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Problem is she's generalizing men, instead of recognizing that each man is different. Some men will see her as a freak. Some will see her as a sexual conquest to strive for. Some men simply won't care. Some men will Like that she's a virgin, because they, too, are virgins, and looking for a virgin to marry. I've seen numerous men come to this site that were virgins seeking a virgin.
Also, if any man would look down on her for her choices is he really a man worth having to begin with? This is another example of women lowering their standards just to have someone. Usually ends in divorce because they lowered their standards and got someone not worth being with.
Often women complain about many men's standards, yet they settle. Men have no need to raise themselves up becauae women will lower themselves.
I can say to her, also, that if she gives in she will spend the Rest of her life regretting it. I know first hand. Not to mention it causes more struggles, not less.
She should be proud of who she is. And Never settle for a man that doesn't feel the same way about her. And this is coming from a man, so not all men fall into her blanket ideas about men.
If she has this sort of thinking in her mind it's easy to see why she has social anxiety. Perhaps part of her problem is misperceptions of what others are, or are not, thinking. I have some social anxiety myself, so I know.
Also, if any man would look down on her for her choices is he really a man worth having to begin with? This is another example of women lowering their standards just to have someone. Usually ends in divorce because they lowered their standards and got someone not worth being with.
Often women complain about many men's standards, yet they settle. Men have no need to raise themselves up becauae women will lower themselves.
I can say to her, also, that if she gives in she will spend the Rest of her life regretting it. I know first hand. Not to mention it causes more struggles, not less.
She should be proud of who she is. And Never settle for a man that doesn't feel the same way about her. And this is coming from a man, so not all men fall into her blanket ideas about men.
If she has this sort of thinking in her mind it's easy to see why she has social anxiety. Perhaps part of her problem is misperceptions of what others are, or are not, thinking. I have some social anxiety myself, so I know.
I've gone on several first (and only dates) with guys who are on the worship team on Sunday... And elsewhere on Friday and Saturday nights. When asked how many sexual partners they've had, they can't remember, or they haven't been able to keep track because they weren't sober at the time it happened. (Of course, this can apply to both genders... I'm just speaking from my own perspective.)
It's not that the past can't be forgiven, it's just that a person has to to remember that there are also real-life consequences that have to be dealt with.
With all our "How to Ruin A Date" threads going on...
Nothing ruins a date faster than having to think, "I wonder what the results of your comprehensive STD testing would be..."
I don't mean this in judgment at all, but rather, realism. Even if I weren't a Christian, abstinence has a lot of value for a number of health and safety reasons.
If a person has repeatedly exposed themselves to things like gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, human papillomavirus, and, let's not forget HIV, you're going to have to think about how it will affect you if they have one or a variety of these diseases, whether male or female, and how it will affect you if you marry them... Not to mention the emotional, spiritual, and other physical complications that person has encountered due to joining themselves with so many other people.
With all that kind of stress and complication... It sure does make me appreciate those who choose to hold out (whether from the start or after a marriage ends, etc.) all the more. Not to mention that it encourages me on my own walk as well.
I've talked to some really great guys (and gals!) here on CC who are holding out, and I know that I have nothing but the utmost respect for them.
It's not that the past can't be forgiven, it's just that a person has to to remember that there are also real-life consequences that have to be dealt with.
With all our "How to Ruin A Date" threads going on...
Nothing ruins a date faster than having to think, "I wonder what the results of your comprehensive STD testing would be..."
I don't mean this in judgment at all, but rather, realism. Even if I weren't a Christian, abstinence has a lot of value for a number of health and safety reasons.
If a person has repeatedly exposed themselves to things like gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, human papillomavirus, and, let's not forget HIV, you're going to have to think about how it will affect you if they have one or a variety of these diseases, whether male or female, and how it will affect you if you marry them... Not to mention the emotional, spiritual, and other physical complications that person has encountered due to joining themselves with so many other people.
With all that kind of stress and complication... It sure does make me appreciate those who choose to hold out (whether from the start or after a marriage ends, etc.) all the more. Not to mention that it encourages me on my own walk as well.
I've talked to some really great guys (and gals!) here on CC who are holding out, and I know that I have nothing but the utmost respect for them.
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Sex is to be saved for marriage exclusively between a man and a woman. My grandma and mother saved themselves for marriage and so am I, I wouldn't have it any other way. Your virginity is for the person God intended for you, who dignifies you enough with a formal commitment in the house of the Lord, church, nothing less is acceptable.
