I hate to hurt Dave's feelings,
Brother, i appreciate that, but it does not hurt my feelings at all, i know what generation i live in, and the World does not want to hear the Truth, so when they disagree with me, it is to be expected, it does not hurt.
lol, i can tell you have not helped many people who have had porn addictions. Know you not that any addiction, is an ADDICTION. The mere fact that they are ADDICTED should indicate to you that they DO NOT have control over it. And from all my experience in dealing with people who are Truly addicted to porn, DO NOT EVER, HAVE or GET, control over it, because they are, now get this: ADDICTED to it, they need help, other than themselves. What alcoholic has cured Himself of his addiction? What Drug addict has by and through his own self, got away from it? The mere fact that they are addicted, reveals they need OUTSIDE HELP. {i am not saying there is not a .000005% chance they will become un-addicted by themselves.} For alcoholics there is the AA, for Drug Addicts there is rehab programs. But what is there for the Porn Addicts? i will tell you what there is, it is called a SPOUSE, who should love them and deal with the problem TOGETHER.
Brother you are counseling people who have a porn addiction, to continue to keep it to themselves and NOT tell the ONLY person that can be there that can actually help them. How is NOT telling your spouse something not considered deceitful?
A person can try to convince themselves that they will stop looking at porn, and guess what, they are still looking at porn today, and still trying to convince themselves that they need to get control over it, if they do not seek outside help, i assure you, they will be looking at porn next week, and every week thereafter.
This does not mean EVERY relationship will have this trouble you speak of. Yes there are some wives who will get very upset about the situation, and they may develop some trust issues with their husband because of it, that is to say, they have been looking at porn for 7 years and is only now telling her about it, so he hid it from her for over 7 years, what else is he hiding from her, TRUST issues can arise. But what then? Because other small problems might arise, that means a person should not address the Bigger problem of porn addiction? But mostly i have to counsel the wives that their husband is not looking at porn because she is not desirable to him, which they will feel at first, Once they know it is a problem and an addiction, then the healing can start.
Sure there are going to be some issues that pop up by telling your spouse that you have a porn problem and need her help. But here is the Truth. The problems that pop up is not as bad as the problem a person has with porn. Do you not understand, those who continue to look at porn, and do not repent and cease from looking at porn WILL NOT enter into Heaven. So the problems you are going to have by telling your spouse, is significantly smaller than the problem that is going to cost you your soul. Get your priorities straight. Porn evil and wicked and will prevent you from getting into Heaven. The problems you are going to have with your spouse by telling her about the porn, is NOT going to cost you your soul, but if she is understanding, loving, and LOVES you, she will want to help you, mostly done by monitory computer activity, which the husband will WANT, if they Truly want help with their porn addiction.
The reason why i say "Tell your spouse" is because you should not HIDE a problem that you are having, that she will be able to help you with, once she gets on board with it.
Tell me, how does a person who addicted to porn not LIE all the time? Know you not that it is written that All liars shall burn in the lake of fire and brimstone? Do they not LIE to their spouse continually about what they are doing on the computer? So they are not only looking upon the nakedness of others who are not their spouse, and looking at such things that God calls an abomination, not you can add on top of that, lying to their spouse continually, and therefore being a LIAR. Honestly is the best policy. "Tell you spouse" no matter what kind of troubles may come, those troubles are worth the risk, in trying to save your soul from Hell fire, because you did not seek help to stop lusting after abominable things. Pride, because you think you can control this problem by yourself, and therefore continue to HIDE it from you wife, continue to LIE to your spouse, all the while lying to your own self that you can control this. "Tell your Spouse"
Are you saying you can't count the number of marriages that were trashed because the husband was HONEST to their spouse and told them about the porn? Seriously is that what you are saying? Now i know from experience, and can't count the number of marriages that were indeed trashed because the husband did NOT tell the spouse and hid it from their own spouse that they looked at porn. NOW there is not TRUST in that marriage. NO Trust, NO marriage!!!
So let me see if i understand your logic.
Don't tell the spouse, continue to look at porn, until you can control your own porn addiction, and if you don't control it and the wife finds out about it, then there will NEVER be any trust in that relationship and it will most certainly be bound to fail. NO Trust, NO relationship.
And you think that is better than.
Tell your spouse, that you have a problem and that you really need her help, open up to her, be honest with her, by telling her the problem BEFORE she finds out about it, then TRUST is NOT broken, because you have come clean with her. And the marriage is fixable, especially if the wife is caring and loves her husband.
