson8280 said:
My fiance and I have both been married before. According to some of the bible if we marry again we will be committing adultry. However, God was never a part of our previous marriages. We have started to go to church together and so i feel that in spite of our previous marriages, perhaps God has brought us together for a reason. He also has a 6 year old daughter with his ex and the ex continues to be a lot of drama. She even tried to get him into bed when he and I were first dating. We love eachother and want this to work. Does anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Encouragement?
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I'd advise that you speak to your Pastor and ask his counsel also take premarital counselling as it helps to learn a little more about each other before you get married again.
 
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ray_james

Guest
#17
#17
danderson8280 said:
My fiance and I have both been married before. According to some of the bible if we marry again we will be committing adultry. However, God was never a part of our previous marriages. We have started to go to church together and so i feel that in spite of our previous marriages, perhaps God has brought us together for a reason. He also has a 6 year old daughter with his ex and the ex continues to be a lot of drama. She even tried to get him into bed when he and I were first dating. We love eachother and want this to work. Does anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Encouragement?
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It seems you have already answered your own question!

Here is what you said:

danderson8280 said:
According to some of the bible if we marry again we will be committing adultry.
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Then you went on to say:

danderson8280 said:
However, God was never a part of our previous marriages. We have started to go to church together and so i feel that in spite of our previous marriages, perhaps God has brought us together for a reason.
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Now forgive me for being blunt, but here is what you just said: I know the Bible says it is wrong, but *insert excuse here.*
You believe the Bible says it is wrong, so why are you making excuses to justify it?

I know that does not sound very encouraging, but truth can be like that at times. I hope you make the right decision regarding this matter and that you seek God's will (not your own) in your life!
 
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ray_james

Guest
#18
#18
I found a couple of important things that are wrong with your post!

kote said:
hello.
if you met your "man" before knowing the truth of the gospel and before being baptized for the remission of sins, there is no problem if you wanna live for the rest of your life with him. because none of you knew the gospel. but if you met a married man, and if you already have the knowledge of the gospel.... I'm afraid that "you" will be committing adultery.
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First of all, baptism does not save you from anything.
Also, ignorance of the truth does not mean you can just say, "Oh I did not know, so it was not wrong." Sin is always sin, whether you realize it or not.
Your advice is not very good at all I am afraid. Do some studying on those two subjects and you will realize that what you are saying is not true!
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#19
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#19
I've always thought that spending a week sitting in on divorce court should be required for a marriage license... but it seems you both have already been there done that!
 
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VioletReigns

Guest
#20
#20
danderson8280 said:
My fiance and I have both been married before. According to some of the bible if we marry again we will be committing adultry. However, God was never a part of our previous marriages. We have started to go to church together and so i feel that in spite of our previous marriages, perhaps God has brought us together for a reason. He also has a 6 year old daughter with his ex and the ex continues to be a lot of drama. She even tried to get him into bed when he and I were first dating. We love eachother and want this to work. Does anyone have any thoughts? Advice? Encouragement?
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The Lord said if anyone lacks wisdom, ask Him and He will give it. I believe God cares more for you than anyone else on earth. He is faithful to answer you. :)
 
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