I wasn't a christian for most of my adult life (I was agnostic)... I only became a christian in 2005. I can tell you that single men and women out there who are not DEVOUT christians are conditioned by society to believe that sex before marriage is perfectly normal and even expect it after one enters a committed relationship. So unless your daughter runs into a devout christian she will probably be passed over by men who would rather find someone who is willing to have sex before marriage.
Lol.
Naw, don't believe everything you see in our Hollywood movies.
Don't believe everything you read in People or Us Weekly Magazine.
We have plenty of non-whorish women in America.
Not sure how the world has come to this conclusion (besides loving our entertainment)...but l wouldn't look to Michael Bay to educate you on how we roll over here.
...oh, we don't have Transformers running around our major cities either.
Naw, don't believe everything you see in our Hollywood movies.
Don't believe everything you read in People or Us Weekly Magazine.
We have plenty of non-whorish women in America.
Not sure how the world has come to this conclusion (besides loving our entertainment)...but l wouldn't look to Michael Bay to educate you on how we roll over here.
...oh, we don't have Transformers running around our major cities either.
I guess the bright side of this situation is that any guy who is going to look down on her about it, is also the type of guy who is likely to bring up the topic on the first few dates so she isn't likely to invest too much time and energy in such a guy. Yes there are guys who will try to make her feel like she's an unrealistic freak who will never get anyone if she maintains her standards, but there are also guys who will encourage her and be more interested in getting to know her than they are interested in getting in her pants.
When she starts to feel down or uncertain remind her that she's better than average and that she's setting herself up for a better than average marriage, but it also means that she's holding out for a better than average guy and there's a whole lot more average and below average guys out there than there are better than average. Also I'd encourage her to come hang with us here, as you can see by the posts there are a lot of people in a similar situation here and it's always good to have people around who share your experiences and commitments, especially when society is telling you that your commitments are wrong.
When she starts to feel down or uncertain remind her that she's better than average and that she's setting herself up for a better than average marriage, but it also means that she's holding out for a better than average guy and there's a whole lot more average and below average guys out there than there are better than average. Also I'd encourage her to come hang with us here, as you can see by the posts there are a lot of people in a similar situation here and it's always good to have people around who share your experiences and commitments, especially when society is telling you that your commitments are wrong.
Your daughter should be so proud of herself for sticking to her morals and convictions. She is being obedient to God. The world may think she's a freak, but the world's opinion doesn't matter. God thinks shes a precious gem and is smiling upon her for being so strong. Being intimate within the bounds of marriage, as God intended, has no comparison to intimacy outside of marriage. She will learn that and be so thankful that she decided to wait. Your beautiful daughter should be encouraged and proud of herself.
PS. Look at Lolo Jones (professional athlete) who is 29 and has expressed over and over publicly that she is a virgin and saving herself for marriage.
PS. Look at Lolo Jones (professional athlete) who is 29 and has expressed over and over publicly that she is a virgin and saving herself for marriage.
To those in abusive 'relationship', using that word lightly, situations, where you have two people with their own issues engaging in such an act, they're unaware of what real intimacy entails. They're not one in body or mind whatsoever. Just as much so with strangers or two people who think they adore each other, where there's no formal commitment from the church, it's not comparable. Your post articulates clearly what it is when the union isn't blessed by God. Virginity and vulgarity don't go hand in hand, but sadly, many girls ignore know this.
It can feel that way. For sure. Sometimes I worry about if I met a girl who was a virgin, why she is a virgin. Sex seems so commonplace today, and much to the shame of men, if a woman wants sex, she can find it, without regard for her relative attractiveness. Sometimes I wonder if a woman who is a virgin just doesn't want sex or thinks its gross because I don't want to end up in a marriage with that kind of woman. Then I know that is just my flesh rebelling in some form. And that I'm a hypocrite, because I too am a virgin. I do find virginity to be a desirable trait (albeit, not required) in looking for a woman. But the reason for it matters. I'd rather be with a woman who's had multiple partners who has since committed herself to purity for the Lord than be with a virgin who has just never found the right boyfriend, or who is willing to do everything under the sun except PIV sex (which doesn't really count as a virgin to me). At this rate, there's a good chance that I'll be a single virgin at 33 as well. I hope that a woman like your daughter is around. When I get married I want to be able to give everything to each each other, without reserve.