What Do You Do When People Want To Take Advantage of You Because You're Single?

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melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,415
2,659
113
#22
Back to the OP, another thing I've noticed (and maybe this is more at my church) that because I'm not married, I'm somehow less of an adult. Sure, I don't have a lot of the responsibilities married people do, but I'm still a responsible person. Lol
 
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Sirk

Guest
#24
Hey Singles,

Have you ever had a situation in your life in which people have tried to take advantage of you because you're single?

For example:

1. "You can afford to (loan me money, give X amount to the church, pay for my dinner, etc.). After all, you're single."

2. "You can stay and put in the extra hours at work--I have a spouse and family I need to get home to. What worries do you have? After all, you're single."

3. "We can rely on Janet to do most of the leg work in our (volunteer group, church group, community program, etc.) After all, she's single."

And sometimes, the church can be the absolute worst at this. A long-time CC member once wrote about a Women's Retreat in which the lone single woman of the group was designated by the others to stay behind and babysit the group's children instead of being allowed to attend the retreat like the rest of them.

In my own life, I've had some work experiences in the past in which there is a definite order of priority when it comes to whose life issues are seen as being most important: 1. Married with kids come first. 2. Single with kids seems to come next. 3. Married or in a relationship without kids places behind these two groups. 4. Are you single and don't have kids? Surely you have no life, and you're the one we expect to stay over and meet the deadlines for the entire group.

I have nothing but respect for those with families, and I know it's hard. Many years ago I was in a relationship with an alcoholic whose choices prevented him from being able to care for his kids, so I've had a taste of what life is like as a single parent, and I try my best to be understanding, supportive, and available when possible.

But I also have to be honest in that I become deeply resentful that my time is not respected in the same manner as those who have families, kids, and/or partners. I now have a personal rule that for about every three times I say "yes" to something, I will say "no" at least once, whether it's a work or personal commitment, in order to make people aware of the fact that I am not their Single Servant.

Have people expected more from you, your schedule, and your finances because you are single?

What have you done to stand up for yourself?
Ask questions like. Why is it that it's assumed that my time or my finances aren't as important as someone who is married has children etc? Pressing in is standing up for yourself. It's actually sort of fun to challenge attitudes and behavior by asking questions like: what is that about...I want to understand where you're coming from with that. It's confusing to me...etc.
 

Reborn

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2014
4,087
216
63
#25
Hey Singles,

Have you ever had a situation in your life in which people have tried to take advantage of you because you're single?

For example:

1. "You can afford to (loan me money, give X amount to the church, pay for my dinner, etc.). After all, you're single."

2. "You can stay and put in the extra hours at work--I have a spouse and family I need to get home to. What worries do you have? After all, you're single."

3. "We can rely on Janet to do most of the leg work in our (volunteer group, church group, community program, etc.) After all, she's single."

And sometimes, the church can be the absolute worst at this. A long-time CC member once wrote about a Women's Retreat in which the lone single woman of the group was designated by the others to stay behind and babysit the group's children instead of being allowed to attend the retreat like the rest of them.

In my own life, I've had some work experiences in the past in which there is a definite order of priority when it comes to whose life issues are seen as being most important: 1. Married with kids come first. 2. Single with kids seems to come next. 3. Married or in a relationship without kids places behind these two groups. 4. Are you single and don't have kids? Surely you have no life, and you're the one we expect to stay over and meet the deadlines for the entire group.

I have nothing but respect for those with families, and I know it's hard. Many years ago I was in a relationship with an alcoholic whose choices prevented him from being able to care for his kids, so I've had a taste of what life is like as a single parent, and I try my best to be understanding, supportive, and available when possible.

But I also have to be honest in that I become deeply resentful that my time is not respected in the same manner as those who have families, kids, and/or partners. I now have a personal rule that for about every three times I say "yes" to something, I will say "no" at least once, whether it's a work or personal commitment, in order to make people aware of the fact that I am not their Single Servant.

Have people expected more from you, your schedule, and your finances because you are single?

What have you done to stand up for yourself?

You have got me thinking now, Roh_Search.



I shall return.
 