Seriously? You know married couples where the husband actually did tell the wife he was addicted to porn BEFORE she found out about it, and it ended in divorce? Seriously that is what you want me to swallow? First off, in this generation Husbands are NOT HONEST with their spouses. it is not very likely at all, that a husband has told their spouse they had a porn problem BEFORE, the wife found out that he did. Any woman would be an idiot to divorce a man who was honest with them, coming to them to seek their help, with a problem that he is having. Men rarely, if EVER, seek the help from their wife with a problem they are having, but now i am hearing you say, that you can't count the number of marriages that were trashed. Seriously?
Here is the Truth. Husbands if you want to keep your marriage, and you do have a porn problem, then tell you spouse. Because if you don't, and they find out some other way that you are doing that, then there will be no TRUST between you and her, and that marriage will end up trashed as Willie describes it. But if you love your marriage, do the right thing, despite what the immediate consequences may bring by telling her, when she has had time to think about it, and talk to all her friends about it, it will be her friends that convince her that you did the RIGHT thing, her friends will be the ones that convince her she needs to help you with your problem.
And another thing is this, if a marriage does end up in the Trash because of the husband telling the wife that he is addicted to porn, that is not a very good marriage to begin with. If a husband and wife Truly love each other, they will help each other with the problems they have, for better or worse. "Tell your spouse" it is the Godly thing to do. It is not Godly to hide it from your spouse.
This statement only reveals that you do not counsel many couples. Men when they have a problem, DO NOT go to their spouse for help, that is what is considered weakness with the men of today, the asking for help, from anyone at all, is what men consider weakness (even asking for direction is seen as weakness). Most men, when they have a problem, will most assuredly try to fix that problem on their own, they DO NOT include the wife. Which in turn, causes the wife to get upset because they feel their husband is shutting them out, or they feel like he does not WANT to turn to them for help, and they ALWAYS KNOW when there is a problem. But it is the nature of man, to fix the problem by themselves. And they will reply to their wives "Nothing" which makes them all the more upset because they KNOW there is SOMETHING wrong, and you are keeping it from them. It is only when men CAN'T fix it themselves, do they ask for advice, and even in doing that, it is usually not to their spouse, but to a male co-worker, or male friend.
What man, wants their wife to solve a problem for them as you say? Men will always try to solve the problem by their own self, no help from others whatsoever. It is only when they can't fix the problem by themselves that they MAY seek others help. And even then, they may not say anything at all, so they can ponder on the problem some more.
Her vulnerable heart? So what you are saying is, it is OK to lie to her concerning your porn problem, because you are PROTECTING her vulnerable heart? is that what you are saying? Women are way stronger than you think. Continuing to hide a porn addiction from your spouse and not telling her, is doing doing but driving a stake into her heart, when she finds out about it.
So all you Christians out there that take thought you can continue to hide porn addiction from your spouse, know the Word of God which says:
Luk_8:17 For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.
She IS going to find out, Better to tell her NOW and be Honest and suffer the consequences, than to wait and let her catching you being deceitful to her, and suffer the consequences of no more TRUST in your marriage. Choice is yours. Honest to your spouse and tell her (Godly), or continue to lie and hide things from your spouse using every excuse in the book not to tell her (ungodly).
^i^ responding to post #19
Brother, i appreciate that, but it does not hurt my feelings at all, i know what generation i live in, and the World does not want to hear the Truth, so when they disagree with me, it is to be expected, it does not hurt.
I hate to hurt Dave's feelings, but I cannot stress enough that you should NOT involve your spouse in your addiction until you have achieved a certain level of control over it. I say it again, DO NOT DO IT!!!
lol, i can tell you have not helped many people who have had porn addictions. Know you not that any addiction, is an ADDICTION. The mere fact that they are ADDICTED should indicate to you that they DO NOT have control over it. And from all my experience in dealing with people who are Truly addicted to porn, DO NOT EVER, HAVE or GET, control over it, because they are, now get this: ADDICTED to it, they need help, other than themselves. What alcoholic has cured Himself of his addiction? What Drug addict has by and through his own self, got away from it? The mere fact that they are addicted, reveals they need OUTSIDE HELP. {i am not saying there is not a .000005% chance they will become un-addicted by themselves.} For alcoholics there is the AA, for Drug Addicts there is rehab programs. But what is there for the Porn Addicts? i will tell you what there is, it is called a SPOUSE, who should love them and deal with the problem TOGETHER.
Brother you are counseling people who have a porn addiction, to continue to keep it to themselves and NOT tell the ONLY person that can be there that can actually help them. How is NOT telling your spouse something not considered deceitful?
