Stressed and Depressed

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lostbeliever

Guest
#1
#1
Hello,

I am new here I just need support. I was diagnosed with CML Leukemia in January. I have to take oral chemo for the rest of my life. I was dealing pretty well while taking the first one once I switched to the second pill that I will be on for the duration I became depressed and have things that bother me all day every day one in particular that I would really like to go away.
About a year and a half before my diagnosis I left my job of almost 8 years for a new job. On the job I left I was salary I so my sick days didn't effect my vacation days. Within the first year into the second job I had an auto accident and was off for a week for a week I thought about the previous job but I was fine I didn't think about it after that. Since my leukemia diagnosis and starting the new medicine I have so much regret for leaving the other job. The reason I left was because the two people I reported to talked to me really nasty for years and I could not get any continuing education training and they wouldn't give me all of the tools that I needed to do my job, I was on call all of the time but that wasn't so bad but I had gotten to the point of having a bad attitude due to the treatment I had endured. I considered the fact that I was salary before leaving but I have always been pretty healthy and didn't take off much. I get 18 pto days at my new job but I now don't have a lot of days left for the rest of the year. Like my new job but can't get the thoughts of the other job out of my head and how I should have stayed there and just dealt with the bad treatment and the lack of consideration for my career.
I know I can't go back and change anything I truly believe that if I was still there I would want to leave. I know that every year won't be like this yet I just can't let it go. I have prayed about it so hard, I read scripture, I have cried about it, talked about it and it just won't go away. My husband said that he thinks that God didn't want me there with my illness and that is why he allowed for me to leave before this happened. I just want to move on and deal with my illness but this is driving me crazy.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#2
Apr 22, 2013
12,945
8,664
113
#2
Welcome to CC! Try and remember Romans 8:2828 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.


It is always better to leave a toxic environment if you can, and it sounds like your previous job had a very toxic environment,
A woman in our Bible study runs a cancer support group and swears by the Budwig diet. She says many people she knows have had incredible results on it.
Dear Lord, please ease this woman's mind about her job choices and help her with her cancer. In Jesus name. Amen
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you so much PennEd! You are awesome and a blessing!
 
S

soccermom19

Guest
#4
#4
Welcome to CC! I am so sorry to read about your struggle with your illness and your job situation. I hope and pray that you will recover quickly and completely.
As far as your job goes, just remember that all things happen for a reason. There is a reason that God put you in your current job, I have to agree with your husband there. When you pray, ask God to give you peace about your career change. Also, remember it is something you can't change, so don't worry about it. You have enough things to worry about without adding this into the mix. Everything will work out according to God's plan.
I know how hard it is to accept that sometimes. I know what it is like to be stressed and depressed. I am very stressed and depressed myself right now, just not for the same reasons as you are. Sometimes it seems like for every good thing to happen, ten bad things have to happen first. So, I pray a lot and try to concentrate on something good or things that I can change.
I am glad you came here for support. I hope you can find what you need here. I am praying for you. God Bless you!
 
longtrekker

longtrekker

Senior Member
#5
Sep 23, 2014
396
194
43
#5
Seems your mind is locked in a groove...it seemed kind of intricate and i'm not sure i understood all the ins and outs of your job situation - does it affects your health care benefits...?

If it's any consolation my last job was a depressing and stressful place for me i felt like i was carrying the weight of the world and worked with some very awkward people....i'm glad i'm out and work for myself now which is infinitely better. But i remember carrying some mental luggage wanting to leave everything there 'perfect' - in time those thoughts receded as i suspect it will for u - give it time.

In the grand scheme of things your relationship with God and your health are infinitely more important than office politics. Your new job may better in time as well - when one door closes another opens...

Good luck with the chemo biz - been thru a bit of that me self and welcome to CC!
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#6
#6
soccermom19 said:
Welcome to CC! I am so sorry to read about your struggle with your illness and your job situation. I hope and pray that you will recover quickly and completely.
As far as your job goes, just remember that all things happen for a reason. There is a reason that God put you in your current job, I have to agree with your husband there. When you pray, ask God to give you peace about your career change. Also, remember it is something you can't change, so don't worry about it. You have enough things to worry about without adding this into the mix. Everything will work out according to God's plan.
I know how hard it is to accept that sometimes. I know what it is like to be stressed and depressed. I am very stressed and depressed myself right now, just not for the same reasons as you are. Sometimes it seems like for every good thing to happen, ten bad things have to happen first. So, I pray a lot and try to concentrate on something good or things that I can change.
I am glad you came here for support. I hope you can find what you need here. I am praying for you. God Bless you!
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Thank you soccermom19! I do believe it all happened the way it did for a reason. I also did some physical work at my old job and it is much better that I don't have that task as well. There are so many more important things for me to focus on like my health like you said but my mind just goes there. I feel like it will just go away one day and I won't even realize it. :) I am really glad I found this site. I have actually searched for a site like this just for daily interaction I don't know how I missed this one.

