We never see eye to eye

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ChristianGirlLivingLife

Guest
#1
Okay so my mother is practically wanting me to leave and live elsewhere. My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. Sometimes I would be right, and sometimes she was right. My parents are together, and I have a really good relationship with my father. I have a lot of priorities like schoolwork and my social life, and find it hard to communicate with my mother. I really want to have a relationship with her, but it seems like all she would like to do is ignore me. I do not approach her, because when I do, it usually results in fighting. My brother and I are in the same grade, and he happens to do some things much better than I (such as better grades, better in music, etc.). It seems like my mother praises my brother much more than she praises me. My mother has never told me once that she was proud of me being her daughter, and I take it very personally. I've done a lot to be on good terms with her, but sometimes, I get impatient and tired of being ignored. But when I do get attention, it turns out to be the wrong attention. I feel like I'm only looked at based on the flaws. For example, I had a piano recital today. I did exceptional, according to my father. But my mother said nothing to me. She simply complained to my teacher about how I don't have a great chance of going to college because I am "shy" and don't do well in school (even though I think I'm doing alright). We just have different perspectives, and I don't know what to make of it.
 
A

Animus

Guest
#2
You could try talking to your dad about it. If he understands where you are coming from he might be able to get through to your mother in a way that you cannot (being her daughter). And as far as I know you don't need to be outgoing to get into college.
 
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TaylorTG

Guest
#3
As far as I know you don't need to be outgoing to get into college.
Seconded. A shy person can't get into college? That should be a false stereotype.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
Sometimes this happens. I'm not always sure what causes it. I assume there is usually a trigger from their own past. Or perhaps the situation that you were conceived. Can be different things.
But sorry its like this for you. I can't imagine what its like, so i won't pretend to understand. Unless she is willing to get counseling for the two of you, then chances of her changing this behavior is slim unfortunately. Best i can say is just keep doing what you're doing. Try to honor her, in spite of whats going on and don't let her hold you back.
 
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ChristianGirlLivingLife

Guest
#5
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ChristianGirlLivingLife

Guest
#6
Sometimes this happens. I'm not always sure what causes it. I assume there is usually a trigger from their own past. Or perhaps the situation that you were conceived. Can be different things.
But sorry its like this for you. I can't imagine what its like, so i won't pretend to understand. Unless she is willing to get counseling for the two of you, then chances of her changing this behavior is slim unfortunately. Best i can say is just keep doing what you're doing. Try to honor her, in spite of whats going on and don't let her hold you back.
Thank you for sympathizing. We have tried counseling, but it has not been effective because we always go back to how the family would normally function: broken and dysfunctional. And she is feeling this way because of the things I've done in the past that have allowed her to hold grudges against me. I have apologized and she knows this, but it is still hurting her and makes her look bad as a mother according to other girls my age (who have good relationships with their mums).But I will continue on with trying to please me mother, and maybe she'll see something in me.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#7
Thank you for sympathizing. We have tried counseling, but it has not been effective because we always go back to how the family would normally function: broken and dysfunctional. And she is feeling this way because of the things I've done in the past that have allowed her to hold grudges against me. I have apologized and she knows this, but it is still hurting her and makes her look bad as a mother according to other girls my age (who have good relationships with their mums).But I will continue on with trying to please me mother, and maybe she'll see something in me.
Often counseling doesn't work because one person is not willing to let it work, or to put real effort into it. Sounds like your mom prefers to hold grudges instead of heal herself and your relationship. Which is sad and i'm sorry for that.
 

MartyrNdaMaKn

Senior Member
Jan 22, 2013
4,482
12
38
#8
I' am sorry to hear my sister that you and your mother do not have a positive relationship, the only piece of advice I can supply is that you show your mom the love of Christ in the good and bad times, but to also, trust in Jesus that he will give your mom a new perspective and a loving heart. keep the faith and God Bless.
 
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Blackson

Guest
#9
Okay so my mother is practically wanting me to leave and live elsewhere. My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. Sometimes I would be right, and sometimes she was right. My parents are together, and I have a really good relationship with my father. I have a lot of priorities like schoolwork and my social life, and find it hard to communicate with my mother. I really want to have a relationship with her, but it seems like all she would like to do is ignore me. I do not approach her, because when I do, it usually results in fighting. My brother and I are in the same grade, and he happens to do some things much better than I (such as better grades, better in music, etc.). It seems like my mother praises my brother much more than she praises me. My mother has never told me once that she was proud of me being her daughter, and I take it very personally. I've done a lot to be on good terms with her, but sometimes, I get impatient and tired of being ignored. But when I do get attention, it turns out to be the wrong attention. I feel like I'm only looked at based on the flaws. For example, I had a piano recital today. I did exceptional, according to my father. But my mother said nothing to me. She simply complained to my teacher about how I don't have a great chance of going to college because I am "shy" and don't do well in school (even though I think I'm doing alright). We just have different perspectives, and I don't know what to make of it.
Believing that you have spoken the whole truth my sister, I would first ask if you have ever discussed this with your dad, who happens to understand you. I believe you can come up with something good if you sit down as a family and discuss this matter. I also do not know how your brother reacts to your mother's attitude towards you. Honestly, I can see a good and a happy family which just needs a counselling and victory is granted.
 
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Blackson

Guest
#10
I mean your family needs a serious talk together where your dad can lead as the head of a family. the aim is to let the four of you guys come together and each one be accommodated in your family set up. I would also suggest that you try to find out the background of your family. I am sorry, i write this that i feel can be one cause of such. i am not trying to be overspiritualizing things here. Some problems are not as normal as we may think, but are spiritual and generational. All you need sometimes is to break every chain and root causing the feud between you and your mother. It might be more than the hatred between you two guys. it can affect the entire family and even your future children.