Thank you family for being here for me

[JosiahUntoTheChrist]

I want to thank you for being here for me. I am greatful and so thankful even now as I fight depression I know I have no need to be, knowing I'm not perfect but slowly day by day I'm going to read the bible again and pray.

I have found the career I want to be in and it's been something I've done for a very long time "graphic design" studied at college and "game development" but I write this because my mother has always thought me as a dreamer and recently came down really hard on me for wanting to do this and thinks I've been doing nothing for the past couple rather than asking me how are you going knowing I've had depression. I now know that the problem has been her and I've noticed this since I've moved back that she is a negative person and doesn't know how to communicate.

I've worked for a telecom company for nearly four years in customer service and sales and dealt with depression to the point where I had to quite after my wife had an affair (now divorced) I was trying to save for my daughter to get a house and I worked many hours..

I'm just tired of living to make others happy, I'm just so happy even in my disappointment with my mom feeling hopeless the other night but quietly optimistic as I see my gift (that I'd been developing as a hobby for years while working and going through depression afterward) . I am so happy designing games (iOS) and as I sit here after having a huge fight two nights ago with mom. I know I will probably need to move out because I can't handle this negativity in my life. I love her and this has to stop I'm an adult and should be treated as one.

Forgive me for venting, I would love and appreciate your prayers and I know that there are people that really have it bad right now I've read the stories and will pray for you. Please pray for me thank you.

P.s. Please pray for me in regards to porn, I sometimes have trouble with it and know it's wrong. I am so tired of it, it's degrading to me and the women I look at. I will be praying and studying the word daily and listening to praise and worship I can't have this in my life anymore.

Rory

 

[tourist]

Sounds to me that you are at a crossroad in your life right now. By all means, try to make a go out of designing games. I've had a few disagreements with my mom too in years past. I understand a little about depression also. I will certainly say a pray concerning your present situation.

 

[JosiahUntoTheChrist]

Thank you Tourist,

Depression took nearly ten years of my life away. I'm so over it.. Most of what I was feeling was out of trying to make others happy. The Gospel doesn't say to make others happy, it continues to say you must love God and love others, guard your heart above all else (which I understand is be careful who you let speak into your life). I will love my mother but understand that the boundaries have been crossed, I moved back here to help her out while my dad works away. I could have stayed where I was but I know its not going to work.

We've tried before it just doesn't work, I'm an adult and she treats me like a child. She'll have to have someone else spend time with her while dad works away 4 weeks on. I love her and I'm done.. The reason why we got along over these past years is because we saw each other on a fortnightly basis but now this is too much.. Anyways I'm sorry for talking so much.

I will visit every fortnight but I can't have her complaining about everything that isn't done to her liking or her way. DONE.

I really need to pray, I have these negative emotions for no reason to my mom and yes its her fault but its mine for thinking I can live under the same room at my age. I look like a 24 year old but I've been married and I have a daughter.. Sorry I'm done venting again.. Thank you for listening to this foolish rant.

I need to pray.

 

[JosiahUntoTheChrist]

I actually need to pray about this as scripture says to love your neighbour as you love yourself. To honour your parents.. While moving out could be a lot easier for me and running away from the problem I could spend less time with her and work on my company (gaming company). I know I'm sounded a bit irrational but I'm just expressing whats on my heart. I don't want to be court at a cross road as Tourist has stated. My dad should be finishing up work in the mines in the next 5 months or so.

I think I need to continue this on and pray a lot more and just seen dress time in her company while making sure I show her the I care but also setting boundaries and working most nights when she gets home. I enjoy putting in 14 hour days into the design.. I've really been watching shows with mom at night and thats why she thinks I'm doing nothing when I do that so she's not alone.

Well I think I've come to the conclusion. I'll pray about it and speak with mom once I've had it settled with scripture and prayer. Thank you for listening.