A person can try to convince themselves that they will stop looking at porn, and guess what, they are still looking at porn today, and still trying to convince themselves that they need to get control over it, if they do not seek outside help, i assure you, they will be looking at porn next week, and every week thereafter.
You are often asking for more trouble than you ever imagined possible.
Sure there are going to be some issues that pop up by telling your spouse that you have a porn problem and need her help. But here is the Truth. The problems that pop up is not as bad as the problem a person has with porn. Do you not understand, those who continue to look at porn, and do not repent and cease from looking at porn WILL NOT enter into Heaven. So the problems you are going to have by telling your spouse, is significantly smaller than the problem that is going to cost you your soul. Get your priorities straight. Porn evil and wicked and will prevent you from getting into Heaven. The problems you are going to have with your spouse by telling her about the porn, is NOT going to cost you your soul, but if she is understanding, loving, and LOVES you, she will want to help you, mostly done by monitory computer activity, which the husband will WANT, if they Truly want help with their porn addiction.
The reason why i say "Tell your spouse" is because you should not HIDE a problem that you are having, that she will be able to help you with, once she gets on board with it.
Tell me, how does a person who addicted to porn not LIE all the time? Know you not that it is written that All liars shall burn in the lake of fire and brimstone? Do they not LIE to their spouse continually about what they are doing on the computer? So they are not only looking upon the nakedness of others who are not their spouse, and looking at such things that God calls an abomination, not you can add on top of that, lying to their spouse continually, and therefore being a LIAR. Honestly is the best policy. "Tell you spouse" no matter what kind of troubles may come, those troubles are worth the risk, in trying to save your soul from Hell fire, because you did not seek help to stop lusting after abominable things. Pride, because you think you can control this problem by yourself, and therefore continue to HIDE it from you wife, continue to LIE to your spouse, all the while lying to your own self that you can control this. "Tell your Spouse"
I can't count the marriages I've seen trashed because of this fool-hearty mistake. There is so much wrong with this concept that it would take weeks (maybe months) to explain the complexities of the minefield you would be blundering into.
So let me see if i understand your logic.
Don't tell the spouse, continue to look at porn, until you can control your own porn addiction, and if you don't control it and the wife finds out about it, then there will NEVER be any trust in that relationship and it will most certainly be bound to fail. NO Trust, NO relationship.
And you think that is better than.
Tell your spouse, that you have a problem and that you really need her help, open up to her, be honest with her, by telling her the problem BEFORE she finds out about it, then TRUST is NOT broken, because you have come clean with her. And the marriage is fixable, especially if the wife is caring and loves her husband.
I can't count the marriages I've seen trashed because of this fool-hearty mistake.
Here is the Truth. Husbands if you want to keep your marriage, and you do have a porn problem, then tell you spouse. Because if you don't, and they find out some other way that you are doing that, then there will be no TRUST between you and her, and that marriage will end up trashed as Willie describes it. But if you love your marriage, do the right thing, despite what the immediate consequences may bring by telling her, when she has had time to think about it, and talk to all her friends about it, it will be her friends that convince her that you did the RIGHT thing, her friends will be the ones that convince her she needs to help you with your problem.
And another thing is this, if a marriage does end up in the Trash because of the husband telling the wife that he is addicted to porn, that is not a very good marriage to begin with. If a husband and wife Truly love each other, they will help each other with the problems they have, for better or worse. "Tell your spouse" it is the Godly thing to do. It is not Godly to hide it from your spouse.
It is, frankly, quite common, in our weakness to want to let our wife shoulder some of the responsibility for our problem, and of solving it.
What man, wants their wife to solve a problem for them as you say? Men will always try to solve the problem by their own self, no help from others whatsoever. It is only when they can't fix the problem by themselves that they MAY seek others help. And even then, they may not say anything at all, so they can ponder on the problem some more.
She's not your Mommy. The relationship is not the same, and you often might as well aim a loaded gun at her vulnerable heart, and pull the trigger.
So all you Christians out there that take thought you can continue to hide porn addiction from your spouse, know the Word of God which says:
Luk_8:17 For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.
She IS going to find out, Better to tell her NOW and be Honest and suffer the consequences, than to wait and let her catching you being deceitful to her, and suffer the consequences of no more TRUST in your marriage. Choice is yours. Honest to your spouse and tell her (Godly), or continue to lie and hide things from your spouse using every excuse in the book not to tell her (ungodly).
^i^ responding to post #19