Excerpts from Everyday conversation
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M
Conversation between me and my son, while on our way into town yesterday-
Him: Mom, are we driving straight?
Me: Yes...but there's a curve in the road up there, do you see it?
Him: Yeah. Are we going to go curve then?
Me: Um...well, we're going to drive on a curved part of the road...
Him: Tell me when we get there *proceeds to sit and hum a tune*
Me (about a minute later): We're on the curve now, bud.
Him: Tell me when we go straight again *sits and hums*
Me (a few seconds later): We're going straight again.
Him: Good! Don't say "curve" anymore, Mom.
Me: What? Why?
Him: It hurts my feelings.
Me: Really? "Curve" hurts your feelings?
Him: Mom! I said don't say it, it hurts my feelings!
Me: Can I still say "straight"?
Him: OF COURSE you can. What a silly question.
Him: Mom, are we driving straight?
Me: Yes...but there's a curve in the road up there, do you see it?
Him: Yeah. Are we going to go curve then?
Me: Um...well, we're going to drive on a curved part of the road...
Him: Tell me when we get there *proceeds to sit and hum a tune*
Me (about a minute later): We're on the curve now, bud.
Him: Tell me when we go straight again *sits and hums*
Me (a few seconds later): We're going straight again.
Him: Good! Don't say "curve" anymore, Mom.
Me: What? Why?
Him: It hurts my feelings.
Me: Really? "Curve" hurts your feelings?
Him: Mom! I said don't say it, it hurts my feelings!
Me: Can I still say "straight"?
Him: OF COURSE you can. What a silly question.
conversation between Daugther #3 and me:
Me: No time to go home and make dinner before your piano lesson.
#3: Are we getting fast food, then? **groans** I'm not in the mood for burgers.
Me: And I'm not in the mood for tacos...what about fish & chips?
#3: (excited) I've never had those! I've always wanted them. Do people in Britishland really eat a lot of those?
Me: I dunno, kiddo. You do know that it's "England" or "Great Britain," right?
#3: Yeah, but I have my own name for it too.
Me: Cool beans.
#3: Dad, that's dorky! Stop trying to be cool!
Me: I was kind of cool before I had kids....well....sorta. And how did you get to be thirteen and not experience fish and chips? What kind of parents do you have?! oh yeah....
Me: No time to go home and make dinner before your piano lesson.
#3: Are we getting fast food, then? **groans** I'm not in the mood for burgers.
Me: And I'm not in the mood for tacos...what about fish & chips?
#3: (excited) I've never had those! I've always wanted them. Do people in Britishland really eat a lot of those?
Me: I dunno, kiddo. You do know that it's "England" or "Great Britain," right?
#3: Yeah, but I have my own name for it too.
Me: Cool beans.
#3: Dad, that's dorky! Stop trying to be cool!
Me: I was kind of cool before I had kids....well....sorta. And how did you get to be thirteen and not experience fish and chips? What kind of parents do you have?! oh yeah....
K
(Driving in same work truck with coworker...)
Him "I like fig newtons. You know, the fig seeds are actually real good for you. The little seeds here are actually better for you than the ...uh....newton part.
Me "Hmm"
Him "Figs are actually like inverted flowers - did you know that? The blossoms are on the inside. They've been around since the beginning of time and some people say that the fig was actually the original fruit that Eve ate. Did you know that? California grows the most of them."
Me. "Is that right"
Him " Yeah, and the Romans thought they were restorative and had something to do with the fountain of youth so they'd soak in a bathtub full of them."
Me "those Romans were soakers"
Him "Figs are really something....plus they're real good and pretty cheap. I like 'em"
Me. "Plus, if you can turn one inside out, it makes a beautiful flower"
(laughing)
Him "I like fig newtons. You know, the fig seeds are actually real good for you. The little seeds here are actually better for you than the ...uh....newton part.
Me "Hmm"
Him "Figs are actually like inverted flowers - did you know that? The blossoms are on the inside. They've been around since the beginning of time and some people say that the fig was actually the original fruit that Eve ate. Did you know that? California grows the most of them."
Me. "Is that right"
Him " Yeah, and the Romans thought they were restorative and had something to do with the fountain of youth so they'd soak in a bathtub full of them."
Me "those Romans were soakers"
Him "Figs are really something....plus they're real good and pretty cheap. I like 'em"
Me. "Plus, if you can turn one inside out, it makes a beautiful flower"
(laughing)
Conversation between my Daughter at the store today,
Her: I want a toy.
Me: no
Her: Cry, freak out, I'll stop if you buy me a toy.
Me: You'll stop now and I'm not buying you a toy.
Her: well then I'll grab a bunch of that Laffy Taffy.
Me: No, you won't do that.
Her: Then you should buy me a toy.
Me: nope
Her: this isn't fair.
Me: You know what's not fair? I'm just trying to buy some food for my family and I have to deal with your temper tantrum. Here you can have this coal.
Cashier: You know that's chocolate right?
Me, no I didn't, thanks for telling me, I put it back.
Cashier, I don't blame you, she definitely did not earn a treat.
Me, You got that right.
Daughter: I want candy or a toy.
Me, Thanks (to the cashier).
Daughter, I hope you don't tell Dad about this.
I did tell Dad.
Her: I want a toy.
Me: no
Her: Cry, freak out, I'll stop if you buy me a toy.
Me: You'll stop now and I'm not buying you a toy.
Her: well then I'll grab a bunch of that Laffy Taffy.
Me: No, you won't do that.
Her: Then you should buy me a toy.
Me: nope
Her: this isn't fair.
Me: You know what's not fair? I'm just trying to buy some food for my family and I have to deal with your temper tantrum. Here you can have this coal.