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sydlit

Guest
#26
Back to the OP, another thing I've noticed (and maybe this is more at my church) that because I'm not married, I'm somehow less of an adult. Sure, I don't have a lot of the responsibilities married people do, but I'm still a responsible person. Lol
Yes, similar to the point I was making in #7. But in 2016, it's time to let the joy of the Lord be our strength. Let the grown-ups think they're superior in all their seriousness and pseudo-responsibility. Jesus died to set men free.
(And women!) Besides, they get to spread responsibility around, and divide it up, Singles have to do all their own stuff, all their own. :p
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#27
If any of you fine ladies here on CC want to take advantage of me, my body is ready. :eek:

Please don't have me banned for this.
Since it's new year's eve, might as well join the frisky fun, too.
Maybe we can go for a group ban, er, I mean hug. Ladies.....?
If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? ;)
I guess I'm allowed to derail my own thread for just a minute here.

I understand this is "all in joking" but if I can be honest, comments like this are one of the main reasons I'm single--because men have made remarks like this to me on dates, then try to play it off as a joke. And then as a woman, if you don't find it amusing, you're always accused of being a stuck-up sourpuss and who doesn't have a sense of humor. I would hope that anyone familiar with my posts here knows I love to riff off posts and kid around in the forums, and anyone who's read a number of my threads knows I don't shy away from controversial topics, including sex.

But as for making or supporting sexually-related, "Do me, baby!" remarks, I have to pass.

The Bible says that what the mouth speaks is an overflow of what's contained in the heart.

I know I probably sound like a big prude (and that's fine because it's just someone else's opinion) but I grew up around guys talking this way all the time when I went through Christian schools. "Just joking", of course. But to be honest, it always made me uncomfortable... Because if that's the first thing that popped into their heads and out of their mouths... I was uneasy with whatever else they had in mind.

As a single, I don't want to be taken advantage of in any way, and I hope I won't take advantage of anyone else, either.
 
Jun 23, 2015
1,990
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#28
I guess I'm allowed to derail my own thread for just a minute here.

I understand this is "all in joking" but if I can be honest, comments like this are one of the main reasons I'm single--because men have made remarks like this to me on dates, then try to play it off as a joke. And then as a woman, if you don't find it amusing, you're always accused of being a stuck-up sourpuss and who doesn't have a sense of humor. I would hope that anyone familiar with my posts here knows I love to riff off posts and kid around in the forums, and anyone who's read a number of my threads knows I don't shy away from controversial topics, including sex.

But as for making or supporting sexually-related, "Do me, baby!" remarks, I have to pass.

The Bible says that what the mouth speaks is an overflow of what's contained in the heart.

I know I probably sound like a big prude (and that's fine because it's just someone else's opinion) but I grew up around guys talking this way all the time when I went through Christian schools. "Just joking", of course. But to be honest, it always made me uncomfortable... Because if that's the first thing that popped into their heads and out of their mouths... I was uneasy with whatever else they had in mind.

As a single, I don't want to be taken advantage of in any way, and I hope I won't take advantage of anyone else, either.
But as for making or supporting sexually-related, "Do me, baby!" remarks, I have to pass.

The Bible says that what the mouth speaks is an overflow of what's contained in the heart.

I know I probably sound like a big prude (and that's fine because it's just someone else's opinion) but I grew up around guys talking this way all the time when I went through Christian schools. "Just joking", of course. But to be honest, it always made me uncomfortable... Because if that's the first thing that popped into their heads and out of their mouths... I was uneasy with whatever else they had in mind.
I agree you with 10000%!! Thank you for stepping up.

Men who talk this way disrespect women and then when you call them on it ,you are called "mean". Everybody wants to say they follow Christ but no everyone exudes that do they?

I see it as you do. You arent a prude any more than I am. We merely recognize worldly behavior and call it as it is. God called us to come out of her! We are supposed to be renewed in our minds. People reveal who they are by what comes forth from their loose tongues.


Matthew 15:18
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a man.


Proverbs 6:12 A naughty person, a wicked man, walks with a fraudulent mouth.

Proverbs 10:32
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.
 
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sydlit

Guest
#29
Yeah, no harm intended, seoul, and ESPECIALLY no do me baby intent, that's pretty sick. That light -hearted banter is a line that goes Way back to groucho marx, early thirties era. Actually, some women used to take it as a blushing compliment, because they knew it was good clean firty fun,
never intended to be taken seriously. 30+ years later a show called Laugh-in revived it with the 'old' couple on the park bench.
Smile, it's new years, Jesus loves us, and He knows our hearts.
I've been thru enough pain myself in this life,
I have NO desire to add any more. :)

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine...
Pr.17:22a:cool:
 
C

cmarieh

Guest
#30
I learned a powerful, secret word to use in such situations, and it isn't too long, nor difficult to pronounce.