I totally understand the one thing good ten things bad situation seems to be the story of my life. I have been through a lot and I have always believed that God would bring me through and he always has. This is by far (the Cancer) the most difficult time. My cancer is treatable but not curable it will never go away but the prognosis is good. I am a very blessed person I just have an over active mind.

You hang in there you know the devil only messes with Gods Children!
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#7
#7
longtrekker said:
Seems your mind is locked in a groove...it seemed kind of intricate and i'm not sure i understood all the ins and outs of your job situation - does it affects your health care benefits...?

If it's any consolation my last job was a depressing and stressful place for me i felt like i was carrying the weight of the world and worked with some very awkward people....i'm glad i'm out and work for myself now which is infinitely better. But i remember carrying some mental luggage wanting to leave everything there 'perfect' - in time those thoughts receded as i suspect it will for u - give it time.

In the grand scheme of things your relationship with God and your health are infinitely more important than office politics. Your new job may better in time as well - when one door closes another opens...

Good luck with the chemo biz - been thru a bit of that me self and welcome to CC!
Click to expand...
long trekker you are so right my mind is locked in a groove that is driving me crazy. The job situation does not affect my health care benefits just time off.

I'm glad your job situation worked out. It was stressful for me because I worked with grumpy unapproachable people the two main people that I had to deal with and one of them was the head of my department I lost a lot of respect for him. Leaving was and is good for me. I am sure the thoughts will fade away hopefully sooner rather than later this has been going on for a couple of months.:(

I have to take chemo pills forever so it's not like I can say when I finish this medicine because I never will. I just have to keep the faith and always have hope.

I am glad to be here!
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#8
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#8
My sister has exactly what you have CML Leukemia and will have to take pills the rest of her life. She is very very thankful that something has been found that keeps this cancer from spreading. She gives thanks for each pill. And the cancer was caught in time.

She has found that keeping herself in a peaceful environment helps tremendously. As much as she can.

You must imagine yourself as walking on water towards Jesus. And if you look at the circumstances around you such as Peter did, you will get depressed and begin to sink. Keep your eyes on Jesus - knowing that He is on the water WITH you, and is ready to catch you if you begin to falter. His eyes are never off of you. You are living out a testimony to share with others someday. And I believe that He will be glorified in it. Your life belongs to Him. Keep remembering that.

Many people here are great prayer people - and they, including myself, stand with you before God - asking that He bring peace to your spirit. I so much want to change your name to "Foundbeliever"
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#9
#9
lostbeliever said:
Hello,

I am new here I just need support. I was diagnosed with CML Leukemia in January. I have to take oral chemo for the rest of my life. I was dealing pretty well while taking the first one once I switched to the second pill that I will be on for the duration I became depressed and have things that bother me all day every day one in particular that I would really like to go away.
About a year and a half before my diagnosis I left my job of almost 8 years for a new job. On the job I left I was salary I so my sick days didn't effect my vacation days. Within the first year into the second job I had an auto accident and was off for a week for a week I thought about the previous job but I was fine I didn't think about it after that. Since my leukemia diagnosis and starting the new medicine I have so much regret for leaving the other job. The reason I left was because the two people I reported to talked to me really nasty for years and I could not get any continuing education training and they wouldn't give me all of the tools that I needed to do my job, I was on call all of the time but that wasn't so bad but I had gotten to the point of having a bad attitude due to the treatment I had endured. I considered the fact that I was salary before leaving but I have always been pretty healthy and didn't take off much. I get 18 pto days at my new job but I now don't have a lot of days left for the rest of the year. Like my new job but can't get the thoughts of the other job out of my head and how I should have stayed there and just dealt with the bad treatment and the lack of consideration for my career.
I know I can't go back and change anything I truly believe that if I was still there I would want to leave. I know that every year won't be like this yet I just can't let it go. I have prayed about it so hard, I read scripture, I have cried about it, talked about it and it just won't go away. My husband said that he thinks that God didn't want me there with my illness and that is why he allowed for me to leave before this happened. I just want to move on and deal with my illness but this is driving me crazy.
Click to expand...
​There are two kinds of depression -- emotional and physiological.

You could have both. Who's not going to be depressed when the find out they have cancer? BUT, this sounds more physiological, because your depressed about old jobs. This could be the easiest type of depression there is. It's a chemical imbalance. Quite possibly from the drug you have to take. Talk to your doctor. I know, for sure, the chemo hubby had to take caused his depression. There are drugs that might help, but it's better to find a doctor willing to check your vitamin and mineral levels. That's probably what's out of whack.

And if it is that, even if they can't get your body realigned, it's something like having PMS. No cure, but knowing the rage is a physiological reaction, at least you know you don't have to figure out what's wrong with your mind that's causing it -- it's a reaction. You don't have to put in energy making up reasons. It just is.
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#10
#10
Joidevivre said:
My sister has exactly what you have CML Leukemia and will have to take pills the rest of her life. She is very very thankful that something has been found that keeps this cancer from spreading. She gives thanks for each pill. And the cancer was caught in time.