Cashier: You know that's chocolate right?
Me, no I didn't, thanks for telling me, I put it back.
Cashier, I don't blame you, she definitely did not earn a treat.
Me, You got that right.
Daughter: I want candy or a toy.
Me, Thanks (to the cashier).
Daughter, I hope you don't tell Dad about this.
I did tell Dad.
If it's any consolation, Zero... You can buy ME whatever I want... 
I mean, I can ACT like a kid if that's all it takes. I do that anyway! And right now I have my eye on a pumpkin latte...
I mean, I can ACT like a kid if that's all it takes. I do that anyway! And right now I have my eye on a pumpkin latte...
I'd buy you that!
'Tis the season to be lovey,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
I can't help but be so nosey,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our gay apparel,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Troll the ancient Yuletide carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Great freudian slip of the night:
Roomie: I think both of us would make pretty poor wives for the local guys.
Me: Well, I do want a guy who is my intellectual evil…
Ummm. it's a guy and a girl, I'm not sure why gay apparel is involved. That is unless you are trying to tell us something (jk… but someone had to troll you back)
Roomie: I think both of us would make pretty poor wives for the local guys.
Me: Well, I do want a guy who is my intellectual evil…
Ummm. it's a guy and a girl, I'm not sure why gay apparel is involved. That is unless you are trying to tell us something (jk… but someone had to troll you back)
M
Text message conversation between me and my mother-in-law:
Her: What are u and the little ppl doing tomorrow?
Me: Waiting for you to come out to visit
Her: Ok then. I will be out in the afternoon. Will bring u a starbucks if I have the $
Me: Ok And you don't have to bring coffee. I may cry, but you don't always have to do it.
Her: I know but I want to. It's a bribe so u will let me play with the kids
Me: You know that's free, right? Bribes are appreciated, but not necessary.
Her: I know. So maybe it is just a reward for you being so awesome.
Me: In that case, you'd have to bring out TWO coffees, for all my awesomeness.
Her: No chance. I like u, but not enough to give u 4 shots of espresso ever again. See u tomorrow
Her: What are u and the little ppl doing tomorrow?
Me: Waiting for you to come out to visit
Her: Ok then. I will be out in the afternoon. Will bring u a starbucks if I have the $
Me: Ok
And you don't have to bring coffee. I may cry, but you don't always have to do it.Her: I know but I want to. It's a bribe so u will let me play with the kids
Me: You know that's free, right? Bribes are appreciated, but not necessary.
Her: I know. So maybe it is just a reward for you being so awesome.
Me: In that case, you'd have to bring out TWO coffees, for all my awesomeness.
Her: No chance. I like u, but not enough to give u 4 shots of espresso ever again. See u tomorrow
Text message conversation between me and my mother-in-law:
Her: What are u and the little ppl doing tomorrow?
Me: Waiting for you to come out to visit
Her: Ok then. I will be out in the afternoon. Will bring u a starbucks if I have the $
Me: Ok And you don't have to bring coffee. I may cry, but you don't always have to do it.
Her: I know but I want to. It's a bribe so u will let me play with the kids
Me: You know that's free, right? Bribes are appreciated, but not necessary.
Her: I know. So maybe it is just a reward for you being so awesome.
Me: In that case, you'd have to bring out TWO coffees, for all my awesomeness.
Her: No chance. I like u, but not enough to give u 4 shots of espresso ever again. See u tomorrow
Her: What are u and the little ppl doing tomorrow?
Me: Waiting for you to come out to visit
Her: Ok then. I will be out in the afternoon. Will bring u a starbucks if I have the $
Me: Ok
And you don't have to bring coffee. I may cry, but you don't always have to do it.Her: I know but I want to. It's a bribe so u will let me play with the kids
Me: You know that's free, right? Bribes are appreciated, but not necessary.
Her: I know. So maybe it is just a reward for you being so awesome.
Me: In that case, you'd have to bring out TWO coffees, for all my awesomeness.
Her: No chance. I like u, but not enough to give u 4 shots of espresso ever again. See u tomorrow
MissCris, you are um, how do we put it....
Entertaining.
Yep, that's the word....
You are very entertaining.
(No, seriously, I love reading your random humorous posts. Keep them coming..)
Text message conversation between me and my mother-in-law:
Her: What are u and the little ppl doing tomorrow?
Me: Waiting for you to come out to visit
Her: Ok then. I will be out in the afternoon. Will bring u a starbucks if I have the $
Me: Ok And you don't have to bring coffee. I may cry, but you don't always have to do it.
Her: I know but I want to. It's a bribe so u will let me play with the kids
Me: You know that's free, right? Bribes are appreciated, but not necessary.
Her: I know. So maybe it is just a reward for you being so awesome.
Me: In that case, you'd have to bring out TWO coffees, for all my awesomeness.
Her: No chance. I like u, but not enough to give u 4 shots of espresso ever again. See u tomorrow
Her: What are u and the little ppl doing tomorrow?
Me: Waiting for you to come out to visit
Her: Ok then. I will be out in the afternoon. Will bring u a starbucks if I have the $
Me: Ok
And you don't have to bring coffee. I may cry, but you don't always have to do it.Her: I know but I want to. It's a bribe so u will let me play with the kids
Me: You know that's free, right? Bribes are appreciated, but not necessary.
Her: I know. So maybe it is just a reward for you being so awesome.
Me: In that case, you'd have to bring out TWO coffees, for all my awesomeness.
Her: No chance. I like u, but not enough to give u 4 shots of espresso ever again. See u tomorrow
(Also, I agree with her that there's never any situation in which you should have 4 shots of espresso.)