It is................................................... "No!"

That word no matter how easy it is to say can and will be difficult depending on who it was that asked you for a favor. Right when I turned 18 the senior pastor took me aside from a meeting and said that he wanted me to head up the nursery as I already had my papers in to work with kids like my background check. How could I say no? No one was willing to volunteer nor were the parents willing to help out once a week, they had nobody. So I went in there and compiled a list of things that they needed such as diapers, baby wipes, and snacks and went to the store to purchase said items. So here I was 18 heading up nursery and teaching the kids upstairs not to mention having to basically run a household because my mom was unable to due to her health. I juggled this for a couple years until it came to be too much for me, granted I enjoyed working with the kids. Long story short, they had a church split.

After a year goes by I want to get back involved with the kids only this time I had my own classroom and had the blessing of helping with all the prep for the other classes as well as for my own. My situation at home was still the same, but I also was responsible for running my grandparents home and care for my grandma who had Alzheimers while my grandpa had surgery. No other grandkid was willing to step up and help, but me. I am not complaining because I had the blessing of spending time with them before Jesus took them home. They were hoarders, much like the TV show lol. Anyways, I spent the time cleaning and cooking and caring for them. It all depends on who that person is, sometimes you can't say no.
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
1,581
127
63
#31
Be honest and say "gee, I'd love to, but isn't it enough of an insult that you already assume I have no life and could therefore be able to tend to the matter at hand?"
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#32
It's easy to say no. Just remember to be tactful about it. Something like the following: "Sorry, I don't have time at the moment to do that." It lets them down easy, one does not come across as a smart-alec and one can move on with his life. One might also recommend someone else who DOES have the time to attend to the matter.

And sydlit, I am well acquainted with the concept of humor. Those who know me are probably very tired of my sense of humor by now. In fact, my Christmas present to myself was a bumper sticker that said, "Caution: Driver is singing." (Well, it fits me so well...) But some jokes are a bit beyond the pale.
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
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#33
You could always say, "What's that? You need help? Don't look at me. I'm not the one who decided to get married and/or have children. My free time is all mine and no one else's. If you need a favor, I charge $XX an hour, not including gas money..."
 
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DCrawshawJr

Guest
#34
Back to the OP, another thing I've noticed (and maybe this is more at my church) that because I'm not married, I'm somehow less of an adult. Sure, I don't have a lot of the responsibilities married people do, but I'm still a responsible person. Lol
If you're less of an adult just because you're not married, then so is the guy who wrote about half of the New Testament. If you're less of an adult just because you're not married, then so is the guy whom Jesus said, "Among those born of women, there is not a greater prophet...". If you're less of an adult just because you're not married, then so is Jeremiah, then so is Mother Teresa, then so is Nicola Tesla.

If you're less of an adult just because you're not married, then I Corinthians 7:38 is wrong.
 
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sydlit

Guest
#37
It's easy to say no. Just remember to be tactful about it. Something like the following: "Sorry, I don't have time at the moment to do that." It lets them down easy, one does not come across as a smart-alec and one can move on with his life. One might also recommend someone else who DOES have the time to attend to the matter.

And sydlit, I am well acquainted with the concept of humor. Those who know me are probably very tired of my sense of humor by now. In fact, my Christmas present to myself was a bumper sticker that said, "Caution: Driver is singing." (Well, it fits me so well...) But some jokes are a bit beyond the pale.
gee golly gosh yer funny. What do you in your self righteousness think I said that was so beyond your pale, an 80 year old groucho marxish one-liner? Get over yourself, pale one.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#38
What Do You Do When People Want To Take Advantage of You Because You're Single?

Answer: You impersonate them. ;)



Sorry, couldn't pass that up. Don't make me stand in the corner. I'll behave. I promise.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,580
113
#39
What Do You Do When People Want To Take Advantage of You Because You're Single?

Answer: You impersonate them. ;)



Sorry, couldn't pass that up. Don't make me stand in the corner. I'll behave. I promise.
I don't know if I've EVER seen you behave, Roh.

We're going to have to invent something that's much more fitting for both you and Siberian. You don't just deserve your own corners--you should each get your own box!!! :p



 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#40
I remember some old cartoon where a brother and sister misbehaved... and instead of sending them to their rooms, their father sent them to each other's room.