She has found that keeping herself in a peaceful environment helps tremendously. As much as she can.

You must imagine yourself as walking on water towards Jesus. And if you look at the circumstances around you such as Peter did, you will get depressed and begin to sink. Keep your eyes on Jesus - knowing that He is on the water WITH you, and is ready to catch you if you begin to falter. His eyes are never off of you. You are living out a testimony to share with others someday. And I believe that He will be glorified in it. Your life belongs to Him. Keep remembering that.

Many people here are great prayer people - and they, including myself, stand with you before God - asking that He bring peace to your spirit. I so much want to change your name to "Foundbeliever"
Click to expand...
Thank you Joidevivre. It is a blessing the treatments that they have for this. I am glad that your sister us handling it well. I do believe that being at peace is very important and my new job is peaceful and stress free.

I am trying very hard and will keep trying. I feel so miserable right now though and I keep praying and talking to God asking for relief.

Thank you for the prayer I need all I can get.
 
L

lostbeliever

Guest
#11
#11
atwhatcost said:
​There are two kinds of depression -- emotional and physiological.

You could have both. Who's not going to be depressed when the find out they have cancer? BUT, this sounds more physiological, because your depressed about old jobs. This could be the easiest type of depression there is. It's a chemical imbalance. Quite possibly from the drug you have to take. Talk to your doctor. I know, for sure, the chemo hubby had to take caused his depression. There are drugs that might help, but it's better to find a doctor willing to check your vitamin and mineral levels. That's probably what's out of whack.

And if it is that, even if they can't get your body realigned, it's something like having PMS. No cure, but knowing the rage is a physiological reaction, at least you know you don't have to figure out what's wrong with your mind that's causing it -- it's a reaction. You don't have to put in energy making up reasons. It just is.
Click to expand...
Atwhatcost that makes sense. Something's got to give. They want to put men anti depressants but those are some scary drugs. I will have to do something though because I can't go on like this.
 
P

pwrnJC

Banned
#12
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#12
I am a firm believer that JESUS came to give us life and more abundantly, starting NOW. Healing, deliverance, and all other things we read about in the BIBLE is still highly active and available and going on today. Jesus CHRIST still heals, and wants the best for HIS own, and for those who do not know HIM, to still have a chance to meet HIM. Apparently, you attend one of those frozen/chosen churches that never have healing services available to the community. Perhaps you have no real Holy SPIRIT inspired mentor or CHRISTIAN friend who is utilizing spiritual gifts. Maybe your pastor will not call the elders of your church together and pray for your ailment(s) as mentioned in the New Testament. Have you actually surrounded yourself with 'on fire" CHRISTIANS who lift you up in prayer or lay hands on you as an act of departing the Holy SPIRIT into your situation?

Life hits everybody hard, no matter their status or denominational choice, culture or political party. What matters is your walk with Jesus..how much you truely understand that HE can and will heal you..according to your faith and/or faith of another, as in the men who lowered a sick man through a roof to get to JESUS! You need more than moral support. You need a spiritual cleansing and refreshing that will open your spiritual eyes to the Great Physician.
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#13
#13
pwrnJC said:
I am a firm believer that JESUS came to give us life and more abundantly, starting NOW. Healing, deliverance, and all other things we read about in the BIBLE is still highly active and available and going on today. Jesus CHRIST still heals, and wants the best for HIS own, and for those who do not know HIM, to still have a chance to meet HIM. Apparently, you attend one of those frozen/chosen churches that never have healing services available to the community. Perhaps you have no real Holy SPIRIT inspired mentor or CHRISTIAN friend who is utilizing spiritual gifts. Maybe your pastor will not call the elders of your church together and pray for your ailment(s) as mentioned in the New Testament. Have you actually surrounded yourself with 'on fire" CHRISTIANS who lift you up in prayer or lay hands on you as an act of departing the Holy SPIRIT into your situation?

Life hits everybody hard, no matter their status or denominational choice, culture or political party. What matters is your walk with Jesus..how much you truely understand that HE can and will heal you..according to your faith and/or faith of another, as in the men who lowered a sick man through a roof to get to JESUS! You need more than moral support. You need a spiritual cleansing and refreshing that will open your spiritual eyes to the Great Physician.
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WOW I don't believe I indicated any of that about my church or who I am surrounded by for you to make that assumption. I gave the information I felt necessary. This was not helpful to me at all.
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#14
#14
Thank you members who were encouraging, uplifting and non judgmental. Please keep me in your prayers.
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#15
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#15
So sorry to know what you´re facing. I do pray to the Lord for Him to comfort you and help you every day.
 
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lostbeliever

Guest
#16
#16
Thank you so much. I am doing much better and focusing on my cml treatment and looking forward. Bless you!
 
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