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Gonna try to shorten this, because it's long and complicated to explain. I live in Georgia, my wife moved here from Washington state. Our families are pretty different; mine is very strict Christian Baptist, which is good, but they're also controlling, stubborn, very judgmental, closet racist, and too prideful to ever see fault in themselves. It's extremely hard to even talk to them about anything important, even religion. They live in constant fear of everything. (My aunt and uncle are more normal.) My wife's family doesn't enforce any particular religion; some believe in God, some don't, but they're all respectful either way. Some of them have made mistakes before with drinking, gambling, and fornication, but aren't bad people - during the two weeks we visited Washington, I felt more comfortable and at home there than I have for many years in Georgia. I also liked the area and convenience of Vancouver better than the very rural areas we live in presently. My wife and I were both very sheltered growing up, so us meeting online and getting married the way we did was kind of nuts, but we're a perfect couple, and though she's still struggling with her faith (my family not helping, since they kind of a negative, somewhat hypocritical Christian stereotype), she's made a lot of progress since we met.
So here's the problem; my wife is increasingly miserable here, and every time we do anything my family disagrees with, we get long, aggressive lectures about how badly we're screwing up and what we should be doing. We aren't even trying to do bad things, just things that aren't exactly what they want us to do all the time. For instance, during church revivals, we went to every Church, every day, but they were still unhappy that we weren't going twice a day, and the one day we didn't go to Church, they freaked out. Or, when my adopted sister was being rude to my wife frequently, and she was finally rude back, we got a long aggressive lecture about being nice to her. Visiting her family over the holidays made her very homesick, especially since her father is recovering extremely well from his alcohol problems and has become a good family man again. She feels like she has no friends or family in Georgia, or any particular reason to stay besides me. And I don't have any particular reason to stay in Georgia besides my family, who I don't even feel very close with, so it feels unfair to her to stay here just out of pity for my family. We tried to discuss possibly staying in Washington for a while, just to try it out, but were berated immediately and told we are not allowed to leave, ever; that my mom would kill herself, my grandmother would have a heartattack; that because my grandfather is dead and my father left a long time ago, I was the 'man of the house' and it was my responsibility to take care of my family for the rest of their lives. Also, Washington is apparently a sinful place that's going to be smitten by God, and my wife's family are horrible godless people that would corrupt.
So I was curious, which obligation is stronger; my obligations to the family that raised me, or my obligations as a husband to my wife? In an absolute worst case scenario, where my wife is going to move back to Washington no matter what, am I chained to my family forever in spite of my marriage, or is it more important to go with my wife? I'm trying to be mediator between my wife and my family, but it's a very unhappy situation full of guilt trips and one-sided discussions, so I wanted to get some opinions from other Christians outside of the situation. (And sorry I wasn't able to make it very short! Didn't want to bore you with our entire life stories. Hope this'll do.)
Also, is Washington really an ungodly place doomed to flaming hailstones and pillars of salt? Is Georgia truly the only place in the world you can be saved anymore? (My family has very negative attitudes toward any church that does anything besides sing, play piano, and yell at you to get saved. Missions, vacation bible schools, anything beyond the basics is too 'citified.' Would like opinions on the matter from Christians I'm not related to )
Thank you for your time, and God bless you all. This seems like a wonderful site, and I've enjoyed lurking around reading your other discussions while waiting for my username to be accepted.
So here's the problem; my wife is increasingly miserable here, and every time we do anything my family disagrees with, we get long, aggressive lectures about how badly we're screwing up and what we should be doing. We aren't even trying to do bad things, just things that aren't exactly what they want us to do all the time. For instance, during church revivals, we went to every Church, every day, but they were still unhappy that we weren't going twice a day, and the one day we didn't go to Church, they freaked out. Or, when my adopted sister was being rude to my wife frequently, and she was finally rude back, we got a long aggressive lecture about being nice to her. Visiting her family over the holidays made her very homesick, especially since her father is recovering extremely well from his alcohol problems and has become a good family man again. She feels like she has no friends or family in Georgia, or any particular reason to stay besides me. And I don't have any particular reason to stay in Georgia besides my family, who I don't even feel very close with, so it feels unfair to her to stay here just out of pity for my family. We tried to discuss possibly staying in Washington for a while, just to try it out, but were berated immediately and told we are not allowed to leave, ever; that my mom would kill herself, my grandmother would have a heartattack; that because my grandfather is dead and my father left a long time ago, I was the 'man of the house' and it was my responsibility to take care of my family for the rest of their lives. Also, Washington is apparently a sinful place that's going to be smitten by God, and my wife's family are horrible godless people that would corrupt.
So I was curious, which obligation is stronger; my obligations to the family that raised me, or my obligations as a husband to my wife? In an absolute worst case scenario, where my wife is going to move back to Washington no matter what, am I chained to my family forever in spite of my marriage, or is it more important to go with my wife? I'm trying to be mediator between my wife and my family, but it's a very unhappy situation full of guilt trips and one-sided discussions, so I wanted to get some opinions from other Christians outside of the situation. (And sorry I wasn't able to make it very short! Didn't want to bore you with our entire life stories. Hope this'll do.)
Also, is Washington really an ungodly place doomed to flaming hailstones and pillars of salt? Is Georgia truly the only place in the world you can be saved anymore? (My family has very negative attitudes toward any church that does anything besides sing, play piano, and yell at you to get saved. Missions, vacation bible schools, anything beyond the basics is too 'citified.' Would like opinions on the matter from Christians I'm not related to )
Thank you for your time, and God bless you all. This seems like a wonderful site, and I've enjoyed lurking around reading your other discussions while waiting for my username to be accepted.
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