J
I write a lot, so some of these may not be pleasant. They can be raw. I write in honesty, and sometimes honesty is bitter, angry, or hurt. Sometimes honesty is hopeful and joyous. But in any case, it's for the glory of God.
An anguish resides inside of me
a bleeding in my soul
my stomach churns with all the pain
a person can withhold
I'm dying somewhere
and somewhere rising unto life
But still, opening my eyes
is just the twisting of the knife
I know that I've been walking on a path toward radiant light
and no matter how I've wished to stop and hide
though my face has been downcast
I keep walking upright
I told myself I couldn't cry
I had to stand and be their strength
So I bore the winds and choking nights
in hopes that I could take their pain
Instead I found my shoulders weak
with burdens not my own
that I felt the need to carry
But I was not their Saviour
I must take His rest
for He bore our burdens large and small
and in His strength we stand tall
I stand before a Holy God
longing to be embraces
but as you approach
I shed a tear and turn my face
Do I disgrace my Father?
Have I caused you shame?
I know you named me Down-Flowing
But this being your first intention
I believe I've tarnished both our names
How can I give myself so much credit
to assume I have the power of my God
to define the very core of my creation
would mean His work was for naught7
Do not touch me
turn your head
close your eyes
and let me be
I know I'm worth what you want from me
But can you not just let me breathe
Can I strain one sight for safety
Can I close my eyes just one time
without you hovering above me
Don't make me listen
Don't make me watch
Let me disappear into the sheets
Please not again
When will you be done with me
You've already hollowed out my soul
What more can there be left of me
A lifeless doll, you shattered my heart
and took the best of me
Let me close my eyes
Let me float away
Can I just pretend
that I'm more than your lies
You lift me
You speak sweet and dirty words.
You wipe a tear from my cheek
and ignore the wound you inflicted
that have gnarled the life so deep
I wish that you'd just let me go
that you'd place someone new in your dream
what is it about me
that you chose to lock me away
so far that no one hears when I scream or I pray
You do
and you make it a game
You imagine it's me asking for more
and you strap me tighter
while you have your way
Will you please just let me go
I'm tired, can I rest
Don't make me do anymore please
Just don't make me wait
Let me walk away
and live in shame
and the little life I have left
Please stop staring
Don't smile like that
close your eyes
turn your head
and for once let me get dressed
I'm cold and hollow
I can't perform anymore
Have you taken enough
or will you take some more.
An anguish resides inside of me
a bleeding in my soul
my stomach churns with all the pain
a person can withhold
I'm dying somewhere
and somewhere rising unto life
But still, opening my eyes
is just the twisting of the knife
I know that I've been walking on a path toward radiant light
and no matter how I've wished to stop and hide
though my face has been downcast
I keep walking upright
I told myself I couldn't cry
I had to stand and be their strength
So I bore the winds and choking nights
in hopes that I could take their pain
Instead I found my shoulders weak
with burdens not my own
that I felt the need to carry
But I was not their Saviour
I must take His rest
for He bore our burdens large and small
and in His strength we stand tall
I stand before a Holy God
longing to be embraces
but as you approach
I shed a tear and turn my face
Do I disgrace my Father?
Have I caused you shame?
I know you named me Down-Flowing
But this being your first intention
I believe I've tarnished both our names
How can I give myself so much credit
to assume I have the power of my God
to define the very core of my creation
would mean His work was for naught7
Do not touch me
turn your head
close your eyes
and let me be
I know I'm worth what you want from me
But can you not just let me breathe
Can I strain one sight for safety
Can I close my eyes just one time
without you hovering above me
Don't make me listen
Don't make me watch
Let me disappear into the sheets
Please not again
When will you be done with me
You've already hollowed out my soul
What more can there be left of me
A lifeless doll, you shattered my heart
and took the best of me
Let me close my eyes
Let me float away
Can I just pretend
that I'm more than your lies
You lift me
You speak sweet and dirty words.
You wipe a tear from my cheek
and ignore the wound you inflicted
that have gnarled the life so deep
I wish that you'd just let me go
that you'd place someone new in your dream
what is it about me
that you chose to lock me away
so far that no one hears when I scream or I pray
You do
and you make it a game
You imagine it's me asking for more
and you strap me tighter
while you have your way
Will you please just let me go
I'm tired, can I rest
Don't make me do anymore please
Just don't make me wait
Let me walk away
and live in shame
and the little life I have left
Please stop staring
Don't smile like that
close your eyes
turn your head
and for once let me get dressed
I'm cold and hollow
I can't perform anymore
Have you taken enough
or will you take some more.